From Suicidal Despair to Shamanic Healing: Men as Mirrors

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And the parents have no clue
what they're actually doing to

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the child.
You know, of course, our souls

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plan our lives for us, for us to
take on these wounds.

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It's like a, our wounds are like
coal.

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And then like a deep coal, just,
you know, they press them hard

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enough.
And then when you find the

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wisdom, the diamond appears,
right?

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And that's the shadow work.
We go in there, dig through the

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coal to find the diamonds.
And and that's what I've been

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doing the past 10 years.
Hello and welcome to Real Men

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Feel.
I'm your host, Andy Grant.

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This is the show where we
explore the many sides of

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masculinity and remind men that
it's OK to feel.

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Today, I'm joined by Carrie
Blazer, a mother, shaman and

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author whose path has taken her
from academic studies and

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corporate work to the depths of
pain, suicide, and ultimately,

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profound healing and
enlightenment.

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She's learned to turn emotional
wounds into wisdom, and she's

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here to share how men,
especially through their role as

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mirrors, played a vital part in
that journey.

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And hey, if you're looking for a
space to connect with other men

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on this journey of authenticity
and growth, join us in the

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authentic AF community at
realmenfield.org/group is for

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men like you.
Now let's do it.

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Hello Carrie, and welcome to
Real Men Feel.

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Thanks for having me.
I really appreciate the

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opportunity to talk about my
book and learn more about you,

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so I'm glad to be here.
So your journey includes

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academic study, corporate life,
motherhood, divorce, and

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eventually embracing psychic and
shamanic gifts.

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Looking back, what was the first
thing that spoke to you and

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said, all right, I meant to do
this sort of deeper healing

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work?
Oh, that was in the psych ward

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after my suicide attempt six
years ago.

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So I'll start a little bit
before that. 10 years ago, my

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mom passed away in my 45th
birthday.

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And then my intuition told me
it's time to heal from my

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childhood trauma, which is
severe, and it's time to accept

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my psychic gifts.
So I started working with

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healers and then four years
later my youngest daughter, who

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was 16 at the time, had an
eating disorder and I went to

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the first family therapy session
and she was at rehab and she

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blamed me for her eating
disorder.

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And the whole kind of therapy
session was around how I'm the

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culpable parent.
You know, that my ex-husband was

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there.
I'm the problem.

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And I'm like, hang on a second.
I don't live in a vacuum.

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He's got problems.
I got problems, the family

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issue, but I didn't feel heard,
so I went home.

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And the way home I started
internalizing all of that.

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My worlds are getting darker and
darker and darker.

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And then when I got home my
brain told me that my kids are

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better off with the death mother
than the Wise 1.

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So I took all the pills that I
had, the Trazodone, the

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klonopin, the soma, the Ambien,
and went upstairs and just let

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go.
And I went right to sleep, which

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I never did.
And my oldest daughter found me

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the next morning and saved my
life.

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So then after a few days of the
hospital, I was intubated for a

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few days.
I went transferred to the psych

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ward.
And so along with the the

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wisdom, the universe is a mirror
showing us ourselves in every

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moment.
There was an 18 year old young

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lady there whose mom had passed
away when she was 11 and she had

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a severe eating disorder.
So here's another way I can kind

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of see myself and start to kind
of believe in myself.

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I have the capability to do
better as a parent because

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that's more important.
Yeah.

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Yeah.
My kids are more important than

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anybody else.
Right.

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Like, so I got to start at home.
So the last night there, we

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shared a room and we became very
close.

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And her mom soul came through
and gave me a message to give

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her.
It was like the first time I

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knowingly did that and felt
confident that that was what was

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happening.
And her mom's soul told me her

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childhood nickname that we had
never discussed.

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So I gave her the mass of the
nicknames.

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Oh, you know, she's freaking
out, We're freaking out.

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We're so excited.
And then we're sleeping in the

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same room.
And so her mom's soul approached

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me in the middle of the night
because I, I've always had a

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hard time sleeping now and
better.

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But you know, sleep and, and
mental illness and trauma or

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lack of sleep, that all goes
together, right?

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So I, I told her mom's soul.
I said well, but if your tent is

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loved, intent being the
important part here, then you

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can't go wrong.
You know your soul.

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So when your intent is love, you
will always connect well to your

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daughter.
So Shay had not had any hunger

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cues, the 18 year old girl for
three years.

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And that's typical of eating
disorder.

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You stop eating, your body stops
telling you to eat.

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It's like your body adjusts to
your beliefs because our body is

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a mirror of the soul as well.
So she woke up with hunger cues

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and ate a Full breakfast.
So I was like, I think I'm a

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healer, but I just attempted
suicide.

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So now what, you know?
So it was like that was like the

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beginning of this kind of
snowball of self belief.

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When I got out of the hospital,
I had told my older daughter and

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I said, I'm bringing healing the
whole family, and we're not

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leaving your dad behind.
And that's exactly what

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happened.
And I just kept going and

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believing in myself.
I sent it for four medicine

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journeys to open myself so I
could see how much trauma I had

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in my childhood that I didn't
love myself, how there were like

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thousands of souls lining up to
be my kids.

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But I chose my kids because I
needed there.

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It's, you know, some very
special gifts.

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And so I just, there's a whole
process of me going, wow, I'm a

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pretty great person when I
really hated myself my whole

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life.
Prior to that psychic experience

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in the hospital, had you had
other experiences or was that

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the first?
No, I've been psychic my whole

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life.
I just didn't believe in myself

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because I was rejected so
severely as a child.

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So I recently could really
connected to the statue.

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It's called Emptiness about a
grieving parrot.

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And initially I thought, you
know, well, the universe is a

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mirror, right?
But I hadn't connected to my

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trauma about why I would be a
grieving parrot yet, right?

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I hadn't opened myself up
because it was so painful for me

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to see.
Why would I resonate with a

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statue about a grieving pair?
I got 3 live kids.

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I I only remember 3 pregnancies.
What's it showing me?

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Right.
And it's like you see the head

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and the arms and the legs and
the whole center is empty.

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And you can see the landscape
behind which is the ocean view.

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And that was me and my whole
life.

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Like I could never make friends.
And all I remember is it's hard

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to make friends.
I never know what to say and I

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just stay alone my whole life.
And so I've kind of been insular

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and I'm always my kids.
Why are you talking to yourself?

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But I was talking to souls.
I just didn't know I was talking

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to souls.
So.

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So did you think you were just
talking to yourself?

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I could see that I would like
talk to people and then problems

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would get solved.
I just kept doing it.

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But I would also would know when
people were calling.

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I would know when things were
happening.

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I'd have prophetic dreams.
I had a lot of, you know, you

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know, supernatural experiences
and my mom was very intuitive

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and into astrology and, and so,
but, you know, I, I didn't

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believe in myself.
So my dad, he stopped spending

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the nights at the house when I
was 11.

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And then he would lie and say
that he was there.

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And I'm a kid.
So I'm like, well, he must know.

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So I internalize that that I
can't trust what I see.

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If I can't trust what I see in
the physical world, how am I

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going to trust what I'm hearing
in the spiritual world?

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I mean, it was just a whole
conundrum for me.

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So like, I don't trust when I
see so much.

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I developed a visual processing
disorder that my visual

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processing is in the 4th
percentile, while my analytical

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skills are in the 96th
percentile.

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But there's the counterbalance,
right?

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Like we're going to challenge
Carrie so much.

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She has to learn to listen to
herself.

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That's in my challenge.
I resonate so much.

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I had that same experience.
So when I was like 5 to 8 years

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old, my parents had divorced.
My mom was seeing somebody.

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And anytime I woke up hearing
him, seeing him in the house, I

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was told, no, that was just the
TV.

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Yeah, like, oh, so yeah, I'm all
right.

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I guess.
I can't believe what I see and

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hear.
What a mind fuck for a child.

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Like what in the parents have no
clue what they're actually doing

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to the child.
You know, of course our souls

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plan our lives for us, for us to
take on these wounds, for us to

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kind of it's like a, our wounds
are like coal and then like a

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deep coal, just, you know, they
press them hard enough.

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And then when you find the
wisdom, the diamond appears,

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right?
And that's the shadow work.

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We go in there, dig through the
coal to find the diamonds.

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And, and that's what I've been
doing the past 10 years.

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But see, I thought my whole life
was coal.

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I was like, I had 35 years of
debilitating lower back pain and

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and I was like, is, is
everything Valley of darkness?

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Is there any mountaintop here?
Like what the hell you know so

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but now I experience
enlightenment all the time and

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so I what I realize is that we
take on an equal amount of

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wounds to gain an equal amount
of wisdom.

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And so now is my wisdom time.
So in in your book My Inner

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Heroin you talk about 6 powerful
men that were mirrors for your

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deepest wounds.
So can you expand on that?

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Yeah, so that was what, you
know, was amazing to me.

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So I basically worked at home
and went to yoga and that was my

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life.
And so 2019 I attempted suicide.

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And then in October of 2019, I,
I, I went to a yoga studio for

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the first time.
I'm like, OK, I'll try hot yoga.

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Everybody says hot yoga.
And I was like hot yoga and I

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went like, oh, now I get it.
OK, like love me some hot yoga.

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But anyway, I went there and
like, I was so nervous.

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Like I had granny panties on
under my yoga pants.

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Like I'm like, oh, nervous, you
know, freaking out.

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And so the the yoga studio said,
oh, start with the yen class.

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And they told me where to sit.
Like I made no decisions.

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I just said, I'm going to this
yoga studio tell me what to do.

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So I sat right in front of my
first hero, who I called Tim in

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the book, and I started talking
to the woman next to me because

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our daughters went to high
school together with my oldest

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daughter.
And I just opened, which I don't

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usually do because I'm all
nervous.

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And now all of a sudden I'm
opening.

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And me being totally unaware
about that there's a man behind

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me or I had no awareness that
that was my femininity coming

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out because his masculinity was
right behind me.

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And so at the end of class, I
got up and he talked to me.

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He's like, oh, offer to take my
props for me.

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You know, he was trying to run
with me and I just, I just shot.

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I was just fear shut down.
So I didn't talk to him for

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another year.
But that's what I in 2020 did 4

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medicine journeys.
It was COVID.

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And then in December 30th of
2020, we had our first

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conversation and he's Jewish and
speaks Hebrew and knows my

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ex-husband.
And so he had a conversation

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about Israel and then we spoke a
little Hebrew and I jumped into

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the conversation.
Then I use my feminine voice

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that had been suppressed and
where I was like, you know, my

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whole life, no friends, like no
voice.

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Can't trust myself, can't trust
what I see, nothing.

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And here I had, you know, four
years earlier, suicide attempt,

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you know, I was like medicine
journeys, you know, right,

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00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:01,000
finally ready to speak my truth,
right and be a healthy feminine

225
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,320
counterbalance to his
masculinity.

226
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,680
And so when I loved myself like
that, when I loved my womb like

227
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:10,680
that, in that moment, that's and
I already knew it was emotional

228
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,520
pain stored as physical pain,
which happens is, you know, our

229
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,880
bodies reflect our souls pain
and and our souls wisdom.

230
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,520
And it went away.
My lower back pain went away

231
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:24,400
because I finally found my
feminine voice and it was, it

232
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,320
was amazing.
Like, and I was like, OK, who's

233
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,000
this guy?
Like he's got to be the one.

234
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,160
Like he saved me, you know,
because I had a hard time

235
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,440
cooking and cleaning and walking
and exercise.

236
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,920
It was just like painful.
So that that relationship lasted

237
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,640
2 1/2 years and and I went from
when we first had our

238
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,720
conversation at that time, I
still didn't even know every

239
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,280
time I was being psychic. 18
months later, I had an

240
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,600
opportunity to help Andrew Tate
through a personal relationship

241
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,400
with Justin Waller right after
he had been cancelled on social

242
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,360
media, had a payment processing
center disconnected.

243
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,320
Because Tim, by the next year,
like I never want to date with

244
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,640
any of these guys.
I just would talk to their soul

245
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,160
at home and then see them at
yoga.

246
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:09,760
And then Tim and I texted a lot.
So he left the yoga studio the

247
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,920
next year.
And so I'm like, what the fuck?

248
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,160
Oh my God, he's the one.
And what am I doing?

249
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,680
And how am I?
And I messed up.

250
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,240
And, you know, I figured myself
out.

251
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,560
And then my interest was just
like, well, because he had

252
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:24,240
multiple women, right?
So I was like one man.

253
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,720
Well, this is the way it's
supposed to be.

254
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,240
Like, what are you talking
about?

255
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,080
Like, how can this what you
know?

256
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,320
But these are the men I'm
attracting into my life, right?

257
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,040
So my intuition says reach out
to Justin Waller because I saw

258
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,560
him on Fresh and Fit a couple
times and Justin got right back

259
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:41,320
to me and then we dammed on and
off for a couple months.

260
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,680
Like I slowly but surely
maneuvered and opened his heart

261
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:49,000
Because opening the heart of
like a Justin Waller and Andrew

262
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,960
Tate, you know, 2 fire Academy
instructors.

263
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:57,000
This is not an easy task.
These men have wounds and these

264
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,760
men get women.
And now here I am.

265
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:03,120
I'm 16 years older than Justin
opening his heart, you know what

266
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,800
I mean?
Like it's, it's I have to

267
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:12,080
appreciate myself on π that I
was capable of such a feat, you

268
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,480
know, to get him that
comfortable with me, that he

269
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,800
would open his heart to me.
And that's how I accessed

270
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,640
Andrew.
So because all of our energy

271
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,920
bodies, our souls are connected.
We communicate through our heart

272
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,760
space.
That's why the universe

273
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,840
communicates in coy ways
because, you know, be direct

274
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,600
with the mind and coy with the
heart.

275
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,960
That's why signs and
synchronicities are so important

276
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,520
to show you that you're doing
well and you're on your soul's

277
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,480
path, right?
It's like you see 1111 and

278
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,840
that's a sign.
It's not direct, but it's close

279
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:41,960
enough.
Keep going.

280
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,960
I'm doing well.
So this is what it was for me is

281
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,720
like, OK, well, who am I right
that I'm able to like not even

282
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,520
know I'm a healer.
And then all of a sudden I'm,

283
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,480
you know, called to help the
most Googled man on the planet.

284
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,680
And then I felt resonance with
him when Andrew was in solitary

285
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,520
confinement because I, you know,
resonated with that statue

286
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,720
emptiness, right?
Been alone my whole life.

287
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,880
So I sit in my dark garage and
my recliner talking to Andrew

288
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,600
Sol for four months to help
himself reflect in solitary

289
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,640
confinements and help me self
reflect and kind of accept.

290
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,960
That's why I resonate with a man
in solitary confinement because

291
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,680
one of the questions I asked him
like, OK, so Andrew, you know

292
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,000
that your external reality is
reflection of your internal

293
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
reality and how you feel about
yourself.

294
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:31,400
He's like, yeah, I'm like, so
from that perspective, why are

295
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,000
you in solitary confinement?
And I had to ask myself the same

296
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:39,360
question, you know, which is
like, wow, you know, his soul.

297
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:44,840
That's how that's how isolated
and just individual and singular

298
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,800
Andrew felt, which for me that
totally makes sense.

299
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,280
I mean, no one can say there's 2
Andrew Tates.

300
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,040
There is one Andrew Tate, which
go Andrew like I love Andrew.

301
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,360
He just does himself.
He just that's why it's like I

302
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,440
have affinity for Andrew.
Like, there was everything

303
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,520
sexual to me and Andrew, but it
was just like, love the guy

304
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,160
because he's just authentic.
You know, he shows his wounds

305
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,440
and his wisdom.
And his dad's a Grand Master at

306
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,840
chess.
Like, my first guy, he's a

307
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,800
national master at chess and the
youngest winner in his state,

308
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,040
his home state.
So like, chess is in, you know,

309
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,680
my thing, too.
So, yeah, that's how those men

310
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,320
came in.
And they all led me back to my

311
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,440
original hero from my childhood.
So this mirroring, healing, it

312
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,440
wasn't just one way, it was
going both ways.

313
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,120
Yeah, so yeah, because I would
give them opportunities to heal.

314
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,960
And me.
So like Tim, the first guy when

315
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,080
we first met, like he was super
anxious too and couldn't even

316
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,720
talk to me every time and come
in mad at yoga, overweight a

317
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,960
little bit.
A year later, he's stacked,

318
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,880
right?
Could get girls.

319
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,640
He was calm, cool and collected,
stoic.

320
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,880
Like after a year, they all heal
too.

321
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,240
Because I kind of became like
Tim's.

322
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,200
I called the book his soul wife.
So nine months after we started

323
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,600
talking, there was lots of
turbulence and up hills and

324
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,800
fights and I and I could, I one
point was able to see inside my

325
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,880
heart that I feared all men.
Then I exposed for him how he

326
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,920
fears women.
So what happened was five months

327
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,640
into after we started talking,
we got in a fight and he told me

328
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,160
never to talk to him again.
So a week later I went for a

329
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,000
drive and he's got a house in,
I'm already in Rincon.

330
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,400
I'm in Ventura.
So Rincon is a very affluent

331
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:30,000
area and there's a gate there
and I would go for a drive and I

332
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,640
didn't know he lived there.
I knew he lived N but I didn't

333
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,000
know where.
And so it's a common drive.

334
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,120
It's right there along the ocean
and you could just get right off

335
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:37,960
the free ramp.
Rin call.

336
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,760
It's a tiny little off ramp
because there's no other housing

337
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:41,840
there.
I get right back on.

338
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:46,440
Takes like 3 or 4 seconds to get
off the freeway and get back on

339
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,120
the freeway.
And I'm not exaggerating or

340
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,480
underestimating.
That's how long it takes.

341
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,760
It's time.
So I go for a drive in the

342
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,800
middle of working one day, you
know, and it takes about 20

343
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,400
minutes to get up there.
I get off the freeway and right

344
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,240
when I get to the place to get
back on the freeway, which is

345
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,119
right in front of the gate
there, his car pulls up to the

346
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,880
gate, right?
And so it looks like I'm

347
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,720
stalking, but I'm not stopping.
I'm not a stalker.

348
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,440
I cried my bed at home.
A lot of these men have thought

349
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,480
that I stalked them.
Why?

350
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,720
Because they're super avoided
and so because I have a very

351
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,160
anxious attachment style.
So I tracked in a very avoided

352
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,160
attachment style with a likely
sex addiction.

353
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,960
Because I'm sexually repressed,
so I attract men who are

354
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,960
sexually overexpressed as a
counterbalance so we can both

355
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,720
see ourselves.
You know, I had a fear of men,

356
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,600
so I stayed home.
Like you saw that my first

357
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,640
reaction to him was, and he has
multiple women and the yo

358
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,200
instructor he's close to is also
a dominatrix.

359
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,840
And you know, so like I'm like,
BDSM is in my life.

360
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,720
I'm like, what the hell, you
know, I don't know all this

361
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,360
stuff, but these are the men I'm
attracting.

362
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,800
So I had to learn it.
And like, so he called, he sees

363
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,880
me and I just I, my interest is
like, get on the freeway, go

364
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,320
home.
He never called me.

365
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,160
And he called my ex-husband in
Israel to see, does he need a

366
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,400
restraining order against me?
Because I was worried I would

367
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,080
climb over the fence, break into
his house when the kids are home

368
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,160
and be so violent he might need
to shoot me.

369
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,040
But those were his fears.
I mean, when I initially

370
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,640
interacted with his mom's soul,
because when you initially

371
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,960
interact with the soul, like
there's an energy exchange.

372
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,160
It's kind of like dogs sniffing
each other's butts, you know?

373
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,600
It's like this is how we
understand each other.

374
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,160
A lightning rod of pain went
down my right side of my back

375
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,080
and I could barely move for two
days.

376
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,480
That's how much emotional pain
she had.

377
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,280
She was like a cement block of
stuck energy.

378
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,280
And I wouldn't let her even talk
to him for five months.

379
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,960
The first time she was able to
even give him a message was the

380
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,480
day after his dad passed away.
And I didn't even know his dad

381
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,280
had passed away till a week and
a half later.

382
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,200
So yeah, there's a lot of growth
on both sides.

383
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,160
And, you know, visible growth
that I could see because three

384
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,560
of these guys and I could see
Justin too.

385
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,760
He would read my texts and I'd
see him on a video that day.

386
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,600
OK, well, I got to be honest.
Oh my gosh.

387
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,440
Like, you know, I see how much
I'm impacting him because I'm

388
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,320
just raw and honest and
authentic with him, you know?

389
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,320
So, So yeah, they really helped
too.

390
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,280
And that the mirror and teaching
the self reflection.

391
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,960
Because what I learned from
these men, their challenge is,

392
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,520
you know, they go for breath
because there's so much pain.

393
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,680
They can't go for debts.
Like Justin is a prime example.

394
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,760
His mom has a YouTube channel
where she talks crap about him

395
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,840
and gives out her phone number
so people can call her so she

396
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:24,000
can talk crap about him, record
it and then put more videos on

397
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,960
YouTube.
When I saw that, like, OK, I'm

398
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,280
clear, clear, clear, clear,
clear.

399
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:34,440
Like, whoa, whoa, OK.
And and when I was talking to

400
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,920
Justin when I first met him,
like he wouldn't even talk about

401
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,080
his kids.
And he, you know, was full

402
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:43,160
player and full player when I
saw his videos a week, a year

403
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,000
and a half later, at the end of
one of his videos, his two year

404
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,360
old daughter came in and he was
all grounded.

405
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,360
And he would, he was showing how
he cleans up the mobile home

406
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,880
parks that he owns because he
was raised in one.

407
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,440
So he doesn't want the people
there to be raised and get rid

408
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,920
of mattresses and clean this.
He's like a super hard working

409
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,040
man.
And he was finally like, it

410
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:06,040
opened his heart enough to share
that I was like, I'm not talking

411
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,880
to these guys because you know,
it's a hard thing.

412
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,720
So.
It's hard with with men of this

413
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,640
caliber because the
vulnerability is not something

414
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,960
they're used to or comfortable
with because their mother not

415
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,320
never taught them help.
And you said all these men

416
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,560
pointed you back to someone else
from your childhood, So who is

417
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,040
that?
Well, I'm starting to say his

418
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,840
name and so that he is a former
assistant Special agent in

419
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,560
Shard, the FBI, currently the
head of global security at

420
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,880
GoDaddy.
So that's important because she

421
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,160
got that job one month before I
reached out to Justin.

422
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,360
And so because it felt like I'm
like, I came to Justin's life

423
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,720
two months before Andrew's
takedown and then Andrew to

424
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,800
solitary confinement.
It's like it felt like I'm

425
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,480
working at a lockstep with
someone who's powerful enough to

426
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,520
do that to Andrew.
FBI engages in Internet

427
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,880
censorship all the time.
You know, so, I mean, I don't

428
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,000
have confirmation, but that's
who it is.

429
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,360
And through a lot of kind of
research this year and reaching

430
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,280
out last year to him, and, you
know, it's in the book as well.

431
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,600
You know, his house from
childhood, I know now is in the

432
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,760
same school district as where I
went to kindergarten.

433
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,520
Then my dad didn't sleep at home
at night.

434
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,440
My when I was 12, my dad moved
back to that school district.

435
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,400
So I was a quarter mile from his
house.

436
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,520
His dad was a surgeon and I
don't remember much of my

437
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,760
childhood.
In the fall, I had to heal from

438
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,720
a hysterical pregnancy with
three, with three kids and face

439
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,000
my fear of being and saw
multiple images of him breaking

440
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,000
into my house and throwing me
over like, you know, over 6 feet

441
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,840
tall.
And so I don't know what

442
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:48,720
happened, but I was shown that
in December and I called the

443
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,800
police like to report because I
was like, I got to tell someone,

444
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,240
but I couldn't get it out of me
yet.

445
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:57,120
Like that's when I was shown it.
And then nine months later, a

446
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,720
week and a half ago, in early
September, I was finally able to

447
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,680
call the police and say, look,
this happened 40 years ago.

448
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,120
I don't know what to do.
Like we're going to take the

449
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,080
report, you know, it's passed
the statute of limitations.

450
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,520
I'm like, I don't, you know, I,
I'm not coming after this guy

451
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,320
legal.
Like, I don't think this is it

452
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,520
Like, but I need to make the
report.

453
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,120
And so I made the report.
And so I, this is what was

454
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,160
really hard.
So I'm talking to the police

455
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,120
officer.
I had to mention the two fire

456
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,840
Academy instructors who I've
helped as well, because Andrew

457
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,920
Tate was warm up for the fire
department.

458
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:33,480
And I'm facing my fears of being
raped and fearing then, you

459
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,680
know, and So what does that say
about the fire department?

460
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,640
And then the fire department was
warm up for the FBI and

461
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,200
executives.
So what does it say about them?

462
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,640
And I know that all these men
have severe wounds.

463
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,480
And in my book, I have the quote
from Winston Churchill, right?

464
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:54,200
And he said that instead that
famous men are often the product

465
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,200
of an unhappy childhood.
I'm like, oh, well, that makes a

466
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,760
lot of sense because they want
to accomplish.

467
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,080
They want to climb Mount
Everest.

468
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,400
So they got to take on an equal
amount of wounds.

469
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,600
And it's the women's job to help
them process their wounds.

470
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,200
But as women, we don't know how
to occupy the center because

471
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,960
we're so busy being boss babes.
The centre of that's the stay at

472
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,280
home mom, that's the white,
that's the emotional centre that

473
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,520
where mental health is created
and sustained.

474
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,360
That's the self love like
femininity, nurturing,

475
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,800
compassion, forgiveness, self
reflection.

476
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,600
Those are all right brained
activities.

477
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,760
But women, we don't have time
for those right brained

478
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:33,080
activities because we're so busy
providing for ourselves.

479
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,960
So we basically set up a society
where, you know, for failure of

480
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,680
the family because we haven't
acknowledged what makes a woman

481
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,560
hormonally balanced
physiologically lounds and uses

482
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,840
her Physiology to meet her
biological imperatives to

483
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,360
survive, procreate and
community.

484
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,360
And you know, we're at we're 20
years from population collapse

485
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,720
for a reason.
Women have been hating on their

486
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,840
femininity.
And so my enlightenment

487
00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,760
experiences were all around how
I hated on my femininity.

488
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,360
I didn't value my ability to
create human life and how that

489
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:07,680
showed up in my life.
Like after my second child was

490
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,080
born, I went right back to work
3 weeks later.

491
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,320
And then I got bacterial
pneumonia and I spent two weeks

492
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,120
in the hospital on a ventilator,
5 days on 100% oxygen, almost

493
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:21,920
died because I didn't value that
I needed to rest and care for

494
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,720
myself and care for my infant.
I was too worried.

495
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:25,920
Oh, we don't have, we don't have
money.

496
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,760
Money, money, money, money,
money, money, money, money,

497
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,280
money.
We didn't pray on, you know,

498
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,720
what kind of good parent who
cares for the mother and the

499
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:38,840
child doesn't plan financially
for a child.

500
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,560
Oh, messed up parents.
That's, you know the answer.

501
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,520
We were, you know, flied by the
seat of our pants and all of

502
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,720
them, you know, we, we were
messed up.

503
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,320
What do you say to men that are
carrying their wounds, burying

504
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,520
it, not facing it?
What?

505
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:56,600
What would you say to them?
We'd say find your girl because

506
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,320
what, you know, So what happened
with me and Jason as I reached

507
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:03,120
out in in in November, like 2
days before the election and

508
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:04,760
when he is immediately opening
me.

509
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,920
It was the most avoided by the
Times 10.

510
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,760
So the last guy before him, the
305, was a fire captain, 6 foot

511
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,840
7 fire captain turned out to be
married.

512
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,120
I also chased another girl at
yoga, which happens all three of

513
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:22,320
the guys at yoga.
But I was like gnarly avoided.

514
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:27,080
And so I was like, oh, because
it was, yeah, I don't even know

515
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,800
how to describe it.
It was like things I've never

516
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:34,160
seen that It's like it was like
the soul had churned and unwind.

517
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,040
All of his emotional pain was
like times 10 of the other guys.

518
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,680
But I'm the one who needs.
And why is that?

519
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,120
And I was shown that too.
So after I reached out to him,

520
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,880
like, God, this is crazy.
It's so much more powerful than

521
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,800
all the other guys.
Like what's so special about the

522
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,080
two of us?
And I asked the universe and I

523
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,520
said, you know, how are
masculine and feminine souls

524
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,600
created?
And this is what I was told that

525
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,120
the intent to create the
masculine soul creates the

526
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,160
feminine soul and the feminine
soul tears on half of our heart

527
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,480
chakra to create the masculine
soul.

528
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,560
And so I've also downloaded a
monogamy as the path to

529
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,920
enlightenment because basically
my one of my challenges is how

530
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:17,040
do I communicate to these men
that monogamy is the best for

531
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:21,120
them physiologically,
spiritually, emotionally, being

532
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:24,240
with their girl, the one girl,
you know, that I tore up half of

533
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,080
my heart chakra to create his
soul.

534
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,800
You know, I trained his soul to
provide and protect for me.

535
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,200
But what I found in the fall is
like he had no idea.

536
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,560
And I'm going to call it, he
didn't know how to sit, stay and

537
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,880
heal.
And I'm not trying to be

538
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,440
disrespectful.
You know, I didn't know how to

539
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,400
occupy the center and is as the
emotional center, a healthy

540
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,800
emotional center that he can
bring his wounds to and I can

541
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,720
help him heal.
Then he goes back out to work

542
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,920
and he didn't know how to stay
in orbit around me because if

543
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,040
I'm out, then he's way out,
right?

544
00:26:56,360 --> 00:27:00,560
So that's now my, but I'm the
perfect mirror to his soul.

545
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,480
I understand him the best
because he is the masculine to

546
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,080
my feminine.
You know, other feminine souls

547
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:11,080
are not as complex enough, don't
have the wherewithal enough to

548
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:15,320
ground him and then like
appreciate all of his complexity

549
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,080
in all of his challenge and
emotional depth and

550
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:23,720
intelligence, expecting that
he's going to heal outside of

551
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,400
the relationship with the woman
that is the other half of his

552
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,240
soul, so to speak, right?
Like you'll hear a man say, you

553
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,720
know, I got to meet my maker
means his wife, right?

554
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,640
And that's kind of that has come
out of so many men that that's

555
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,000
the truth.
And that, that it's also in that

556
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,760
wisdom, you know, so how
beautiful is that though?

557
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,880
And it's that wound that we're,
that we're healing.

558
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,000
And now, you know, in 2012, the
Mayan calendar showed us that

559
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,360
now is it there was like end of
that time cycle, new time cycle

560
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,680
is self healing.
So now is the time for this self

561
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,040
healing.
Now is the time for all this

562
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,840
wisdom to come out.
And you know, there's so much

563
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,600
talk about rapture and 2nd
coming and you know, heaven on

564
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,040
earth, well, heaven on earth
isn't going to land here.

565
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,120
But that's not you accepting how
reality works.

566
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,080
Heaven on earth is created when
we have heaven in our hearts,

567
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,360
when we love ourselves and we
project that externally, then

568
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:18,320
that love is protected back to
us.

569
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,320
That's what Charlie Kirk was
doing to try to communicate with

570
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,440
people in nonviolent ways to
love themselves, look inside

571
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:29,160
themselves, find, you know,
Christ consciousness inside of

572
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,640
their own heart because that's
where it's located.

573
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:37,360
So, you know, that's what men
could do is love themselves, you

574
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,680
know, work.
I say men work out healthy, you

575
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,880
know, so they get lifting
weights is testosterone

576
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,160
producing a diet That's
testosterone producing, you

577
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,560
know, walk barefoot in nature,
get in nature and develop a

578
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,680
spiritual practice and keep
opening your heart and never

579
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,480
working on yourself enough.
And if you know who your girl

580
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,000
is, I know men will know what
I'm talking about.

581
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,360
That is the one you need to
heal.

582
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,640
But you're not saying that men
and women need each other.

583
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:08,000
It's really a specific man needs
a specific woman to heal each

584
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,840
other.
Yeah, I mean, they're kids.

585
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,240
So the reason?
So I can, you know, make

586
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:16,560
progress with other men, so men
can make some progress, other

587
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,080
women.
But to get, like, get everything

588
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,880
out, I needed to come back to
him.

589
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,360
Like, to face, like, the world
of everything, like first

590
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,560
enlightenment experience, I had
to face my fear that my children

591
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,840
have been sexually abused by
their dad, which they weren't.

592
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,360
But that fear comes from my
original fear because I was

593
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,040
raped as a child.
You know, I was sexually abused

594
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,040
with my dad as a child as to
sleep in his bed.

595
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,120
So then I was like, abandoned.
He like, left me to sleep with

596
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:47,440
his, you know, now my stepmom
and then potentially left me

597
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,160
open to a guy breaking into my
house because, you know, his

598
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,080
dad's a surgeon and has tons of
influence.

599
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,480
Yeah.
But I would say that's what you

600
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,200
can do.
But yeah, I am committed.

601
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,160
There is a one.
And how beautiful.

602
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,080
It's like Swans, you know, or,
or wolves.

603
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,960
So one thing I've been shown is
that my life is kind of an

604
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,960
organized like a Wolf Pack
because so with, you know, with

605
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,760
Tim and I at the front, like we
were 2 1/2 years, like we were,

606
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,280
I was messed up.
So it's Tim.

607
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,840
And so you put the the weakest
at the front because they set

608
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,720
the pace.
They're right behind them.

609
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,480
They have the younger ones you
can run fast and do providing,

610
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,880
do protecting.
OK, There's Justin and Andrew

611
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,000
and then you have the with the
the female wolves and the

612
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,360
younger wolves in the center.
And you know, and there I am

613
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,040
with my heart.
And then behind me are the 2

614
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,880
fire Academy instructors, you
know, like more protection

615
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,240
behind me.
And then there's a lone wolf in

616
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,680
the back watching over
everything.

617
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:43,880
Like if you watch Prince William
and and and Kate, she walks in

618
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,360
front of her.
She doesn't have her back on a

619
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,720
personal level because his
institution doesn't allow it.

620
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,280
But when I was kept teaching
Jason soul in the fall with the

621
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,880
like the sit, stay and heal.
I'm like, you keep letting go of

622
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,160
me to connect with other women.
How am I provided, protected for

623
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,320
You need to stay.
You need stay here.

624
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,480
I think, you know, I need to
learn how to retain a man and he

625
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:09,040
needed to learn how to sit, stay
and heal, how to orbit around me

626
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,400
and only me, You know, not in
all the fears of letting go.

627
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,680
This fear, this fear and this
fear.

628
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,920
It's it's, you know, very kind
of complicated process.

629
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:21,680
But we're all, you know, our
souls take on darkness to make

630
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,720
it conscious for ourselves and
then to share that wisdom with

631
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,720
the collective.
And every time I experience

632
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,000
enlightenment, which is like all
the time, like couple times a

633
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,200
week now, like I'm, it's an
emotion I just go into and I'm

634
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:33,680
out of it and I'm talking to the
collective.

635
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,760
Every time it happens, I open up
a tractor energy cells in my

636
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:42,400
soul so that I can connect and
influence all of humankind.

637
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,320
So, you know, I'm not deciding
what the wisdom is.

638
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,920
I didn't decide that monogamy is
more wise than polygamy.

639
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,840
I open my heart, wisdom came out
and I aligned with it.

640
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,840
So I don't want people to think,
oh, she's just deciding this and

641
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,440
she's just no, no, there's a way
of things like 1 + 1 will always

642
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,400
equal 2.
There's a, you know, the, the

643
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:06,000
table of elements is there's
certain math equation that they

644
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,320
just are like, you know,
Einstein would download

645
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,280
universal knowledge.
He's a man.

646
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,080
So of course universal knowledge
makes sense.

647
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,800
Universal wisdom is more about
relationships, relationship with

648
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,320
self, relationship with others.
That's more feminine, you know,

649
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:22,120
So This is why I think is coming
is that, you know, we've tried

650
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,680
the alternatives, you know, can
does it, does it work out?

651
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:30,240
And with a lot of the LGBTQ kind
of religion, well, we don't

652
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,320
procreate and the family's
destroyed.

653
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,800
So we all know that we need a
healthy nuclear family to have a

654
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,000
healthy society.
There's time to sign to the data

655
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,000
proving that.
So, OK, we got to bring back the

656
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,000
family.
What does that mean?

657
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,280
You know, it means, you know,
women need to accept that we

658
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,960
have a goal and we have a woman
for a reason.

659
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,480
But I understand why women are
afraid.

660
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,600
Like, I live in California,
right?

661
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,320
And in California, if I have a
kid and that kid wants to

662
00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,520
transition to be trans and cut
off their genitals, and I don't

663
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,800
agree the state can take that
child away, how is that safe?

664
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,320
Like, no matter what, I mean, it
makes sense that women aren't

665
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,880
having kids.
We're afraid to bring children

666
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,120
into this environment.
So it's really great that, you

667
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:14,920
know, Trump asked, what can we
do for the kids?

668
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,280
OK, boundaries, the border.
Get rid of MS13, Get the drugs

669
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:24,000
out, address the schools.
You know, create an economy

670
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,760
where men can make enough money
for the woman to stay home.

671
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,360
You know, encourage women to be
humble and modest and feminine

672
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,720
and healthy.
You know, stop encouraging the

673
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,280
sexual promiscuity and the boss
babe stuff that takes a woman

674
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,480
out of hormonal balance and away
from the center of the family

675
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,680
where they are physiologically
designed to be.

676
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,720
So we kind of, you know, have
lost this traditionalism worked

677
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,120
for so long because it kept our
hormones balanced.

678
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,440
That does, you know, you know,
reflecting our internal reality.

679
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,960
Externally it more balanced
than, you know, a woman could be

680
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,200
a man and a man could be a
woman.

681
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,360
So we have a lot of work to do,
but yeah, it's time for it.

682
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,760
You've shared a lot of
information thus far.

683
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,280
What is one thing you wish more
men knew?

684
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:17,080
One thing I wish more men knew.
There I am innocence wrapped in

685
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,960
valor.
As a woman, I wield my sort of

686
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,600
compassion, cutting open
emotional wounds to reveal

687
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,760
hidden wisdom within.
That's the feminine, OK,

688
00:34:27,679 --> 00:34:30,880
masculine valor wrapped in
innocence.

689
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:37,080
I don't that the Anderson civil
mobility, you know, it's the

690
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,520
it's the, it's the romance.
It's the acknowledging the

691
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,280
feminine and getting on a knee
to this one woman who is just

692
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:48,400
everything.
That's what like, women really

693
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,639
need that and men need that.
Like women are complaining that

694
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,320
men will express their emotions.
Oh, yes, they do.

695
00:34:54,639 --> 00:34:57,000
When they're chivalrous.
That's expressing emotion

696
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,160
because men act women talk and
when they're not chivalrous,

697
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,120
like there's a lot of that right
now that is men talking clear as

698
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,800
day and giving feedback to women
clear as day all day long.

699
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,200
But women don't want to hear it
that way because women don't

700
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:14,120
want to take accountability.
So I would say men embrace that

701
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:19,000
you are Val or wrapped in
innocence and you in that build

702
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:23,840
yourself the the the working
out, the diet that the business

703
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:28,520
and love on yourself so
profoundly that the only woman

704
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,840
who could earn the privilege of
being in bed with you and you're

705
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,120
providing and protection is this
one woman.

706
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,840
Value yourself that much that
all these women taking this

707
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,440
money and this problem and, you
know, pulling you this way and

708
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,240
that way just, well, just do
this for me and just pay for

709
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,480
this.
They do not value you.

710
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:48,920
All those women, those men are
sleeping with.

711
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:52,080
And I asked Justin that why do
you value yourself so little?

712
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,520
Just give your body away.
Why don't those women have to

713
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,920
earn the privilege of making
love to you?

714
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,480
And are they really making love
to you or just turning around

715
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,680
and fucking up the ass?
Like what the hell?

716
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,120
Why are these men not valuing
themselves that they think they

717
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:11,080
need multiple women that you
know, and all this crazy that

718
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,560
comes in our life because of it.
And they Justin has at least

719
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,600
three families.
How can he show up for those

720
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,640
kids in a healthy way?
He can't be at the dinner table

721
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,280
at night.
Be that guy.

722
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,600
Set your life up.
If you're young enough, you have

723
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,760
in your family in a way that you
can provide through your girl,

724
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,200
your wife, the mother of your
children well enough that she

725
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,240
can stay home.
And that you value yourself so

726
00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:37,080
much that you won't settle for a
woman that will do anything less

727
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:42,440
that her wife is her man and her
children and anything less.

728
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,440
Don't settle.
I guess that's when I have some

729
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,440
men Don't settle.
Carrie, what's the best way for

730
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,800
people to connect with you find
the book?

731
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,680
So I have a website,
www.carrieblazer.com that's

732
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,560
getting redone.
It'll a new version will come

733
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,200
out next week and then my book
is on Amazon.

734
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,240
My inner heroine exploring
feminine paint.

735
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,920
Awesome, well fed, quite a
journey.

736
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:11,960
I'm glad we're going and I
appreciate your your openness

737
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,160
and your authenticity and the
way that you're sharing your

738
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,440
journey so we can positively
impact even more people.

739
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,200
Thanks again to Carrie Blazer
for reminding us that within

740
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,200
every wound there is wisdom and
within every shadow there is

741
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,280
light.
If today's conversation

742
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,480
resonated with you, I encourage
you to take the next step and

743
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,720
surround yourself with other men
committed to living

744
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:33,200
authentically.
Join me in the authentic AF

745
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,040
community.
It's a safe space where men

746
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,520
connect, heal, and grow
together.

747
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:41,600
Visit realmenfeel.org/group and
until next time, be good to

748
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:41,960
yourself.