Life Mastery: Unpacking Identity and Embracing Authenticity

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Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel.

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I'm your host, author, coach and
healer, Andy Grant.

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You can visit theandygrant.com
to learn more about me.

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Real Men Feel reminds men that
they are human beings and have

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the right to experience and
express all of their emotions.

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We have conversations that most
men are not having, but that all

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men can benefit from.
My guest today is Mark Collins.

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Mark is a husband, father,
pastor, and business and life

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coach with a passion to see men
equipped to be the hero God

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created them to be.
Is also the author of Life

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Mastery, Living Life by design,
not by default.

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We discussed the importance of
purpose, what's in the way of

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men knowing their purpose and
experiencing our inherent value

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and worth.
Mark displays tremendous

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authenticity and vulnerability
in sharing a very dark time in

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his life with us.
Mark also expands on the dangers

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of believing in false
identities, the concept of more,

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and shares two things he wishes
men knew.

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Let's do it.
Hello and welcome to Real Men

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Feel Mark.
Thanks so much, Andy.

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It's exciting to be here.
You are a pastor and a coach,

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and I wanted to ask like, which
came first and are they really

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very different?
Well, you're, you're already

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unpacking something pretty deep.
So yeah, it kind of depends on

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what you think.
So the interesting thing is the

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work that I do with people is
really helping to understand

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what are the titles of the book
I have life master living Life

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by design is your characters are
calling and what I tell them is

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you're the you're the answer to
what you're walking into.

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It's the secret sauce of all the
things that you're doing.

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And in unpacking it in my own
life, that coaching part really

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came from me living out kind of
my desire to see better for

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people to see them to be able to
overcome challenges, issues and

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struggles in their life.
And so, you know, linking back

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in my life, even in my teenage
years, going through high

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school, college with friends
that I have, I'd always have

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friends who had, you know,
shared their life with me and

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the challenges and struggles
that they worked on and being

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able to really try and advise
them from, you know, whatever

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experience I had had.
So that's a very long story to

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say that coaching probably came
first just from the standpoint

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of trying to help people make
their lives better.

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And and then it obviously became
more official.

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And to be totally honest, you
could put pastoralship in that

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bucket as well.
And really pestering is really

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helping people better their
lives.

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Obviously, it's relationship of
God and we could, you know, talk

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about all those details, but you
really summarize it.

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It's trying to make your life
better so that you can really

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have the impact you're supposed
to.

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In our first conversation, you
said something that kind of

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stuck with me that that that God
created every man on purpose and

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for a purpose.
Yeah.

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So do do most men have the same
purpose, or is this something

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that's very unique to each
person?

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No, I I believe it's unique to
each person.

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You know, you can get into the
scriptural side of it and how

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God makes everybody uniquely and
specifically for the things that

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they're called for.
You could look at a

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physiologically right and know
that every, every man has a

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different eye.
The iris of your eye is

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completely different.
The shape of your ear is

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completely different.
The pattern of your tongue is

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completely different.
We understand fingerprints are

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completely different.
So much so, I don't mean to be a

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nerd about it, but here's the
fascinating thing as I was

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studying it, even what we call
identical twins, all those

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things I just, I just talked
about, every single one of those

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are unique, even unidentical
twins, which is super

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fascinating, right?
Because an identical twin, as I

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know from having children, maybe
you do, as well as a single egg

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splitting and making two
different children.

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So from a single source, each of
those attributes are still

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unique.
I mean, so yeah, we are

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absolutely unique.
And every person, every man has

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a purpose in his life that's
unique to him.

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There may be similarities.
There's other pastors like me,

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other coaches like me, other
people who are doing the work

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that you're doing.
But what is the thing that makes

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you you?
Because that's what makes

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whatever your endeavor is your
business, your calling, your,

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your vocation, your job.
That's what makes it different

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is the uniqueness of you within
that specific world that may be

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similar to somebody else's.
So is that uniqueness your

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character?
How You said your character is

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your calling.
Yeah, absolutely.

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The the the, the chapter in my
book, I outline, of course, the

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title gives everything away.
So if you read that and believe

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that you've already understood
the lesson.

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But it really is this.
It's not your title, your role,

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the things that you walk into,
right?

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It's a unique attributes of you,
right?

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It's your character, it's your
value, it's your worth.

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It's your passion, right?
It's your vision.

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It's those things that make you,
you know, that unique man.

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It's the thing that you are
driven by.

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It's the things that you ignore,
right?

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It's all of those attributes
that make you, you and so that's

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what your character is.
And and really it's a counter

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intuitive thing because a lot of
times as may we think that,

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well, I am my role, right?
So if I had this title or I have

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this job or business or I had
this level of income, now you

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know, that is who I am.
And so for us, a lot of it and a

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lot of the understanding is
unpacking you from your

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outcomes.
Our outcomes are still can be

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amazing.
Sometimes they're a substitute

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for identity.
It's me living those things out

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to prove who I am versus living
those out because of who I am.

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What's what's most commonly in
the way for a man knowing his

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purpose?
Boy, another great question.

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There's two, right?
The first is believing that I'm,

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I don't have value until I have
purpose, meaning I don't have

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value until I have a job title
role, right?

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When I become a business owner,
then I'll be somebody that's

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worthy, right?
When I become that CEO or

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whatever The thing is that the
man is using in his life, right?

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It's that's the first thing.
The second thing that we also

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unpack and help people to really
have strategies and tools around

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is many times we believe that
we're limited by our past.

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So, so I can only dream so much.
I can only reach so high, right?

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I can only have so much of an
impact because, you know, we

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don't understand it consciously.
But many times what I tell

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people is you're living from
either who you're created to be

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or what your life is told you.
And every man has had a life

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that just told him something,
right?

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Experiences at your past.
That's the things you walk

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through.
It's the hurt you've had.

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It's the things that people have
said about you that you

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consciously said.
I don't believe that and you

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reject it, but subconsciously
you kind of do.

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So when somebody calls you a
failure and you start to try and

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live it out, when somebody says
that you can't do that thing,

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right?
That's that's for other people,

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that business isn't for you,
that, that, you know, that

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military career, that college
degree, whatever The thing is,

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right?
There's people that want to give

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us our destiny instead of help
us to unleash it.

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And so for many men, myself
included, it was really

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unpacking and understanding that
maybe my life, while it's an

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experience I've walked through,
all of them were some good, some

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great, some amazing, some
horrible.

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None of them should tell me who
I am.

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And in that place, when we start
to unpack that, you can start to

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really start to increase your
vision of, OK, so if I'm not the

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sum total of my experiences in
my past or what people have said

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about me, then who I am I and
how can I unpack what I say is

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unlock and unleash that hero on
the inside?

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What prompted you to begin
unpacking your own character

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value and worth?
Great question.

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And, and I don't really know
where it came from to be totally

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truthful, Andy, but even as a, a
young teenager going to my, you

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know, high school years into,
you know, college, as I was

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doing college, when I came out
of high school, there was a

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sense that there was a person on
the inside, a person that was

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created to be that I wanted to
see on the outside.

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I was more than the experiences
I was walking through and the

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decisions I was making.
I just didn't know how to get

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that guy to come out right.
Instead of fear of failure

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stopping me from really reaching
big things, instead of, you

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know, stopping myself from doing
stuff because, you know, what if

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it fails?
What if I can't do it?

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And all those things you tell
yourself instead of having those

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be the outcomes to really have
me walk in confidence and

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assurance and keep not just
capabilities, but really a

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passion for really living the
life that you're created for.

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And so for me, it really came
from that journey.

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But it was really, you know, as
a spiritual person, you could

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say it was a spirit on the
inside, but there was this,

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there was this knowing on the
inside that there was more.

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And then it was for me trying to
figure out how to get there

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through, through success in
life, right through business or

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academics or athletics.
It was trying to use personal

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development which brought change
and you know, incremental

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increase.
It just didn't bring

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transformation.
So for me, the journey started

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with just this knowing of Gaza.
It's got to be more than this,

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whatever that is.
And even in when I was

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successful, there was still that
sense of there's got to be more

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than this.
Because sometimes, as you

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already know, Andy, with some of
the people you work with, that

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person you are at the bottom of
the hill is the same person you

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are at the mountaintop.
So you think that successful

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overcome fear, failure,
procrastination, impostor

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syndrome, all those things that
are holding you back, come to

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find out they just actually come
along for the ride.

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And so in that place, it's
really starting to unpack how do

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I get that man to show up that
that hero on the inside that I

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want to see on the outside.
And that brought me on a journey

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of all the things we talked
about.

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Have there been times in your
life that you questioned your

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own worth and value?
Oh yeah, absolutely.

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Absolutely.
Now I was going to say every

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time that there was a struggle,
every time that there was what

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you consider a failure, right,
Those negative downturns.

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My wife and I had a business
that we started and it was very

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successful.
We sold it for a quality profit.

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It was the the 5th business that
we started.

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You know, overnight successes
are really more hyped than

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reality.
And so, you know, in most cases

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people were successful already
understand that, you know,

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you're not going to hit, you're
not going to bat 1000 every time

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that you try and do something.
And so for us it was the 5th,

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but even in that one, right.
So you know, the things that

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you're doing, and some guys may
be relate to this as well.

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Sometimes your expenses outlast
your income and in that place

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you're trying to kind of figure
it out, trying to make it

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happen.
And, and in those places, a lot

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of times, again, a lot of things
that men struggle with, and I

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was in that place as well, the
outcomes are really not an

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experience that I'm walking
through, but it's an identity

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statement that I take on as my
own.

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So when those things aren't
working out and there's a, you

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know, financial downturn, we
don't get the clients that we

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need.
And so you're trying to figure

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out how to make payroll, how to
create income for your own

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expenses, how to pay, you know,
all the things that you're

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needing to in that place.
You can feel like a failure in

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those places where it doesn't
work out, You can start to have

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a sense of, gosh, am I created
for this thing?

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Am I really meant to be doing
this?

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That I, you know, in my case,
did I hear God wrong or or did I

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did I really think that I could
do this?

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And can I make it happen?
You know, in those times of

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struggle and challenges where
those that thought life happens.

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You know, I think it was Doctor
Joyce Meyers who had a book that

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was titled I believe the
battlefield of the mind.

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And it really is that case of
you know, who you think you are,

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you'll become and your thought
life is mostly what you wrestle

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with.
It's not your actions and you

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know, education and all the
things you're trying to learn,

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your skill set, it's really
battling your mind and the

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belief systems that you've
again, the light that you've

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lived telling you who you are
and overcoming that.

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So for me, it's certainly those
were some of the things I did as

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well.
Was there any one thing that

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really clicked it in for you
finally that you were inherently

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worthy?
Yeah, you know, it was more of a

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journey than a moment, Andy, but
there was also there was, you

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know, several moments along the
way where you started to see it,

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right.
And and and for me, it wasn't

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there was the belief system that
there's I am worth more than

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than where I'm at.
And in that place, when you

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start to see that guy show up,
when you start to believe that

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you're more than your outcomes.
So when things aren't going

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well, it's not automatically
this feeling of regret or worry

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or shame that I blew what I
messed up.

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And when things are successful,
it's really seeing that it's

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it's me really living out that
that calling that passion that

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that impact that I'm supposed to
have.

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It's really seeing that guy show
up that really resonated and

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really cemented that belief
system for yourself.

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So far you've mentioned fear of
failure and imposter syndrome.

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Were were those things that you
personally faced or what you see

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in your clients?
Both, yeah, both and and the

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honest truth is the interesting
thing, Andy, is you could put

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anger, you could put needing to
control, you can put insecurity,

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you can put anxiety.
Really all of these things, the

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emotions or whatever the titles
are you give them are really at

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their very core identity
statements that you're living.

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But but yeah, imposter syndrome
for sure.

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Not believing that I was, you
know, again, in that business

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when expenses are outpacing
income, you start to feel like

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maybe I'm not qualified for
this.

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Maybe I'm supposed to settle
for, you know, doing what I was

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doing before, not really reach
too high or try these things

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that may be too far out of what
I know how to do, right?

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It's so imposter syndrome for
sure, and fear of failure,

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right?
Again, because if you don't know

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who you are, your world has to
make up the difference in the

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unfortunate challenge in that is
that when my world and and my

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outcomes don't work out the way
I want, when it's a failure and

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I do that in air quotes, then
it's not the experience that's

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failed, it's me.
Again, when you don't know who

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you are, my world has to tell me
and it better work out perfectly

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or it's going to be something
that I have to struggle with.

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Right.
Yeah.

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And, and I exactly have been in
that place where if my worst

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critic lives inside my head,
then what?

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The world mirrors back to me.
I always take the most negative

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possible take on it.
And I said if fear of failure

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and plus syndrome at all means,
oh, I better not do what I'm

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thought I was going to do, oh,
that that calling was wrong and

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I better just just give up.
Yeah.

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Yeah, absolutely.
Either you don't start or you

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give up early when it was
something to persevere through,

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not something that showed you
you needed to quit.

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That's excellent.
I appreciate that.

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Yeah, I definitely.
Perseverance was an issue for

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me.
I would have like grand I Yeah,

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00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:29,920
that's the thing.
This is.

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00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,840
And I thought every new idea was
like the home run.

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And then finally I really got a
message.

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Like, you know, Andy, life's
meant to be like a series of

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00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,440
singles, double s and triples.
And I kept looking for the one

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00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,520
thing that would just fix
everything.

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And, and I think a lot of people
are always possibly looking for

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that thing too.
But if someone finds themself in

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a new business, an existing
career, hitting that wall for

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having that that internal
struggle, the imposter syndrome,

300
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,520
the fears, the anger, what
what's a first step they can

301
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,120
take to what?
Once they have the awareness of

302
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,280
something's wrong, What's what's
a first step they might take?

303
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,480
Yeah, which is a great question
because there's two steps that

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00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,040
people would take.
One is the one most people take

305
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,520
and one is the one that's going
to help them.

306
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,160
One is the one most people take
is I create, you know, and, and,

307
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,840
and again, I've, I, I created
like master the course I have

308
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,040
and wrote the book life master
living life by design.

309
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,200
Because I didn't find a
transformational course out of

310
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,200
there, but I took a lot of
courses before that, courses,

311
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,840
books, teachers, gurus,
whatever, right?

312
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,840
And a lot of times what they
talk about is how to manage the

313
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,400
emotion.
So I, I feel, you know, I feel

314
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,200
the sense of dread, the sense of
worry, right.

315
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,000
So what you need to do is create
a positive affirmation.

316
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,960
And every time you feel that
you're going to use your

317
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,520
positive affirmation and it's
supposed to help you get better.

318
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,640
Many times it doesn't.
For me, it never did.

319
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,760
Because in most of those cases,
when I'm telling myself I am a

320
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,080
man of strength, I am a man of
strength.

321
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,360
I am a man of strength, but my
thoughts are telling me I'm

322
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,920
going to blow it.
It's going to be horrible.

323
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:58,240
This is going to be a failure.
That side actually wins because

324
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,200
generic mantras or affirmations
typically don't work.

325
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,640
And even if they did, what
you're really doing is you're

326
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,040
finding the fruit, not the root.
What I mean is when you're

327
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,280
attacking the emotion, fear of
failure comes up.

328
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,680
And I have this, you know, I am
a man of success.

329
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,600
I am a man of success.
I use my affirmation.

330
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,040
Great.
And you finally bludgeon it into

331
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,680
silence for a while.
And then you go for that next

332
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,160
challenge or the next one after
that.

333
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,360
And you know, like yourself, you
illustrated so well, Andy,

334
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,160
success is a series of singles
when in each one of them, many

335
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,920
times there's challenge that
comes and needs to be overcome.

336
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,920
Any of those places, you always
have that fear pop up.

337
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,320
Well, now all of a sudden you
just have to fight it the next

338
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,840
time and the next time after
that.

339
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,080
What I see is most courses and
teachings really give you the

340
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,800
ability to change, but it really
is habit formation.

341
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,040
And the problem with habit
formation is the habit I used to

342
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,360
get there, I have to use to stay
there.

343
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,240
And so fear of failure never
leaves.

344
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,080
I just silence it for a little
bit of time.

345
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,520
And so that's where most people
go.

346
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,400
The other side that I talked
about is how we start.

347
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,760
It's not a foundation of
managing your emotions, but

348
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,960
unpacking your identity.
Who are you created to be?

349
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,080
Right, Because who you're
created to be as the person

350
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,680
that'll show up.
It's either who you believe you

351
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,240
are or what your life has told
you you were.

352
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,560
So with us, it's really
unpacking tools of identity as a

353
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,440
foundation.
Because I can be nothing else

354
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,240
but who I am.
I'm undeniably me, which means

355
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:22,400
that when you show up as who
you're created to be, my

356
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,320
experiences don't get to tell me
who I am.

357
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,280
Failure, successes, other
people's opinions, things that

358
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,240
have been said to me to hurt me,
none of them can have an impact

359
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,280
unless I believed in myself.
And so in that place, when I

360
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,840
start to unpack identity, well,
I can't fail at being me.

361
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,160
I can have an experience that
doesn't work out and use it as a

362
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,760
lesson to grow from, but it's
never an identity statement

363
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,320
because I know who I am.
I'm not a person who fails.

364
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,560
I'm a person who succeeds on a
consistent basis.

365
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,280
We give you tools to start to
unpack that in your own life.

366
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,840
So it's not attacking the
emotion, again, attacking the

367
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:57,160
fruit, because if it's not
insecurity, if it's not fear, if

368
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,760
it's not control, if it's not
anger, and on the other side,

369
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,920
those things that we use, if
it's not, I need money and I'm

370
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,319
striving for things or those
addictions that you use to

371
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:07,079
medicate against the life you
don't want.

372
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,240
If you're not dealing with
identity, you'll always deal

373
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,680
with fruit.
And that sounds more like

374
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:16,040
exhaustion than freedom.
I I love what you said.

375
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,839
I can't fail at being me.
That's it.

376
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,720
That I feel like that sums it up
like in a nutshell, like once

377
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,920
you and well, I should take that
back because it again, it

378
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,520
depends on your identity.
If I think I am this pathetic

379
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,480
loser and I'm saying I can't
fail at being a pathetic loser,

380
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,840
then that's going to continue a
a rather miserable experience.

381
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,520
But the.
But the outcome's the same.

382
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,640
You're you're right in both
circumstances.

383
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,640
What I tell people is who you
believe you are, you'll become.

384
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,840
So it either aligns with who
you're created to be or what

385
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,720
your life is told you your
identity is unpacking or you're

386
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,320
created to be so your life
doesn't get to lie to you

387
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,240
anymore.
Yeah, so I'm an initiate in the

388
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,720
modern mystery school and the
the point of the school is to

389
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,080
know thyself from the Oracle of
No 5.

390
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,520
That's and and this has shown up
in, I feel like it's the the

391
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,880
last three episodes, the
importance of knowing yourself,

392
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,840
knowing who you are.
And you know, I find that we've

393
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,920
already talked about so many men
think that their value comes

394
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,720
from how much they provide, how
much they earn, how much they've

395
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,440
traded, how much all the toys
they have to show off.

396
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:22,040
And it's deeper in that.
So can can you put better words

397
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,520
to like what what's inside of
us?

398
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,160
Like what what what?
What does knowing my true

399
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,200
identity really mean?
Well, I mean, there's a couple

400
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,040
of things.
It's me not allowing my life to

401
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,720
lie to me.
And it doesn't mean you don't

402
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,280
accomplish things.
The people I work with, there's

403
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,040
many men I'm working with who
were successful in business, but

404
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,520
now are more so because even
people had successful

405
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,240
businesses.
They find a couple of things.

406
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,280
They find that their fear didn't
leave just because they received

407
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,200
a great income or created a
business, established product,

408
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,480
whatever The thing is that
they're doing.

409
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,320
And in that place, for them,
success was always a relief, not

410
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,960
a joy because I didn't fail this
time.

411
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,360
But it's that hamster wheel of
success.

412
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,520
But I always have to continually
reprove myself.

413
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,040
So in that place, they live that
out.

414
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,640
But it's really understanding
this.

415
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,760
It's so there's the outcome side
of it, right?

416
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,800
Your outcomes can be amazing.
The difference is that my

417
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,360
outcomes are a joy and a
fulfillment for me.

418
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,720
They're not a necessity.
So I can feel valued and worthy,

419
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,240
But then there's the other side
of it of understanding.

420
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,960
There's this word I use a lot.
It's called impact.

421
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,720
And what I tell the guys I work
with is there's an impact in the

422
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,280
world that has your name on it.
So there's great, you know, this

423
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,960
great mission, this great
calling, these things that guys

424
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,720
feel on the inside that man,
there's got to be more than

425
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,360
average.
There's got to be more than just

426
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,880
getting through.
There's got to be more than just

427
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,480
day-to-day.
You're right, you're absolutely

428
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,680
right.
And, and, but like you'd said,

429
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,800
that initial question you had
was really profound.

430
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,520
Is, is, is, you know, is this
character is the values that is

431
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,040
the mission for every man the
same.

432
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,320
There are generic ones.
I need to, you know, I'm called

433
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,560
to be a good father, good
husband, good man, right?

434
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,360
A provider, a, a person of
courage and strength, right?

435
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,920
Those are all generic attributes
of a man.

436
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,760
But then there's this impact.
There's a you thing that lives

437
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,680
when you're gone, that thing
that lives outlives you.

438
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,440
The difference in the world
that's made because you existed.

439
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,560
Whatever that thing is, right,
it doesn't it's not

440
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,240
entrepreneurship for everybody.
It's not invention for

441
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,080
everybody.
It's not being an artist or an

442
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,400
actor or an athlete for
everybody.

443
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,640
But there's this character of
you that matters and mattered in

444
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,080
the world when you're gone.
It's it's that part of you and

445
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,480
and how it plays out is those
things we talked about.

446
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,560
It's different for every man.
It could be a man who invests

447
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,240
himself as a teacher so that
hundreds of children's lives are

448
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,520
changed because somebody spoke
truth and and spoke destiny into

449
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,960
them as they were growing up and
it changed the trajectory of

450
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,360
their lives.
It could be that man that was

451
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:49,320
ACEO that provided not just a
product but a livelihood and a

452
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,520
lifestyle for hundreds of people
who worked underneath them.

453
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,400
It could be that husband who
raised up that next Elon Musk or

454
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,480
whoever it is the person, that
marquee individual had a

455
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:07,600
childhood and many times the
unspoken heroes in that person's

456
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,640
life was the father who raised
them up with the integrity for

457
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,520
them to be able to carry the
weight of what they were going

458
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,120
to in the world.
I don't know what it is for

459
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:17,840
every man.
I'm not a prophet, so I can't

460
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,440
tell them.
But what I do know is there's a

461
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,240
word and there's a phrase in the
Bible that says God's no

462
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,240
respecter of persons, which
means he doesn't look at any of

463
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,240
his children differently.
And it also means he treats all

464
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,520
of them the same.
And this, every one of us has a

465
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,680
creative vein and impact.
What is that that thing that's

466
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:38,400
yours when you when you live it
out, you know it because you

467
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,800
know that man, This is exactly
what I was created for.

468
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,280
It comes in moments and times
when you're reflecting.

469
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,160
You feel like man, I'm just, I
feel like I want to invest the

470
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,000
rest of my life doing this.
I don't know what it is for

471
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,240
every man, but I know every man
has 1 and I know that there's

472
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,760
things that are stopping it.
But again, the the title of my

473
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,280
book is Life Master Living Life
by design, not by default.

474
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,840
Default is just going through
the day-to-day, managing your

475
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,320
emotions where you can, doing
the things you can, trying to

476
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:06,920
succeed your way into feeling
value.

477
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,240
Life by design is understanding
that there's tools and

478
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:14,280
strategies to unleash you as the
person you're created to be so

479
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,520
that here on the inside shows up
on the outside.

480
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,760
I'm glad you stated all those
masculine traits to begin with,

481
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:26,160
cuz yeah, cuz those really are
positive aspects of masculinity

482
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:31,320
that all men really need to
partaken, live up to and and

483
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:35,400
enjoy the fruits of because that
gets us on our path of having a

484
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,560
fulfilled life.
But then there is the more of,

485
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,160
of what brings you joy.
And I love that you're adding

486
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,600
joy to that because that that
certainly for me growing up, I

487
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,600
didn't think joy will had a
place in any man's life or as

488
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,680
you know, struggle and toil and
hard work and effort.

489
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,440
No one ever said, oh, go be a
joyous adult male.

490
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,480
Like what?
Like that was just foreign to

491
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,160
me.
And the other thing I found, and

492
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:59,080
I can tell that you have found
this is how important service

493
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,440
is.
Yeah, that was something I did

494
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,000
not.
Or if it was told to me as a

495
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:07,160
child I missed it.
But the I I find the more

496
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:12,360
helpful I am to anyone else, the
more joy I feel as a result of

497
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,120
that.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

498
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:16,400
And here's the interesting
thing, Andy.

499
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,400
Nobody has done anything great
by only serving themselves.

500
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,280
I guarantee you, you can't name
one person of all of all of

501
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,600
creation who has ever had a
wonderful and amazing impact in

502
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,440
the world, but they were only
really serving themselves,

503
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,720
people that had maybe some
success or done some things.

504
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,640
I don't think any man really
wants that.

505
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,560
I don't think authentically any
man really wants to have that as

506
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,560
his moniker.
And if I could give you the

507
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,120
other part of the strength of
men, it's it's also

508
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,920
authenticity.
It's also honesty.

509
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,640
It's also vulnerability.
It's also the emotional side of

510
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,480
it.
I tell people sometimes I don't

511
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,720
know if you've ever seen that
cartoon picture of a, a

512
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,040
bodybuilder and it's some guy at
the beach and he's got a massive

513
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,760
shoulders, arms, chest and all
of that.

514
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,360
And then it pans down to his
lower body and he's got, you

515
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:04,480
know, these little pencil legs.
He that's kind of like a man who

516
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,800
is dealing with strengths, but
not the authenticity, dealing

517
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,160
with strengths, but not the
vulnerability.

518
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,320
And for me, finding out that a
man is more well-rounded than

519
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,600
that.
I can be strong and still have

520
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,400
emotions.
I can be strong and still feel

521
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,280
as you talked about, which I
really love.

522
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,960
For me, it was, I mean, not to
bring it down or to the

523
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,160
conversation was when my wife
and I lost twins.

524
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,280
My dad was one of those guys
that it's all strength and

525
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:31,320
stoicism and nothing hurts and
you don't cry and all of these

526
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,000
things, right.
He showed emotion in momentary

527
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,200
moments.
He didn't he didn't demonstrate

528
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,520
it as a lifestyle.
And so for him, it was mostly

529
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,160
just that, you know, suck it up,
get over it, move on.

530
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:48,680
And I remember a time when we
had lost and my wife had to

531
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,360
deliver them and we had to go
through all of that and I had to

532
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,840
go home to tell my daughter was
a teenager at the time.

533
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,080
I wasn't going to tell her over
the phone and I couldn't leave

534
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,760
my wife's side while we were
both walking through this.

535
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,760
She was walking through the
delivery or we were walking

536
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,280
through the grief.
So at the end of that evening

537
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,880
when I was able to get home to
talk to you and my 14 year old

538
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,640
daughter from the drive from the
hospital to my house, I've, I've

539
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,600
you talked about those moments
where you felt like you're

540
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,440
called on.
It was a moment when I finally

541
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:19,360
gave up living somebody else's
idea what it looked like to be a

542
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:22,040
man.
Because in that place, none of

543
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,840
those things that my father
demonstrated stopped me from

544
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,200
feeling crushed on the inside,
from feeling such a great and

545
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,840
deep loss in my life that I was
just weeping, driving home,

546
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,520
trying to my vision was blurred
because I was crying so much

547
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:37,920
because we had lost our
children.

548
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,200
And in that place, it was a
pivotal moment in my life of

549
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,880
saying, I'm I'm not going to do
that anymore.

550
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,160
I'm not.
It's useless to try and act like

551
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,560
nothing matters when you feel
like you're, you're crushed on

552
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,000
the inside.
So in that place, it really gave

553
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,800
me an understanding that, you
know, being a man is somebody

554
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,800
who's absolutely in touch with
those, those emotions, because

555
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,000
those are the things that bring
joy, that bring love, that bring

556
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,960
the fullness of relationship.
If I had no emotions, I have no

557
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:07,640
relationship.
And in that place, I lose out on

558
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,840
all the challenges of grief and
worry and stress that, you know,

559
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,040
maybe you walk through at times,
But I lose all the joy and all

560
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,440
the depth of love because I
can't feel one without the

561
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:22,640
other.
Yeah, I I often say to men that

562
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,480
if if they learned what it means
to be a man from someone who was

563
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,040
miserable and unhappy and
complaining, like, why would you

564
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,520
want to follow that?
Like that isn't that should be

565
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,160
proof that, you know, suck it
up, man up all just say a life

566
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,440
of nothing.
But saying that it it it doesn't

567
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,720
help.
Yeah, yeah.

568
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,840
And we persevere.
I don't know any man who doesn't

569
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,160
persevere through hard things.
We do all those things, but to

570
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:51,200
do them at the at the detriment
of actually honesty just leaves

571
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,440
you lacking.
How long ago have did you lose

572
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,360
the twins?
It was actually quite a while

573
00:26:56,360 --> 00:27:00,200
ago.
My youngest daughter is 26 and

574
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,720
so it was two years before that,
so 28 years ago, but I can.

575
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,920
It was definitely one of those
moments in your life you'll

576
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,040
remember for the rest of your
life.

577
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,000
Yeah, I, I, I imagine that.
Yeah, I, I, I don't have

578
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,960
children.
I do have friends that have lost

579
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:21,720
children that I, I, I can't
imagine a deeper pain to, to

580
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,120
live through than that.
So.

581
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:29,440
I appreciate it.
But on the flip side, boy it it

582
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,600
seems like they like live their
purpose if they woke you up.

583
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,880
Yeah, no, there's there's,
there's good to take out a bad

584
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,080
experiences.
It doesn't mean they're, you

585
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:45,120
know, people really misuse the
Scripture that says what the

586
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,160
enemy meant for evil, God meant
for good.

587
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:51,160
We we take that and equate that
to the fact that God not only

588
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,880
allowed it, but he gave
permission to it.

589
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,280
It's it's not that in life at
all.

590
00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,720
It's that even in the worst of
circumstances, there's things

591
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,640
that you can take from it that
you're going to be better

592
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,320
because of it.
It doesn't mean it wasn't

593
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,480
horrible and never denies the
reality of that.

594
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,840
It just allows you to have a
perspective that says, what have

595
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,880
I gained from this?
Even in losing so much, if you

596
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,840
could do that, you're, you're
living that life, mastery life

597
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,920
because you're finding ways to
grow even in the hardest times.

598
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,080
Right, right.
Finding the gift in our our

599
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,280
hardest challenges doesn't mean
they were pleasant experiences.

600
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,240
It just means you found
something out of it.

601
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,400
Yeah, it it wasn't.
And a lot of people, Yeah, I

602
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,920
used to live this way too.
A lot of people think, oh, that

603
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,880
that that happened because life
is just horrible and it's it's

604
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,440
just miserable to be here and
being human is just stinks.

605
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,720
And, you know, we're nothing but
pain and we torment.

606
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:47,880
And yeah, so I'm, I'm very glad
you did not go that way.

607
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,840
I appreciate it.
I was going to ask is there one

608
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:53,280
thing that you wish more men
knew?

609
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,160
But I feel like you have
probably have a list of things,

610
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,440
but what's top of mind for what
we what you wish more men knew?

611
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,080
I think there's two sides to the
coin.

612
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,960
The first side is that this
dissatisfaction, it's, it's

613
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:06,800
actually a lesson in my life,
Master.

614
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,920
Of course, it, it's talking
about the gift of

615
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,200
dissatisfaction.
And the gift and dissatisfaction

616
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,520
is what I tell people is what I
believe dissatisfaction is.

617
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,600
Again, like with myself, It's
that that man on the inside, I

618
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,680
said person on the inside saying
there's more than where I'm at.

619
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,240
And you're not satisfied because
you're not seeing the fullness

620
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,480
of the life that you're called
for.

621
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,520
That's a gift for you, even if
you don't realize it, because

622
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,800
you're right.
If you're right that there's

623
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,000
more than where you're at, that
means that there's more than

624
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,160
what you're doing today.
There's more than you're

625
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,480
experienced in this moment,
which means that you have more

626
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,160
inside of you, that you have the
ability to actually reach for

627
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,600
your dreams, your goals, your
passions, your vision.

628
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,440
So there's that.
And the other part of the other

629
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,200
side of the coin is I talked
about my history and my past.

630
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,360
I talked about going through a
bunch of courses that brought

631
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,360
change and habit, but not
transformation.

632
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,360
And so I created the life Master
course.

633
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,920
So what I tell the people that I
talked to is, you know, I

634
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,600
believe I've created what is a
fully robust, fully complete

635
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,680
life mastery course that brings
transformation in your life.

636
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,560
But there's one ingredient I
can't bring to it that the other

637
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,920
person has to, and it's the
belief in themselves.

638
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,200
Throughout my whole journey,
which was over a multitude of

639
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:19,640
years, it didn't happen in
moments.

640
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,840
It wasn't one quick idea and
then I'm done.

641
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,960
It was a journey that I had to
walk through and grow through.

642
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,480
But in that place, the one thing
I did right in that whole

643
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,600
circumstance was I refused to
give up on myself.

644
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,520
I refuse to give up on the
belief that there is more.

645
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:38,200
Even though I get one course, 2
course, three books, 5 books, 10

646
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,280
books, all of these things and
they didn't work out.

647
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,240
And you talked about those
internal conversations of town,

648
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:44,320
right?
Those times where it's like,

649
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,920
man, am I just, am I wrong?
Is this all that I get to have

650
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,680
as far as a life?
And but refusing at the end of

651
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,480
the day to give up on myself.
What I tell the guys is this.

652
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,680
If you can bet on yourself one
more time, you'll find the

653
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,200
transformation you're looking
for.

654
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,160
It's the one thing that nobody
else can provide that you can.

655
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,160
It's this.
I refuse to give up on me.

656
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,680
I'm going to bet on myself one
more time.

657
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,760
Even if this last thing didn't
work or these last 10 things or

658
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,080
whatever it is you've tried.
If you refuse to give up on

659
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,680
yourself, you'll find your path
and your way to finding the

660
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,240
transformation you're looking
for.

661
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,480
That's the one thing that is the
key ingredient that I can never

662
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,040
provide and you can never
provide for these men that they

663
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,800
can provide for themselves.
It's the one thing that'll allow

664
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,600
you to persevere until you
finally get there.

665
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,480
Yeah, that that rings very true
for me.

666
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,760
And I don't know if you know
this about me, but I'm a

667
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,360
survivor of multiple suicide
attempts.

668
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,800
I made multiple attempts in my
life in, in my teens and early

669
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:42,040
20s.
And not being able to go through

670
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,200
that, I, I battled myself that I
was so weak.

671
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,320
But then it took a long time to
realize, oh, wait, I was

672
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,080
refusing to give up myself.
That was my resilience.

673
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:54,280
That was, you know, I kept, I
wanted to prove I wanted some

674
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,720
sign that I was meant to be
here.

675
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,360
And finally.
Oh well, you are cuz you're

676
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,680
here.
That was I was pretty good in

677
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,920
school, but that was the one
lesson that I was I was not good

678
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,720
at picking that one up.
But again, I don't I don't

679
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,800
recommend that path.
Absolutely yeah, just yeah.

680
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:14,280
Your value and worth is innate
from from birth for from from

681
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,960
being you are worthy.
It's it's nothing to earn.

682
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,160
There's nothing to chase, Yeah.
No, absolutely.

683
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,000
I appreciate you sharing that.
So we were at the the end of

684
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,240
2024 and I want to ask you to
look back on this year or your

685
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,680
entire life and just what,
what's something you're you're

686
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,400
really proud of?
Yeah, I think for me, there's a

687
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:40,560
few things.
I I actually published my book

688
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,360
like Master Liberal by Design
last November, November 30th,

689
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,320
this so a year ago November, not
this past few months.

690
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,280
And my mom was my biggest
encouragement.

691
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,600
She was actually the reason I
wrote the book.

692
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,520
I was really invested in the
course.

693
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,480
It felt like, you know, nobody
reads hard copy books anymore or

694
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,480
they go online or whatever.
Come to find out, a lot of

695
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,200
people loved it.
But she said I should write a

696
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,360
book and I did.
So I wrote the Life Master book

697
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:05,600
and I was able to give it to
her.

698
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,560
In December she passed away and
in April of this year.

699
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,160
But to be able to give her that
first book again, you want to

700
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,760
you want to feel value and worth
from the people that care for

701
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,920
you the most.
And to be able to have the

702
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,920
person that was my biggest fan
received my first copy of the

703
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,320
book and and see that I
accomplished the thing that she

704
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,920
told me I should do.
And handing it to her at the

705
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,560
beginning of the year was a
great blessing.

706
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,280
You know, of course, the people
I'm working with, it is my

707
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,520
passion.
You know, I know, Andy, the

708
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,040
desperation that that men have
when they're like, again, that

709
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,560
place of these things I've
tried, haven't worked.

710
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,720
What do I do?
Am I going to give up and this

711
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,640
is it Or, you know, I know that
desperation of knowing that

712
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:48,800
there's more than what you're
living.

713
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,880
And to see all these men that
I'm working with take their

714
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,840
strides and, and their steps
forward and those things and

715
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,920
doing what I said is I say is
the bravest thing that any man

716
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,080
can do, which is to confront the
the issues that are staying in

717
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,360
the way of the life I'm created
for.

718
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,600
It's so easy to ignore it and
most people do it.

719
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,520
Again, the title of my book is
like by design, not by default.

720
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,679
Default is I'm just going to
ignore it and try and do my very

721
00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:14,400
best with what I got.
But that brave guy who says

722
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,679
that, no, I'm, I'm, I'm going to
confront it.

723
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:19,239
I'm going to walk through it.
I'm going to do the best I can

724
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,120
to get this thing and have it
over be overcome so I can live

725
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,719
the life I'm created for.
So every person, then every man

726
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,480
that I've worked with, that's a
great joy of my life.

727
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,280
And you know, just growing as an
individual, you know, life

728
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,960
mastery is a journey.
It's not a moment.

729
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,080
I'm striving for higher things
that I've achieved in my life.

730
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,400
I'm striving for more depth and
understanding of myself and more

731
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,560
of myself to invest in others.
So that's always a growing

732
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,360
experience.
And I'm proud for staying the

733
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,440
course in those places.
Not, you know, sitting on your

734
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,280
laurels and, and, you know,
saying, well, this is good

735
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,159
enough and I've done enough, but
saying, what if there's more?

736
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:56,840
And there's always more.
Yeah.

737
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,200
Yeah.
And again, I used to think that

738
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,320
was hard.
Why is there always more than

739
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,880
should be?
But I'm like, oh, now I've, you

740
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,880
know, from a better attitude.
I'm glad that there's always

741
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,720
more.
You know, I'm glad that we're

742
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,440
never done.
Yeah, absolutely.

743
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,880
The joy is in is in the journey,
they say.

744
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,280
And in that journey, when
there's always more, there's

745
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,200
always a reason to get up in the
morning and and invest in the

746
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,960
life that you're living.
Yeah.

747
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,200
So what are you looking forward
to?

748
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,760
But as a, as a business
perspective, I have a workbook

749
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,040
coming out this year.
I've actually, I'm hoping to get

750
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,040
it done by the new year, which
is I'm out of a tight time frame

751
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,760
and, you know, doing some other
things and really try to invest

752
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,600
in how to get the message out.
So I'm really looking forward to

753
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,880
that.
All of our adult kids are out of

754
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,400
the house.
And so I tell my wife this is

755
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,680
our honeymoon time.
My wife, I, when I met her, she

756
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,720
had a 5 and a nine year old.
And so when I married, I didn't

757
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,280
marry a woman, I married a
family.

758
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:51,960
And so from that point forward,
we have never had children in

759
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,240
our house until two months ago
when my last daughter moved out.

760
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,480
And so I told her, you know,
again, we were poor when we were

761
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,960
younger.
So our honeymoon was a one night

762
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:05,560
stay at at La Quinta end.
So I tell her, and we believe

763
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,920
this is our honeymoon season.
So the things we couldn't do

764
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,000
when we were first married, now
we get to do.

765
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,160
So I'm looking forward to the
honeymoon years of our life as

766
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:14,560
well.
Awesome.

767
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,800
Awesome that.
That's a great way to look at

768
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,640
it, Mark.
What's the best way for people

769
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,600
to get in touch with you, find
out everything you're up to find

770
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:23,880
the book, the workbook, the
class.

771
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,560
Where is?
Where is this all located?

772
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,200
Yeah, it's a united, I'm a one
stop shop.

773
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:33,760
So my one stop shop is my
website itsfreedom-4-life.net,

774
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,880
freedom-4-life.net.
The course that we talked about

775
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,920
life mastery is out there and
feel free to engage in that.

776
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,480
My book I have as an e-book
version on my website, so you

777
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,480
can see that book out there as
well.

778
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,840
Like Master your living life by
design, not by default.

779
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,240
You can't get the book on Amazon
because of course you can get

780
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:54,240
everything on Amazon.
But if you want the E version to

781
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:56,800
take on every device you have or
any device you have, you can get

782
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,120
that on my website.
Best place to get in touch with

783
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,640
me to have.
If you have any questions or

784
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,520
understandings you need to have
about is Life Master for you,

785
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:09,200
reach out to me at
markmrk@freedom-4-life.net.

786
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,680
Well, thanks, Mark, for, for not
just for being here, but for

787
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:19,080
everything you're doing and for
embracing purpose, embracing the

788
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,400
more, embracing the joy,
embracing the service.

789
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,480
This is what the world needs
more.

790
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:28,760
More men being themselves, being
their true selves and expressing

791
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:29,720
it and sharing it with the
world.

792
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:31,920
Thanks so much, Andy.
I really appreciate it.

793
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,640
Thanks everyone for listening
and tuning in, and thanks for a

794
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:37,840
fantastic year supporting Real
Men Feel.

795
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,920
Please visit realmenfeel.org.
See the blog post for this

796
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,080
episode, which will have all the
various links and resources that

797
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,600
Mark and I discussed.
Wherever you're discovering Real

798
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,680
Men Feel, please subscribe,
follow, like, share this episode

799
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,600
with somebody, post a review or
a comment.

800
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,280
And if you're not sure where
you're going, it is almost

801
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:57,400
impossible to get there.
If you want 2025 to be your best

802
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,320
year yet, I invite you to book a
free Clarity call with me and

803
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,600
we'll explore what you want and
what's in the way.

804
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:09,960
Visit theandygrant.com/talk and
until next time they go to

805
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:10,440
yourself.