A Women's Perspective | She'd Hate To Be A Man

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Hello and welcome to real men.
Feel I am your host author coach

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and healer.
And Ygritte please visit v&e

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Grant.com to learn more about
me.

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Real men through our minds men,
that they are human beings and

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have the right to experience and
express all of their emotions.

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We have conversations that most
men aren't having but that all

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men can benefit from, you know,
some common complaints I hear

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from men.
Over the years are that they

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feel disposable under attack.
Can't do anything, right?

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And don't know what's expected
of them.

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So maybe it's time to get a
woman.

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In perspective on what's going
on between men and women.

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My guest today is Reverend
Leslie, Peters are n choose a

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curator of intuitive and
transformational conversations.

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A trauma-informed, and spiritual
nurse leader.

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Speaker consultant, trainer and
Retreat.

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Facilitator.
She's worked with women for 30

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years and told me guys can't win
her mission is to teach the

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masses, using the knowing of the
heart, the knowledge of Science,

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and the wisdom of experience,
welcome to real men, feel

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Reverend Leslie.
Well, I know I love The sister I

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think the system Brazil has
grown expect by this.

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Yeah.
You know what?

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It's such a pleasure to meet
you.

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And yeah I'm going to let you
because I don't want to exert my

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masculine energy.
When you take control of the

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conversation I asked a lot of
questions so if I are you cool

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with if I say well what about
it?

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Again this is a conversation.
So and and the first time you

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reached out to me and said, you
know, based on your entire

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career working with women In
that I wouldn't want to be in a

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man in a relationship.
You're damned if you do and

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damned if you don't.
So can tell me what you mean by

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that.
So what and Beyond There's women

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who accompany, and who they are,
and you know who they are.

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I that's not the case, but when
a, when a woman you were, I

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guess comes to relationship
with, you know, some issues that

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haven't been resolved, anything
we can buy, right?

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But I don't know when that.
Well, I'm no one that's

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intriguing.
You guys need to do the same

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thing, okay?
But women who aren't real cops.

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Selves, I think that's when guys
running to World trouble because

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with any relationship to people,
right, when you meet people, you

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each have moods and relationship
starts.

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It's because something in unique
mind using fucking amazing.

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We can do the yours.
And, you know, I think it's a

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relationship goes, if, if we if
we don't become what we mean by

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the the other on the other
person, Say, I need to learn how

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to improve your true love, you,
and variation sure if we're in a

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relationship for four or five
years, and I haven't learned how

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to unconditional love and was
attracting you to lose.

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You could own position involved,
right?

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If I haven't learned that, it's
been my experience that is exact

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thing, which can lead to you,
which will pull it apart because

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if I still have that kind of
mood, what I originally wasn't

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active in, using a strong route
is now downloaded.

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Probably me.
I will rather person.

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Sure is encouraging my.
Does that make sense?

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He'll like a woman who knows him
team leader.

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Only needs more.
Tell me.

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Will be a lot of men have a
child, right and vice versa.

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I'm not saying it's just a woman
thing, same thing at the man

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comes.
And, you know, we man comes to

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relationship, knowing how to
moodle's our emotional needs,

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then the woman will be fine.
If he doesn't, and Stevens

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hearing the same things and you
had made a good point earlier

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when it kind of backup and we're
speaking in generalities.

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But yeah, we as we Say women and
men do this.

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We aren't speaking for all.
We're saying the ones that are

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having the difficulties in life
and I'm not just the the

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unawakened masses or I, you
know, I don't know.

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But just realize if doesn't
resonate with you, you're not

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one of the people have any issue
that the yeah, it's not only

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just happened General, we can
talk specifics but what sport

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needs to reach out to you is,
I've never had a problem with

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women who were hideout with
women in comments, they were,

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they were pretty open pretty
Family.

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They may not be able to meet
their own needs, but they were,

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they knew that Community needs
emotionally.

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And I've been, I've had no
problems with women who are very

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successful and know who they
are.

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And therefore standing interval
Hoover was where I went through

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our pom like five or six years
has meaning, who pretend to know

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who they are.
But downbeat, they've grown, and

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in that case, if anything, well,
I think you're wrong.

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I'm the masculine loan for
anyone who's really complement

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and contending with this is a
threat exact.

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Yeah yeah.
And this is true for men and

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women that any any time that I'm
if I don't love myself enough

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and I want you to give me all
the love to fill up my emptiness

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problems.
Yeah, I think they're like the

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crazy thing is because I used to
hear women say, you know, like

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how he doesn't do this for me,
who must not love me or talking

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about it.
Are women, which I'll laugh at

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us in the route is if you're
coming to relationship, looking

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for that a person you're going
to track.

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Someone can't do it for
themselves so it really has

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nothing to do with how much he
loves you.

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It's somebody can't give that to
themselves.

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There's no where, and how they
will be able to give it to you

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and after is men or women.
So is that the root issue and

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challenges between men and
women, trying to trying to use

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another person to fill our unmet
needs.

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Yeah.
I think it's much as I can for

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it.
I really do think it could daddy

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mommy issue.
I think it's if women and young

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men or if you look at it in my
opinion they are a woman's

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first.
Hopefully non sexual intimate

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relationship with a woman.
So the pressure is on guys,

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right?
Because you are setting an

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example for that girl.
What her relationships are going

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to look like the rest.
Ruin and action.

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You have a party.
And Congress over with women,

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you know?
I mean, I realized one time and

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I'm saying all this, like, I
didn't do great mom

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relationships, just because I
was married for 25 years, but

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the guy I married was just like
my dad, took him, 25 years,

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realize how 110 pain in my
married, my father, like, what

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the heck?
But they were, they were

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confident in themselves and way.
Way that they made themselves

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feel better was to verbally make
someone else feel bad.

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You know?
I mean side kind of shut down

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emotionally.
Well, not about me but you know,

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it's my marriage.
Probably like 10 years into it.

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I remember x capital and I said
to him like if you want this

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marriage to also do not have
stopped robbing me 60 days a

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week.
And you never even loved her job

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though.
Only two months went by on with

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you two - the one.
You never even put a resume

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together.
There's a pen answer that for

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you.
I'm done.

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And then it became the
transactional relationship.

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I will to financial.
I thought the guy was a week I

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think that in part by so my
relationship wasn't the best but

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entitled I see a lot of things
that I mean I paid.

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It would have made it better in
the beginning and it all comes

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their own.
I hate that word communication,

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Oakland County having a hard
conversation before you get

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married.
Yeah, here, I've talked to lots

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of women that said they are Dad,
if their dad was emotionally,

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shut down, not expressing.
Love and affection, not perhaps

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Adam, and not knowing how to
react around his little princess

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as she becomes 13 and 16 years
old and is blossoming into

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Womanhood.
And then they do you again.

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Look for that or expect all men.
If a man doesn't show me

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affection.
That means he loves me because

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that's what my dad.
Yeah.

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And that's, and we judge people
or, you know, we say people

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voting I don't we kind of really
hard on people about the child

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but the reality is that some
tiles had we all did what we had

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to do to stay safe, whether it
was no time for the blueberry

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and so they coping mechanism for
not character flaws, they're

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just hoping nothing.
Missing that usually work in

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childhood that don't work so
well because to your life, you

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know, I used to do a lot of
talks for like addiction and for

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the pendency.
It quoted, which is component

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type.
Say, I'm going to tell you right

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off.
I totally did not buy into

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diesel, your Character defects.
Like a, if you do, well, how

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childhood with neighing mom and
daddy issues, so he judge

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yourself problem like, you know,
but real relationships mirror

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saying, my comment on saying
that about women to like you

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guys can't win because when I
did work with him, What's wrong

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being?
Even though they were open, they

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were looking at the partners are
blue, as men, who would keep

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them to page, like his dad
shallow, do you know?

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And I think everything goes back
to safety and travel.

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It really does.
Is it possible to be an adult

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these days and not have
experienced some level of

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trauma, as a child?
I don't think so.

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I don't think so, because, you
know what?

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Might as a trauma expert, I
don't have a trauma Queen,

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right?
Like an and at a very early age,

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I was sorry, but I found out
now, I didn't know, death

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experience or two and I'm sure
that for came from because I was

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able to look at people and of,
you know, when I was growing up

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I don't know, I want I know it.
About me, it was just an

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experience.
Why are they hurting?

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People need to be loved even
more but you can do that and

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come from the coffee place.
So it's a very picky with

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childhood.
I think is not getting people to

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believes the go back and change
the perception of the experiment

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created.
The blue one thing boots are too

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hard to change.
I knew you would judge yourself.

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Crazy trying to you know and
some of them are fake.

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Both like, what were your
beliefs compelling them to

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remember?
And you wanted to know what, and

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one of my strongest belief is
growing up.

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Was that life sucks, then you
die?

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Yeah.
And yeah and I didn't yeah, my

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my issues.
Well I didn't talk to anybody

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but I was I oh yeah.
At age 5, I began getting

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molested by a male neighbor.
So I also learned at a young

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age, can't trust can't trust
men.

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Even even as a male I couldn't
trust men.

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No.
And that's and I'm trying to

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learn.
And it's funny because I had to

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address it, even though, you
know, the, my childhood I was

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pretty I checked out of it and
then up until about four or five

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years ago, I don't remember.
There was really not my present

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number.
My God would probably a little

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things and I just have nap,
don't need to know that, you

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know, and but out in the world,
I was totally different because

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really confusing.
Open my heart up.

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Totally vulnerable, totally
authentic, but I always told my

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life, Out my life out in the
world is so much different than

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my life at home because it felt
different.

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He was self consistently and I
felt safe with myself because

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when I was out in the world and
I was totally vulnerable to be

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arm off, I could see myself in
so I could trust myself and feel

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safe with me at home and I'm
like, kind of dim my life.

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I hated the part of me that out
in the world at the trucks, you

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know.
But when I was little too, do

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you like my stuff will do
started around two and I think

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right before it started I was in
a car accident and undiagnosed

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traumatic, brain injury, who's
like mentions of people you

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know.
And but right after that, when I

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remember the first time my dad,
kiss me, it was going to die.

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Perkins on this is how crazy is
going like, baby diaper change.

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And I remember I'm going down
hissing it wasn't.

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Test, the child.
And I went in my writings cannot

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tell, which is how I uncovered
everything.

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I went, like, my little girl
with saying, you just ruined

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everything.
What did you do?

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You just ruined everything.
And, but somehow from that

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00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:31,500
people at, was he angry?
I really was never alone, do it?

227
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:36,100
Anyone who gives me?
I was angry at me for hiding me

228
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,200
and abandonment.
So, Self.

229
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,000
And you know and so whenever
women would say to me talk about

230
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,900
our people, abandon them in.
Like maybe we should look in the

231
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,900
mirror and make sure we stay
ourselves first because I found

232
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:54,200
some you who warned them the
child, any ritual hard.

233
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,500
It seemed from the Army and
pretty much to myself, you know,

234
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,900
where they're being taken.
And that's what we do when we

235
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:06,900
hide ourselves, right?
And I think I straighten

236
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:12,300
question, but it is all about,
it's about safety and learning

237
00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:16,000
how to process of yourself.
Yeah, the on-site, one of the

238
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,400
things that might really help
people, I still do it every day.

239
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:23,200
Throughout the day is a
remember, as a little kid, they

240
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,200
know hand on my heart and I did
something called rubber band

241
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,200
breathing, which I would imagine
there was a rubber band inside

242
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,900
me and I would Breathe In, from
my teeth, read up to me.

243
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:38,900
Had holding my belly in and then
I would send the breath all the

244
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:43,100
way down with you.
And I was just doing that I've

245
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:47,000
since my look like a Reiki, most
of them but as I was grieving

246
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,800
that where I put my hand on my
heart because my husband just

247
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:55,900
got going so the Rope until
people and he said I did that

248
00:14:55,900 --> 00:15:02,900
any, you know, I told guys woman
without sexual abuse of senior,

249
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:10,200
didn't do anything Ago.
People entire that.

250
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:16,200
Really because it just reminds
me of you saved yourself because

251
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,800
it really is up to us to decide
we decide if we're safe or not.

252
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:31,000
Yeah, I look reality is it's not
much different from other

253
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,000
people, what was different and
I'm pretty sure it's As a result

254
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,700
of that, you know, that was
scary.

255
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,000
I will also weighed being able
to go, that's just an

256
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:45,700
experiment, it means nothing
about who I am and, and it is

257
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:50,800
very early age being to go.
Wow, I wonder why when I'm

258
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,700
saying you keeping them so
uncomfortable that they can

259
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:59,500
adjust coming from.
What's your experience with

260
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,200
women saying?
They want men to be sensitive

261
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,700
and then there man get
sensitive.

262
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,800
Yeah, I mean, I've had that, you
know, women.

263
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,600
Yes, they want their men to be
emotionally available but then

264
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,400
it's a man a poem quote week.
They're like, what's going on

265
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,300
with him?
I don't want someone like that.

266
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,100
Who make up your mind, what do
you want, right?

267
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,000
And I think, again, it all goes
down to Childhood because some

268
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:31,300
um, how a man's you know, if a
father was never emotionally

269
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:37,400
available, There's a den they're
going to expect their partner

270
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,500
is.
That there's something wrong

271
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,800
with that.
And I think the whole issue with

272
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:47,400
childhood is it for those of us
who experience in French army.

273
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,500
I don't know about you, but
that's all we know.

274
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:54,200
She's normal like that.
You know people didn't come over

275
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,600
to my house.
There's only one girlfriend.

276
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,800
I went over to her house if you
kind of stay within your own

277
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,900
bubble and when you're in that
bubble, you know, nothing else,

278
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,700
but what's in that bubble That
makes sense.

279
00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:11,500
Yeah, yeah and so it's been an
end.

280
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:16,099
There's another thing that the
ruling camp in which human self

281
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:23,300
that means someone else whether
being Nana, you must not make

282
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,300
some going on pumping because
again, it's facing her like,

283
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,300
wow, you know, almost like
asking for something that you're

284
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,600
not healed enough yet to fully
receive.

285
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:34,500
Yeah.
Yeah.

286
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,200
It's like that mirror thing,
right?

287
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,200
Like that.
Everyone if something really

288
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,400
puts with knocked out someone
else, well I got to take a good

289
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,100
look because that's what I don't
like about themselves, right?

290
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:48,600
You know, and and the pain I
think guys have just gotten

291
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,800
really it's really hard for you
all because we may treat each

292
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,500
other saying, but Society is
going to commission for talk

293
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:01,900
about it.
Where thanks to you and people

294
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:05,000
that I can rewrite like you guys
are having an author.

295
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:11,600
And I think once, Nine are
within themselves who, what

296
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:16,000
society says we you guys get
together and then it's home to

297
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,400
get women men together.
And you know what?

298
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:26,000
I love to see is like in Peru.
Does a man coming from a woman.

299
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,800
He doesn't know what he needs
and and a woman from the nail,

300
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,500
for example, who needs of will
stay it from the morning and to

301
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,700
know her processing father.
I don't want to give her a hug

302
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:45,600
with nothing, just a beginner,
you know, I mean like there's

303
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:51,500
nothing coming from it but just
a hug where someone can be held

304
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:55,100
in space where there's nothing
expected of them.

305
00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:02,600
So then is the solution that a
man or woman should not be

306
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,100
seeking a partner unless they
know that they that they both

307
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,500
parties have done the inner
work.

308
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,700
Yeah.
But that's not really right.

309
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:29,900
To start the conversation.
Questions I do in a relationship

310
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:33,900
with what do you need to feel?
Well to know that I love you.

311
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,500
What is it?
You need, there's no wrong or

312
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:40,500
right answer.
But then yummy say like, now if

313
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,700
I had to do it again, I would do
like, almost a contract like a

314
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:46,900
prenuptial, not with the money
but a prenup, right?

315
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:49,500
But as soon as that word is, you
can keep, I thought you don't

316
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,500
love you.
Oh, come on the reality, right?

317
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:57,700
Like a that something could
attach any emotion from the

318
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:04,500
questions that need to be out
realizing that You know, if you

319
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:07,800
are with Nano woman, they want
you to sign prenups are

320
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,200
futuristic.
Protecting your assets.

321
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,200
It doesn't set.
The Y is me, you know.

322
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:20,600
I think they'll the question you
ask is to start asking questions

323
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:25,300
have a list of questions, you
know, because if you're asking

324
00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:28,700
someone on them and they can't
answer honestly and get

325
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,300
offended, you don't want to be
with them, you know.

326
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,300
Yeah.
So it sounds like if you Have

327
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,200
some self-awareness to begin
with your, you shouldn't be

328
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,400
attempting to get involved with
people?

329
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,900
I know with that.
Yeah, yeah.

330
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,800
And and have a fear happen
ending.

331
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:49,400
Yeah.
It's just Assuming, you know,

332
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,800
women assuming that member what
they need, you know, assuming

333
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,500
over it is a good thing on any
but a woman, you know.

334
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:05,300
And if let's say, let's say, a
guy does get emotional and to do

335
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,000
available and she gets upset.
Well, then instead of saying

336
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,300
anything, the guy says, I want
you to have some life, is what I

337
00:21:13,308 --> 00:21:16,800
do.
What was it, what it makes me

338
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:21,200
feel that, you know, because
otherwise he's just gonna walk

339
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,200
away and he's doing yes.
What's in her head and heart and

340
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,000
Hellman?
Yeah, well, the things guys,

341
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,400
tune both girls.
I learned relationships that I

342
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,700
would never do.
Now is start any sentence with

343
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:39,100
you, you know, this made me
feel, it's no one can argue with

344
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:42,800
your feeling big news and me
dissolve a son and I did that

345
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,200
all the time if put someone on
Parents and neither.

346
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,600
So, over the years, I've heard
many men say that women expect

347
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,700
us to be mind reader's.
And and and then that we can't

348
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:57,900
believe what they say.
Yes.

349
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,200
And until you're almost like a
grid that.

350
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,000
Yeah.
So I women say the same thing

351
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,600
about men or is this kind of a
one-sided perspective, here's

352
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,300
the thing.
Women don't really own rek'sai

353
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:10,400
probe which I always ask
questions, you know, if they

354
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,800
feel safe enough answer, I've
never heard them talk about

355
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,400
stuff like that.
It's the women.

356
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,000
That for example, my kids are in
school, right?

357
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,200
Like a taco field back.
I think it was bitching and

358
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,700
complaining about everything,
not just men but it was from.

359
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:33,500
It wasn't really getting to the
root of the problem and I think

360
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:37,500
it was because so it's so hard
for women bit there.

361
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:43,200
I think that's a key thing is
women certainly, you know, They

362
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:51,000
can't share amongst themselves.
You know, then that's kind of

363
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,100
work.
I'm going to be doing kids.

364
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:57,600
We have women can talk to
themselves and because we do

365
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,900
it's not fair that humans.
Like I don't know about you that

366
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:05,500
I can deal with anything but I
need to know what I'm dealing

367
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:08,500
with.
That makes sense.

368
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:12,400
Yeah, very steadily kids just
tell me the truth, the back and

369
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,100
deal with whatever it is.
You tell me.

370
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:19,400
But if I have to test, what's
going on in your head we're

371
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,800
doing it's one thing to be
resilient, but it's harder to be

372
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,200
resilient with unknown,
everything coming at you.

373
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:30,600
Am I what am I reacting?
If women are just kind of like

374
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:35,500
ranting and they're not even
being rational.

375
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,700
Nine out of ten times, just give
him a hug.

376
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:42,200
No word.
I think that's where and it's no

377
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,100
fault of men and respect
authority, a lot coming from a

378
00:23:46,108 --> 00:23:49,300
warming.
The chairs of complaints doesn't

379
00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:53,400
really want to fix the problem.
You just need to hold a space

380
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,300
inside.
It's okay.

381
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:58,800
We'll figure it out.
We'll say, that's definitely

382
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:07,100
true.
Lose it.

383
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,900
My son would send me so you just
like yeah, I don't even know

384
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:13,000
what the hell you doing.
So you know I'd give me a hug

385
00:24:13,300 --> 00:24:16,300
but then those moments when on
their rationale, it's not

386
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:18,400
pneumonia.
The only, it's something that

387
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,700
five year old is still dealing
with and I'm feeling scared and

388
00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:24,200
I'm feeling alone.
Just how do you know where it's

389
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,600
necessary?
So I hadn't been friends, try

390
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,600
it.
No, I don't know how, I don't

391
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,300
hit me if I go to hugger.
I'm like, don't say any words.

392
00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:34,900
Just hold her.
And yeah.

393
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,800
Yeah.
Men think anyone speaks to them

394
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:42,200
to get them to take an action to
fix something, the like oh the

395
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,000
ER just share it to get it out
of you.

396
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,800
You just want to be heard and
went again when I was you know

397
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,000
depressed and suicidal.
I thought if anyone knew my real

398
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,100
thoughts and feelings, they
would run away.

399
00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:55,300
I would be alone.
So I think that's kind of what

400
00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:57,600
it is for everyone in the area
since check this out.

401
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,200
My in a torch is secret if it
was relevant in the

402
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:14,300
conversation.
So the past, like were probably

403
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:17,100
four years.
Probably, I uncovered all this

404
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,800
the issues with the traumatic
brain injury, and all that

405
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,300
stuff, because using a computer
for the first time, they all,

406
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,000
like I had figured out ways to
work with my brain, on a pen and

407
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,300
paper world.
So, the computer is hard to

408
00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:32,600
avoid.
So I talked to him about this

409
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:37,700
and I would be vulnerable and
you Immediately start them and

410
00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:38,900
not fair.
Damn word.

411
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:43,000
So for four years and like,
visiting a worse.

412
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,000
Tell me, I'm an idiot.
Tell me, whatever.

413
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:50,900
But that not acknowledging.
And because and I knew it made

414
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:54,600
them uncomfortable because where
they even do them and how to

415
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,500
help me, right?
And so that's I never before the

416
00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:06,500
last few years, I never saw a
downside vulnerability. and you

417
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:09,900
know, but you would think if
women would be more chose change

418
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:16,200
of pace, Are there any tips you
can share to improve the?

419
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,600
We've seen like need to
communicate better need to very

420
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,600
going to be willing to be more
available to be heard to be to

421
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,500
feel safe.
And how does how does someone

422
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,400
start that with with a potential
partner?

423
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,600
Like, do you really just go?
Hi, nice to meet you.

424
00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:32,100
Here's my deepest darkest
secret.

425
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:33,900
Oh, can I tell you these
horrible things?

426
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,700
You know, maybe not first day
but yeah, it s or whatever like,

427
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:42,200
when everything.
I'm starving.

428
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:48,500
You know, mostly Implement our,
we just ask like, you know, what

429
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:52,300
have your previous relationship
like the why did they end if you

430
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:53,700
ended them?
What was it?

431
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:58,800
Like just act like we don't have
any trip ass and dance.

432
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,800
If you had asked me really
bizarre question, people that

433
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,300
would most people would say,
would cross boundaries but most

434
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:13,800
people vomit, answer them given
Daddy's coming from 11 points.

435
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,400
Not like they're trying to get
something there to from

436
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,100
something, so yeah, I would just
ask what do you reckon were

437
00:27:20,100 --> 00:27:22,000
compared to?
What would be your perfect

438
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,100
relationship?
Ask a woman.

439
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,000
What would be?
What's your perfect guy?

440
00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:28,600
What do you can't stand and
white?

441
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,900
Like the I think if a man ever
asked me that, you know, even

442
00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:36,700
the first I'd be like, okay,
this time fool, you know,

443
00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:40,600
because that just tells me is a
woman that like this is me be

444
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,200
very clear.
Cool to communicate.

445
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,800
And if a woman's dies away from
them and touchdown and won't

446
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:57,100
answer welcome to like, yeah,
you know, that the quicker we're

447
00:27:57,100 --> 00:28:00,400
willing to have the hard
conversations, the the less, the

448
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,500
less time we waste, let's find
out now as opposed to years from

449
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:08,200
now that we're trying to fill
each other's unmet needs and the

450
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:11,000
needs that aren't even realize
are unmet and can't even name.

451
00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:14,000
We just these traumatic beings
bumping in the different walls.

452
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,000
All the time, I know, and we
know it happens a lot too is

453
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,200
working woman like the I learn.
Now, my life, just from

454
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,400
listening to other women's
stories, like of relationships

455
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,400
are called his, like, they're
everything about combines, I've

456
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:32,400
been, you know, for the expect
run or walk away slowly and look

457
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,100
at the objective, but when it
starts that heated, there's

458
00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:40,400
usually something on both
parties deeper that I always say

459
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,800
that.
At when you don't need a

460
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,900
relationship, that's when you're
ready for one.

461
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,100
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.

462
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:52,700
And you know, what about her
aside safe from them actionable.

463
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:57,100
Things, ask questions that I
make in a relationship.

464
00:28:57,100 --> 00:29:02,000
If you live with someone that
time once a week or at the end

465
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,200
of each day, 15 minutes kind of
like to have a hardtop like

466
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,800
Vegas.
Biggest to say something she

467
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,900
gets 10 minutes you can
interrupting.

468
00:29:11,100 --> 00:29:13,700
What she says, doesn't leave
that conversation like no

469
00:29:13,700 --> 00:29:18,700
repercussions and staying thing.
You know, just the Gap home

470
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:22,300
terrible.
With him comfortable and so

471
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:29,800
conversation of going, the
commercialization found want to

472
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,500
tell you one that I never
understood that goes back to the

473
00:29:32,508 --> 00:29:39,300
trust is I used to go to the guy
who was in a band right?

474
00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:41,000
And they were on for all the
time.

475
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:46,400
He one woman that upset month to
she found out his eyes, it was

476
00:29:46,500 --> 00:29:51,100
her husband of a woman and the
guy was saying so happens all

477
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:53,600
the time.
It's like an unwritten law.

478
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:58,000
So we'll do the same with all
the women like an ordinary is if

479
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,800
a guy says like, look, I'm going
to cheat on the road means

480
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,000
nothing.
It's just part of the thing,

481
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,600
leave it up for her to go and I
deal with this with him a month

482
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:09,400
but the worst thing is not
known.

483
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,800
And but yeah another thing is
look at your partner's a

484
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,500
five-year-old and that is
moments.

485
00:30:17,500 --> 00:30:21,200
When you go That's how I look at
most people including myself

486
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,500
sometimes with Bob.
You know, if my behavior is a

487
00:30:24,508 --> 00:30:26,700
little over one peg, what's the
by your own?

488
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,800
It really is that inner child
dysfunction showing up.

489
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,600
And if you can own that in the
moment, recognize it and not

490
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,700
take it personally, not thinking
sure it's your partner today, it

491
00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:40,300
really is an old wound showing
up.

492
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:46,800
Well, one of the things that the
women Charming right there, the

493
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:51,600
kids seem to be a big issue in
the The women sentences eyes

494
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,600
with their own self as well as a
way.

495
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,400
And so you know the women's day
the nearby keep telling him he's

496
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,300
not going with writing and he
doesn't do their own eyes who

497
00:31:02,308 --> 00:31:04,700
will let me ask you a question.
Someone's have told you you was

498
00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:08,700
throwing up at something, would
you keep doing like you know and

499
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,600
those have to take ownership
like either.

500
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,600
The woman says that she just
says, I can do it better and but

501
00:31:15,300 --> 00:31:18,400
can't give examples how she does
it better.

502
00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:26,100
Then that's just a single thing.
But if a woman is telling you

503
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,400
this evening, good enough, for
this isn't how I would do it,

504
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:35,500
Hey to her, how would you do it?
What would be your ideal and

505
00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:37,800
then type do to go and I do
that.

506
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:46,000
Yeah, but it's all about, it's
it's the too complicated to try

507
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,600
to get them.
Yeah, if you feel like you're

508
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:53,000
expected to read someone's mind.
Like stop trying and just ask.

509
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,200
Yes.
As I said, if you do that in the

510
00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:02,600
beginning of relationship, you
know.

511
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,100
How do you imagine yourself with
my parents?

512
00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:09,200
You want to do.
It's you know it's really not

513
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,700
rocket science.
It's asking but it's I think a

514
00:32:12,708 --> 00:32:16,600
lot of times they don't ask
because we're afraid answers for

515
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:21,000
them, go.
So I know you weren't a typical

516
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,100
RN.
Can you tell me a little bit

517
00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:26,600
about your work in the trenches
as you say in the judges?

518
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:30,800
Yes, I worked with for the first
half of my prayer for 15 years.

519
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:36,600
I work in a hospital labor and
delivery unit on will burn with.

520
00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:41,000
They were mostly people are
diverse in trauma because we the

521
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,500
hospital was an area that was
relevant.

522
00:32:43,500 --> 00:32:47,900
Um, and then why I left there
and went to work in public

523
00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:50,800
health and wealth Of course,
it's so silly.

524
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:57,700
Are we going to home for women
and you know, because of the way

525
00:32:57,700 --> 00:33:02,200
I dealt with my own problems
when I was 16 I need to feel

526
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:06,500
connected to something that
somebody and I was always kind

527
00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:09,800
of classical type which doesn't
have the real busy school, you

528
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,700
know what I mean?
Like I was like the book.

529
00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:15,500
I didn't have a lot of close
friends and in high school, at

530
00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:18,200
one point, I tried to change to
be like everybody else.

531
00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:22,000
And that's kind of where I got
seriously depressed because I

532
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,100
don't because when I tried to
change, I lost me.

533
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,800
I lost connection with who I was
and so I'm 16 I went all right

534
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,000
like this we wouldn't have to
change permanent member

535
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,600
britt.mark because I don't
really feel the pleasure of

536
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,500
going out in the world.
And I knew, I needed to be

537
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:43,000
accepted for who I was and I
didn't know how to go about it.

538
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,400
So I went out and I just started
driving around looking people

539
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,700
and thinking, okay?
Having fun What are the wives

540
00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:54,100
like what it, what I did that
for a couple months but then I

541
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:57,700
would stop by dr.
Is people that would stop people

542
00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:00,900
on the streets of day?
Hey, butter Name by the way my

543
00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:08,000
name is.
What about you like stories?

544
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:20,300
You know, and that that became
we're like that connection

545
00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:25,300
between people, it seriously and
in the conversation from minutes

546
00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:29,100
because you felt the heart
balloon and the world of humor

547
00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:32,000
him change with my family.
So I learned to work with people

548
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,699
as I will penalize, and the
rescue.

549
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:38,900
I couldn't remember what you
look like, if I was looking at

550
00:34:38,900 --> 00:34:43,400
you deeper and you start.
So when I went out to work in

551
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,500
the There is, I think that's
going to be romantic.

552
00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,800
If I didn't talk to any some
white woman hanging with them,

553
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,400
they did.
I looked and is another woman he

554
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,699
could learn something from them
and they can learn from me.

555
00:34:55,699 --> 00:35:00,500
And together we can, hopefully,
I did high risk everything and,

556
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:02,400
you know, we could get them a
good outcome.

557
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:07,500
When I left work, there is a
quality product has been

558
00:35:07,500 --> 00:35:10,400
studying my patients.
I'm like, what did you do need

559
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:14,200
to teach courses because the
patients have better life All in

560
00:35:14,207 --> 00:35:18,500
all my I knew quote I knew who I
was doing because it was so

561
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:24,100
simple, I was just kidding but
that authenticity creative so

562
00:35:24,100 --> 00:35:27,500
things for other people to see
themselves.

563
00:35:29,300 --> 00:35:33,200
I want you to you so you can
shift perceptually only with

564
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:38,600
them.
Sourav Leslie.

565
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,300
What's the best way for people
to learn more and connect with

566
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:44,800
you?
You know, I talked to people the

567
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,700
best places but only website,
anything that they can reach out

568
00:35:48,700 --> 00:35:54,300
it.
Helen three.com slash Reverend

569
00:35:54,300 --> 00:36:02,300
locate re D lesliein2010 for
part and then that are they can

570
00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:10,800
set up a time to talk or a not a
technical Point. 05 06 1898,

571
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:14,300
just tell me where you are.
Sometimes, you know people like

572
00:36:14,300 --> 00:36:16,700
you can't do that number.
The idea to wear trust my

573
00:36:16,700 --> 00:36:24,600
intuition, you know, I will my
inner knowing decide when I'm

574
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:30,400
safe from them.
Yeah, thanks for.

575
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,700
Thanks for reaching out, to me,
to begin with thanks for coming,

576
00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:35,700
and sharing your perspective.
And thanks everyone for tuning

577
00:36:35,700 --> 00:36:38,200
and listening to us.
Please visit real men feel that

578
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,100
org, see the blog post for this
episode?

579
00:36:40,100 --> 00:36:42,800
We'll have links to all the
resources mentioned, Wherever

580
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,800
you're discovering room and feel
Please Subscribe follow like, do

581
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,400
the thing you can do on the
platform that you're on and if

582
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,100
you want to explore what life
could really be like for you and

583
00:36:52,100 --> 00:36:55,000
figure out what you really want
and what's in your way book, a

584
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,400
Clarity call with me.
Visit D and E, Grant.com, talk.

585
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,200
And until next time, be good to
yourself.