A Father's Story of Mental Health, Loss, and Resilience

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Talking and expressing emoting
is a strength, not a weakness,

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and that whole unmanly tag is
bullshit.

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Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel, the show that explores

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what it means to be a man in
today's world.

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I'm your host, Andy Gritt.
Today's conversation is both

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heartbreaking and hopeful.
I'm joined by Chris Coulter,

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father, entrepreneur and
passionate advocate for youth

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mental health.
After losing his daughter Maddie

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to suicide, Chris made a
courageous decision to channel

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his grief into action, leading
to all his conversations and

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creating real change in how we
support young people.

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He's the founder of the Finish
Line Group and the mentor well,

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encouraging meaningful
conversations, vulnerability and

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support.
This is a powerful and deeply

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human conversation you don't
want to miss.

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Let's do it.
Hello Chris, and welcome to Real

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Men Feel.
How you doing Andy?

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Great to be here.
Thanks for joining us today.

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I really want to start with
asking about your daughter

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Maddie.
And I know he pretty much

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influenced everything that
you're doing so.

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So tell me a bit about Maddie.
So Maddie was my first, first

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born.
She would have been 25 Tomorrow

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I'll I'll tell you from April
through till the end of June.

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It's kind of my, that's my
rough, that's my rough time of

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the year.
Just because we lost her in

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April, then you got Father's
Day, which is another tough,

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tough day for me.
And then kind of culminating

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with her birthday on June 28th.
So I'll be glad when we're

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through this little period of
time and not, not you know what?

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I'm, I'm very reflective and
honor her in every way.

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I, I, I can.
But, but getting back to your,

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to your point, Maddie, Maddie
was my first three kids.

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I have two boys.
And you know what we were, we're

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married.
We faced challenges that a lot

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of, lot of couples face.
Ultimately we decided I, I had a

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business that did really well
for 20 years and we, and then

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the financial crisis at 2008 hit
and all of a sudden kind of your

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stability of income, your nest
egg as far as the asset that you

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built within the business.
All that gets, all that goes

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away when you, when you, when
you lose a, a business to

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bankruptcy and it impacts kind
of what your, what your life is

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about.
So your family, all the things

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that you participate in.
So that happened in 2010 and

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2011.
We end up getting separated,

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which had a real impact on on
Maddie.

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And it was it, it was tough and
we didn't do things perfectly.

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It got ugly.
And unfortunately by X wanted to

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try to take the kids to Europe.
And I said, screw that.

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You're not, you're not, you're
not leaving.

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And it just became a situation
where the only ones that win are

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the lawyers.
And when you, when you, when you

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walk away from a business that
was your primary asset and that

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doesn't exist anymore, We're
kind of split nickels here.

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So we're not, we're not talking
like there was a huge, a huge

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amount of of money to fight
over.

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So at the end of the day, I,
there's nothing I wouldn't do

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for my kids.
And I know they wanted to be in

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Canada.
Unfortunately, Maddie was kind

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of like the pawn that was was
used to to leverage moving

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versus staying here.
I think it was the single

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largest contributor to her
depression, which ultimately we

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lost her when she was 14 years
old to suicide.

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And that has been and for the
next, so that was April 11th,

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2015.
And for the next 5 years, I

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could barely do anything.
But I I was forced to.

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I was, I started up another
business.

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Yeah, which you're probably
going all right.

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Who loses a business, goes
through an ass and divorce and

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decides to start up another
business only to have only to

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lose their daughter to suicide.
So it's been a it's been a

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pretty shitty last 10 years,
honestly.

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But the interesting thing about
grief it if, if you allow it,

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allow the possibility reef can
transform into something really,

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really powerful.
And in in Maddie's case, I knew

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what the how the system failed
us.

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And I thought about ways that if
we were to do it all over again,

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how would what would I want it?
How would I want it to be done

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differently?
And that's where this brainchild

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of the Mentor Well came into
play.

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And the Mentor Well is an online
mentoring service that we focus

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on kind of kids anywhere from 10
to 25 who are, there's not

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really anything broken with
them.

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They're not like been
mysterious, facing serious

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mental health challenges, but
they could be lacking things

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like confidence.
They don't know.

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I don't know about you.
When I came out of university, I

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think I was more confused than
when I went in and I I didn't

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know what I wanted to do.
There's a lot of kids right now

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that are going through that same
stuff.

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But the other aspect of things,
kids are dealing with a lot of a

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lot of stuff, whether it's
divorce, whether it's if you're

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a Toronto Maple Leaf fan and
they haven't won in 58 years and

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you're wondering, OK, do I have
to go through this whole

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grieving process every single
playoff run that falls well

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short of where they should be.
Could be not getting into your

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university of choice.
It could be getting fired from a

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job.
Grief isn't just the loss of a

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person, it's the loss of stuff
and how we process it and how we

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how we're able to move forward
in spite of it.

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And that's the mentor Well, is
intended to be a safe space for

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kids to talk to adults who have
been on a similar journey, who

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have been, have have ridden that
that course, who understand what

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it's like to fail to understand
what it's like to, to not be

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your best version of yourself.
And that vulnerability.

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And that not, not to jump in
from a place of trying to fix,

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but just trying to listen,
trying to, trying to guide as

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opposed to steer.
And kids need that because

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they're dealing with so much
stuff that they, they don't,

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they don't know how to process
it.

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They don't have the emotional
aptitude to be able to process a

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lot of stuff because they've
never been taught.

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So that's how Mentor Well kind
of came to be.

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We did a soft launch about 2 1/2
months ago and it's just been

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like a hockey stick momentum
growth since then.

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So we are we're ramping up and
having some really amazing

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conversations with a lot of
really amazing people.

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And there's a ton of people who
are struggling right now and

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they're recognizing that, you
know what, this is such a unique

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service because what we, what we
tried to say is we're that

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bridge between parenting and
therapy.

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And parents say that they, well,
I'm, I'm a mentor to my kid.

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Well, no, you're not there.
There is that hierarchical

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difference between parents and
kids.

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And kids feel it even if parents
don't, and especially when they

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actually control the punitive
aspect of the relationship,

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right.
And what happens if you you say,

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hey, mom, dad, this happened.
I I tried pot and and then I

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really appreciate you sharing
with me.

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But you know what?
You're grounded for the next

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month.
I'm going.

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OK, so where do you get rewarded
for sharing and being honest?

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So that's why creating that safe
space for a kid is really

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important because parents will
only be told what they want to

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hear.
Kids will hold the rest of the

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stuff really close to their
chest and, and, and, and so

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they're suppressing it and
they're not dealing with it.

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And as a consequence, they're
not able to process a lot of

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their grief, a lot of their
confusion, a lot of their anger.

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And mentorship is a, is a great
vehicle to help them do that.

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But the other distinguishing
difference for us is we also

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want to teach them about the
important elements of very, of

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varying elements of emotional
intelligence.

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You know what, if we can fast
track their emotional

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intelligence growth, it's going
to just help them flourish down

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the road.
Because if EQ is a, is a bigger

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determiner of success than IQ
is.

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And it's a, a learned skill,
then you know what, there's

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absolutely no downside.
And I, if we wait for the

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government and for the school
systems to, to adapt and to

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incorporate some of this stuff
into curriculum or into

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legislation, we're, we're going
to be waiting an awfully long

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time.
And we're in crisis mode.

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Our kids are in crisis mode and
numbers have never been higher.

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This is a space that I think is
is is safe and valuable and it's

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and it's something that kids
really need today.

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Completely agree and I I didn't
realize that the metro well was

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was this new.
So Congrats on getting it up

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there and launching and and off
to a quick success.

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How did losing Maddie change
your understanding of mental

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health, especially for young
people?

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I went through with kind of the
loss of my business, loss of my

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marriage.
I, I was always comfortable.

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I shouldn't say always.
I remember the first time I did

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a blog or I did a blog post or I
did something that was

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emotionally vulnerable.
I kind of, I told, shared my

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story about depression.
And I think it's, it's relevant

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because when I first shared, it
was back in 2012, there were not

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a lot of people who are sharing
that kind of stuff.

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And I'd get a lot of personal
direct messages from, from

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people that I shared my story
with.

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And they went and thank you for
thank you for sharing that

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story.
We're going through something

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very similar.
And just it gives us comfort

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knowing that we're not alone in
dealing with this.

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So with regards to Maddie, I
recognized kids, kids don't want

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to be perceived as broken.
And unfortunately, when things

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start to kind of go off the
rails from a parenting

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standpoint, their first, their
default setting is, oh, shit,

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let's let's get them into
therapy.

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And kids are like, I don't want
to go to a therapist.

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I just was just sharing
something I'm going through.

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And, and sometimes they just
need, they just need someone to

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talk to.
And often they'll refuse to go

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to a therapist.
So what happens?

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Well, there's a bit of they come
to an impasse.

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And so the kid is struggling or
on the verge of struggling and

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yet they have no resources that
they're willing to use.

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And the parents are kind of at,
at, at at a loss.

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They don't know where to go.
They just know that their kids

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not well.
And So what we, what we offer is

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not an alternative to therapy
because therapy absolutely has

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their place in, in, in, in our
community where I think we're a

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great compliment.
But before things go to that

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next level, mentorship can be a
saving ground for a lot of these

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kids to help with their
confidence, help with their

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direction, the resilience and
just, you know what?

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Get them to a place where they
start feeling good about

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themselves.
They start feeling confident.

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Because I think that's the
challenge so many of our kids

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face today.
They just, they don't have that

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confidence.
They're getting by.

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Getting by is not is not
flourishing.

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You mentioned it that for five
years after loss of Maddie you

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would barely function.
And grief is isolating and

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difficult for anybody, but I
think especially for men.

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So how did you process your
loss?

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What?
What did help you get through

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it?
It's interesting.

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It's kind of a 2 part, 2 part to
it.

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Initially I, I, I was, I was
self-employed.

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So for me not getting out of bed
wasn't an option.

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So I had to force myself every
day to get out of bed.

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Things that I was able to to do
that helped me to barely say

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function.
Function was things like

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gratitude journals, but writing
in particular was cathartic for

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me.
It really helped me to talk

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about it.
It also helped me to share what

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we went through and what a lot
of other families are going

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through.
So it it gave a resource to

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other families who didn't
necessarily know where to go to.

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And the biggest question when
someone was going through a

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mental health crisis is like,
where do I go?

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And there's the, it's not well
documented.

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It's pretty straightforward.
If you broke your leg, where do

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you go?
But when you're navigating all

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this mental, this mental stuff,
it's not always cut and dry.

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There's various diagnosis and
where do you get the help?

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And there's a huge waiting list
and there's a cost and a stigma

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associated with that.
So that I think that helped by

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me talking about what we went
through.

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I think it helped a lot of other
people and helping other people

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helps you.
So that was the first 555 years,

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5-6 years.
And then what happens on I'm

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going to share a bit of my grief
journey with Andy, if you're OK

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with it.
So after five years, the fog

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starts to lift a little bit.
So all the brain fog that you're

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encountering, all the sadness,
the anger, the overwhelm, it

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starts to lift.
And you, you think, OK, you

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want, you want to change the
world.

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That was this is mine anyway,
this is my journey.

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I want to change the world.
So I had about 20 things and I

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wanted to do them all
simultaneously.

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And what's the adage about focus
on many you accomplish none.

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And that was my that was my
scenario.

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I had all these great ideas and
people were like, oh, look at

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this, Chris is being able to
kind of help people, but they

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would Peter out really quick.
And, and it was because from a

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strategy perspective, it was, it
was important, but on an

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execution standpoint, it was
really, really, really, really

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crappy.
And the thing about grief that

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I've only recently come to this
awareness is when you, when you

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are grieving, when you've gone
through a traumatic loss, like a

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loss of a child, like I went
through, you try to get back to

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that person that you were.
And the and, and The thing is

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that person is dead.
A person doesn't exist anymore.

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You changed into morphed into
this other person that is, is

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different.
It, it, it kind of, it allows

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you that ability to be able to
move forward and carry it

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forward with.
So I ended up I, I stepped back

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a bit and when I, when I came to
the realization, and I can't

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even remember what, when it was,
but it was less than a year ago

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and I went, what is it that?
And, and it was honestly, it was

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when I started to embrace the
fact that I wasn't going back to

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the same person.
This was the new Chris Coulter.

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That's kind of when I, I, I
embraced my new version of

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myself and that allowed me to
kind of move forward and move

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forward in my new self.
And, and that's where the mentor

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well, came to.
And I, and I say this now, yeah,

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we've been working on it for
about 6 months.

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But I've, I've never been more
passionate about a project,

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about business in my life.
I've got an amazing business

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partner who is, is, is committed
a completely different life

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experience than me, but she is
at a place where she's got two

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teenagers and she knows this is
her world that's going to be

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unfolding in the next few years.
And so we've, we're, we're very

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different in, in that regard,
but we're very aligned in what,

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what the world needs right now.
And the more people I talk to,

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the more encouragement I get
that this is something that is

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so needed by our youth today,
not only our youth, it's it's

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needed by families.
So once I came to that, that

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realization that the old Chris
Coulter is dead and this is the

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new Chris Coulter moving
forward.

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And it was kind of like that,
that aha moment where you go,

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OK, I'm all right with this.
I'll embrace this new version of

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myself because honestly, I like
them better now anyway.

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Yeah, if, if everybody could
like themselves more as they

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grew and had experiences that
that'd be a a great outcome.

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00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,200
Chris, I believe you mentioned
that you shared your personal

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experiences with depression and
that was before losing Maddie.

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So was there has there been a
history of depression in in the

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family?
Not necessarily at some I, I've

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got a maternal grandmother
that's, that had some mental

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health challenges, but not, not
really.

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And, and I think the importance
it's, it's not necessarily

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genetic.
And in my case, it was

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situational.
I think the realization that you

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this business, this nest egg
that you had that no longer

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exists.
And it's that kind of fork in

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the road where you have to say,
OK, what am I going to do?

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At the time I was 45 years old,
facing quite a bit of adversity.

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And it's like, do I start up,
start my whole career up again?

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And if so, where do I start?
And then on the heels of a

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divorce, all that stuff, it
piles on top of one another.

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And as being males, we're not
always the best communicators.

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We, we tend to go in Word as
opposed to it being expressive.

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So it was it it it out.
It helped me.

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Kind of empathize with what
Maddie was going going to go

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through eventually, but
everyone's journey is different

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and the circumstances were
different as well.

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And I had the emotional capacity
to understand for the most part,

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what was going, what was going
on, whereas she was emotionally

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immature just because she hadn't
been taught about all these

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emotions.
What do they mean?

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How do you deal with them?
How do you process them?

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And that's, that's honestly one
of the reasons, Andy, that the

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00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:41,280
emotional intelligence piece of
our mentorship program is so

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important, because kids need
those essential tools to be able

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to, to be able to handle life.
Because when you hear about kids

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who they're failing, let's say
they're fail, they fail a test

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and they're, and they're,
they're thinking about killing

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themselves.
I'm like, I'm screwed up as

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that.
Like when you, when you look at

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the big picture, that is so
that's so offside.

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It's so there's something,
something in our system.

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If our kids believe that that
that failing a test warrants an

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attempt on one's life, that's
that's scary.

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What are some of the biggest
misconceptions you see around

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youth suicide and mental health?
The biggest misconception are

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parents misinterpreting signs
that they chalk it up to oh this

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is just teenager stuff.
The other the other aspect that

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I see is parents put it all on
the teenager when they are an

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equal culprit in the dysfunction
of the relationship between the

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parent and the and the and the
teen.

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Our kids have the ability to pay
for the rough alert others and

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and you know what they know?
They they know the buttons to

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00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,560
push reaction that they that
they expect.

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So I think the parents role in
in in our kids depression, but

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also just looking for looking
for less obvious signs and not

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00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:27,800
necessarily accepting what
you're hearing as what they're

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feeling.
Because the the old adage I'm

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fine is basically the modern day
version of I'm helping, but I

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00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,320
just don't.
I I'm hurting but I don't want

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to talk about it.
The best acronym I've ever heard

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00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,960
from a fine is fucked up,
insecure, neurotic, and

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emotional and that's the only
time it's honest.

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We say I'm fine.
If they mean that they usually

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answer it and honest.
So I love how you describe

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00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:57,760
mentorship as this, this bridge
between parenting and therapy.

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It it is the mentor experience.
Is it all virtual?

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00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,840
Is it in person?
Is it is it a hybrid mix?

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How?
How's?

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It work.
It's it, it is, it is virtual

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00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,160
for now.
And what we try to do is we try

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to match mentors and mentees
that, that have had similar life

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00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,960
experiences that are going
through or maybe a child that

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they may be trying to navigate
their parents divorced and

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00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,200
they're not sure how.
So talking to someone that may

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00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,000
have gone through that or
someone that might have a, they,

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00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,680
they might be confused from a
sexual orientation perspective.

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Like, I don't know how you, how
do you deal with that?

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00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,400
It's not like a conversation.
You can go to your parents, most

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parents and say, listen, this is
what's going on.

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So having that safe space,
having that lived experience

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that they can draw upon.
It could be from a business

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00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:53,200
perspective, it could be from
someone who is thinking about

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00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,600
pursuing an athletic career or
maybe they're looking at getting

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00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,600
AD one scholarship and how do
they navigate that?

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00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:05,640
Or someone that might be saddled
with an illness or an, or an

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00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,680
injury facing this different
adversity.

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00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:14,040
There's comfort in, there's
comfort in, in other people's

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stories.
Knowing other people have gone

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through it gives, gives kids
comfort knowing you know what

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00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,880
they went through it, they
endured, they persevered.

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00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,000
And they seem like they're
pretty good right now.

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00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:31,840
So maybe there's maybe this is
like a good vehicle for me to

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00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,680
try to help to get beyond what
I'm experiencing right now.

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00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,880
If this conversation and what
you're offering is resonating

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00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,040
with people, how can people go
about becoming mentors and how

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00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,480
to can younger people go about
becoming a mentee?

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00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,160
Mentors essentially, you don't
have to have a PhD in

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00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,760
psychology.
We do have an emotional

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00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,080
intelligence aptitude test
because that's that's important.

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00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,680
It's a listen first mentality.
We're not looking for someone to

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00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,240
jump in and try to fix them
because you know what, if you

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00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,160
want that, you just go talk to
your parent and that goes really

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00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,960
well.
So from a mentor perspective, if

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00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:13,640
someone was to get back, it's
not a it this, at least for the

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00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,440
time being, this is a for profit
venture.

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00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:22,400
So we pay our mentors and in
many, in many cases, they don't

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00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,080
need the, the money.
So what we're what we, our, our

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00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:30,520
vision for this is I don't want
this to be a have and have not

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00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,400
service.
I want this to be available for,

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00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,240
for, for those who've got money
and those who don't.

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00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:43,600
So what we want to do is, is
create a, a foundation to pay

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00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,000
for orchids who otherwise
wouldn't be able to afford it.

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00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,960
So that, that's, that's, that's,
that's a really important future

398
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,840
piece of and that's honestly
that's the piece Maddie, I know

399
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,520
would absolutely insist upon
because she was, she was very

400
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:06,120
kind and very selfless.
I that would be something that

401
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,920
she would, she would have
absolutely wanted.

402
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:15,320
So the mentor, well, is kind of
Maddie personified and for any

403
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:20,320
kid like Maddie.
So, so people can apply for, to

404
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:25,080
be a mentor on our website and
as as well as a mentee, we have

405
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:31,200
a, an intake onboarding process.
We've got that, that EQ aptitude

406
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,960
test.
And then what we do is we want

407
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,200
to see what people are
comfortable talking about, what

408
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,720
life experiences had they
endured that's they are

409
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,400
comfortable sharing with with
someone else who might be

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00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,120
experiencing something
similarly.

411
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:52,400
And mentees as well.
Mentees are they're able to they

412
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,080
can join our program.
We're looking for a six month

413
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:02,240
commitment, so every two weeks,
so 13 sessions it it is

414
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,320
something for sure that I think
once we get some, some momentum,

415
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,360
we're right now we're in Canada,
but we wanted to work some of

416
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:16,760
our platform operating issues
just to make sure that we are

417
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,920
are scaling properly.
But as soon as I've, I've

418
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:24,960
already had a ton of interests
and expression of interest from

419
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,440
mentees and mentors standpoint
from the US, the UK and

420
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,440
Australia.
So it's, it's, it's a, it's a,

421
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,680
it's definitely something that's
needed.

422
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,840
And the beauty of our program,
is it something that is

423
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:42,240
completely scalable as well?
So in in this moment of time,

424
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,040
you're only dealing with
Canadians.

425
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,880
And that will likely be the case
for the next month.

426
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,960
There's a need and a request in
the US We just want to make sure

427
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,520
there's only one.
You only get one chance to make

428
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,680
a first impression, right.
So we want to make sure that

429
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:06,080
that we had an operating
properly, we have the processes

430
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,720
all ironed out.
And then once we're comfortable

431
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:13,880
with that, that's when the
expansion is is going to happen.

432
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:19,520
Chris, I wonder, has your
perception of fatherhood changed

433
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,680
through your loss and your
advocacy?

434
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,400
Yeah.
Absolutely.

435
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:32,520
I think it's just how to pair my
boys who are 23 and soon to be

436
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:37,640
20, how they how they navigate
things, just how we communicate.

437
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,520
Boys are obviously different
than girls, but I I also learned

438
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,120
a lot once we were going through
the challenges with Maddie.

439
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:51,400
You, when you realize that what
you're doing wrong, like I was

440
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,520
one of those classic, let me
jump in and fix the problem.

441
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,000
It it.
And when you realize it doesn't

442
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,000
work that way, that's a, that's
a, that's a great way to shut

443
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,520
your kid down.
Once you come to that

444
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:07,240
realization, you, you do it kind
of deep dive into what's the

445
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,080
best way to communicate with
your kids.

446
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,200
So as a as a consequence, the
way I communicate with my kids

447
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,920
is much different than it used
to be.

448
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,800
And, and unfortunately, it took
kind of going through what we

449
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,960
did with Maddie in order for me
to realize it.

450
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,880
The challenge is so many parents
are in the exact same situation

451
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:31,720
and they their default setting
is jump and jump in and try to

452
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:36,560
fix as opposed to kind of shut
up and listen.

453
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:42,680
So that would probably be the
single, single biggest change in

454
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:47,640
how I have how I've, how I
parent differently.

455
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,080
And honestly, and that that's a
big shift.

456
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,440
It's a big shift and it hit and
it's not just my kids, it's it's

457
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,600
my relationships, it's you name
it, right?

458
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:02,160
We're, we're not at least I was
not an over talker.

459
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:06,040
I would probably go in before I
would actually be more

460
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,800
expressive.
So I think I'm able to have a

461
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:14,360
more genuine, authentic
relationship with people that

462
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,120
mean something in my life.
Chris, what's giving you hope

463
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:18,920
these days?
It's.

464
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:25,520
Giving me hope that the
encouragement I'm getting for

465
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:31,160
what we're doing is, is has been
widely embraced.

466
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,560
I've we've got people who are
really championing what we're

467
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,320
doing.
They believe in us

468
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,040
wholeheartedly.
And then giving us unbridled

469
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:46,760
kind of access to information to
resources, That's when you kind

470
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,640
of realize that you're onto
something.

471
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:53,440
Then when when there is that
genuine following and genuine

472
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:58,920
belief in what you're doing.
I think being on this side of

473
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:03,040
COVID and we've watched what,
what it's done to a number of

474
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,920
our kids, I think we, no one
wants to go through that again,

475
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,680
But what we're doing is we're
repeating the same patterns.

476
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,920
So we better change it.
Otherwise we will whether

477
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,960
there's a, a pandemic or
something else, we've created

478
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:23,280
this, we've created this, this
culture where where kids don't

479
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,120
openly talk, they're, they're
more connected than they're more

480
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:32,000
connected than ever, but they're
probably never been more alone

481
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,920
in, in history than now.
So that just having these

482
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,240
awkward conversations, having
those difficult conversations,

483
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:46,560
giving kids the freedom to be
able to share openly without

484
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,360
judgements.
I, I, I know what we're going to

485
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:56,000
do is going to save lives.
I just hope we can save as many

486
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,920
lives as we can.
Yeah, Amen to that.

487
00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:03,360
So Chris, what's the best way
for people to learn more about

488
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,760
Mentor Well and possibly get
involved?

489
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,680
Our website probably is the best
place.

490
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:13,880
It's the mentorwell.com.
It's got some pretty cool

491
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,600
interactive tools how to, how to
have those difficult,

492
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,400
emotionally intelligent
conversations with your kids.

493
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,960
I, I, I find this, this is
something I, I kind of, I

494
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:30,760
created it online and I've had,
I've had like therapists say,

495
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:35,640
Chris, I love this Teamspeak
Teenspeak vehicle that you've

496
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,800
created.
I've referred my clients there

497
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:43,000
and it's just, you know what?
It's just making, allowing

498
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:47,680
parents to have more real
conversation with their kids.

499
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,440
And that, that gives me, that
gives me hope.

500
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,040
If we can, if we can start those
communication, start the

501
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:59,280
communication earlier and more
often and in a less threatened

502
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:03,760
environment, then I think that
is that's, that's what we want

503
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,920
to do.
We want to we want to give

504
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:10,240
access to people who otherwise
wouldn't be able to be able to

505
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,120
have it.
I'm really excited about where

506
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:14,280
we're where we're going with
this.

507
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,520
Chris, what's one thing that you
wish more men knew?

508
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:23,840
Probably share their
vulnerability and acknowledge

509
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:28,240
that that they're they're
dealing with they're dealing

510
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:32,360
with stuff.
And if it's meaningful to them,

511
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,600
it should be meaningful to
others.

512
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:42,480
I think that talking and
expressing emoting is a

513
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:48,640
strength, not a weakness.
And that whole unmanly tag is

514
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,400
bullshit.
You know what it's not?

515
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:56,680
It's not stay strong, persevere.
It's you know what, acknowledge

516
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,440
what you're feeling.
Share it if, if, if you need to

517
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,880
and things will get better.
And it doesn't need to start and

518
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,120
end with ourselves.
There's there's help out there

519
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:12,760
and we we need to embrace it and
we need to support one another

520
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,159
too.
Awesome.

521
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:19,280
I really appreciate your
vulnerability, your example, and

522
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:23,560
I look forward to seeing the
mentor well become a global

523
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,520
force for good.
Thanks so much for joining me.

524
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:27,679
Thanks, Andy.
Appreciate it.

525
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,040
Thank you for listening to this
heartfelt episode of Real

526
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,719
Manfield.
I want to thank Chris Coulter

527
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,480
for his vulnerability, wisdom,
and dedication to transforming

528
00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:37,560
tragedy into purpose.
We have a brand new Real

529
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,000
Manfield community.
It is called Authentic AF is a

530
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,920
place for you to safely share
whatever's going on for you.

531
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,920
Get support.
There'll be meditations,

532
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,400
there'll be classes, there'll be
all sorts of wonderful stuff.

533
00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:51,679
And if you get in early this
summer as a founding member,

534
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,440
you'll have the opportunity to
guide what what shows up, how it

535
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,240
best can serve you.
So show up.

536
00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:00,120
It is a free community, it will
always be free, and I invite you

537
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,640
to come on in, visit
realmenfield.org group and until

538
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,560
next time, be good to yourself.