Biology of Success: Challenging the Myth of Struggle

0:00 So it's about us realizing what true masculinity is, what true strength is, both mescaline and feminine. True strength is being in the flow of who we really are without fear. And that's really what changes the world when we're like that. Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel. I'm your host, author, coach, and healer, Andy Grant. Please visit theandygrant.com to learn more about me. Real Men Feel exists to remind men that they're human beings and that they have the right to experience and express all of their emotions. We have conversations that most men are not having, but that all men and the women who love them can benefit from. My guest today is speaker, teacher, writer and researcher Liam Needham. Liam went from millionaire to homeless before discovering the true reason we succeed or fail in life. It is how we use our brain.

0:45 Creator of the four part brain model and brain rebalancing, he will show you how your brain is designed to ensure you are the best you can be if you use it the right way. Liam shares many myths about life, including goal setting and the lie of trying harder. He'll also tell you what the number one purpose of all life is, the 2 states of our brain and the triggers that put us into survival mode. Be not afraid. Let's do it. Yeah, I've been looking forward to this since we first chatted brutally just just the other day. So you talk about using your brain in the right way. So what are most people doing wrong when it comes to how their brain works? Well, this is really what it comes down to is this, and I know this is a bit going to be a shock to most people, but we're not biologically designed to struggle. You know, we, we live in this biological world. We have this biological thing called a body. We're here for a biological purpose, which is to survive. But if you look at all of the rest of nature, it's not about struggle.

1:45 It's actually about thriving. It's about being the best that something can be. So that which is what gives it the greatest chance for survival. That's what what biological purpose is. That's what everything's about. That's how nature has spent hundreds of millions of years figuring out the best ways to survive. And they're always about growth and expansion and thriving and not struggling with problems. Struggling is a peculiarly human experience. You know, most of nature, I mean, there is struggle. Obviously there's a drought here and you know, but it's only a small percentage of natural life really struggles. Most of it is living in the most biologically efficient way, which is thriving. So we're the only people, that is, we're the only species that is struggling biologically with problems and with stress, which aren't really a desirable and natural part of the world. So we have to ask ourselves the question, why is that? Are we doing something wrong?

2:46 And it turns out we are. We're not living according to biological natural law. You know, most of us, and I used to be like this and probably like most people watching or or listening, you want the best out of life. You know, you want to be the most successful person that you can be. You want to have a great experience. You want to be a great, you want to be wealthy or have a comfortable life. You want to be a great father. You want to be a great partner, you want to be a great person. You don't want to just settle. But here's The thing is that in doing that, we, we ask ourselves, why have I got so many problems in my life? You know, why am I not reaching my my greatness?

3:27 If you like, And it's not your fault. It's just simply what we're doing. Most of us as we're fighting against our biological nature and we're doing things to try and force our life to work to be a certain way that the way that we think it should be. And that's what creates the struggle. And I'm not talking about just being woo woo and letting go and allowing stuff to happen and putting up with with misery and saying, oh, well, this is great. But if you, if I could just give you a quick example, which is what most people are doing, and this sounds crazy, but imagine if you're standing on top of A10 story building and you have this goal that you've set in your mind, right? My goal is I'm going to walk off this building and I'm going to fly into the air.

4:11 Now that to us sounds a ridiculous sort of goal to have. But in fact, people, there have been people in history who've said this to and convince themselves they could do it. But imagine you had that goal and you said to yourself, I can achieve anything I set my mind to achieve. And I have set my mind to fly up in the air when I walk off this 10 story building and you apply every technique you can think of. You pray, you meditate, you visualize, you convince yourself, you write down your goal. You get really clear on it. You use all of these techniques of rewiring your your subconscious mind and changing your beliefs and practicing repeating it as a statement till you're absolutely convinced that you're going to fly into the air.

4:55 So you step off the building and what happens? You go straight down. Unfortunately, biology and, and nature doesn't really care what you think or what you want. It gives you what you're supposed to have within the laws of nature. So we need to Start learning about this biological aspect to success, how we're naturally designed to succeed, how we're not designed to struggle and actually use that rather than just what most people what, as I say, what I used to do, try and force what I thought I wanted to happen in my life and that that just never works, didn't work for me either. So, so it's really a, a mindset issue then if you, if you allow yourself to, to, to have a mindset of growth and expansion and not see circumstances as, you know, torturing you or you made the wrong choice or, or again, when you, when you experience some element of struggle, you, you kind of kind of rise above it.

5:50 You take different actions like what? What is the secret? Well, the secret is to really say, well, if we're biologically designed to thrive, if we're like the rest of nature, we're, our purpose is to be the best that we can be so that we have the greatest chance for survival, because that's the purpose of all life. The number one purpose that every biological scientist will tell you is the what the reason how life is set up, it's set up to survive and what gives it the greatest chance for surviving is thriving by being its best. And if you really think about it personally, what gives you the best chance to prolong your life is when you feel good, when you're healthy, when you're strong, but also when you're happy, when you're not weighed down by stress and problems. Because stress and problems, it's all been proven now they shorten your life.

6:40 So it's not really mindset. What it's about is understanding how you create the results you do in your life and how you biologically live out this purpose you like. If you like how you're designed to thrive, What is it about you that is there in your makeup to ensure that you, like the rest of nature, thrive? If you do it the right way. And if of course, if you don't do it the right way, if you do it the wrong way, that's when you end up with problems. Problems are simply a sign that you're doing something wrong. They are in every other aspect. If you drive your motor car and you have problems with it, you don't say, oh, that's just the design of the motor car. You say, well, I must be doing something wrong. I'm I'm interfering with the way it's naturally designed to work because it shouldn't have problems. It should, should go perfectly.

7:26 So what nature has designed for every living thing to ensure that it reaches this thriving state that it's the best it can be and it doesn't have problems in its existence is a brain. And the brain is nothing more or less than an infinitely powerful machine designed to ensure that that Organism reaches its highest potential. It has gives itself the greatest chance for survival. It thrives. And we've got this brain. So it's not about mindset to answer your question, it's about understanding the machine and to realize this is a biological machine. This isn't about having the right thoughts, although that plays into it, but it's it's about doing things biologically, activating the right biological components, and that's when you move in the direction of thriving.

8:17 So I know you have reached great levels of success and then kind of had it fall away as well. Can can you share a bit of that experience and how that shaped your current work? You were sure, As I said at the beginning, and I was one of these driven people. I wanted to be successful. I always wanted to be the best that I can be. I didn't just want to settle. So I started out in my adult life after university where I was actually a musician. And then I started out in business because I thought, well, if I'm going to be rich and happy and successful, I need to have my own business. And I went on and became really successful in business. I was an I'm an entrepreneur. I've had 18 different businesses so far in my life and I achieved a lot of success. But alongside working really hard and trying to be a great business person, I also thought I want to study success. I want to find out how you create more and more success in your life.

9:13 You know that old story we hear? Be more, do more, have more. You know, it's all about more, more, more, isn't it? So I really went on this mission for many years, studying everything I could and about personal development, self help, motivation, goal setting, using your brain the right way, using your mind the right way, and also spiritual practices, meditation, the law of attraction. And I used to go to all these courses and seminars and workshops and read tons of books. And I had all of these courses in my home, you know, and I used to study this stuff endlessly and had all my goals written out everywhere and got really clear on what I thought I wanted.

9:57 And what I thought I wanted is very different to what you actually want. But we can talk about why that is. So I had all this stuff going on in my life and I did achieve, for whatever reason, hard work and luck and intelligence maybe, and knowledge. I achieved a lot of success. But I remember one day that something changed my life and that was I was sitting in the music room of my brand new home that I just built. It was my dream home and it was almost finished. And I walked into the music room because one of my dreams was to have a music room, have my own because as I said earlier, I was a musician earlier on. So I walked into the music room of this magnificent house that I was just finishing building.

10:42 And I remember this was a beautiful day. And I sat down and I'd created this marvelous these big windows that looked out on the mountains through our property, our land, out through some fields up to these the mountains. It was a beautiful sunny day. I remember so clearly. And I remember saying to myself, this is amazing. I've done it. I've reached my goals. Here it is. Here's my dream home. That was, it was, it was almost my goal to have exactly a house like this or pretty close to it. And here I am. I've got a couple of businesses that are making me money. I've got so much freedom, I've had some amazing experiences and I can pretty well do anything I want.

11:22 So this is it, isn't it? I've really achieved my goals. But you know, what I felt then, what I should have felt was gratitude, excitement, satisfaction, really a sense of achievement and purpose. But what I actually felt was the complete opposite. I felt utterly and totally miserable. You know, I was so stressed, I was shaking. I was almost in tears with the stress of my life because I had all the I'd done all this stuff, but I still had a ton of problems. I still had a ton of stress. My marriage wasn't going well. The businesses weren't really going too well. And I was having trouble. They'd grown to a point was having trouble managing everything.

12:04 And every time I thought I was getting ahead in my life by achieving another goal or making more money or, you know, working something out, it seemed like something was sabotaging me because more problems kept showing up. And I thought, Oh well. And I read so many books that said this. I said, oh, well, that's life. That's the price for success. That's how you become successful is overcoming your challenges. If problems make you stronger, they make you more resilient. That's how you grow is through problems and stress. And you have if you want to be successful, you have to learn how to manage the stress and problems in your life and realize that's the price you're going to pay. So I thought, OK, well, that sounded a good theory as so many people, successful people had said that. But it didn't take away the pain and it didn't take away the feeling that I and the thought that came to me, which was, you know, really, I'm just so fed up. If this really is all there is, maybe it'd be better if I lost everything.

13:06 As long as it didn't, as long as it meant I didn't lose my soul. I'd rather hang on to my soul then than have anything else, you know, because that's what it felt like. It felt like my life force was back being drained out of me. And I didn't know a way out. I kept thinking, do I really have to keep setting more goals? Do I really have to keep trying harder and harder? Do I really have to keep overcoming all of these problems? So I'd said, you know, I'm really tired with this way of doing it. Maybe I'd be better losing everything. Well, you know, sometimes they say you have to be careful what you think think of because it literally was within weeks that I did lose everything and I lost the house with the music room. I lost my marriage, I lost the businesses. It all collapsed pretty much at the same time. And I had to move in with my elderly mother and sleep on the sofa in the living room of his small apartment. So, you know, that's such a massive shift from being a millionaire, having a magnificent home and then moving and having significance, if you like, with your own businesses and staff and things like that.

14:13 And then all of a sudden I had nothing. I had literally had the clothes on my back and I moved to a town where I didn't know anybody. I had no contacts. I had no money. And it was like, who am I? What's going on here? And as I lay down on the sofa each night trying to get to sleep, there were two questions that haunted me all of the time. And the first question was, why has this happened to me? Because, you know, I had my goals all written out. I knew how to be successful. I could read, read you all of the books from all of the gurus about how you, you know, set goals and focus on what you want and visualize and work towards it and check and line up all your beliefs so that they're in alignment with that goal.

14:57 I've done all of that. But why this happened to me? Because it wasn't on my goals list to lose everything, become homeless where I, I said this isn't my, I've never dreamt I would end up in the situation, let alone have it as a goal. So that was the first question that puzzled me. Why has this happened to me? And the second question, which was equally puzzling, was what do I do now? Because as I said, I was in a strange town. I had no money. I had no contacts, I had no opportunities. And I kept thinking, what do I do now? How do I get myself out of this mess? I've got people calling me for money, you know, that I didn't have.

15:37 And The funny thing was I kept these two questions, Why has this happened to me? And what do I do now? I kept going over and over, and I finally got the answer. And when I found the answer to the real answer to those questions that changed my life, you know what the answer was? It was actually the same answer to both questions. Why it had happened to me. Why has this happened to me? And what do I do now? And the answer was, I have no idea. I have no clue why this has happened to me. And what I didn't realize then was that when I accepted that I didn't know the answer, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where I should be going or where I should be headed or what I should even even who I was. When I accepted that what I did on a biological level, and it took me several years to to back engineer and figure out what I'd done differently biologically, I'd switched the the way my brain was operating.

16:34 And I would never have done that if I hadn't hit rock bottom. I would never have just given up and said, I don't know the answer. I'm and I'm fed up with this and I don't care anymore. I'm not going to try, I'm not going to go out there and try and force things to happen and try and figure stuff out. So I switched to this other part of my brain. And from that moment, things completely changed in my life. You know, it wasn't, it was literally within weeks or certainly smaller number of months, the opportunities started to show up out of the out of the blue. And I met a person, for instance, in a retail shop that I was doing a bit of part time work for it. And I hadn't seen this man in 25 years, but he recognized me and I recognized him.

17:15 And he said, hey, Liam, I don't know what you're doing now, but there's an opportunity. You'd be great. There's an opportunity to set up a business near where I have my business. And he knew my background. He said you'd be perfect for that. And I said, well, that's great. Only one problem. I don't have any money, but somehow it all came together. And then I had this business again and I don't know where the money came from, but there I was, I was making money again, I was getting back on my feet, things were going well. And then all of these things started just to just fall into place. I met a new, a new lady who had a completely different relationship with to what I've ever had before. And that's still going, which is is great. So that was a big shift in my life. And then together we started doing all these amazing things. We bought a brand new motorhome and travelled all around my home country in New Zealand for 18 months. Then we took a one way ticket in a suitcase to Europe and before I knew, we bought a new yacht, brand new yacht that we launched and we were sailing all around Europe, which we did for several years.

18:16 In fact, we're still doing that. We're on to our 4th yacht which was literally launched into the water today. So doing all these amazing things and another business showed up. I sold the business that I had and then opened and set up another couple of businesses. And it was really strange because I had another aha moment a little bit later when I was in the Greek islands on the back of my yacht. And you can imagine this scene, you know, here I am in the Greek Islands. And if anyone's been there, they'll know. It's absolutely stunning. And the way to see it is on your own yacht. So here we were on our yacht in a Bay. There were no other boats around. Beautiful day.

18:57 And I just woke up in the morning and fell into the water, had a swim, had a quick look at the emails and as I was drying myself off I suddenly had another moment where I said this is it, I've done it, I've reached my goals. Here I am in the Greek islands so I've got 2 businesses that are running themselves. I'm on my own yacht. I can really literally be anywhere I want to be. But the difference was between way back in my music room and now on the on the yacht was how I felt. Because what I'd been looking for, I realized all of the time in the music room, all of those years of my life trying to be successful. And what I'd achieved now was that feeling of success, that feeling of what is your biological purpose that you're thriving.

19:47 Because I didn't have any problems in my life. My businesses were going really well. I didn't have any stress. I was working, of course, but I wasn't struggling. I wasn't trying to force things to happen. And I remember saying to myself. I've got another question that I'm really puzzled about. Why has this happened to me? Because how come when I spend all of that time trying to force things to happen, setting my goals, getting clear, working as hard as I could, going after every opportunity, looking for opportunities, learning as much as I could, going to seminars, going to workshops, reading books on business and everything else, and as I say, really doing anything I could. Why is it that that ended up with me being just so stressed and unhappy and then losing everything? And now everything's going like it's just flowing. Everything's just working well.

20:42 And the irony is now I'm not setting any goals. I'm not looking for any opportunities, but somehow they're finding me. They're coming along completely out of the blue most of the time, these unexpected things that just kept coming along, you know, the, the, the businesses, the relationship, the motorhome, the boats, the sailing, the, all of this stuff. And I thought, where, where do these things come from? I'm not chasing after them and I don't have stress in my life. Instead I have fulfilment and I, and I feel like I'm being much more productive and much more creative. So that's when I decided, well, I only really have one problem. I need to figure out what I'm doing differently because this is actually working and it shouldn't be working because all of the stuff I'd been taught was this is not how you're supposed to live your life.

21:29 This is not how you create success. This is not how you get the most out of your life. To do that, you have to focus. You have to get clear on what you want and really work towards getting that and be very focused in everything you do and work as hard as you can. So I wanted to figure out what I was doing differently. And that's what led me really to the conversation we're having now. Because what I discovered was this whole area of our biological design is something everybody's completely overlooked. And yet it's the it's as fundamental as the law of gravity. There's a law of thriving, which means that every living thing is designed to be the best that it can be. And if you violate that law, you're going to end up with problems and stress.

22:11 But no one had taught me about this. And, and this is say all to do with your biology, how your brain works, how you design not to struggle, but to thrive. Wow, so many amazing stories are in there. So he's saying that all problems we face, the depression and stress are self created because we're trying too hard. We're kind of going against the flow of where life wants us to be. Well, that is the unfortunate conclusion you come to is that if you think about what is a problem, a problem is something that is, that makes you feel bad, something that's not going right in your life. But if all of nature, if all of biology is designed firstly to minimize problems and secondly to deal effectively with the problems that might show up in your life, then you have to say, if I've got this machine, this mechanism designed to do that, then if I have problems, particularly continuous problems, there's only one conclusion you can come to somehow without me knowing I'm not using this machine the right way. And I, and I draw that analogy of the motor car. And it's not, and it's nobody's fault that we're doing this because we have been taught from the day we were born all the wrong things about how life works. We've been taught you have to work hard, You have to, you know, struggle.

23:24 Life is a struggle. Problems are good. You're always going to have problems, you know, and, and you are just the small, insignificant person who is got so much danger in your world around you that's, you know, someone wants to eat you or something wants to cause you harm. So we've been taught all this stuff and what that's done is it, it's always us to use our brain in the wrong way. And it's a little bit like, you know, if you think about how silly this is. And I, and I know that in a few years time, particularly when I get this message out more powerfully, which is what I hope and other people start picking up on it. I know people who this idea of problems and stress being simply the result of, of using your biology the wrong way.

24:09 That's going to be as mainstream as now when we say, well, a motor car, if you drive it the wrong way, it's if if you have problems, it's because you're driving it the wrong way or the Earth is flat. You know, these are all ideas that at one point people believed. So people believed the Earth was flat. People believe now that problems are natural. And we're going to look back and we're going to realize through understanding that why did we believe that? Because it's simply not true. Another analogy is if you think I keep talking about the motor car because the brain simply is a biological machine. It's it has a purpose, singular purpose, which is to make you thrive, make you the best that you can be. That's what it's designed to do.

24:51 And it's going to do it predictably, reliably. It without it, you can guarantee it's going to do it if you use it the right way, just like a motor car. Now you imagine a motor car, if someone said to you and you didn't know what a motor car was and you said, well, how does it work? Well, what is it? And they said, well, it's just a machine and it only has one purpose, which is to get you from here where you are to where you want to go. And when you use it the right way, it does it reliably, enjoyably. You don't have to worry about it. Now you might think, well that sounds interesting. And you think, how do I drive that car? How do I get it to do its how do I use the machine? And you look around and you see all around you there were people driving their motor cars. But what they're doing, they're not sitting in the car. They're all standing behind pushing the car. And then people are standing and they're putting all of this effort into trying to push the motor car along. And you look around and you say, well, that must be the way it works.

25:50 That must be the way it's designed to work. And someone came up with the idea. Well, it's got wheels. That obviously is the way it works. You just get behind and you push it to where you want to go. And of course people are saying, well, what's the experience like? Well, it's really hard work. You don't get very far and it's a lot of effort. But the solution is to try harder, is to push harder and to say to yourself, if it's not going as fast as you would like. You say, I'm the problem, I'm not strong enough, I'm not determined enough, I'm not motivated enough. So I need to get out there and be more determined, build my muscles. And then someone comes along to you and says, your problem is you're not wearing the right shoes. You need to buy my pair of shoes.

26:31 That's going to make you more efficient at pushing harder. Now, everybody's doing that and it all sounds perfectly normal until someone comes along and says, what? What are you doing? That's not the way it's designed to be driven. Look, I'll show you. You get in, you see all these levers and all these buttons. You just push this one and you do this. And then you hop in and you just enjoy the ride and you steer it. And everyone would think, well, why didn't we know that before? Well, why didn't we know it before? Because no one told us. No one had figured it out. Everyone was doing it the way everyone else was doing it. Not getting very good results, but thinking, well, that's just the way it is. This is one of the reasons why everybody's out there setting goals, but goal setting doesn't work because the average success rate, and I've talked to a lot of people and thought about myself as well.

27:19 What percentage of the goals that you ever set do you achieve? When I, and maybe someone watching or listening might like to think if you're a goal set, I want to ask you that question. How many of the goals that you've ever set in your life and that you have now, have you achieved? Now most people would say, well, it's not 100%. Is it 90%? Is it 80%? Is it 50%? And most people that I've spoken to shake their heads and say, well, actually not many of the goals that I really achieve, that I really set, do I achieve. The average that I've found is about between 2 and 3%. So that's a bit like everybody pushing the car. Why are we all doing something that doesn't work? We're all telling each other you have to set goals, but no one's achieving their goals.

28:06 All right? We have these fancy people who stand up on a stage and say, oh, I'm successful and I've achieved all my goals. But I don't really think, you know, that's how it works either. But I don't think they're being particularly honest, to be honoured, to be truthful. But so it's another example of we do these things in an unnatural way just because we think that's the way that we're supposed to do it. We don't get very good results. And instead of questioning what we're actually doing, we just say, well, I need to do it more. I need to do more of the same stuff and I need to do it harder. And the problem is me. The problem's not you. You're not broken. You're just using the machine in a way that works against you rather than for you. So what is neurostate rebalancing and how does that help someone move beyond success and thriving? Well, essentially it comes down to two things. One is understanding how your brain works and it's very simple.

29:00 You have two states, two mental and emotional states that your brain generates. 1 is what I call your thriving state and your thriving state is the state in which you are designed to live to become the best version of yourself to thrive, to do all of the things that give you the best results so that you become the best that you can be. And there's another state though called your survival state and that has a completely different purpose. But when you activate that state, you sabotage your thriving state. The two don't operate at the same time. So what it comes down to is your brain has these resources if you like. And there's, there are four parts to your brain, but the most important one is the part that I call your thriving brain. And this is a region right in the centre of your head. So I'm talking here something biological. You've got 4 regions in your brain, places that all have a different function and your thriving brain, which is right in the centre of your head.

29:56 When that's activated, the sorts of things that that activates are all of the things that you need to be your best, which are your creativity, your imagination, your intuition. It's the place where you get those gut feelings from. We could we say that little voice within is telling me I should do something, or it's telling me I shouldn't do something, or it's giving me the answer to a problem. You know that those situations where you're struggling away with a problem, you got everything out to try to figure it all out and ask people. You don't know the answer, you don't know what to do and you don't think about it for a while. You suddenly get the solution and it comes to you. It doesn't come from force. It just comes seemingly out of the blue where it's coming from.

30:37 Is this the thriving part of your brain? This is where your motivation comes from. It's where your awareness, your true awareness comes from. So these are the all of the things you need to live a thriving life. You need to be. And we have a name for this when we're when we're activating all of this and when things are working well in our life, we call it being in the flow. We've all had that experience for brief periods, which is things are going well. I'm feeling great. Everything's just seems to be falling into place. I'm getting good ideas. I'm coming up with new ideas on better ways to do things. I'm getting really good results and I'm feeling great. I'm feeling excited about what I'm doing in my life.

31:19 That's actually is not the state we're supposed to experience occasionally. That's our natural state. That's our because that's our thriving state. It helps us achieve what science calls homeostasis, which is the scientific term for this state, which is when the Organism is functioning at its optimum. That's what it's designed to do. But here's the thing, when you activate this by mistake, this other part of your brain, which I call the survival brain, to do a different thing, it shuts down the creative brain. So most people, what they're doing, what brain rebalancing helps people to do is to start to operate their life from their thriving state. So they activate all of these qualities, these, these tools, if you like that you need to be thriving. And the way to do that is to learn how you're activating this other part of your brain, what that other part of your brain is actually designed to do, which is not to make you thrive and how to stop activating it.

32:17 Because as I said, when you activate that other part, you'll create your thriving brain shuts down. It's not designed to be operating at the same time as your survival state. So it actually becomes a very simple process just to learn how you understand basically how your brain works and stop activating this survival part of your brain so that your thriving brain does the job. And really its job is to lead you down the fastest and easiest path to you being the best that you can be to thrive, to live out your biological purpose. It really is quite simple. Not easy, but simple. Ah, good, good, good. Get you there. Yeah. So is it it's really just learning how the brain works.

32:58 And then is it just your choices are what activate each of those brain states? What it really is is triggers. So particularly the survival state, you have all of these triggers that activate it. And instead of being in the state where you're making, doing the right things and making the right decisions and feeling in the flow and coming up with great ideas and not worrying about what's going to happen, but really just being super productive and super creative. Instead of being like that, you're, you're in this stuck state, you know, which is you're stressed, you're worried, you don't know the answer. You're saying to yourself, what do I do now? What, what do my goals need to be? What, how can I be happy?

33:40 How can I solve this problem? And you're in this constant state of being stuck and stressed. But when you're in that state, you don't have access to the resources that actually have the answers to all of that. If you want the true answer to a problem that's in your thriving brain, that's where all the answers are. If you want to know what you should be doing with your life, that's where it is as well. But you've shut that all off by the triggers. You've triggered this part of your brain, the survival part of your brain. And it's called a survival part for because there's a different function. But you've triggered that and you, which means you've blocked off all the rest, all the, all the solutions, the thriving part. So all you really need to do is start to learn what your triggers are. And there are two types of triggers that are external triggers and they're internal triggers to start to. And this is what I do in the brain rebalancing process and my coaching is help people to start to. And most of them we don't know are there, you know, we don't know what's triggering our brain, but it's doing it because as I say, it's just a machine.

34:40 It's it'll just operate the way it's supposed to. And if you're doing it the wrong way, it's going to operate the wrong way, if you like. So we don't know what the triggers are, but we can, once we understand this, we can start to identify them. And then it's a simple case, simple load, not necessarily always easy. We're just starting to eliminate the triggers. And when you eliminate the triggers, your brain no longer gets you no longer activate this part. And that's when you start in the thriving direction. And it's not a struggle. It's not meant to be a struggle because remember your brain, it's the most powerful machine that exists in the universe. I mean, everyone who's written a book about the brain, the last page is almost like you can see the author get to the end of it and say I've written this book about the brain. I still can't, can't believe what it is. I can't believe how infinitely powerful it is. Your brain has the computing power of more than 500 trillion microprocessors.

35:38 It's almost infinitely powerful. So if you've got a machine, a computer that's infinitely powerful and it has one job, it's only built for one purpose, and that's to make you thrive, make you the best that you can be so that you have the greatest chance to survive for as long as possible, which is what you're biologically here to do. If you've got a machine, that's, that's, that's what it's going to do and it's got the power to do it. Why wouldn't you say, well, all I need to do is understand how to use it and, and let it do the work, Let it do the job. You know, there's an interesting quote in the Bible where it says do not worry about what you shall eat, drink and wear. It will all be provided for you as it is for the birds and the rest of nature.

36:21 And they're not worried about about it. So you shouldn't either. That's sort of paraphrasing it, but it doesn't say. What does that really mean? It doesn't say do not worry about what you eat, what you shall eat, drink and wear. As long as you work really hard, as long as you set your goals, as long as you're motivated and determined and deal with all your problems and work as hard as you can, then you'll get those things. It doesn't say that it's these are going to be given to you. You don't have to earn them. You don't have to work for them. They're going to be provided for you. So and it's not saying that in any sort of esoteric way. That's biology. That's the way it's designed. You are designed to have this machine provide for you everything you need in your life to not have problems, to not have stress, to thrive, to live a life that you're actually feeling that you're contributing in a in a big way that you're really being your best in every area.

37:14 You've got this machine that's constantly trying to make that happen. But if you keep sabotaging it by blocking the parts of it that are designed to do that, you can't blame the machine. You can't blame God. All you can say if you're prepared to take responsibility is, and many people say this too, well, I am responsible for my results, but not in the way you think. You're responsible for your results in the sense that you're responsible to use this machine, this in the right way, so that you get the right results. That's your responsibility. Are everyone's triggers the same, or are they very individualized? Here's what a trigger is. Maybe I could just explain and there's a bit more detail to it on in terms of how it works biologically.

37:56 But what the trigger is for the survival part of your brain is fear. And it might be a subconscious fear, or it might be a conscious fear. But the second that you feel fear, what's literally going on in your brain is your brain is saying there is something in your environment that is a threat to your survival. Now, we created this fight flight instinct. We've probably heard millions of years ago to protect us from unexpected dangers. So our natural state, and we've lived in the state for 97% of our history. Humans have been on the planet for 300,000 years. And for 290,000 years we lived this way. And what we did was we lived in the thriving state, We had access to all these creative things.

38:40 We didn't worry and stress and, and live unhealthy lives and you know, all those things. We lived in the state. However, we had to develop a mechanism for if we're walking down through the forest, for instance, and enjoying our life and a lion jumped out from behind the rock, we had to develop a defence mechanism against unexpected threats and dangers. And obviously there are a lot more lions jumping around in those days than there are now. So we created this tool, this mechanism, which basically the way it works is you enjoy your life, you thrive, you're doing all of the things, you're feeling great, you're being your best. But if a lion jumps out from behind a rock, your brain sees it and recognizes it.

39:20 In other words, it's a trigger and says to you, that's a danger. So it activates your survival brain and it shuts down your thriving brain and it gets you to deal with that danger, which is your reaction to a threat, isn't it? So you, if it's a line, you and we know what happens in this fight flight state only four, you can only do 4 things. You can run away. You can stand and fight. You can freeze and do nothing, or you can shout out for help. So they're the only things you can do in the state and that's all you need to do. So you do those things without thinking, without anything else. Your brain and your body just take over and get you to react, get it's quick, you know, long before thinking comes in, thinking would be too slow. This needs to be an automatic reaction to get rid of that 3-4 danger.

40:05 And when it's gone, the brain says, OK, your environment's safe again. So that's when you activate your thriving brain again. You get back to being what you're being the best that you can be. So the trigger, and interestingly enough, we could talk a little about how this is reflected in all spiritual teaching as well. They tell us this. The trigger is fear. When you feel afraid, it's your brain saying there's a danger in your environment. So today, what dangers do we possibly think we could have or that our brain thinks we could have that are a threat to us, that are harmful to us? Well, it's somebody telling us they don't like us. It's being in a conversation.

40:45 We were talking about a subject that we don't like, that we don't agree with. We're talking to a person we don't like. We have a person in our life that doesn't make us feel good. We're watching the news and hearing about all these disasters and how we live in this terrible world and this world of enormous upheaval and change and everything's a disaster about to happen. And, you know, we've got so many problems in the world and all these people struggling, all of these things, What do they do? They make you feel bad, don't they? These are the triggers. So a simple one is turning off the news. I mean, even if it's true, how do we know it's true? But what we need to realize is anything in our life that makes us feel bad is triggering the wrong part of our brain. And most of the time, there's no justification for feeling bad. You know, imagine you're, I do a lot of marriage and relationship coaching.

41:36 But imagine your husband or wife comes to you and says, I want a divorce. Now, what's your reaction to that? If your brain says that's a real threat to my survival, because if we get divorced, I'm going to be a failure, my children won't will be harmed, I don't, I won't know what to do financially. I'll never find anyone else. I'll look back on my life with regret that I didn't heal, didn't work hard enough to heal that relationship. So your brain fills you up with fear, with stress, worry and anxiety. That's it triggers you and it puts you in the wrong state. And what happens when you're in that wrong straight state? You do all the wrong things. You shout, you beg you, you know, plead you. You do all of these things that only push your husband or wife further away from you anyway. But they're all reactions so and it's just a trigger. Whereas you could say maybe there's a different belief about my husband or wife telling me they don't want to be married to me anymore.

42:32 Maybe it's a wake up call. I need to do something better. Or maybe the marriage isn't right for me. Maybe I need to find someone else. But whenever you trigger that fear, whenever something happens in your life that makes you feel bad, it's, you know, you're finished really, because that's where you've got to remove these triggers. And sometimes people say to me, well, you know, but sort of all for you, Liam, you say you don't have any problems, but you don't know my life. I've got all these terrible problems in my life and there's all these terrible things going on in the world. And I'm not trying to negate how people feel about their problems because that's the prism. That's, it's how you feel. That is the problem. That's the, it's not actually the situation. It's what is going on in your head that's making you feel bad about it.

43:15 That's the real problem. So I, I really feel for people like, because we're using, using our brain in a way that creates all of these triggers. So what it comes down to is you've got to learn or figure out how how you can remove fear from your life. Fear, anxiety, stress, worry. And if you don't think that's the name of the game, what does it say in the Bible 365 times someone counted it says 3 words. Be not afraid. That is the name. That is the purpose of your life is to identify real threats and dangers such as a lion about to each you. Then you can feel afraid. That's what it's there for.

43:55 But all your imaginary threats, you have to make sure you're not afraid because I'm sorry, I'm God standing up here and I've created you as a human, giving you this amazing experience. I want you to thrive. I want you to be the best. I've given you this machine to to ensure that that happens so that you have the best life possible. And I'm telling you what to do. I'm saying beep, don't be afraid. Whatever you do, don't be afraid. And you're and you're afraid. So what can I do? You know, I can't make you thrive if you're not going to use the machine as I'm telling you to use it or you're not using it the right way. And people say, well, how do you get rid of your fear out of your life? You start to identify why you're afraid of things, what's triggering you in the 1st place and why you're afraid of it. And sometimes you have to make some big decisions. You have to say, well, whatever relationship I'm in, whether it's in a business relationship or a personal one, it's not making me feel good.

44:49 It makes me feel bad. So I need to remove it from my life. The part of my business, the career, the job I'm in, it doesn't make me feel good. I'm going to have to do something about removing it from my life. The whatever I'm something about my life situation, the thought, I mean, it could be just a conversation, that conversation. I don't want to have that person in my life because I don't don't make me feel good. And people say, well, that's not easy to do. Well, I'll give you another example. If I came along to you and said I want you to drink this liquid, it's really good stuff. And you said you'd want to know what it was. I said, yeah, it's it's called hydrochloric acid. And you said, well, I'm not going to drink that. I'd say, well, why not?

45:32 I'd say, well, I know that's going to harm me. It could even kill me. There's no, there's no, doesn't matter. You know, there's no reason for me to drink that. No way. And I said, look, don't worry about it. There's a lot of research happening that people are starting to say it's not so harmful and she has some benefits, you know, does things, cleans out your system, whatever. And you said, look, I don't care what anyone else says. I know for a certainty how it works. I know that the minute I put that in my lips, I'm going to be severely damaged. And then I try the stick and I say, OK, if you don't drink it, I'm going to make sure that you lose everything you have. You're going to lose your family, your friends or all your possessions. You're going to end up under a bridge, homeless. If you don't drink this hydrochloric acid, you're still going to say, I'm sorry.

46:20 It doesn't matter what the justification you give me for it. I, there's no way I'm going to take that stuff because I know when I do, I'm finished. It's biology. It's it's nothing to do with feelings. It's to do with the chemicals that it's going to have that effect. That's what fear does to your brain. It, it doesn't matter the justification why you think you should be afraid if you feel fear. And this is the ultimate in terms of taking responsibility for your own results in your life. If you like, if you feel fear, you're finished. You've activated the wrong part of your brain. You're going to stay stuck. And the only reason you feel fear is you still have these triggers and your job, if you're prepared to accept the responsibility which comes from all this, comes from understanding, doesn't it?

47:05 Because if you just think, well, I'd like to get rid of fear, but you don't understand the effect it's having on your brain and not therefore on your life, then you're not really going to do it. But once you start to understand this and this is what I teach and you understand it more and more, you say my mission in life is to do what it says in the Bible, not be afraid, trust, believe, have faith or whatever it takes to eliminate as much as I can fear, stress, worry and anxiety from my life, stop my brain triggering those feelings, those emotions and the results which are keeping me stuck. So this is science. It's not anything to do with it's, you know, be nice idea, but some people have to, you know, some people got worse things happening for them and than others. And I'm not trying to sound, you know, that I'm not compassionate.

47:51 I totally understand. But I also understand, unfortunately, this is the way biology works. There's no way around it. And that was the difference between my old life and my new life. I hit rock bottom and suddenly my brain said you don't need to be afraid of this anymore, You're still here. There isn't a threat to your survival. Having nothing and being homeless. Don't worry about it. Give up and just let me get on with my job of making sure that all of the right people come into your life. You think all the right ideas, you come up the right, you do the right things, come up and find opportunities, so you start getting on the right track. So is there a spiritual component to using your brain the right way? Well, of course, you know, we are, without going too far down that track because everyone has a different perspective. But, you know, it would be silly to say that we don't live in an infinite universe.

48:42 And I've tried to think about this and say, is the universe and you have to think is the universe, is this experience? Is it infinite, or is it not infinite? Now, if it's not infinite, OK, so what's outside where it ends, it's obviously infinite. And so all of that, whether you call it spirituality, higher intelligence, God, it's all the same thing. It's all part of because if it's infinite, everything is infinite, including awareness, including intelligence, including conscious intelligence. So of course there is this, if you like, a spiritual component. And it's interesting, many spiritual traditions have referred to this thriving part of your brain, this biological, there are about 3 or 4 organs within there that are part of this group that make, that are responsible for all of your thriving qualities, if you like.

49:34 And many spiritual traditions have talked about this and science is increasingly coming to understand this is a separate part of your brain. In the, in the Bible, it's called the Kingdom of heaven, it's called the holy of holies, the land of milk and honey. These all refer to what's going on in the, in the thriving part of your brain. So spirituality, what they're really saying is this is your connection to this infinite intelligence, this whatever you want to call it, that is trying to experience itself through you in the most thriving experience that it can. So all of the information, if you like, all of the everything you need, this is where it comes from. And you block yourself off from that, all that inspiration, creativity, awareness, and also things that you might call luck or coincidence. I mean, science and, and, and nature would not be here now if we had luck and coincidence.

50:28 You know, that's not the way it works. It, it's, it would be chaos and it's not chaos, is it? Everything seems to function in a really flowing way. You know, river flows down the stream. It doesn't turn around and go back uphill when it decides to or whatever. So we live in this infinite, infinitely intelligent universe and our thriving brain is our connection to it. And all, of all, of all spiritual traditions talk about this, talk about God. But you have to be, you have to use, you can only access this when you're in a state of trust, of allowing, of belief. And we tend to think trust, allowing and belief are all things. So that are a bit woo woo. And you know, I don't believe or I should and I should believe, but the but the point is, you don't believe things because you want to. You believe things because you understand that's how it works. And we live on belief.

51:19 You don't believe the sun's going to come up in the morning tomorrow. You don't believe that your heart is going to keep beating or that you're going to keep breathing or that your body is going to keep functioning. You don't believe that you know it. You don't need to worry about it. Because if someone said, are you worried about your heart beating, well, you'd say, well, of course not. That's that's just the way it works. I understand. I don't understand how it does it, but I have an experience of knowing that that's the way things work and that's what we're spiritual traditions are trying to get us to when they're saying believe, have faith, trust and be not afraid. I'm trying to get you to a place where you have an experience of how your life works, of your life working in a thriving way so that you just know that's the way it works. You don't have to.

52:05 You don't worry about with what you shall eat, drink and wear, for instance. You don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself, all of these things, not because you trust, but you, you just say, well, that's the way it works. You know, why would you think it really got all the proof in the world to show that is the way it works? It's like a car. That's how it works. You just, there's no question about it. So this is what I'm trying to do in my work and help people is to get to that point where they suddenly start to click and say, oh, this makes total sense of how it works. And when you do that, then you have an experience in your life where something unexpected happens or you come up with an idea or someone comes along and then you go, instead of saying, oh, that's just a bit of a fluke, go, oh, wow, that's I can see what's happening here.

52:50 And when you reach, you go over that threshold, if you like. In other words, you get through the doorway, which sounds a bit fancy, but it's not really. Once you have that little experience, you go wow, and it's snowballs and you get to the point where you just, it's a bit like when you start to drive a car. It's you don't know what you're doing and you're worried that you're going to fall off a Cliff or, you know, you get something wrong. But once you start to experience it, you get to a point where you don't need to rust anymore. You just know that's the way it works. So, Liam, tell me about your podcast. Let yourself off the hook. Well, in my podcast, I talk a lot about about this stuff about natural success, how we're designed biologically, why goals are bad for you, which is a controversial topic, but interestingly enough, when you understand it, it makes total sense and why they don't work. So I cover a lot of these things and I call it the let yourself off the hook podcast because that's what you need to do. Let yourself off the hook.

53:51 Stop trying to force things to happen in your life. Stop trying to make your life through struggle and trying to force things to happen. Let yourself off the hook, activate this other part of your brain and allow it to do its job and, and give you the life that you're designed to have. Because, and here's the thing, life's supposed to be an adventure. It's not supposed to be a struggle. We've been taught that it's a struggle. But you know, I'm very fortunate. I live quite naturally. I'm a nomad. I've been a nomad for 15 years, living on boats and motor homes and just travelling around. And I spend a lot of time in nature. And when you really observe nature, you don't see struggle. If you watch an insect or a bird, a bird is a classic.

54:33 You look at a bird in its natural environment. If it wants some food or needs some food, it finds the food it it doesn't have to struggle to find food. Everything is provided for that bird when you really look closely. So let yourself off the hook is all about allow yourself to thrive. Allow yourself to get in the flow with the rest of nature, with your own biology, because when you're in this state, it's like when you have that experience of being in the flow, you feel it, you feel different, you feel lighter, you feel more expensive and more creative and, and, and life is really wonderful. What's one thing you wish more men knew? I guess one of the things we struggle with as men without, you know, generalizing too much, we struggle with this fear of not providing, not being enough, not being good enough. We're not being our best.

55:26 And we want not only other people to see that we're our best. We want to prove to ourselves that we're being our best. And because we have this sort of masculine characteristic, if you like, we think that's all about pushing hard and forcing and trying to make things happen and standing back and then saying, see, I achieved that. Look at me, aren't I strong? You know, all subconscious, of course, but you know, I'm a, I'm a great person. I've, I've achieved a lot, but if you look at the truly masculine men, the true great leaders, the one, the really charismatic ones, the ones you're drawn to, they're not out there trying to prove how great they are and trying to force things to happen. They're living their best self without fear. They're living without fear and saying, you know, this is who I am.

56:11 I know where I'm going. I don't necessarily need to know exactly where I'm going, but I know that I'm going in the right direction. I know that I'm being my best and that's what we're that's the energy, if you like, that we're all attracted to. That's the charisma that we see in people, but they create it from a different place. They're not forcing it to happen. So it's about us realizing what true masculinity is, what true strength is, both masculine and feminine. True strength is being in the flow of who we really are without fear. And that's really what changes the world when we like that. Yeah, awesome. Liam, what's the best way for people to find out all the things that you're up to? Well, you're welcome to follow me on all the social media, but my website, which is Liam naden.com. That's my name, Li AM NADEN.

56:57 Yeah, my podcast is there. I've got lots of free stuff to how to understand. I've got a CHEAT SHEET that's on my website, which you can download, which is called Get Unstuck fast. And it's really a three-step process that I learned to take you from struggle state to really start getting your brain bringing you what you really want in your life and what you deserve in your life. So that's it's all on my website. And one thing I'm proud of with the podcast and my work is that when people, you know, listen to it a bit and it's not really to do with me, it's just to do with what I've been fortunate enough to to stumble onto is they get it. Some people takes longer than others.

57:37 And then you get it and you go, it suddenly clicks what this is all about. And it makes such total sense. I don't know if I've made much sense in this call. I hope I have. But the more you look at this, you, you realize, you know, we've been looking at life the wrong way. We've been looking at it from a very strange angle, an unnatural angle, because we've been afraid to be natural. We're afraid to let go and think there's something greater than us that actually guides our life. We we want to hold on. We want to keep controlling things. We want to go things. We need to know where we're going. We need to know what we want and we need to know we're getting there. And that's all coming from our this brain and that's what keeps us stuck. But when you start to really look at this and and it clicks and you see everything in the Bible makes sense, everything in Buddhism and all these spiritual traditions, they're all saying the same thing.

58:25 And there's a scientific basis, biology, biological science is, is saying this is true as well. And when you start to click, then you can say, well, I'm going to give this a try. I'm going to use it and see what happens. And you know, it's great. Thanks so much, Liam, for today. This has. Truly been fascinating. Thanks for joining us everyone. Please visit realmenfield.org and see the blog post for this episode, which will have all the various links and resources discussed. Wherever you're discovering real Men Feel, please subscribe, follow, like, share this episode with somebody, post a review or a comment. If you are not living your life to the fullest. If you are succeeding and still feeling miserable, I invite you to book a free clarity call with me and we'll explore what you want and what's in your way of getting there. Just visit theandygrant.com/talk and until next time, be good to yourself.