From Suicidal Despair to Shamanic Healing: Men as Mirrors

0:00 And the parents have no clue what they're actually doing to the child. You know, of course, our souls plan our lives for us, for us to take on these wounds. It's like a, our wounds are like coal. And then like a deep coal, just, you know, they press them hard enough. And then when you find the wisdom, the diamond appears, right? And that's the shadow work. We go in there, dig through the coal to find the diamonds. And and that's what I've been doing the past 10 years. Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel. I'm your host, Andy Grant. This is the show where we explore the many sides of masculinity and remind men that it's OK to feel. Today, I'm joined by Carrie Blazer, a mother, shaman and author whose path has taken her from academic studies and corporate work to the depths of pain, suicide, and ultimately, profound healing and enlightenment.

0:44 She's learned to turn emotional wounds into wisdom, and she's here to share how men, especially through their role as mirrors, played a vital part in that journey. And hey, if you're looking for a space to connect with other men on this journey of authenticity and growth, join us in the authentic AF community at realmenfield.org/group is for men like you. Now let's do it. Hello Carrie, and welcome to Real Men Feel. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk about my book and learn more about you, so I'm glad to be here. So your journey includes academic study, corporate life, motherhood, divorce, and eventually embracing psychic and shamanic gifts. Looking back, what was the first thing that spoke to you and said, all right, I meant to do this sort of deeper healing work? Oh, that was in the psych ward after my suicide attempt six years ago.

1:37 So I'll start a little bit before that. 10 years ago, my mom passed away in my 45th birthday. And then my intuition told me it's time to heal from my childhood trauma, which is severe, and it's time to accept my psychic gifts. So I started working with healers and then four years later my youngest daughter, who was 16 at the time, had an eating disorder and I went to the first family therapy session and she was at rehab and she blamed me for her eating disorder. And the whole kind of therapy session was around how I'm the culpable parent. You know, that my ex-husband was there. I'm the problem. And I'm like, hang on a second. I don't live in a vacuum. He's got problems. I got problems, the family issue, but I didn't feel heard, so I went home.

2:19 And the way home I started internalizing all of that. My worlds are getting darker and darker and darker. And then when I got home my brain told me that my kids are better off with the death mother than the Wise 1. So I took all the pills that I had, the Trazodone, the klonopin, the soma, the Ambien, and went upstairs and just let go. And I went right to sleep, which I never did. And my oldest daughter found me the next morning and saved my life. So then after a few days of the hospital, I was intubated for a few days. I went transferred to the psych ward. And so along with the the wisdom, the universe is a mirror showing us ourselves in every moment. There was an 18 year old young lady there whose mom had passed away when she was 11 and she had a severe eating disorder. So here's another way I can kind of see myself and start to kind of believe in myself.

3:09 I have the capability to do better as a parent because that's more important. Yeah. Yeah. My kids are more important than anybody else. Right. Like, so I got to start at home. So the last night there, we shared a room and we became very close. And her mom soul came through and gave me a message to give her. It was like the first time I knowingly did that and felt confident that that was what was happening. And her mom's soul told me her childhood nickname that we had never discussed. So I gave her the mass of the nicknames. Oh, you know, she's freaking out, We're freaking out. We're so excited. And then we're sleeping in the same room. And so her mom's soul approached me in the middle of the night because I, I've always had a hard time sleeping now and better. But you know, sleep and, and mental illness and trauma or lack of sleep, that all goes together, right?

3:54 So I, I told her mom's soul. I said well, but if your tent is loved, intent being the important part here, then you can't go wrong. You know your soul. So when your intent is love, you will always connect well to your daughter. So Shay had not had any hunger cues, the 18 year old girl for three years. And that's typical of eating disorder. You stop eating, your body stops telling you to eat. It's like your body adjusts to your beliefs because our body is a mirror of the soul as well. So she woke up with hunger cues and ate a Full breakfast. So I was like, I think I'm a healer, but I just attempted suicide.

4:36 So now what, you know? So it was like that was like the beginning of this kind of snowball of self belief. When I got out of the hospital, I had told my older daughter and I said, I'm bringing healing the whole family, and we're not leaving your dad behind. And that's exactly what happened. And I just kept going and believing in myself. I sent it for four medicine journeys to open myself so I could see how much trauma I had in my childhood that I didn't love myself, how there were like thousands of souls lining up to be my kids. But I chose my kids because I needed there. It's, you know, some very special gifts. And so I just, there's a whole process of me going, wow, I'm a pretty great person when I really hated myself my whole life. Prior to that psychic experience in the hospital, had you had other experiences or was that the first? No, I've been psychic my whole life. I just didn't believe in myself because I was rejected so severely as a child.

5:28 So I recently could really connected to the statue. It's called Emptiness about a grieving parrot. And initially I thought, you know, well, the universe is a mirror, right? But I hadn't connected to my trauma about why I would be a grieving parrot yet, right? I hadn't opened myself up because it was so painful for me to see. Why would I resonate with a statue about a grieving pair? I got 3 live kids. I I only remember 3 pregnancies. What's it showing me? Right. And it's like you see the head and the arms and the legs and the whole center is empty. And you can see the landscape behind which is the ocean view. And that was me and my whole life.

6:08 Like I could never make friends. And all I remember is it's hard to make friends. I never know what to say and I just stay alone my whole life. And so I've kind of been insular and I'm always my kids. Why are you talking to yourself? But I was talking to souls. I just didn't know I was talking to souls. So. So did you think you were just talking to yourself? I could see that I would like talk to people and then problems would get solved. I just kept doing it. But I would also would know when people were calling. I would know when things were happening. I'd have prophetic dreams. I had a lot of, you know, you know, supernatural experiences and my mom was very intuitive and into astrology and, and so, but, you know, I, I didn't believe in myself. So my dad, he stopped spending the nights at the house when I was 11.

6:56 And then he would lie and say that he was there. And I'm a kid. So I'm like, well, he must know. So I internalize that that I can't trust what I see. If I can't trust what I see in the physical world, how am I going to trust what I'm hearing in the spiritual world? I mean, it was just a whole conundrum for me. So like, I don't trust when I see so much. I developed a visual processing disorder that my visual processing is in the 4th percentile, while my analytical skills are in the 96th percentile. But there's the counterbalance, right? Like we're going to challenge Carrie so much. She has to learn to listen to herself. That's in my challenge. I resonate so much.

7:36 I had that same experience. So when I was like 5 to 8 years old, my parents had divorced. My mom was seeing somebody. And anytime I woke up hearing him, seeing him in the house, I was told, no, that was just the TV. Yeah, like, oh, so yeah, I'm all right. I guess. I can't believe what I see and hear. What a mind fuck for a child. Like what in the parents have no clue what they're actually doing to the child. You know, of course our souls plan our lives for us, for us to take on these wounds, for us to kind of it's like a, our wounds are like coal and then like a deep coal, just, you know, they press them hard enough. And then when you find the wisdom, the diamond appears, right? And that's the shadow work.

8:18 We go in there, dig through the coal to find the diamonds. And, and that's what I've been doing the past 10 years. But see, I thought my whole life was coal. I was like, I had 35 years of debilitating lower back pain and and I was like, is, is everything Valley of darkness? Is there any mountaintop here? Like what the hell you know so but now I experience enlightenment all the time and so I what I realize is that we take on an equal amount of wounds to gain an equal amount of wisdom. And so now is my wisdom time. So in in your book My Inner Heroin you talk about 6 powerful men that were mirrors for your deepest wounds. So can you expand on that? Yeah, so that was what, you know, was amazing to me.

9:00 So I basically worked at home and went to yoga and that was my life. And so 2019 I attempted suicide. And then in October of 2019, I, I, I went to a yoga studio for the first time. I'm like, OK, I'll try hot yoga. Everybody says hot yoga. And I was like hot yoga and I went like, oh, now I get it. OK, like love me some hot yoga. But anyway, I went there and like, I was so nervous. Like I had granny panties on under my yoga pants. Like I'm like, oh, nervous, you know, freaking out. And so the the yoga studio said, oh, start with the yen class. And they told me where to sit. Like I made no decisions. I just said, I'm going to this yoga studio tell me what to do. So I sat right in front of my first hero, who I called Tim in the book, and I started talking to the woman next to me because our daughters went to high school together with my oldest daughter. And I just opened, which I don't usually do because I'm all nervous.

9:52 And now all of a sudden I'm opening. And me being totally unaware about that there's a man behind me or I had no awareness that that was my femininity coming out because his masculinity was right behind me. And so at the end of class, I got up and he talked to me. He's like, oh, offer to take my props for me. You know, he was trying to run with me and I just, I just shot. I was just fear shut down. So I didn't talk to him for another year. But that's what I in 2020 did 4 medicine journeys. It was COVID. And then in December 30th of 2020, we had our first conversation and he's Jewish and speaks Hebrew and knows my ex-husband. And so he had a conversation about Israel and then we spoke a little Hebrew and I jumped into the conversation. Then I use my feminine voice that had been suppressed and where I was like, you know, my whole life, no friends, like no voice.

10:46 Can't trust myself, can't trust what I see, nothing. And here I had, you know, four years earlier, suicide attempt, you know, I was like medicine journeys, you know, right, finally ready to speak my truth, right and be a healthy feminine counterbalance to his masculinity. And so when I loved myself like that, when I loved my womb like that, in that moment, that's and I already knew it was emotional pain stored as physical pain, which happens is, you know, our bodies reflect our souls pain and and our souls wisdom. And it went away. My lower back pain went away because I finally found my feminine voice and it was, it was amazing. Like, and I was like, OK, who's this guy? Like he's got to be the one.

11:29 Like he saved me, you know, because I had a hard time cooking and cleaning and walking and exercise. It was just like painful. So that that relationship lasted 2 1/2 years and and I went from when we first had our conversation at that time, I still didn't even know every time I was being psychic. 18 months later, I had an opportunity to help Andrew Tate through a personal relationship with Justin Waller right after he had been cancelled on social media, had a payment processing center disconnected. Because Tim, by the next year, like I never want to date with any of these guys. I just would talk to their soul at home and then see them at yoga. And then Tim and I texted a lot. So he left the yoga studio the next year. And so I'm like, what the fuck?

12:11 Oh my God, he's the one. And what am I doing? And how am I? And I messed up. And, you know, I figured myself out. And then my interest was just like, well, because he had multiple women, right? So I was like one man. Well, this is the way it's supposed to be. Like, what are you talking about? Like, how can this what you know? But these are the men I'm attracting into my life, right? So my intuition says reach out to Justin Waller because I saw him on Fresh and Fit a couple times and Justin got right back to me and then we dammed on and off for a couple months. Like I slowly but surely maneuvered and opened his heart Because opening the heart of like a Justin Waller and Andrew Tate, you know, 2 fire Academy instructors.

12:52 This is not an easy task. These men have wounds and these men get women. And now here I am. I'm 16 years older than Justin opening his heart, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's I have to appreciate myself on π that I was capable of such a feat, you know, to get him that comfortable with me, that he would open his heart to me. And that's how I accessed Andrew. So because all of our energy bodies, our souls are connected. We communicate through our heart space. That's why the universe communicates in coy ways because, you know, be direct with the mind and coy with the heart. That's why signs and synchronicities are so important to show you that you're doing well and you're on your soul's path, right? It's like you see 1111 and that's a sign. It's not direct, but it's close enough. Keep going.

13:41 I'm doing well. So this is what it was for me is like, OK, well, who am I right that I'm able to like not even know I'm a healer. And then all of a sudden I'm, you know, called to help the most Googled man on the planet. And then I felt resonance with him when Andrew was in solitary confinement because I, you know, resonated with that statue emptiness, right? Been alone my whole life. So I sit in my dark garage and my recliner talking to Andrew Sol for four months to help himself reflect in solitary confinements and help me self reflect and kind of accept. That's why I resonate with a man in solitary confinement because one of the questions I asked him like, OK, so Andrew, you know that your external reality is reflection of your internal reality and how you feel about yourself.

14:26 He's like, yeah, I'm like, so from that perspective, why are you in solitary confinement? And I had to ask myself the same question, you know, which is like, wow, you know, his soul. That's how that's how isolated and just individual and singular Andrew felt, which for me that totally makes sense. I mean, no one can say there's 2 Andrew Tates. There is one Andrew Tate, which go Andrew like I love Andrew. He just does himself. He just that's why it's like I have affinity for Andrew. Like, there was everything sexual to me and Andrew, but it was just like, love the guy because he's just authentic. You know, he shows his wounds and his wisdom. And his dad's a Grand Master at chess. Like, my first guy, he's a national master at chess and the youngest winner in his state, his home state. So like, chess is in, you know, my thing, too. So, yeah, that's how those men came in. And they all led me back to my original hero from my childhood. So this mirroring, healing, it wasn't just one way, it was going both ways.

15:29 Yeah, so yeah, because I would give them opportunities to heal. And me. So like Tim, the first guy when we first met, like he was super anxious too and couldn't even talk to me every time and come in mad at yoga, overweight a little bit. A year later, he's stacked, right? Could get girls. He was calm, cool and collected, stoic. Like after a year, they all heal too. Because I kind of became like Tim's. I called the book his soul wife. So nine months after we started talking, there was lots of turbulence and up hills and fights and I and I could, I one point was able to see inside my heart that I feared all men. Then I exposed for him how he fears women. So what happened was five months into after we started talking, we got in a fight and he told me never to talk to him again. So a week later I went for a drive and he's got a house in, I'm already in Rincon.

16:22 I'm in Ventura. So Rincon is a very affluent area and there's a gate there and I would go for a drive and I didn't know he lived there. I knew he lived N but I didn't know where. And so it's a common drive. It's right there along the ocean and you could just get right off the free ramp. Rin call. It's a tiny little off ramp because there's no other housing there. I get right back on. Takes like 3 or 4 seconds to get off the freeway and get back on the freeway. And I'm not exaggerating or underestimating. That's how long it takes. It's time. So I go for a drive in the middle of working one day, you know, and it takes about 20 minutes to get up there. I get off the freeway and right when I get to the place to get back on the freeway, which is right in front of the gate there, his car pulls up to the gate, right? And so it looks like I'm stalking, but I'm not stopping. I'm not a stalker.

17:10 I cried my bed at home. A lot of these men have thought that I stalked them. Why? Because they're super avoided and so because I have a very anxious attachment style. So I tracked in a very avoided attachment style with a likely sex addiction. Because I'm sexually repressed, so I attract men who are sexually overexpressed as a counterbalance so we can both see ourselves. You know, I had a fear of men, so I stayed home. Like you saw that my first reaction to him was, and he has multiple women and the yo instructor he's close to is also a dominatrix. And you know, so like I'm like, BDSM is in my life. I'm like, what the hell, you know, I don't know all this stuff, but these are the men I'm attracting. So I had to learn it. And like, so he called, he sees me and I just I, my interest is like, get on the freeway, go home. He never called me.

17:53 And he called my ex-husband in Israel to see, does he need a restraining order against me? Because I was worried I would climb over the fence, break into his house when the kids are home and be so violent he might need to shoot me. But those were his fears. I mean, when I initially interacted with his mom's soul, because when you initially interact with the soul, like there's an energy exchange. It's kind of like dogs sniffing each other's butts, you know? It's like this is how we understand each other. A lightning rod of pain went down my right side of my back and I could barely move for two days. That's how much emotional pain she had. She was like a cement block of stuck energy. And I wouldn't let her even talk to him for five months. The first time she was able to even give him a message was the day after his dad passed away. And I didn't even know his dad had passed away till a week and a half later.

18:40 So yeah, there's a lot of growth on both sides. And, you know, visible growth that I could see because three of these guys and I could see Justin too. He would read my texts and I'd see him on a video that day. OK, well, I got to be honest. Oh my gosh. Like, you know, I see how much I'm impacting him because I'm just raw and honest and authentic with him, you know? So, So yeah, they really helped too. And that the mirror and teaching the self reflection. Because what I learned from these men, their challenge is, you know, they go for breath because there's so much pain. They can't go for debts. Like Justin is a prime example. His mom has a YouTube channel where she talks crap about him and gives out her phone number so people can call her so she can talk crap about him, record it and then put more videos on YouTube. When I saw that, like, OK, I'm clear, clear, clear, clear, clear.

19:29 Like, whoa, whoa, OK. And and when I was talking to Justin when I first met him, like he wouldn't even talk about his kids. And he, you know, was full player and full player when I saw his videos a week, a year and a half later, at the end of one of his videos, his two year old daughter came in and he was all grounded. And he would, he was showing how he cleans up the mobile home parks that he owns because he was raised in one. So he doesn't want the people there to be raised and get rid of mattresses and clean this. He's like a super hard working man. And he was finally like, it opened his heart enough to share that I was like, I'm not talking to these guys because you know, it's a hard thing. So. It's hard with with men of this caliber because the vulnerability is not something they're used to or comfortable with because their mother not never taught them help. And you said all these men pointed you back to someone else from your childhood, So who is that? Well, I'm starting to say his name and so that he is a former assistant Special agent in Shard, the FBI, currently the head of global security at GoDaddy. So that's important because she got that job one month before I reached out to Justin.

20:43 And so because it felt like I'm like, I came to Justin's life two months before Andrew's takedown and then Andrew to solitary confinement. It's like it felt like I'm working at a lockstep with someone who's powerful enough to do that to Andrew. FBI engages in Internet censorship all the time. You know, so, I mean, I don't have confirmation, but that's who it is. And through a lot of kind of research this year and reaching out last year to him, and, you know, it's in the book as well. You know, his house from childhood, I know now is in the same school district as where I went to kindergarten. Then my dad didn't sleep at home at night. My when I was 12, my dad moved back to that school district. So I was a quarter mile from his house.

21:24 His dad was a surgeon and I don't remember much of my childhood. In the fall, I had to heal from a hysterical pregnancy with three, with three kids and face my fear of being and saw multiple images of him breaking into my house and throwing me over like, you know, over 6 feet tall. And so I don't know what happened, but I was shown that in December and I called the police like to report because I was like, I got to tell someone, but I couldn't get it out of me yet. Like that's when I was shown it. And then nine months later, a week and a half ago, in early September, I was finally able to call the police and say, look, this happened 40 years ago. I don't know what to do. Like we're going to take the report, you know, it's passed the statute of limitations.

22:09 I'm like, I don't, you know, I, I'm not coming after this guy legal. Like, I don't think this is it Like, but I need to make the report. And so I made the report. And so I, this is what was really hard. So I'm talking to the police officer. I had to mention the two fire Academy instructors who I've helped as well, because Andrew Tate was warm up for the fire department. And I'm facing my fears of being raped and fearing then, you know, and So what does that say about the fire department? And then the fire department was warm up for the FBI and executives. So what does it say about them? And I know that all these men have severe wounds. And in my book, I have the quote from Winston Churchill, right? And he said that instead that famous men are often the product of an unhappy childhood. I'm like, oh, well, that makes a lot of sense because they want to accomplish.

22:58 They want to climb Mount Everest. So they got to take on an equal amount of wounds. And it's the women's job to help them process their wounds. But as women, we don't know how to occupy the center because we're so busy being boss babes. The centre of that's the stay at home mom, that's the white, that's the emotional centre that where mental health is created and sustained. That's the self love like femininity, nurturing, compassion, forgiveness, self reflection. Those are all right brained activities. But women, we don't have time for those right brained activities because we're so busy providing for ourselves. So we basically set up a society where, you know, for failure of the family because we haven't acknowledged what makes a woman hormonally balanced physiologically lounds and uses her Physiology to meet her biological imperatives to survive, procreate and community.

23:49 And you know, we're at we're 20 years from population collapse for a reason. Women have been hating on their femininity. And so my enlightenment experiences were all around how I hated on my femininity. I didn't value my ability to create human life and how that showed up in my life. Like after my second child was born, I went right back to work 3 weeks later. And then I got bacterial pneumonia and I spent two weeks in the hospital on a ventilator, 5 days on 100% oxygen, almost died because I didn't value that I needed to rest and care for myself and care for my infant. I was too worried. Oh, we don't have, we don't have money. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money. We didn't pray on, you know, what kind of good parent who cares for the mother and the child doesn't plan financially for a child.

24:38 Oh, messed up parents. That's, you know the answer. We were, you know, flied by the seat of our pants and all of them, you know, we, we were messed up. What do you say to men that are carrying their wounds, burying it, not facing it? What? What would you say to them? We'd say find your girl because what, you know, So what happened with me and Jason as I reached out in in in November, like 2 days before the election and when he is immediately opening me. It was the most avoided by the Times 10. So the last guy before him, the 305, was a fire captain, 6 foot 7 fire captain turned out to be married. I also chased another girl at yoga, which happens all three of the guys at yoga. But I was like gnarly avoided.

25:22 And so I was like, oh, because it was, yeah, I don't even know how to describe it. It was like things I've never seen that It's like it was like the soul had churned and unwind. All of his emotional pain was like times 10 of the other guys. But I'm the one who needs. And why is that? And I was shown that too. So after I reached out to him, like, God, this is crazy. It's so much more powerful than all the other guys. Like what's so special about the two of us? And I asked the universe and I said, you know, how are masculine and feminine souls created? And this is what I was told that the intent to create the masculine soul creates the feminine soul and the feminine soul tears on half of our heart chakra to create the masculine soul.

26:06 And so I've also downloaded a monogamy as the path to enlightenment because basically my one of my challenges is how do I communicate to these men that monogamy is the best for them physiologically, spiritually, emotionally, being with their girl, the one girl, you know, that I tore up half of my heart chakra to create his soul. You know, I trained his soul to provide and protect for me. But what I found in the fall is like he had no idea. And I'm going to call it, he didn't know how to sit, stay and heal. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful. You know, I didn't know how to occupy the center and is as the emotional center, a healthy emotional center that he can bring his wounds to and I can help him heal. Then he goes back out to work and he didn't know how to stay in orbit around me because if I'm out, then he's way out, right?

26:56 So that's now my, but I'm the perfect mirror to his soul. I understand him the best because he is the masculine to my feminine. You know, other feminine souls are not as complex enough, don't have the wherewithal enough to ground him and then like appreciate all of his complexity in all of his challenge and emotional depth and intelligence, expecting that he's going to heal outside of the relationship with the woman that is the other half of his soul, so to speak, right? Like you'll hear a man say, you know, I got to meet my maker means his wife, right? And that's kind of that has come out of so many men that that's the truth. And that, that it's also in that wisdom, you know, so how beautiful is that though?

27:44 And it's that wound that we're, that we're healing. And now, you know, in 2012, the Mayan calendar showed us that now is it there was like end of that time cycle, new time cycle is self healing. So now is the time for this self healing. Now is the time for all this wisdom to come out. And you know, there's so much talk about rapture and 2nd coming and you know, heaven on earth, well, heaven on earth isn't going to land here. But that's not you accepting how reality works. Heaven on earth is created when we have heaven in our hearts, when we love ourselves and we project that externally, then that love is protected back to us. That's what Charlie Kirk was doing to try to communicate with people in nonviolent ways to love themselves, look inside themselves, find, you know, Christ consciousness inside of their own heart because that's where it's located.

28:31 So, you know, that's what men could do is love themselves, you know, work. I say men work out healthy, you know, so they get lifting weights is testosterone producing a diet That's testosterone producing, you know, walk barefoot in nature, get in nature and develop a spiritual practice and keep opening your heart and never working on yourself enough. And if you know who your girl is, I know men will know what I'm talking about. That is the one you need to heal. But you're not saying that men and women need each other. It's really a specific man needs a specific woman to heal each other. Yeah, I mean, they're kids. So the reason? So I can, you know, make progress with other men, so men can make some progress, other women. But to get, like, get everything out, I needed to come back to him.

29:22 Like, to face, like, the world of everything, like first enlightenment experience, I had to face my fear that my children have been sexually abused by their dad, which they weren't. But that fear comes from my original fear because I was raped as a child. You know, I was sexually abused with my dad as a child as to sleep in his bed. So then I was like, abandoned. He like, left me to sleep with his, you know, now my stepmom and then potentially left me open to a guy breaking into my house because, you know, his dad's a surgeon and has tons of influence. Yeah. But I would say that's what you can do. But yeah, I am committed. There is a one. And how beautiful. It's like Swans, you know, or, or wolves. So one thing I've been shown is that my life is kind of an organized like a Wolf Pack because so with, you know, with Tim and I at the front, like we were 2 1/2 years, like we were, I was messed up. So it's Tim.

30:12 And so you put the the weakest at the front because they set the pace. They're right behind them. They have the younger ones you can run fast and do providing, do protecting. OK, There's Justin and Andrew and then you have the with the the female wolves and the younger wolves in the center. And you know, and there I am with my heart. And then behind me are the 2 fire Academy instructors, you know, like more protection behind me. And then there's a lone wolf in the back watching over everything. Like if you watch Prince William and and and Kate, she walks in front of her. She doesn't have her back on a personal level because his institution doesn't allow it. But when I was kept teaching Jason soul in the fall with the like the sit, stay and heal. I'm like, you keep letting go of me to connect with other women. How am I provided, protected for You need to stay. You need stay here.

31:02 I think, you know, I need to learn how to retain a man and he needed to learn how to sit, stay and heal, how to orbit around me and only me, You know, not in all the fears of letting go. This fear, this fear and this fear. It's it's, you know, very kind of complicated process. But we're all, you know, our souls take on darkness to make it conscious for ourselves and then to share that wisdom with the collective. And every time I experience enlightenment, which is like all the time, like couple times a week now, like I'm, it's an emotion I just go into and I'm out of it and I'm talking to the collective. Every time it happens, I open up a tractor energy cells in my soul so that I can connect and influence all of humankind.

31:42 So, you know, I'm not deciding what the wisdom is. I didn't decide that monogamy is more wise than polygamy. I open my heart, wisdom came out and I aligned with it. So I don't want people to think, oh, she's just deciding this and she's just no, no, there's a way of things like 1 + 1 will always equal 2. There's a, you know, the, the table of elements is there's certain math equation that they just are like, you know, Einstein would download universal knowledge. He's a man. So of course universal knowledge makes sense. Universal wisdom is more about relationships, relationship with self, relationship with others. That's more feminine, you know, So This is why I think is coming is that, you know, we've tried the alternatives, you know, can does it, does it work out?

32:25 And with a lot of the LGBTQ kind of religion, well, we don't procreate and the family's destroyed. So we all know that we need a healthy nuclear family to have a healthy society. There's time to sign to the data proving that. So, OK, we got to bring back the family. What does that mean? You know, it means, you know, women need to accept that we have a goal and we have a woman for a reason. But I understand why women are afraid. Like, I live in California, right? And in California, if I have a kid and that kid wants to transition to be trans and cut off their genitals, and I don't agree the state can take that child away, how is that safe? Like, no matter what, I mean, it makes sense that women aren't having kids. We're afraid to bring children into this environment. So it's really great that, you know, Trump asked, what can we do for the kids?

33:14 OK, boundaries, the border. Get rid of MS13, Get the drugs out, address the schools. You know, create an economy where men can make enough money for the woman to stay home. You know, encourage women to be humble and modest and feminine and healthy. You know, stop encouraging the sexual promiscuity and the boss babe stuff that takes a woman out of hormonal balance and away from the center of the family where they are physiologically designed to be. So we kind of, you know, have lost this traditionalism worked for so long because it kept our hormones balanced. That does, you know, you know, reflecting our internal reality.

33:55 Externally it more balanced than, you know, a woman could be a man and a man could be a woman. So we have a lot of work to do, but yeah, it's time for it. You've shared a lot of information thus far. What is one thing you wish more men knew? One thing I wish more men knew. There I am innocence wrapped in valor. As a woman, I wield my sort of compassion, cutting open emotional wounds to reveal hidden wisdom within. That's the feminine, OK, masculine valor wrapped in innocence. I don't that the Anderson civil mobility, you know, it's the it's the, it's the romance. It's the acknowledging the feminine and getting on a knee to this one woman who is just everything. That's what like, women really need that and men need that. Like women are complaining that men will express their emotions. Oh, yes, they do.

34:54 When they're chivalrous. That's expressing emotion because men act women talk and when they're not chivalrous, like there's a lot of that right now that is men talking clear as day and giving feedback to women clear as day all day long. But women don't want to hear it that way because women don't want to take accountability. So I would say men embrace that you are Val or wrapped in innocence and you in that build yourself the the the working out, the diet that the business and love on yourself so profoundly that the only woman who could earn the privilege of being in bed with you and you're providing and protection is this one woman.

35:36 Value yourself that much that all these women taking this money and this problem and, you know, pulling you this way and that way just, well, just do this for me and just pay for this. They do not value you. All those women, those men are sleeping with. And I asked Justin that why do you value yourself so little? Just give your body away. Why don't those women have to earn the privilege of making love to you? And are they really making love to you or just turning around and fucking up the ass? Like what the hell? Why are these men not valuing themselves that they think they need multiple women that you know, and all this crazy that comes in our life because of it. And they Justin has at least three families. How can he show up for those kids in a healthy way? He can't be at the dinner table at night. Be that guy.

36:21 Set your life up. If you're young enough, you have in your family in a way that you can provide through your girl, your wife, the mother of your children well enough that she can stay home. And that you value yourself so much that you won't settle for a woman that will do anything less that her wife is her man and her children and anything less. Don't settle. I guess that's when I have some men Don't settle. Carrie, what's the best way for people to connect with you find the book? So I have a website, www.carrieblazer.com that's getting redone. It'll a new version will come out next week and then my book is on Amazon. My inner heroine exploring feminine paint.

37:03 Awesome, well fed, quite a journey. I'm glad we're going and I appreciate your your openness and your authenticity and the way that you're sharing your journey so we can positively impact even more people. Thanks again to Carrie Blazer for reminding us that within every wound there is wisdom and within every shadow there is light. If today's conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to take the next step and surround yourself with other men committed to living authentically. Join me in the authentic AF community. It's a safe space where men connect, heal, and grow together. Visit realmenfeel.org/group and until next time, be good to yourself.