Confronting Suicide Myths, Realities, and Healing

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You're not weak, You're not, you
know, you're not in a deficit in

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some way because you're feeling
this way.

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You're grieving, you're in pain,
you're suffering.

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And it's the moment in that
moment where you have to give

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yourself a little bit of comfort
and not allow yourself to

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believe that you're a bad
person.

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Because I think a lot of times
with suicide, we get that toxic

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shame of, you know, I can't
believe that I was going to do

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that.
I'm such an awful person, you

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know, why would anybody want to
be around me?

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Because I think these type of
things, and I have tried these

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type of things before.
You know, we're all human.

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We all have the same emotions.
Hello and welcome to Real Men

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Feel.
This is your host, author, coach

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and healer Andy Grant.
Visit theandygrant.com to learn

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more about me.
Real Men Feel reminds men that

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they are human beings and they
have the right to express and

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experience all of their
emotions.

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We have conversations that most
men are not having, but that all

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men and the women who love them
can benefit from.

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My guest today is Jennifer
Ginty.

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Jen is a single mom and
entrepreneur who lives with

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Complex PTSD and Major
Depressive Disorder from

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childhood trauma.
Throughout her life, Jen has

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learned valuable coping skills
has made it her mission to help

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others to better understand
their own emotions.

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She has spent the last five
years developing My Moody

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Monster, a pull apart plush toy
that has helped children to get

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out their frustrations, and a
Safeway and giving families a

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tool to talk about emotions and
communication.

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Jen is also the host of the
mental health podcast When Not

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Yet Becomes Right Now, Jen and I
are both suicide attempt

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survivors and know what life
feels like at the bottom.

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We also know that every bottom
eventually turns around.

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Today we discussed some common
myths around suicide, things to

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include in your own coping
toolbox, and explore some

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thoughts and beliefs we held at
our lowest points and ways to

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get through them.
If you are in crisis, do not

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hesitate to get help.
Sometimes the bravest thing you

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can do is ask for help.
The suicide crisis line in the

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US and Canada is 988 and people
are there 24 hours a day.

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Let's do it.
Hello Jen, and welcome to Real

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Men Feel.
Hi Andy, thank you so much for

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having me on.
Yeah, I'm really looking forward

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to this talk.
I was recently on your podcast,

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which is called When Not Yet
Becomes Right Now, and I was

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talking about being suicidal
from a young age and all my

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intents.
But before I finally got that

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maybe I'm supposed to be here,
which is the point of all those

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those stories.
But we found there was a lot of

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similarities like.
Yeah, there is.

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So we're both in Massachusetts,
but again, we both grew up here.

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So we ended up in the same
mental hospital even at very

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different times.
But anyway, there was a great

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response to that and our
conversation and openness.

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So I wanted you to come on here
and talk about that.

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And the kind of when I reached
out to you, the, the, the title

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that was in my head was being
suicidal doesn't mean you're

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crazy.
And, and I believe that one of

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the best ways to prevent suicide
is to talk about it.

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Absolutely all.
Right, so we're going to talk

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about it and we might laugh
about it.

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And to me, we're not making
light if you feel when you're

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like, I know it is not funny
when you're in it, but I also

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know I did a lot of like goofy,
dumb things that I can laugh at

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now.
And to me, that's that shot that

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shows healing and growth.
But if you're not there, don't

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listen to this, right?
Call the text 988.

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That's the suicide crisis
lifeline in the US.

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And just get help.
Don't torture yourself by

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listening to our tales that we
have survived and overcome.

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Even though I make light of
myself, I do not make light of

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anyone feeling like they are
better off dead.

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It's a horrible place to be.
So again, that's who we are.

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Don't listen.
Yeah, yeah.

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It's that that sounds about
right.

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Back in October 2019, I did A
Real Men Feel with Doctor Lulu,

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who was a pediatrician who
focused on teens and she was on

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to talk about suicide risk
factors and she was the first

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person to say we don't need to
have a mental illness to be

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suicidal.
And I was like, what?

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Especially coming from a doctor,
I had never heard that.

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So I, I growing up, I thought so
few people talked openly about

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suicide that the only place
people did for me was in a

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mental hospital, which made it
seem just more crazier than

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ever.
So when I say that you don't

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need to have mental illness to
be suicidal, how does that land

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for?
You.

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Oh, I wholeheartedly agree.
You know, there are times in

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people's lives that they're low.
They're very low.

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And they may not have
depression.

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They may not have a mental
illness like bipolar or PTSD or

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something like that.
But it doesn't mean that they

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don't have the feeling, you
know, that they don't want to

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wake up the next day.
Yeah.

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Yeah, I have to say that that
the thought, the feeling isn't.

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I don't want to say it's not
dangerous.

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It's certainly it's it's not
uncommon.

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And when it to me, when it
crosses the danger line is when

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someone's in this in the stages
of planning and they have means

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to harm themselves.
That's when, all right, now, you

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know, now we really take action
get.

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Help, right?
Like active suicidality?

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Yeah.
Right.

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Yeah, there, There you go.
You have your terminology down.

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Is there anything you know now
that you wished your younger

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self knew when it comes to
feeling this?

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Woo, that's a question.
Yeah, I absolutely.

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I think I, as an adult, would
tell younger Jen, little Jen,

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that this too shall pass, that
it feels so extraordinarily

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catastrophic right now in this
moment.

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But there's so much more ahead
and things can change and you

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can make change in your life.
Yeah, that's a good one.

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I used to be afraid of
responsibility 'cause I thought

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I meant blame.
But that, yeah, you can change

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your life at any age like we
would.

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We do have a level of
empowerment.

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You know, it's Frankel's book,
The Men in meaning, right?

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That that we always have control
of our our brain and what we

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focus on.
Sometimes there can be

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challenges to keep that focus,
but we can decide to look at

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this thing, or decide to see
this point of view, or decide to

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find something good in this this
what could be a horrible moment.

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Wow.
I mean, it's, it's really hard

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in the moment, I would say.
And I think it's years and years

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of going through it constantly
where I do see the other side of

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it.
And also I think it comes with

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being a mother, is that I really
wasn't allowed to stay in that

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particular place because I had
two children that I had to take

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care of and one that also had a
suicidal ideation and an

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attempt.
So, you know, I, I feel as

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though I being a mother wasn't
giving me the time to sit and

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Stew in it.
So the responsibility for other

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lives gave your life some, some
push, some meaning perhaps is

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that.
Yeah, yeah.

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You know, when I wanted to break
generational trauma, I did not

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want my children to go through
what I went through.

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I did not want them to feel the
way I way I felt when I was a

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child with my abuser.
Did feeling that badly when you

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were younger, did that give you
any concerns about about having?

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Children, Yes.
Yeah.

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I think it was up until I was
married for a few years that I

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didn't want to have children.
And my husband was OK with that.

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And there was a switch with me.
And I think it was when my

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friends started having children
and I was holding their little

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beings in my arms and I was
like, I want one of these.

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Maybe this would be cool.
Overall, was it cool?

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It was hard.
It was really hard because I

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grew up with an abuser.
I did not learn how to parent

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really.
I didn't have that person

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teaching me the proper way to
parent a child.

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So in the beginning, it was
really, really difficult.

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And at times, I was really
triggered because my oldest, he

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showed signs of, you know,
behavioral issues, particularly

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being very destructive at a
very, very young age.

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And there were times where I
felt that my child was abusing

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me.
I was getting triggered.

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Is there anything you believe
now that you didn't then?

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I would say I had to go through
it to learn how to work with my

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own feelings.
And the other thing is, is that

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I really do wish that I had
started my healing journey much,

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much sooner.
But as you know, with my my, the

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title of my show when not yet
becomes right now.

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I pushed it off for so long and
I had myself believing that I

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had to in order to take care of
the little beings in my life.

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Oh, so, so that sense of
responsibility then it kind of,

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it kept you going, but it didn't
you, it didn't get you into

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taking better care of yourself.
Yeah, I, I mean, that is the one

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thing that I tell parents
constantly is it's OK to start

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that journey.
You're going to come out better

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for it and your children and
come out better for it as well.

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Yeah, yeah.
There's there's never a wrong

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time to start healing yourself,
right?

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Yeah.
Is there anything that stands

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out that you believed like in
your teen years that you

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realized as an adult wasn't
true?

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Yeah.
You know, even though I wanted

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my abuser out of my life, I felt
as though I was being, you know,

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left behind in a sense.
I was so happy when my father,

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who was my abuser, was taken
from our home.

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But you know, there's also that
feeling of what did I do wrong

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in it?
How did I make this happen?

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Because I think a lot of
children feel that way when it

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comes to a parent who is an
abuser.

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What did I do to get this?
And is this going to be the rest

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of my life?
Are people always going to treat

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me the way my abuser did?
Those are all deep, heavy

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thoughts that can really take
someone down the hole.

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When So when you were having
those thoughts when you were

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younger, did you keep it all to
yourself or was this someone

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you?
Shared this all to myself.

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Yeah, I didn't trust a soul
there.

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The trust issues were real with
me.

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I didn't trust anyone in my
life.

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I kept it all to myself and it
wasn't me who came out with the

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abuse, my older brother told a
trusted adult.

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And that is when everything came
out in our family.

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So I told you I had like a it's
weird.

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We're just, we're doing a weird
show.

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It's just gonna be weird.
So I asked ChatGPT for some

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common suicide myth.
And I thought, and I even looked

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at it.
I cut and pasted it.

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I haven't read them either.
So we'll both hear them for the

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first time.
And I, we'll just have our

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honest reaction to those.
But before I get to the list,

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and maybe it's on there, one
thing that that's always

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bothered me, Suicide is often
referred to as the easy way out.

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Did you ever find it easy to
make attempts on your life?

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Never, No.
I may have thought this was the

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right way to get out of how I
felt, but at my age, I didn't

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think past me because that's
what a teenager does, right?

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They're only thinking of
themselves.

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That's so, you know, like I was
thinking, what's the best way

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for me to get out of this?
What's the fastest?

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What's the, you know, thing
that's going to make me feel

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better?
And I didn't have that idea yet

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that other people wanted me
around.

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Yeah, yeah.
And, and I think it was on your

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show I talked about this, that.
Yeah, one of one of the lies I

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told myself to make attempts
easier was that everybody I love

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will be better off without me.
Like, if I was gone, nobody

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would be, would be concerned
about how bad am I going to get

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him, you know, is he in trouble
and all those things.

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And I, I thought to me, I had no
sense of religion or afterlife.

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I thought dying was just like I
moved.

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00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:36,920
Nope, They don't see that guy
anymore.

227
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,760
He moved away that and that was
the end of it.

228
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,640
And I, you know, I thought
people would get over it.

229
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,080
You know, sure they'll be upset
for a weekend and then, like the

230
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,280
usual, kicks in pretty quick.
Well, I mean to, to me that

231
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:50,520
sounds like you didn't have, you
know, you didn't see that your

232
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:54,760
life was, you know, of
importance to others.

233
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,240
Yeah, right.
Correct.

234
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,880
Yeah.
And and even if it was, if it

235
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,680
wasn't important to me when
anyone else thought about, it

236
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:07,440
really didn't matter.
Yeah, that makes sense.

237
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,080
All right, so let's dig into
them.

238
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,880
Common myths.
And again, neither of us have

239
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:15,840
seen these number one people who
talk about suicide are just

240
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,440
seeking attention.
What a gross.

241
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:24,160
It's gross.
That gives me a yucky feeling.

242
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,280
People that talk about suicide,
in your experience or seeing

243
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:37,120
others like what are they after?
Finality, an end to pain, to

244
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,680
suffering.
Yeah, yeah, there's so many

245
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,680
better ways, healthier ways or
destructive ways to get

246
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,720
attention, but.
I think, you know, and, and I

247
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,080
again trigger a warning.
I think a lot of people who are

248
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,760
just outside that suicidal
ideation, they do things like

249
00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:02,320
cutting things like that, that
are more of a not a cry for

250
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:07,640
attention, a cry for help.
Yeah, I, I, I call in, in my

251
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,080
book, still here.
I talk about it like every

252
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,520
attempt.
It's a cry for love, right?

253
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,360
That's why we're all, every
human is longing for love.

254
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,160
And, and I believe suicidal
people are the first person not

255
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,880
to love them is themselves.
Yeah.

256
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:25,080
So like, if, if you, if you
can't have love for yourself,

257
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,760
you can't have love for someone
else, and you can't receive

258
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,560
someone else's love, right?
If, if we don't have it, we

259
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,680
don't know what it is.
You don't.

260
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,160
You don't.
You can't trade in that if you

261
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:37,400
already have some, right?
Myth #2 Suicides happen without

262
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,800
warning.
I mean, there are times where I

263
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:48,840
have felt that flick of oh, why
can't this just end or you know,

264
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,760
we've talked about this on when
we were on my show, is that

265
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,840
driving on down the road and
that feeling of I could just

266
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,680
turn the wheel and hit the, you
know, the off, you know, the

267
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,800
ramp or whatever and flip over
and be done.

268
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,920
So I don't think that it's
something that you work up to.

269
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,920
There are times where you can be
just anywhere and be like, Gee,

270
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,640
I freaking don't want to be
doing this.

271
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,840
Yeah, this feels a little
overlap to the the first myth,

272
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,400
but this against seeking a tape
you mentioned cutting.

273
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,840
So they were they were
self-destructive actions that

274
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,240
are cries for help, cries for
love that are warning signs that

275
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,200
that someone is is at risk for
sure.

276
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,760
But yeah, I don't, I don't, I've
never met anybody that just like

277
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,320
had a fine outstanding life one
day.

278
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,280
You know what, I think dying
would be the best thing to do.

279
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,800
Like there, there's maybe you
don't see the warning signs, but

280
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,000
certainly in hindsight, they
they always seem to be.

281
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,160
Right.
Would you agree with?

282
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,200
Yeah, I agree.
I I think there's, there's

283
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,600
different ways of looking at
suicidality and I think that's

284
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:53,120
there are different methods that
show up in our brains.

285
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:59,400
We could be for weeks thinking
on it and again, maybe being an

286
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:04,640
active suicidality, but there
are those times where I'm like I

287
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,600
said, I'm driving on the road
and something just clicks.

288
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,080
I get triggered.
My PTSD symptoms may be crazy.

289
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:15,960
And I in that moment was like,
yeah, I really just wish I could

290
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,840
just do it.
I just want to do it.

291
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:22,200
Yeah, I think the the and and I
certainly can't remember every

292
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,960
time I've had a thought, but the
one I can laugh at and point it

293
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,120
was just, wait, I was just
silly.

294
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:32,800
I was like, I was 1819 years old
going to some shitty job in

295
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,600
between high school and college
when I finally went and I got a

296
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,200
flat tire on the way this way.
And I was just like, I'd, I'd

297
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,440
really I'd I'm just a jump in
traffic instead of changing the

298
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,120
tire and I'm like, like, what
is?

299
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,200
And it seemed made sense, seemed
logical in this moment.

300
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:52,360
And but again, life is on our
sides of a friend on the way to

301
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,240
work pulls over behind me and
changes my tire.

302
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,680
Well, I'm just saying like, Nah,
freaking out and like I'm like,

303
00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,440
like, you know, didn't realize
for months until I really.

304
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,000
Oh, again, another there.
There was the evidence that

305
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,400
everything works out and things
are going in my favor.

306
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,720
But I, I like I, I didn't
realize in the moment.

307
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:13,119
Yeah, and I think there's that,
that overwhelm that people who

308
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:17,440
have suicidal ideation, it's
when that feeling of I just

309
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,960
can't do this anymore and
something like changing a tire

310
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,400
is that overwhelm.
It's like this is the last

311
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,640
straw.
I just can't do this.

312
00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:29,840
Yeah, And it like, brought that
up because, yeah, for me, the,

313
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,080
the there's no real final straw.
Like, well, there there is, but

314
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,240
that's not the reason.
Yeah.

315
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,080
So even if I'm like, yeah, and I
hate your God, blah, and I die

316
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,160
that day.
It had.

317
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,440
It didn't have anything to do
with that.

318
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:46,120
It was all this underlying long,
long percolating abuse to myself

319
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,800
that that leads to to such a
destructive act, you know?

320
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360
All right, so the third most
common myth regarding suicide.

321
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,640
If someone wants to die, nothing
can stop them.

322
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:02,280
Oh, that's not true at all.
You know, it, it, it could be a

323
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,120
physical response.
It could be a call from a friend

324
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:10,440
in that moment.
You just because you have

325
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:19,040
suicidal thoughts doesn't mean
that they can't be pushed off or

326
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:23,240
stopped immediately in some way.
And I think that's why it's so

327
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,640
important to remember the 988
hotline is that there is

328
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,520
somewhere that you can turn.
It doesn't have to be the final

329
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,200
moment.
Growing up and being in it, I

330
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,400
thought, oh, I want to die.
I want to die.

331
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,560
I wish I was dead.
Now looking back to realize I

332
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,760
believed I wanted to.
And to me, there's a big

333
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,680
difference that puts that buffer
like almost anything can stop

334
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,120
him right?
Asking how are you doing?

335
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,120
I I I know, I know Kevin Hines.
He's a a great suicide yeah,

336
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:55,480
speaker and activist and he he's
one of the few people to survive

337
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,720
a jump from the Golden Gate
Bridge.

338
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,200
And he was walk he was walking
the bridge saying and kick in.

339
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,280
It's not the easy way out.
The all, all of life force, all

340
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,840
of everything about us and in
every cell in the body is like

341
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,080
live, right.
So he's walking, he's suicidal.

342
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,520
He's walking the Golden Gate
Bridge and says I won't do it if

343
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:18,120
some if if just one person
smiles at me and nobody made eye

344
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,920
contact with him.
He said the only people that

345
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,720
talked to him were some tourists
that asked him to take a

346
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,160
picture.
They didn't even thank him.

347
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,040
They just took the camera and
they no, no eye contact.

348
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,680
So he was like, all right, well,
then goodbye.

349
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:33,200
So, and to prevent the death of
someone, it doesn't really take

350
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,520
a lot either.
Like be present.

351
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,600
How are you really and sit down
and listen.

352
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,680
Yeah, it there's there's so
rarely an action you need to.

353
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,400
Take, you know, what's really
interesting is that, you know,

354
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,360
I've had a few things going on
in my life that have been very

355
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:52,680
overwhelming and at some point
my life probably would have

356
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:58,520
pushed me into that, you know,
active suicidal thought process.

357
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:04,240
Today I randomly got a card from
my best friend who moved away.

358
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,240
And it was just so beautiful.
She's just like, I'm thinking of

359
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,400
you, I love you, I miss being
around you.

360
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:16,560
Just one thing like that can
change a person's idea of what

361
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:21,400
their life looks like outside of
the pain that they're feeling.

362
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,360
That reminds me of something.
So I have something like I it's

363
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,680
a special dedicated journal.
It's called Evidence of My

364
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,440
Magnificence and it's and it's,
it's clippings, it's, it's

365
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,120
quotes, it's impacts I've made.
And I never look at it except

366
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,400
when I'm like, no, you know, I
have no impact.

367
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,480
I'm doing nothing positive.
My other meaning was, oh, wait,

368
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,760
what's all this evidence?
And so I recommend that share

369
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,080
that.
And with a tool like that, I can

370
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,440
prevent my own thinking.
I want to doc right.

371
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,760
So as we confront ourselves with
evidence that we matter, we have

372
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,440
meaning, we're loved, we're
lovable, all the all these

373
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,960
things that, you know, in our
worst times that that critic,

374
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,720
that that inner just heartbeat
that's just like you stuck.

375
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,680
You can't do anything right.
I don't know, you're overwhelmed

376
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,880
by everything.
Everything in the world seems

377
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,400
like the final straw.
So that there are ways, you

378
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,240
know, reach out to tools you've
made for yourself or reach out

379
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,320
to friends.
There's another practice I have

380
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,520
from a positive psychology
program I did and it's called a

381
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,680
happiness jar.
And each day, anytime, something

382
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,760
you can do it daily if you're
dedicated or just like, oh man,

383
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,400
I got a nice card for my way.
You just write this little note,

384
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,760
throw it in the jar, and on your
birthday or New Year's Eve you

385
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,440
you dump it all out and you read
all these happy things from the

386
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,480
previous.
Oh, I love that.

387
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,680
That's a great thing.
Yeah, it can be a great family

388
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:40,520
tradition just gonna help you.
And you can you can break glass.

389
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,960
The case of mercy.
You don't have to wait a year.

390
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,560
Like, oh, it really sucks,
Larry, What's this Cheer me up

391
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,240
jar?
You know, challenge it and read

392
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,240
those things and and see who you
are.

393
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,440
But yeah, you know, I, I always
tell people that they need to

394
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,080
build a, a toolbox for
themselves, a coping skills

395
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,960
toolbox.
And I believe there should be a

396
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:04,240
space in that toolbox for people
who have had suicidal ideation

397
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,240
throughout their lives, that
there is that one thing that can

398
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,000
bring you back from the brink.
That sounds like a good one.

399
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,120
Yeah, there there are a couple I
took a year long program in

400
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,480
positive psychology and and
again I share a bunch of them

401
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,240
and still here.
But yeah, the happiness show is

402
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:23,720
something I actually put to use
the journal of my magnificence,

403
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,160
the evidence of my magnificence.
I think that was a self created

404
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,240
thing that came from a
meditation.

405
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,200
The idea, I don't, I don't
remember, but that's something I

406
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,360
tell clients to do often who
don't, you know, they could be

407
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,520
most people are high achieving
compared to their own opinion of

408
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,080
themselves.
So again, you just need that

409
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:42,160
proof, that evidence.
So let's see myth number 40.

410
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,400
We've we've already hit this
one.

411
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,000
So only people with mental
illness attempt suicide?

412
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,920
Nope.
And again, it's yeah, that was

413
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,560
the old genesis of our
conversation.

414
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,680
And thirdly, mental illness is a
risk factor.

415
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:58,360
But again, in signs of
overwhelm, stress, feeling of

416
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:03,000
hopelessness, helplessness, that
thought of suicide, it can be

417
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,720
the most logical thing in the
moment.

418
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:10,520
Yeah, it's, it's the again, I
believe is the way out of the

419
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,000
grief, the agony that we're
feeling in the in the moment.

420
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:21,800
And while that thought is not
abnormal, it we really need to

421
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,840
realize we have the power to
choose a better thought, right?

422
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,080
Because again, it I, I, I, I
invite everything one that's

423
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,640
ever felt this way.
I believe I want to die as

424
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,680
opposed to I want to die and
just put that little buffer

425
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,960
that, oh, maybe this is just a
maybe it is just a thought.

426
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,920
One of my favorite teachers,
Louise, Hey, it's just a

427
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,320
thought.
And a thought could be changed.

428
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,000
Yeah, and I used, I used to
journal that sentence over and

429
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,960
over when I was really.
This is more than a thought.

430
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,600
It's real, you know, and and
that isn't.

431
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,280
That's why I used the the.
This too shall pass.

432
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:59,200
Myth #5 This is good too.
Talking about suicide will plant

433
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,960
the idea in someone's head.
That's that's ridiculous.

434
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:08,520
That is probably the most
egregious one I've heard yet.

435
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,080
That, that just, that's like
strengthening the shame and the

436
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,320
wrongness about having this
thought and it didn't.

437
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,160
It's just a thought.
Yep.

438
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,240
That is toxic shame right there.
Yikes.

439
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:23,280
But this did, I mean what, when
I was growing up, it did still

440
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,960
again, do people didn't talk
about it and they thought

441
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,920
because yeah, that's if if often
if, if someone in a if a teen,

442
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,800
especially in a community
attempt suicide, there can be a

443
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,360
string of them.
So they they think this copycat

444
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,880
behavior is due to oh, they
never, like I said, no one's no

445
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,840
one's struck by lightning with
the idea of yeah, dying.

446
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:39,360
That's.
The answer?

447
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:47,640
This is not Heather's.
Anytime someone dies by their

448
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,480
own hand, it becomes the news
people hear about it.

449
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:54,400
It does give every pained soul
like, oh, I've held that thought

450
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,880
again.
Hmm, maybe maybe you know, so it

451
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,240
it might be someone's quote UN
quote final straw, but it's not

452
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,720
the reason it's not like that
seems like a great thing to do.

453
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,360
It's not like the latest fad on
TikTok dance or something.

454
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,040
You know it just.
Doesn't work.

455
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,520
And that myth in particular is
so disgusting to me because what

456
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,360
do you need to do when you feel
suicidal?

457
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,800
You need to talk to someone
about it.

458
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,600
And if you feel as though you
can't because Oh my God, I'm,

459
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:29,720
I'm creating a suicide wave, you
know, with others, that is that.

460
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,080
That's a surefire way to make
people feel even more suicidal.

461
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,840
Yeah.
And aside from our list here,

462
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,800
have you ever personally had an
experience calling a help a

463
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,160
suicide prevention hotline or
text line or anything like that?

464
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:46,200
No, I, you know, my mother
always required me to be in

465
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,360
therapy.
Even like going off to college.

466
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:52,560
She was like, I won't help you
unless you're in therapy, which,

467
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,920
you know, at the time I thought
was really crazy.

468
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,640
You know, like, Gee, thanks,
mom.

469
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,840
But I always did have that
support.

470
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:03,000
I had that person that I could
reach out to when I was having

471
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,600
those feelings.
So I did utilize my therapists

472
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,040
in that way.
So one point in my life, I did

473
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,320
call the hotline and, and it
wasn't just that I could talk

474
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,840
about, it was like I was at a
low point.

475
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,160
I it's a, it's a time I was
standing on a building trying to

476
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,520
get give up the nerve and, and
again, and I in hindsight, what

477
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,240
I wanted was some aha moment
again.

478
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,960
And instead I, I called this, I
called it all.

479
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,320
And I'm like, what I'm doing.
I know I don't want to do this,

480
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,360
but here I am.
And again, it's, it's just a

481
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:38,280
safe place to say anything.
It's not record.

482
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,120
It's not held against you.
Don't even, don't even they

483
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,520
might have asked my first name
to just have a conversation, but

484
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,880
it, you know, it's, that's it.
So I, I, because I've, I've

485
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,240
heard from other people when I
ask this question and they've

486
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,040
had bad experiences.
And so, so if you haven't, if

487
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,680
somebody's like just hang up,
call again.

488
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,320
Right.
Get a different person.

489
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,920
I've only heard positives about
people who have reached out.

490
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:02,880
Yeah, friends that I've known.
I had a woman on my show, Hajj

491
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:08,720
who she was in Ireland at the
time and she was so suicidal and

492
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:14,000
it was one thing that a a Co
worker had said to her that made

493
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,640
her call the hotline and it
changed her life.

494
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,240
You know, she was on the very
brink of it in that moment, and

495
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,480
it it saved her.
Next myth number six.

496
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,880
Once someone attempts suicide,
they'll always be suicidal.

497
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,520
Nope.
Nope.

498
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,040
Not, not a thing.
Not real, not a thing.

499
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,240
And it just says, yeah, many
attempt survivors going to live,

500
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,480
live fulfilling lives,
especially you with the right

501
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:46,000
support and resources.
So one thing I tell people, if

502
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,000
you've ever seriously
contemplated suicide, that

503
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,520
option will always be there.
All right?

504
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,160
But it doesn't mean you're
always suicidal, right?

505
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:55,880
Right.
Again, just means, oh, there can

506
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:56,560
be.
And it is.

507
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,880
It's my default thought pattern
just because it's the oldest

508
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,760
one.
It's it it is literally the

509
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:04,200
deepest rut in my brain.
And so that's why it takes

510
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,920
effort to get out of that rut
and choose a different thought.

511
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,640
But do that enough and my my rut
gets you know, it's not as

512
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,600
sharp, it's getting filled in.
It's, you know, it's.

513
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,520
Yeah, you don't.
It's barely there.

514
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:19,240
I looked back at the times where
I was at my worst and close to,

515
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,840
you know, attempts or an
attempt.

516
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:28,880
And I am so glad that I was able
to pull myself out because I'm

517
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,800
living a life that I love now.
And you know, maybe later down

518
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,840
the road, I, you know, I'm in
therapy on my healing journey

519
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,360
and I'm working through past,
past trauma.

520
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,360
I may one day feel that way
again.

521
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:48,160
I may feel suicidal again.
But I know now as a 50 year old

522
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:52,840
woman that I can get past it and
live a beautiful life.

523
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:59,040
So the 7th myths.
Suicide is a selfish or cowardly

524
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,560
act.
So I hear that one a lot and

525
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:09,400
it's I don't think that it's
necessarily true at all.

526
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:14,160
And I think that's because when
we're in so much pain, we can't

527
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,560
see outside of that pain, a
sight of the grief that we're

528
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,160
feeling.
And in that moment, we're not

529
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,840
thinking, you know, I'm doing
this for me.

530
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,040
Like you said, you've said it
before, people won't miss me.

531
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,000
I'll do this.
And you know, people will be

532
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,920
better for it.
When you're in such a deep

533
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:37,880
depression or in so much pain,
you're not thinking of what the

534
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,240
other side of things, what's
going to happen for everyone

535
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,600
else in your life.
In the mind, well, in the mind

536
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:50,040
of this suicidal person, suicide
was a a more of a selfless act.

537
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,880
Like I thought, I'm the problem
in so many people's lives.

538
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,480
I'll eliminate this problem and
thereby I'm helping the world.

539
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,840
Yeah, I I felt like a burden.
I knew people worried about me

540
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,440
and I thought well like, and I'm
wasting all my time and energy

541
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,720
on my demise.
This must be distracting other

542
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,640
people from living their best
lives.

543
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,400
I.
So yeah, I've thought of.

544
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:10,480
So much.
Disorder.

545
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,320
Oh, yeah.
I've thought many times that my

546
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,000
children would be better off
without me.

547
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,080
And I know for a fact that's not
true.

548
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:23,160
I mean, that my children would.
I, I, I can't even get in how

549
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,960
horrible that would be for them.
But there have been times where

550
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,400
I'm like, well, maybe they'll be
better off without me than they

551
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,160
can, you know, do the things in
the world that they want to do.

552
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:38,120
And I'm not holding them back.
All right, myth #8 only certain

553
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,600
types of people die by suicide.
That doesn't even make sense.

554
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,880
Yeah, like I'm that's the first
myth.

555
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,880
I I don't even know what that
means.

556
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,160
I have not.
Heard, I have no idea what that

557
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,040
means, only certain type of
people.

558
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,200
So I think that goes back to the
mental health side of things.

559
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,520
You can only have a mental
illness if you're suicidal.

560
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,160
You have to have a mental health
issue if you're suicidal.

561
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,320
And I think that's what that
kind of like reads to OK.

562
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,400
Yeah.
Is there any I'm trying to think

563
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,040
of just over the course of my
life or even in pop culture or

564
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,560
something?
Is there, I, I guess maybe like,

565
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:20,160
you know, the notion of hysteria
and women, this is like only

566
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,280
women or right, isn't it?
Women make more attempts, but

567
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:27,160
men die by suicide more often.
I don't know.

568
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,600
I don't know.
I, you know, it's, I've always

569
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,520
heard the, you know, the
different ways that genders

570
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,480
choose to, you know, be
suicidal.

571
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,640
Like, women take pills, they do
things that don't hurt the body,

572
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,800
you know?
Like, you know, and men choose

573
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:51,520
things like guns, stuff like
that, whereas women choose

574
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:57,760
something that's not violent.
So that that's the end of the

575
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:58,040
myth.
Oh.

576
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,640
Good.
So those those were a sucky.

577
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:07,880
Myth.
All right, so is is there a myth

578
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:11,840
around suicide or mental illness
based on your lived experience

579
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:20,240
that you see and want to dispel?
There's no age to suicide, you

580
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,240
know, ideation.
And my son, when he was very

581
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,320
little, he had suicidal thoughts
and it was heartbreaking,

582
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:33,000
absolutely heartbreaking.
So it doesn't matter if you're 5

583
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:38,040
or 50, you're, you know, it
doesn't matter what age you are,

584
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,480
where you will feel, you know
that you, you're so grieving and

585
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:48,280
so in pain.
Yeah, and even though a suicide

586
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,880
attempt is a risk factor for
more, even though I said once

587
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:57,160
you contemplate suicide, it'll
always be an option, it does get

588
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,720
easier.
It does get better the the more

589
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,400
you allow yourself to heal and
and again, to step back and

590
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,440
witness and realize, oh, they
were just thoughts.

591
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,160
They weren't because we talked
about this on on your show.

592
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:13,120
Like I I have two generations of
death by suicide in my family.

593
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,720
So I as a kid especially, I
thought I have these thoughts

594
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:18,920
because I'm supposed to act in
them.

595
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,080
They return because I'm supposed
to do something about it.

596
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:25,080
And true in a sense, but
following those thoughts wasn't

597
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,120
what I was supposed.
To do right.

598
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,760
And that comes down to that
generational trauma thing.

599
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:33,920
Again, it exists, It's real.
Like, I don't know how better,

600
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,960
but your example of
understanding what generational

601
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,840
trauma is, it's a perfect
example.

602
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:49,560
Oh yeah.
OK, so Moody is a true healing

603
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,360
journey for me.
It's like a love letter to my

604
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:58,120
healing journey.
I had to claim bankruptcy and

605
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:04,000
close a boutique that I owned in
town and I felt like I lost my

606
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:08,159
identity.
I, this, I was at an extreme low

607
00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:11,199
point.
My brain was not working.

608
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:15,159
My, you know, my body was
feeling tired all the time.

609
00:34:15,159 --> 00:34:19,560
I wasn't communicating well with
people and I was suicidal.

610
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:24,639
And I knew that it was time for
me to get my team together.

611
00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:27,679
So I created my team.
I had my individual therapist

612
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,800
and then I also went into McLean
Hospital.

613
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,440
I went inpatient because I knew
that I needed to work through

614
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:40,679
things with safety around me,
and I thought that was the most

615
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:43,520
important part for me.
Well, now I was in Group therapy

616
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:47,120
there.
I had been so frustrated with my

617
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,159
PTSD symptoms that I said I wish
I had a monster that I could RIP

618
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:56,840
apart, throw across the room,
burn brown kind of thing.

619
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,760
And people were like, you should
have that.

620
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,200
And I was like, OK, well, let's
see, what could I do with that?

621
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,600
I went home and after, you know,
being impatient and went home

622
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,720
and I thought, how do I do this?
I'm not a seamstress.

623
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,760
I'm, I'm, I'm not a tailor in
any way.

624
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,720
But I put together this ragtag
plush doll and I made their

625
00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:21,800
arms, legs and head of Velcro.
And I named this first monster

626
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,600
PTSD Pete.
He was my own little buddy that

627
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,440
I could use to get through
these, like, frustrations and

628
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,240
symptoms and the things that
were really bothering me.

629
00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:35,040
And after a while of using Pete,
I realized this could be helpful

630
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:40,200
to other people as well, you
know, and particularly children,

631
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:45,280
because I always used to call my
kids little Cavemen when they

632
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,120
were very little because they
were born with all these

633
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:54,600
emotions and these primal things
and they had no idea how to get

634
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,160
through them and had to be
taught.

635
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:02,840
And so I went to the SBA and I
talked to them and they were

636
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,400
like, you should go to this
place called, it's a, it's a

637
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:10,400
nonprofit called Eferol and join
their accelerator program.

638
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,320
And this was right during COVID,
COVID just hit.

639
00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:17,480
So I was able to spend all this
time working through Moody and

640
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,200
creating what I wanted to bring
out into the world.

641
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:26,360
And so Moody was born and I
started testing them with

642
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:31,840
families and therapists and
teachers to see how they would

643
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,280
work for kids when they were
having these big frustrations.

644
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:39,000
And it really, I, it warmed my
heart so much.

645
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,880
I was just so happy because I
heard that the communication

646
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:48,160
between parents and kids and
adults in general with kids was

647
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:53,960
really important for this.
And the great thing was ripping

648
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,920
these dolls apart when you're
really frustrated.

649
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,320
But the best part about it was
putting them back together again

650
00:37:02,240 --> 00:37:05,080
because you're putting back
together for adults, it's like

651
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,760
putting back a piece of
yourself, right?

652
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,560
And thinking through, well, what
happened and what can I do to

653
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,920
help myself through this?
And for kids, it's like teaching

654
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:18,240
them, you know, this happens.
All emotions are valid.

655
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,280
It's just how we react to them
and how we cope with them.

656
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,760
So that is really how Moody was
born.

657
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,320
And they're they're taken off
into the world.

658
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,560
And I'm so happy.
You know, it's been great for

659
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,200
autistic kids.
They just, I just started

660
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:39,760
working with an ABA center and I
gave them three dolls and they

661
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,800
were like, we need three more
like a week later.

662
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:47,120
So I'm seeing that these are
helping others to communicate

663
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:51,280
with their children, especially
parents like me who were not

664
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:56,680
taught how to feel our emotions,
especially not to show them.

665
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:57,600
Very cool.
Yeah.

666
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,760
I like I've I've seen Moody in
person and I was all like, wow,

667
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,800
is he made for children or
adults?

668
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,120
And so it's it's.
It's both.

669
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,360
It's from zero to 100 as far as
I'm concerned.

670
00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:09,560
Yeah, right.
I have friends and I have even

671
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,120
my trademark lawyer.
She has one and she's like, I

672
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,640
use it during Zoom meetings all
the time.

673
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,280
Just under the, you know,
underneath the camera.

674
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,120
And and tell me about your
podcast.

675
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:27,040
Yes, so I had, you know, New
England podcasters was probably

676
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:31,200
the main reason why I did start
my podcast is because I'd gone

677
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,400
on so many mental health
podcasts and parenting podcasts.

678
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,600
And I was telling that story of
the not yet to right now moment

679
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,920
where I just kept pushing off
this healing journey until, like

680
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,760
I said, the, you know, the whole
thing happened with the

681
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:46,560
bankruptcy and my identity
thing.

682
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:51,040
And as I was telling this, over
time, I realized there are so

683
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:55,240
many other people out there with
these journeys and they have had

684
00:38:55,240 --> 00:38:58,720
those moments where they've
pushed off a healing journey, a

685
00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:02,400
life journey, some kind of
journey that they needed to get

686
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,800
on.
And So what was holding them

687
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,440
back is the big question that I
like to ask.

688
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,680
What's holding you back from
that moment?

689
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:13,800
And what was that right now that
said I got to do this, it's

690
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,800
time.
So yeah, I have had so many

691
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:22,920
incredible guests on, including
Andy and I.

692
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,080
You know it.
It's phenomenal.

693
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,640
The people that I meet and the
stories that I'm able to share

694
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,720
with others have just been
awesome.

695
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:37,520
Is there been a surprising
lesson or like a most impactful

696
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,360
guest from your own show on on
you and your life?

697
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:46,920
There's so many good stories.
You know, there's this woman,

698
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:53,160
Michelle Holdings Brooks, that
she when she was a teenager, she

699
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:58,440
got this awful virus that meant
sent her into coma.

700
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,000
And when she came out, she had
no feeling.

701
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,160
She couldn't move her body.
She couldn't hear, she couldn't

702
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:09,080
see.
And she was laying in a bed in a

703
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,760
hospital and had to learn how to
sense.

704
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:18,200
People around her and what they
were going to do to her at the

705
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:23,920
time, she was learning with her
senses how to, to handle life

706
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,320
outside when she couldn't move,
hear, see, speak, nothing.

707
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:35,920
And it's such an incredible
story that I I so moved every

708
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:40,520
time I even think of Michelle,
she's, she's incredible.

709
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,800
And and and Jen, you know,
before you wrap this up totally

710
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:52,280
back to the original topic is,
is there any technique advice,

711
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,880
any, any last thing you want to
share for for someone when, when

712
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:56,760
they when they think they want
to?

713
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:57,840
Die.
Yeah, yeah.

714
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,520
You know, like, like I've said,
this too shall pass.

715
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,560
But also, you know, you have to
give yourself grace in these

716
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:10,440
moments.
You're not weak, You're not, you

717
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:14,920
know, you're not in a deficit in
some way because you're feeling

718
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,720
this way.
You're grieving, you're in pain,

719
00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:21,080
you're suffering.
And it's the moment in that

720
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:27,160
moment where you have to give
yourself a little bit of comfort

721
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,200
and not allow yourself to
believe that you're a bad

722
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,480
person.
Because I think a lot of times

723
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,400
with suicide, we get that toxic
shame.

724
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,600
You know, I can't believe that I
was going to do that.

725
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,240
I'm such an awful person, you
know, why would anybody want to

726
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:47,160
be around me?
Because I think these type of

727
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,720
things, and I have tried these
type of things before.

728
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:55,040
You know, we're all human.
We all have the same emotions.

729
00:41:55,520 --> 00:42:00,360
And the more we talk about them
and talk about our own stories,

730
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:04,840
we can help others as well.
And I think there's that kind

731
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:10,600
of, I don't know how you say it,
by passing stories and talking

732
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,720
to people about your feelings,
it gives others the feeling that

733
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:19,880
they can also speak their truth.
Jen, what's the best way for

734
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,960
people to find out all of all
you could you're up to a lot.

735
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,480
Is there a single best source to
find out everything you're up?

736
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,680
To well, I mean, LinkedIn is a
great way to so under Jennifer

737
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,320
Ginty, but also you can go on my
website.

738
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,840
I have two websites.
I mean, I have my Moody Monster.

739
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:40,680
If you want to check out Moody,
Not only can you order a Moody

740
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:45,080
for yourself, I also have the
donation page to donate a Moody

741
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,960
if you don't need one for
yourself, for someone, you know,

742
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:53,160
because I'm giving these
donations to 1st responders and

743
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,040
social workers and treatment
centers to help kids in trauma.

744
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,440
So there's that.
And yeah, always reach out to

745
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,000
me.
It's jen@mymoodymonster.com or

746
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:09,160
Jen at not get to rightnow.com.
I'm always so happy to talk to

747
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,080
people about my experience and
how I can help them.

748
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,480
Yeah.
And would that be the the

749
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,400
closing notion that there's
always someone you can reach out

750
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:24,400
to be be it be it 988, be it a
podcast you heard, be it a book,

751
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:29,160
a resource or your your evidence
of your magnificence clergy best

752
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,400
friend, There's really no.
There really isn't.

753
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,840
And again, if you do are feeling
that way, please reach out to

754
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,520
me.
I'm always available to talk

755
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:42,120
people you know to them about my
own experiences and how I've

756
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:47,160
learned to cope through those
painful moments.

757
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,320
So again, thanks Jen for
sharing, for being so open and

758
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,400
hopefully this hopefully the
myths resonated with you as

759
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,240
opposed to some of the the bad
times we we talked about and.

760
00:43:57,240 --> 00:44:02,240
Shared Those myths are terrible.
Yeah.

761
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:05,120
So, yeah, be be willing to be
your own mythbuster.

762
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:10,160
And yeah, know that Yeah, you.
I firmly believe, and I surely

763
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:13,920
didn't as a kid, that life is
meant to be magnificent.

764
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:18,200
We are all worthy of that.
Nobody is broken and there was

765
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,200
always hope.
Always hope.

766
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,440
All right, thanks everyone for
joining us.

767
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:25,760
Please visit realmenfield.org.
We'll have a blog post for this

768
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,200
episode.
We'll have all of your links and

769
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,760
resources that we discussed.
Wherever you're discovering Real

770
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,200
Men Feel, please subscribe,
follow, like share the supposed

771
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,000
with somebody, post a review or
a comment.

772
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,160
And if you're not yet in the
Real Men Feel Facebook group,

773
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:38,840
maybe you didn't even know it
existed.

774
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,960
But you can visit
realmenfield.org/group to have

775
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,040
deeper conversations.
Say our tips and secrets into

776
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,080
upcoming shows and past shows
notes, What the good things

777
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:48,720
there.
You can always reach out to me

778
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:54,120
at realmenfeel@gmail.com.
And until next time, be good to

779
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:54,480
yourself.