Being Happily Divorced | Leading With Kindness

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Hello and welcome to real men.
Feel this is your host author

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coaching speaker, Andy, Grant,
please, visit v&e Grant.com to

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learn more about me room and
feel reminds men that they are

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human beings and have the right
to experience and express all of

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their emotions.
It's not that there are some

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emotions from man, in some for
women you as a human being have

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the right to experience the full
range, we have conversations

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that most men aren't having, but
that all men can benefit from,

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you know, according to the
American Psychological

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Association approximately 40 to
50 percent of first.

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Marriages end in divorce the
divorce rate.

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For second marriages is even
higher with approximately 60 60

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to 67 percent of second.
Marriages ending in divorce as

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well.
And according to a recent survey

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of financial professionals, the
three leading causes of divorce

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are basic incompatibility
infidelity, and then money

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issues.
My guest today is going to fix

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all that.
My guest is Sky, Michaels sky is

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a dad award-winning.
Real estate leader, motivational

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speaker and host of the 6A a
podcast.

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Which provides inspiration and
motivation, for developing a

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healthy mindset setting goals
and achieving happiness.

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As a divorced, dad of two sky is
passionate about promoting

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positive co-parenting and
determined to show divorced

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couples that have better.
Healthier and happier experience

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is possible.
When a positive co-parenting

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relationship is established.
Welcome to real man feels guy.

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Thank you so much for having me
out.

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I feel flattered to be here when
we first spoke you see you

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introduced in a way that I'd
never heard before.

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You said that you are very
Happily Divorced.

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Forced.
I it is it's a term that I think

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it shocks people when I use it
because those two words

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typically are not used together.
And I think it's a way to take

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counteract, a lot of the shame,
and the guilt and the, you know,

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the her depends on on, what what
your role was and the worst for

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you go through different things.
But the word divorce carries so

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much baggage, so much negativity
and so much pain, frankly for

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all parties.
And when you put the word

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happily in front of it, it
reframes that into divorces

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being a noun, right?
A divorce is just a thin thing,

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a noun, right?
And the the putting, the word

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happily describes what that noun
is.

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And we get to reframe that word
in a way where we into their, I

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instantly try to convey.
Hey, I am in a happy situation

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right now, right?
And by happy I'm I have a

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healthy children.
I have a healthy exercise A wife

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who I am friends with.
I have a schedule that works for

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both of us, I have open lines of
communication where there's a

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change, we can communicate about
it and all those great things

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that frankly make up a good
marriage.

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Awesome makeup.
A good divorce and that's the

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irony of the whole situation.
Yeah.

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So is it possible to have a bad
marriage but a good divorce?

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It's very possible.
I think I think you know and

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once again I'm sure my ex-wife
is going to listen to this.

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So yeah we I wouldn't qualify
want By our marriages as bad per

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se in the sense of like, you
know, we had challenges and lots

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of challenges like most married
couples, but it is very

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possible.
Have a bad marriage and a good

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divorce because sometimes the
things that are wrong in a

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marriage can be solved in the
divorce and that and what you do

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is you come back in order to be
a happily divorced person.

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The first thing you have to do
is you have to agree on your

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commonality.
And for me and my ex-wife are

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commonality, were the things
that were non-negotiables for

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both of us.
It was our children, Mackenzie

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and Hudson.
So when you start from a

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position of your, your
non-negotiables, right, your

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commonality.
All right, instead of us

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focusing on our differences, the
things we don't agree on, right?

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I wake up early, she wakes up
late.

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I like this kind of food.
She likes that kind of food.

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I say it's sunny out.
She says, it's cloudy out.

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Yeah, we could go on and on.
And Jeff was focusing on all

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those instead.
Let's start from our common

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standpoint and then from there
we can work on the more

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challenging things that we need
to figure out as we move forward

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in this new life and and it's
funny Andy because I think you

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think of like someone getting
engaged and then working towards

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a marriage.
A divorce is almost the exact

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same process.
In Reverse you agree.

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You get to a point where maybe
don't agree but you you announce

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we are Getting divorced.
And then you work backwards on

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doing a lot of the things
opposed to you get engaged and

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you work forward, you know,
creating the household, creating

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the common areas, and then you
get married.

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The divorce is almost the polar
opposite where you announce it,

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it's almost like you're
unprepared easel, so to speak.

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And you slowly work your way
towards that, perhaps pathway

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where you no longer are married
couple.

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But when you have children,
especially, you still share a

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common love.
Love and a common goal.

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So to speak of what you're
striving for.

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It does being happily divorced.
Now mean that the entire divorce

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process was smooth and joyous or
not, know now is probably let's

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again, similar to like being
engaged.

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Like you know most people that
get in case, there's a lot of

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stress involved in getting
married.

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There's a lot of stress involved
in getting divorced as well, you

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know, and and our process was
not roses and you know, you

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know, Happy in the the where we
are today is not where we were

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when it first began, you know?
And when it first begins.

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Yeah and every situation is
different.

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I called divorce of fingerprint,
right?

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Everyone situations listening to
this, it's going to be a

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different situation for each
person and my hope is what you

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can do.
Is you can pull almost picture

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an apple tree.
And you can pull one little

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apple off, that's going to help
you a little bit and that's

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really the goal.
But our process was definitely

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rocking the beginning.
In this sense, Out of, there's a

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lot of I was the person that
made the ultimate decision to

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leave.
So I call me, I'm called the

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lever and she was the one being
left, right?

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And so each of us play different
roles in that for me.

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I experienced a lot of Shame and
a lot of guilt and like, you

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know, you go through this
process where you're struggling

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because of the fact you're the
one that's making that decision

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that you fear a lot of fear,
right?

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That.
Oh my God, I'm going to be the

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cause of demise of my family.
My children going to hate me or

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you your mind runs from my
ex-wife.

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It's a lot of anger, right?
A lot of feeling of not good and

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was I not good enough for, you
know, this is I don't want to

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speak for her but at the end of
the day she had her own set of

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feelings that she experienced.
So you're navigating these

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individual feelings that you're
going through that rock you,

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right?
And you're still trying to

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figure out, all right, how do we
parent now?

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How do we divided households?
How do we create two new

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households?
It's money, you know, Furniture

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cars, you name it.
Everything needs to be decided

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what happens.
But through it, all, what we did

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is, we always kept the two kids
as our commonality in our common

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point and we always wanted to
keep them Above The Fray of what

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was happening.
So and I'll tell you, if it's

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okay, I'll tell you a quick
story about the day.

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We told them that we were
getting divorced.

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Now, we didn't use the word
divorce, by the way, they were

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six and four and Yeah, we had
been through a very long process

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of therapy and trying and, you
know, and we were finding the

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point where it was happening.
It was moving forward and I

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remember, we were in a car and
August her driving get school

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supplies and we're like, all
right, we're going to tell them

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in the car.
Now, we have been sleeping in

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separate bedrooms at this point.
So we had a mom's room and a

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dad's room.
And we're both in the front seat

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like sort of crying quietly.
You know they can tell we were

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crying at sunglasses on and we
were so so guys you know, we

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have something to tell you You,
you know, next month, you know,

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we have a mom's room in a dad's
room where we're going to have a

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mom's house, so the dad's house
and they're like, cool.

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That's awesome.
Hey, we're in the front seat.

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Like, look at each other.
Like it.

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Wait, it should they be like
really upset?

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And and for some reason like
that, there was this moment of

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humor didn't really absolve all
the sadness and that, you know,

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the feelings were going through.
But there's a really funny

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moment to recall because of the
fact that we actually We had

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created a world where they did.
They were comfortable.

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They were happy and for them it
was if we were fine with it,

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they were fun.
You know what I mean?

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So, we needed to like lead the
way and it was, it was a, it was

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a funny moment to say the least.
Now, one of the common refrains

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I've always heard around.
Divorce is, well, let's stay

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together for the kids and you're
saying really, well, let's make

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a good divorce for the kids.
So can is it is stand together

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for the kids?
Is that a realistic?

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Is that actually?
Is that a reality for?

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One, um, well it's a reality
than sense of people do it.

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But when you say you're staying
together for the kids, you

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really have to question what
we're always teaching children

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lessons.
And whether we're speaking it or

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acting it, we're teaching.
They were watching everything.

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We do everything we do and I
another story to give you, and

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it was one of the formative
moments of Y or a pushed me

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because I was saying the same
thing.

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I was like, you know what, we'll
stay together for the kids like,

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you, when they go to college,
we'll figure it out, you know?

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Yeah, they added.
So not that long, a time.

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And I remember one morning, you
know, we're eating breakfast and

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kids are in the kitchen bar.
You know?

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And we hugged each other and
they're like, yeah, what are you

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guys doing?
And in my head, I was like, oh

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my God, I'm teaching my
children.

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That intimacy is actually not
really, you know, doesn't exist.

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They didn't even know what it
was like to see us like hug in

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that moment.
Do you know what I mean?

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And I remember that moment
probably the rest of my life

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because there's one of those
really formative moments.

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I was like, wow, I'm actually,
I'm actually messing them up.

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More by, by staying in this
because they see me disappear.

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Didn't they see her distant?
They see us arguing fighting

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like the.
Oh, so that's what a

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relationship is.
A relationship is where you yell

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at each other.
You know, that's not a

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relationship, that's not
healthy.

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That's not the way you deal with
problems and you get, so wrapped

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up in your, in your mind, and
everything along those lines.

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And you tell yourself you're
staying together for the kids

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but the reality is children
know.

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And the other reality is the
older they get the clue.

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More baggage.
They're dealing with that then

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they could latch on that they
were the reason they were.

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You know, when they're younger
when you're at the point where

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you know this is the direction
you're going to take and then

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you say well 10 more years from
now it'll be fine.

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You are creating really really -
Pathways of learning for your

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children in those 10 years where
you could have an optional,

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there's another option out there
to create a happy divorce with

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Pathways that allow kids to
thrive.

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You know, we do all our holidays
together, we do all our

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birthdays together, we do
graduations together.

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And, you know, I wanted my
children to grow up in a world

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where they didn't need to fear
their mom and dad being in the

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same room together or the same
event together or, you know,

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whatever it might be.
So and if I use my experience it

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was what I could say to
traditional divorce of

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bitterness and hatred.
And my parents did not get

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together.
And that any sort of school

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assembly Dad's on one side moms
on the other side or my from the

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front.
Dad's in the back of the room

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and yeah.
And and even talking about

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intimacy, so my parents
divorced, when I'm about five

226
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years old.
So I really have no memories of

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them being together, but I do
remember being a kid and seeing

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my grandparents hug and kiss
and, you know, fooling around

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with each other, in the kitchen,
I was like a gas.

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Like, what are these old people
doing like, when when does this

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start in life?
And most this is crazy.

232
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Yeah, exactly it's so funny.
You mentioned as the lever as

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the initiator divorce you felt
Shame and fear and concern about

234
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being hated by your kids.
Yeah.

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How did you get through that?
Like what helped relieve the

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shame?
Yeah, the well I therapy is the

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one.
I mean if you are going through

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divorce and you don't have a
therapist, you are probably

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00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,300
you're not doing the right thing
for yourself.

240
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,400
You know, if you have the means
to her therapist or even the

241
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000
whatever, there's a lot of
insurance that covers therapy

242
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,100
now and if you are going to
divorce on either, Side and you

243
00:12:40,108 --> 00:12:43,400
don't have someone helping you
manage some of your thoughts and

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feeling.
So, so therapy was the first

245
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,900
thing.
We also hired a co-parenting

246
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:51,800
therapist as well, which was
extremely helpful because of the

247
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,500
fact once again we didn't know
how do we do this?

248
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What are the boundaries we
create?

249
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,900
How do we communicate?
What's what's good?

250
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What's bad?
So having a third party there to

251
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,000
really help us work through some
of these challenges especially

252
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,700
in the beginning days when it
was very raw and very tenuous

253
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and very No, there's still a lot
of emotion.

254
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:17,400
The other thing that got me
through, it was really becoming

255
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,900
an another, another communist
smashing it to words together,

256
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,900
Sunday, I call Healthy selfish,
where I got really, really

257
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:29,600
selfish around my personal
health meaning, you know, I was

258
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,700
definitely going in when I was
going through the initial

259
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:36,100
process, I was in a bad place.
And, you know, one of my dear

260
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:39,400
friends, Jake Dreyfus, would he
started calling me and texting

261
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,100
me?
Five in the morning and I

262
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,700
started getting up at 5:00 in
the morning, going to the gym,

263
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:47,700
working out eating right like
doing all these healthy things

264
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:52,800
and we ultimately formed a group
called The Five a and bunch of

265
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,600
us would get up early in the
morning and get on a zoom call

266
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,000
sometimes.
Anyways, it was a really, really

267
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beautiful group and that's
really what helped me is by

268
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:06,500
realizing that happiness isn't.
I can't get happiness from my

269
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,400
ex-wife or my wife at the time.
I can't get happiness for my

270
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Children.
I can't get happiness for my

271
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,900
parents or coworkers.
Happiness.

272
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Only comes from one place and
that's me.

273
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And and it was a really I was I
grew up you know I people

274
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:25,500
pleaser as long as everyone else
was happy I was happy and it

275
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:29,200
took a very long time to resolve
that that mentality that at the

276
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,100
end of the day, my job is
actually to make myself happy in

277
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,800
a healthy way, right?
That's why I say healthy

278
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,900
selfish.
Not we're not talking about

279
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,700
doing bad things to people.
B2B to be selfish.

280
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,900
We're talking about doing the
things I hey, and if I'm up at 5

281
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,600
a.m. and my kids are still
sleeping and I work out that's

282
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,100
healthy.
Yes, it's selfish as well.

283
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,700
So it's one of those things that
you I developed a routine and a

284
00:14:53,708 --> 00:14:56,600
structure where my health became
one of my number one priorities

285
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,300
because everything began a for
me with my physical health and

286
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,400
then be with my mental health or
vice versa, you could probably

287
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,400
flip those back and forth or
whichever might be.

288
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,100
And, and then now that I've
developed this concept, I call

289
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,400
being I'm the light instead of
giving life.

290
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:16,200
So my job is to be the light to
myself and that light will shine

291
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,300
really bright and people will
be, you know, lit up from that

292
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,500
versus me, trying to give the
light and then depleting myself

293
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,100
so much that all I'm doing is
giving giving giving.

294
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,100
And then also in turn around and
I'm spent and there's going to

295
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,500
be a point where I can't give
anymore, right?

296
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:37,400
So it was a long long process
but therapy being healthy,

297
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,400
selfish around your health and
around the thing.

298
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,000
That are going to make you
healthy, both mentally and

299
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,800
physically.
And then really just making sure

300
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,600
I was working on myself to be a
better man, better person.

301
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,500
Yeah, I often say that.
Selfishness gets a really bad

302
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,900
rap.
It does selfishness in the sense

303
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,200
of competitive, set, and taking
things so that no, that's not

304
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,300
good.
But when you put yourself first

305
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,100
for, I think that's what you
teach your children.

306
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,700
That each of us matters not that
everybody else matters more than

307
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:05,100
us and yeah and again when
you're a healthy well-rounded

308
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:09,400
man and you put yourself first,
you're naturally Joy.

309
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,500
Joyous life, you're naturally
more full of light, you're of

310
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,400
more service and all of that
positive energy spreads.

311
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,900
So you know I love the journey
and when your health at least

312
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:22,400
selfish, you're positively
impacting everybody around you.

313
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,900
Exactly.
Exactly.

314
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:28,400
And here's the other thing, as
well, is that I also didn't

315
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,900
focus on trying to get better in
Leaps and Bounds.

316
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:37,400
I tried to get better and it's a
very common term of like 1%,

317
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,200
right?
So I wouldn't measure like, oh

318
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,100
my Like we don't have this
beautiful co-parenting

319
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,500
situation, two months after
getting divorced.

320
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:48,100
What I would measure is like,
you know, we passed off the kids

321
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:51,800
in a without an argument.
We got a little bit better today

322
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,900
you know we had a challenging
discussion without yelling we

323
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:59,700
got a little bit better today.
We you know, we successfully

324
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:03,300
negotiated like a little bit of
a change in the schedule without

325
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:06,300
it being a big deal, we got a
little bit better and I think

326
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,400
that's other thing is like we,
especially in today's society,

327
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:13,000
Society were being bombarded
with social media, and images of

328
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,800
perfection, and all this stuff
that we create this, like, big

329
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,800
gap.
And where we should, we think we

330
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,599
should be versus taking a look
behind as being like.

331
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:24,500
Wow, we've come a long way.
Do you know what I mean?

332
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:27,500
And that, that was the other
thing only comparing ourselves

333
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:31,300
to our past selves is the one of
the best comparison you can make

334
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,800
exactly.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.

335
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,300
So.
So with things like positive

336
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,300
co-parenting, and conscious
uncoupling.

337
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,700
Does that mean the bitter
divorces are just a thing of the

338
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,600
past or do you still see them
happen?

339
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,000
You know unfortunately well
unfortunately they're going to

340
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,600
be with us forever in many ways.
You know.

341
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,900
I wish I could say we could wave
a magic wand and any person that

342
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:59,400
decided to get divorced would
have the same positive messaging

343
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,000
that we give marriage.
We give a similar positive

344
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,600
messaging to divorce in the
sense of not to say we're

345
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,000
advocating for it.
But to say that sense it, when

346
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,800
you make That decision.
We're going to approach it in

347
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,600
this healthy way, right?
Instead you know unfortunately

348
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,900
we have divorce lawyers that I'm
not there.

349
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:21,000
Some great lawyers out there.
This is not a criticism of the

350
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:25,000
profession of the trade but
unfortunately a lawyer's job is

351
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,800
usually to win for their client.
And if you're working with a

352
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,400
divorce lawyer who doesn't put
your children first, I would

353
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,200
recommend not working with that
person.

354
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,700
And then number two what we
tried to create or, you know,

355
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,600
was the When meaning okay, like
I'm going to give up maybe some

356
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,100
Financial here but you're going
to I'm going to also gain here

357
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,600
or whatever it might be.
And I think that's the other key

358
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,600
thing is recognizing that there
are no winners or losers in

359
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,000
divorce.
There's only human beings and

360
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,600
divorce.
And and I think we got to

361
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,900
reframe the mindset of like oh
I'm going to make that person

362
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,300
pay, right?
If you're the one that was hurt,

363
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,500
I'm going to make him pay or her
pay.

364
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000
If you were the one that was
leaving, like oh, I'm going to

365
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:14,200
try to To protect and hide and
you do as much as I can to know

366
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,300
you.
Hey, you guys both both people

367
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:20,500
created where you were today and
what are you going to do to move

368
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:24,400
forward and in a healthy way?
The other thing as well is might

369
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,100
get, like I said in the
beginning, my kids were my

370
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:31,000
number one priority a healthy
ex-wife.

371
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,800
You know, if she was healthy and
happy, that's the best thing for

372
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,700
my children.
So if I'm, you know, screwed her

373
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,300
over from with money, or you do,
Anything like that.

374
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,700
What does that say about me as a
father and a man, right?

375
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,600
So my goal was to say, if, if
you are good, there's nothing

376
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,800
better for my children than have
their mother in a beautiful

377
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,600
space, you know.
And that was the other decision.

378
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,900
I think you need to make.
If you keep your, if your

379
00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:01,700
children are number one
priority, your partner needs to

380
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,800
be taken care of in some way
right?

381
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:07,500
You know, and it might not be,
you know, Monday, maybe it's not

382
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,800
financially, maybe it's
emotionally.

383
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,700
Maybe it's with a schedule
change, maybe whatever it might

384
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:15,600
be, but the if both people adopt
the mindset that, hey, healthy

385
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,600
father, or a healthy mother is
the best thing for my kids from,

386
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:23,300
from the moment.
You said, I'm leaving to the

387
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,000
time that you could say, wow, we
are happily divorced.

388
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,200
But like, how long does that
process?

389
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,000
How about, how long was that?
It was a long time today.

390
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,800
We as November of 2016, it was
the first time we were in a

391
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,000
massive argument week before
Thanksgiving And it was the

392
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,500
first I'd been in therapy up
until that point.

393
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,000
And is the first time that I was
finally have the courage to say,

394
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:50,400
listen, I'm done at that point,
we gave it one more shot with

395
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,100
another, you know, we got after
long discussion were like,

396
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:56,500
alright, let's give it one more
shot, we did hire another

397
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,500
therapist, you know, and we gave
it a little more time and it

398
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:03,200
just it was I was done at that
point, you know what I mean?

399
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:09,100
I couldn't like deny it anymore,
fake it or you know, hope to be

400
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,600
Hope to change.
It just wasn't going to change

401
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:19,200
and Probably I would say is, you
know, we always even at when we

402
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,500
separated we did the holidays
together and they in the

403
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,500
beginning it was a little
tenuous, you know, going to her

404
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,900
family's place or my, you know,
everyone was walking on

405
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:30,300
eggshells a little bit and here
was the Turning Point.

406
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:34,200
The turning point was when I
started to own the divorce

407
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:39,000
versus blame for the divorce you
know and in many ways like and

408
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:43,200
you know, I could sit here on
this call and say oh well she

409
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,100
did and this is what I would do,
we got divorce but this is you

410
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:50,000
know this is what happened and
this is what happened and I was

411
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,600
pushing the blame on her you
know.

412
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,300
And I it's a concept.
I read in a book, I camera which

413
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:58,300
book but it's 100 to 0.
It was the concept.

414
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,900
I wish I could remember the book
to give whoever wrote it the

415
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:04,100
credit, but when I took a
hundred percent responsibility

416
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:08,900
for my actions and there's zero
responsibility for on her side,

417
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,500
right?
Was the moment that I started to

418
00:22:11,508 --> 00:22:15,400
be able to like overcome it and
actually, I own my role and say,

419
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,800
you know what, like, yeah, there
are things that happen.

420
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,300
But you know what, I was the one
that did, you know, sort of

421
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,900
withdrew into work.
I was one that didn't want to

422
00:22:23,908 --> 00:22:25,500
come home.
I was one that, you know, slept

423
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:26,900
in, separate bedrooms out.
Yeah.

424
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,500
And I own my role.
And then that was the moment.

425
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:34,000
I think that we started to like
start to Ed forward, into that

426
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,400
zone of Happiness outside, you
know, in the beginning, it's not

427
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,300
happiness, you feel, it's relief
a little bit right?

428
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:45,600
That there's progress.
And slowly, that relief will

429
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,300
turn into happiness or hopefully
will turn into happiness.

430
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:51,700
That's the goal.
So it sounds like, you know,

431
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:55,100
they're there were problems.
You both worked on trying to

432
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:56,600
save the marriage.
Keep it going.

433
00:22:56,900 --> 00:23:00,600
Yeah.
What made you know this is the

434
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:05,400
end, you know, it's great
question.

435
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:11,800
There there is no one definitive
moment because of the fact there

436
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,300
were definitely certain
challenges and issues you know

437
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:18,400
out of privacy for my ex-wife
like what I don't want to go

438
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,600
into it.
Do you know what I mean?

439
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,500
I'll just say they were.
There are challenges that we

440
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,800
both experienced will say that,
right?

441
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,900
And at the end of the day we
work through a lot of those

442
00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:33,500
challenges, you know.
And so there wasn't like this

443
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,500
one definitive moment for me
where I was like oh Oh like I'm

444
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:38,500
done because you'd have a
challenge you worked through it.

445
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,300
You're like okay maybe and then
you have a challenge and you're

446
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,700
like I'm out and they're like
okay we'll work through it.

447
00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:47,300
Maybe you know so it was
probably it was the death of a

448
00:23:47,308 --> 00:23:51,100
thousand moons more.
So right where it was just like

449
00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:54,300
cut he had just enough Cuts
where you finally were like.

450
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:57,900
Okay, it's over and they're a
little moments, of course like

451
00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:02,400
like my kids, you know, seeing
us be intimate and other things.

452
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,800
But it was really just the the
slow build-up of Little things

453
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,700
over time to where I finally got
to the point.

454
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:12,700
And the biggest thing was having
a therapist as well, help me

455
00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:16,700
with my feelings of working
through that, you know, of guilt

456
00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:19,900
and like, how do I want?
I don't want to be in this

457
00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:21,800
situation anymore but I don't
know how to do it.

458
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,500
And, finally, getting to the
point where I was built up

459
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:28,500
enough to have the courage to
leave, you know what I mean?

460
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:33,000
So may seem obvious, but I want
to, I want to ask this for the,

461
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,400
for the benefit of someone
that's divorced is in a

462
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,300
situation.
In just thinks this is how it

463
00:24:37,300 --> 00:24:40,200
always is.
So what are some signs that

464
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,800
you're not?
And a great co-parenting

465
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,900
divorce?
Hmm sighs you're on a good

466
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:49,100
co-parenting is when you're a
your children are comfortable

467
00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:53,100
with you being in the same
space, right?

468
00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:57,400
That's if you know, your kids
get nervous or anxious or when

469
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,800
you two are in the same space.
That's a number one sign.

470
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:06,400
The second sign is when you're
not flexible, now you There's a

471
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,900
difference between having clear
boundaries and then being

472
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:13,800
flexible, right?
So, for example, I travel for

473
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,100
work, I train around the
country.

474
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:19,500
So there are times where I'll
call my ex-wife and be like,

475
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:22,100
hey, can you, you know, how to
schedule to watch them On A

476
00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:24,500
Tuesday?
Can you switch it Tuesday for a

477
00:25:24,508 --> 00:25:27,200
Thursday?
Now, her boundary is to say no,

478
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,700
I can't do that.
And I'm okay with that.

479
00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,700
If she says, I can't do that,
you know?

480
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:34,100
Because we've already have an
agreement laid out.

481
00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:38,600
But if she's just sitting home,
Home doing nothing and she has

482
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,300
the ability to make the switch,
and it doesn't impact her in any

483
00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,700
way.
That's a sign that when you are

484
00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:48,000
doing things, just out of spite.
That's not a healthy

485
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,900
co-parenting situation.
Now, you can vary.

486
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,400
You can maintain your boundaries
with zero, guilt or zero.

487
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:58,000
It's my responsibility to get
coverage on my nights.

488
00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:00,500
Do you know what I mean?
But, I always want to use her as

489
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:04,500
my first resource because I'd
rather my kids are with her then

490
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,600
a babysitter.
Know what I mean, but she has

491
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,700
the absolute right to say, no,
but she's only saying no out of

492
00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:13,900
anger or spite.
That's a sign that your.

493
00:26:13,900 --> 00:26:16,500
So, if you're doing things out
of anger and spite, you're

494
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,700
probably not in a healthy
co-parenting situation.

495
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:23,600
And, you know, the, the
probably, the third thing I

496
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:29,300
would say is when you argue over
inconsequential or meaningless

497
00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:34,100
things, You left you you didn't
drop the kids soccer gear off

498
00:26:34,300 --> 00:26:37,700
your horrible.
There you're there right now is

499
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:40,000
the people forget.
Yeah, I didn't drop the kids

500
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,300
soccer think.
Yeah, it's frustrating.

501
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,000
I'm frustrated.
All right.

502
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,700
Go you know, here are the keys
to the house car I'm gonna run

503
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:47,300
home from work or whatever,
right.

504
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,800
But when Little Things become,
you know, big things are in a

505
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,100
really inconsequential that's
why your third sign that you

506
00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:58,100
need to do some work within your
co-parenting because your

507
00:26:58,100 --> 00:27:00,500
children, see all this, right?
Right?

508
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,200
They see it all.
You know?

509
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:07,400
So it's a situation where
there's so many resource.

510
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,200
Not so many, there are resources
out there and I would highly

511
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,900
recommend it.
That if you've never seen a

512
00:27:12,908 --> 00:27:16,300
co-parenting therapist, find a
co-parenting therapist.

513
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,100
Have a third party.
The reality is, we're still

514
00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:21,900
dealing with our scars from the
marriage, right?

515
00:27:21,900 --> 00:27:23,400
We're still bringing those
forward.

516
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,700
So it really is helpful with a
third party.

517
00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:29,000
Can say listen, here's what I'd
advise you do.

518
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,300
Here's your schedule.
So you create boundaries, right?

519
00:27:32,300 --> 00:27:36,700
On whatever the advice is you
get doesn't mean you need to

520
00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:37,800
listen to it.
Exactly.

521
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,000
Right.
But it just means there's

522
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,600
someone not that isn't carrying
the scars that you guys, both

523
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,800
carry forward that can give you
that advice.

524
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:50,200
And that's so it's a great
question of the signs of when

525
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,100
you're not in a healthy
co-parenting situation, what are

526
00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:54,700
those sons?
And once again just, you know,

527
00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:57,800
me and my ex, we still have
little things that come up,

528
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,000
she'll get frustrated, if I did
change the night, you know?

529
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:04,100
We're still human beings and we
still have a motion, right?

530
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,400
And but we can recover from that
very quickly, or recognize, when

531
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:13,200
we're doing it and be like,
okay, my bad like that, that's

532
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,300
really not a big deal.
Let me, let me just drop the

533
00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:18,900
soccer stuff off, you know.
So, so, what I've heard so far

534
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:22,300
for, for some tips to create
this positive co-parenting

535
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,900
relationship, start off by
getting the commonalities

536
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,900
agreement on that, and you
different recommend therapy and

537
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:31,900
ideally, it's It's a co
parenting expert.

538
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:33,400
Correct.
Yeah.

539
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,300
And any other any other tips to
make that process as smooth as

540
00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:40,000
it can be?
Yeah, I read the book conscious

541
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,100
uncoupling and now for me was
very impactful.

542
00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:45,900
I would highly recommend people
read that book if it's something

543
00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:48,100
that, that would, you know,
resonate with you.

544
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,200
And I think the other thing is,
like, figure out what makes you

545
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,200
happy, and make sure you're
doing things that make you

546
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,200
happy, within the context of not
harming, anyone, you know, I

547
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:04,500
mean, so that's going to, you
know, on a vacation to Florida

548
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:07,700
makes you happy and you're there
for a month, that's not what I'm

549
00:29:07,700 --> 00:29:11,100
talking about.
Not escapism, but exactly

550
00:29:12,300 --> 00:29:16,400
perfect terminology, but doing
the things like making sure, you

551
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,800
know, our bodies healthy.
I'm you know, hanging out my

552
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,500
friends, I have relationships
with my family, you know, the

553
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:25,400
things have really fuel your,
your, your life and your

554
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,600
happiness, definitely, it's
really critical when you go

555
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,000
through this process.
Not too high.

556
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,800
They're not to not to withdraw,
but to really Embrace those

557
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,600
things that do create the
happiness.

558
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:41,400
And when you're in there, never
try your hardest to not talk ill

559
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,700
will of your partner.
Do you know?

560
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,500
And and reframe, you know, it's
one of those funny things that

561
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:50,100
language is so powerful.
Like, I even try not to even use

562
00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:52,100
the word ex-wife.
Do you know what I mean?

563
00:29:52,100 --> 00:29:55,700
Because it won't that X, right?
There's almost like a negativity

564
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:58,500
to that.
So in often like I'll call her

565
00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:02,000
my partner, you know, And that's
really the more appropriate

566
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,700
terminology.
She's my partner in my kids, you

567
00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:05,800
know?
And that's it.

568
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:11,000
All right, so if I asked your
partner, if you were a great

569
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,900
ex-husband, what would she say
95% of time, I think she would

570
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:20,100
say oh he's the best.
I think the five percent and you

571
00:30:20,108 --> 00:30:24,600
know my schedule is a little
hectic, you know I can

572
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,900
definitely I'm a person that can
do a lot.

573
00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:31,600
Like I'm also not a planner I
can like be like oh yeah well

574
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,800
I'm going to the beach with the
kids this weekend she's like oh

575
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,300
what weight you know not that in
fact of it, she's once again

576
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:40,700
these are our differences so
those are the little things that

577
00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:43,700
you would probably say I could
get better on is a little more

578
00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:46,700
organization, a little more
planning and a little more

579
00:30:46,700 --> 00:30:51,200
structure.
But 95 I would my argument would

580
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,700
be that she would call me a
great ex-husband in the sense of

581
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:58,600
you know 95% of what she would
want me to be, I am.

582
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,000
Yeah.
It's at five.

583
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:01,300
That's that's that's that's a
strong.

584
00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:04,200
Hey, yeah.
I think of us as an ex-husband.

585
00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:07,400
Let's not call her on the phone.
Now, kidding.

586
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:13,600
And what was, what was wondering
time?

587
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,800
I got to talk to someone that's
that's been divorced.

588
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,800
You, especially recently
divorced, does this turn you off

589
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,300
against ever being married
again?

590
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:26,900
Um it's a good question on a
personal level and this is just

591
00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:29,400
for me personally like I don't
have any desire to get married

592
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:34,500
again in the sense of you know
IV of being in a relationship

593
00:31:34,500 --> 00:31:39,500
does not mean marriage and I
think there are certain e.m.

594
00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:42,500
This there certain societal
things that feel heavy with

595
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,600
marriage to me and probably this
is my scars bringing forward.

596
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,300
So I think there's a difference
between being in a relationship

597
00:31:48,300 --> 00:31:51,100
and being married.
So for me, personally, at this

598
00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:53,900
stage My life, I have no desire
to be married again.

599
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,700
You know, yes, desire to be in a
relationship again for sure, but

600
00:31:57,700 --> 00:32:01,300
not to be married again.
You know, in my mind, you know,

601
00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:07,400
I don't need a ring or a piece
of paper to determine what my

602
00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,800
feelings or actions are going to
be.

603
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:15,100
That's makes sense.
So and we've touched on sheer

604
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:18,000
sheer, making up words, shame
and fear.

605
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,300
I've combined them into sugar,
huh?

606
00:32:21,500 --> 00:32:23,700
I'm still here.
This means that.

607
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,900
What do you see and based on
your experience and what you see

608
00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:29,100
in others?
What are the biggest challenges?

609
00:32:29,100 --> 00:32:31,100
What are some of the biggest
challenges for divorced men?

610
00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:39,500
Biggest challenge for divorce.
Men is the typically there's a

611
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:43,900
world where there's not a lot of
support for.

612
00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:47,200
There's all that support period,
but for men especially there's

613
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,900
usually very little support.
He's usually very, you know, few

614
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:55,000
groups, It depends on your your,
you know, social group.

615
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,200
Sometimes there might not be
other men that are divorced,

616
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,800
that, you know, or if you do,
they might not be the best

617
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,200
person to talk to, right about
it.

618
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,700
Maybe they're not healthily
divorced or happily divorced.

619
00:33:06,700 --> 00:33:09,700
So I think the challenge for
most men is that you you sort of

620
00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:13,100
suffer in silence.
I was very lucky in the sense.

621
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:16,300
I had some really, really dear
friends that were.

622
00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:19,100
We're also divorced in the
healthy, you know, healthy way.

623
00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:20,900
But also gave me really good
advice.

624
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:23,700
Along the Way and were there
when I needed them to, hey, I

625
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:26,000
just need to grab a beer with
you and talk about what I'm

626
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,400
feeling, right?
So being able to find the couple

627
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,300
people that are very healthy for
you, and then your Outlets is

628
00:33:32,300 --> 00:33:36,500
key and it allows you to form
that healthy thing.

629
00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:39,900
But the chat biggest challenges
are most men, suffer in silence

630
00:33:40,900 --> 00:33:44,400
in your teaching and your
coaching world, you talked a lot

631
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,500
about leading with kindness.
Yeah, I'm gonna chain.

632
00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,700
Can you explain that a bit?
Yeah, yeah.

633
00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:53,500
So one of my mottos I have Is
that, you know, my mission in

634
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:57,300
life is to show that love and
kindness is a source of power

635
00:33:57,300 --> 00:34:01,200
and strength, meaning and are in
our world traditionally.

636
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,600
Like we see if you use the word
power and strength, you

637
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:08,100
typically would have you big
muscular male, you know, maybe

638
00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:11,100
seal wrestler, you know,
something really big and

639
00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:15,600
dominant but the reality is who
who's actually moved the world.

640
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:19,300
It's a people that have used
love and kindness to create

641
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:21,000
massive levels of power and
strength.

642
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,199
Gandhi the, you know, Mohandas
Gandhi, he defeated the British

643
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:28,600
Empire, right?
A mini, think about it.

644
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,900
And how did he do it?
He did it through love and

645
00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:36,000
kindness, you know, and Martin
Luther King changed, you know,

646
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,500
civil rights in this country
you.

647
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:43,199
So you look back in history and
and the people that use power

648
00:34:43,199 --> 00:34:49,000
and strength in The Brute sense
will always always have fallen

649
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,199
out of power.
Have always Have been defeated,

650
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:55,900
have always been sort of put
down or put out, and it's a

651
00:34:55,900 --> 00:34:59,500
people that have used
loving-kindness have created

652
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:02,400
lasting change.
And that's, I think one of the

653
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:06,700
things that I come back to that
in all of our settings, marriage

654
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,800
career business, you know, the
world politics.

655
00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,200
If we can get to this point
where we recognize that loving

656
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,900
kindness like when I'm loving
and kind and towards other

657
00:35:17,900 --> 00:35:22,300
people that actually is a source
of strength and creates power

658
00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:25,900
versus when I'm trying to
Bulldog someone or you know push

659
00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:30,100
them under or defeat them or
whatever might be using brute

660
00:35:30,100 --> 00:35:33,900
power and strength that might
work short-term but eventually

661
00:35:33,900 --> 00:35:36,800
it's going to either come back
on me or it's going to just

662
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,500
consume me one of the two.
So when you use love and

663
00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:45,000
kindness you can run for
infinite you know, for Infinity

664
00:35:45,300 --> 00:35:48,000
into the change that you can
create and the power and

665
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,000
strength you can generate
because of the fact that love

666
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,300
and This if it goes back into
that, be the light concept

667
00:35:54,700 --> 00:35:57,600
loving-kindness is when you can
be the light, right?

668
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,200
And emanate that and that light
instead of just shining in One

669
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:05,700
Direction goes everywhere.
So it's sort of a philosophy.

670
00:36:05,700 --> 00:36:08,500
I like to live by and as for a
philosophy that like to sort of

671
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,700
push out there for Business
Leaders and politicians or

672
00:36:12,700 --> 00:36:15,000
anyone that listens to me, it's
something that I sort of

673
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,900
preached.
So and again, that that healthy

674
00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:21,200
selfishness helps you tap into
that Limitless.

675
00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:23,400
Light that we do have the
ability to tap into.

676
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,300
So right go ahead and I'm going
to give you a tell me about your

677
00:36:26,300 --> 00:36:31,100
podcast met with the 6 a.m.
Yeah so so I work I'm my my role

678
00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:33,200
my career right now.
I'm the head of agent

679
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,900
development for a real estate
company called Compass which is

680
00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,600
the number one National
brokerage.

681
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:43,000
We have about 30,000, people all
across the country.

682
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:47,900
My job is basically my day job
will call it is to design

683
00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:50,600
training curriculum and deliver
that to real estate agents

684
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:55,700
across the Virtually and in
person in the pandemic, when the

685
00:36:55,700 --> 00:37:00,800
pandemic it in April, or May I'm
sorry, March of 2020.

686
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,400
You know, we're all knocked down
at home and I was just like,

687
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,900
frustrated by it and eating
unhealthy, drinking binge

688
00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:10,300
watching TV etcetera.
So I got a little frustrating.

689
00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:13,400
I basically just resurrected,
you know, some of the practices

690
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:17,100
we use in the five a and I
launched the six, a just in my

691
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:19,900
local office, you know it about
50 agents, sign up.

692
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,500
We're all home.
We had And no reason to wake up

693
00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:25,500
at 6 a.m. but we are all started
just waking up early and then

694
00:37:25,500 --> 00:37:28,400
getting on the zoom call and
chatting and talking right and

695
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,300
creating a community and then
every month since then the

696
00:37:31,300 --> 00:37:33,800
organization just there the
community, I should say just

697
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,600
started to spread all across the
country.

698
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:42,100
So we would be doing these Zoom
calls and it's one of those

699
00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:44,300
funny things I look back and I'm
like, wait a minute after a

700
00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:47,300
couple years.
I'm like I have hours and hours

701
00:37:47,300 --> 00:37:50,800
of beautiful interviews with
some powerful people.

702
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,500
I To make sure that this gets
out there into the world.

703
00:37:53,700 --> 00:37:58,500
So we basically went my co-host,
Emily basara and I we went and

704
00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:03,100
we recorded the intros and
exits, 4424 of the episodes.

705
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,600
We're going to be going out in
about a month or so to

706
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,500
California record season 2 and
what we do is pay.

707
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:11,000
So just take our morning
interviews, not all of them.

708
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:14,900
We curate, the, the ones that we
feel are the most powerful and

709
00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:17,600
then we record the eggs, intros,
and exits.

710
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,500
And then we're releasing those
in the podcast and it's been an

711
00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,700
awesome.
Situation to be able to bring

712
00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:26,400
authors and business people.
And you know, leaders and all

713
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:31,000
kinds of areas to, you know, we
the group obviously meets at 6

714
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,700
a.m. and not everyone is a six a
person so it's nice to be able

715
00:38:34,700 --> 00:38:37,900
to bring it to people outside of
the group as well.

716
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,400
So it's called the six, the
number six a m--.

717
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,000
Ers.
It's on my shirt.

718
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,000
Excellent.
Excellent.

719
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,600
So Sky, What's the best way for
people to learn more or connect

720
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:48,700
with you?
Yes.

721
00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:50,600
Okay.
Instagram is right now my

722
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:54,700
platform Of choice.
So to follow me on Instagram, it

723
00:38:54,700 --> 00:38:59,300
would be that symbol.
My first name, s Kye.

724
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:08,000
My last name Mich, I Els just at
Sky Michaels the six a year.

725
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,900
I would love you to also follow
that and that is at TH e the

726
00:39:12,900 --> 00:39:17,000
number six, a m--.
Ers on Instagram.

727
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,300
And those are the two best
channels that I communicate

728
00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:23,600
with.
And You know, sort of operate on

729
00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:26,400
cool awesome.
As really enjoyed talking with

730
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,800
you and sharing your experience.
The this kind of my favorite

731
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,600
show was when you know, a man
shares, his experience, and how

732
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,700
he's shiny light and serve in
the world now, so great man.

733
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,500
Yeah, I appreciate what you're
doing as well.

734
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:39,600
It's great to bring, you know,
the ability to talk about this

735
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,100
stuff and you do not suffer in
silence.

736
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:43,800
Anyone that's listening to this.
It's huge.

737
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,400
Don't be silent, you know.
Thanks everyone listening.

738
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,200
Thanks for joining us in
wherever you're listening to

739
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,700
women.
Feel please give a like, a share

740
00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:52,200
or comment.
Whatever you can do wherever

741
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,500
you're finding us and did you
know that?

742
00:39:54,500 --> 00:39:56,500
There is a private real men?
Feel Facebook group.

743
00:39:56,700 --> 00:39:59,300
Well, it's true, and you can
join by visiting real men, feel

744
00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:01,800
dot org, slash group.
You can also reach out and

745
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,400
connect with me via email, any
time you choose real men, feel

746
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:08,400
at gmail.com and until next
time, be good to yourself.