Life Reboot: Embracing Vulnerability and Setting Boundaries

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Are you just not satisfied or
are you despondent?

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Identify how you're feelings.
That's the thing that you can

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respond to.
If you don't understand how

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you're feeling and you don't
understand what's important to

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you, all the actions that you're
going to be taking are for

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someone else or just shots in
the dark.

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Oh, and welcome to Real and
Feel.

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I'm your host, Andy Grant.
Today I'm talking with Lauren

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Silverman.
Lauren is a coach who helps

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overwhelmed and burned out
people, especially the ones who

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seem to have it all together on
the outside but are quietly

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running on fumes inside.
His work focuses on helping

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people set healthier boundaries,
get clear on what actually

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matters, and build the lives
that feel more steady and less

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chaotic.
He also created Life Reboot Nerd

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Edition, a practical and
gamified 90 day framework for

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rebuilding your life with more
clarity and consistency.

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Sounds like fun?
Let's do it.

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Hello Lauren, and welcome to
REAL Men Feel.

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Hey, thanks for having me.
Happy to be here.

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Now I know that you work with
people that on the outside look

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like they've got it all figured
out, but inside perhaps are

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running on fumes.
What drew you to that kind of

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coaching?
Experience.

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I have a sign on my wall that
says I'm the coach I once

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needed.
So I experienced the burnout.

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I experienced the high pressure
job, I experienced the over

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performing as or high performing
as a coping mechanism for for

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progress, but it just I just got
totally burnt out.

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Was there a particular moment
that you realized I can't keep

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living like this?
Yeah, there was.

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Actually, it was in 2022,
shortly after Russia invaded

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Ukraine.
And I was working in technology

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for enterprise clients and our
entire development team was

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Ukrainian.
So I saw their kind of, I saw

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their lives just get completely
turned upside down overnight.

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And then the people that I was
working for were afraid that the

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instability in the region would
affect delivering, so went and

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started looking for other team
members to hire that were maybe

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on shore or near shore
basically.

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So not only did the Ukrainian
development team basically have

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their entire world turned upside
down overnight by this other

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country invading them, they
started losing work because the

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companies that I was working
for, these enterprise

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organizations weren't were
afraid that they wouldn't have

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that they wouldn't be able to
continue service.

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So that was really upsetting to
me and had me rethinking what I

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was doing for my life and
career.

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And I can't explain it other
than to say that I was moved

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because I was moved to do
something.

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Started Google searching how
Americans can help Ukrainians.

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And I was on a plane in two
weeks to Krakow.

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And I drove from Krakow to the
Ukraine Poland border, hooked up

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with Auk transportation company
and started helping transport

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refugees from the border who had
crossed over from Ukraine into

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Poland to safe houses, to family
members houses, to doctor's

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appointments.
I drove a British marine 4 hours

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to a Warsaw so that he could get
a a flight home back to London.

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It's probably the first time
that the guy slept in in weeks

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in my car on that 4 hour trip.
I just realized that this is how

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I wanted to be in the world.
This is how I wanted to serve

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people, humanity.
I don't know.

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That sounds super, super
grandiose, but it really is.

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I just realized that all of the
love I had for the work that I

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was been, that I was doing, had
everything to do with the people

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that I was working with and
watching them grow.

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I'd loved seeing people that
were reporting to me or that I

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trained as their first job
become VPS or start their own

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businesses.
So yeah, that's what led me to

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coaching.
I didn't want to continue to

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work for these huge enterprise
organizations that had no soul,

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and I wanted to help prevent
other people that might find

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themselves in the situation that
I found myself in.

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I wanted to help them avoid that
burnout and avoid that same kind

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of crash and burn routine that I
had been in for 20 years,

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basically so.
How long did you stay in Europe?

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I was in, I was in Poland for
about two weeks.

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OK, so just a short term trip.
Yeah, I it was just an

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incredibly moving experience
bringing families to safe houses

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and seeing like this basically a
huge house that someone had that

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they were just providing for
refugees to stay 18 bedroom

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home, some giant mansion in in
the Poland countryside and

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someone just volunteering to
give their home over to help

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people in The Who walk into the
house.

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And on the side, just the
Baker's racks of children's

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shoes.
Either children that didn't have

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shoes can take them off the rack
or people that have extra shoes

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put them on the rack.
But that was just, I'll never

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forget that visual of just
seeing kids shoes and jackets

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and stuff just all lined up in
this foyer.

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Well, it sounds like an
incredibly transformative

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experience.
What was burnout looking like

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for you before that trip?
Just going through the day like

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a robot and just trying to
perform and just feeling

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completely overwhelmed with what
was on my plate.

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No passion anymore in the work
that I was doing, you know,

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struggling to make sense or
meaning of why we are here.

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Each existential crisis complete
like existential crisis.

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It it looked like getting up
every morning, just feeling so

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fatigued, not being able to
rest, not being able to get into

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any kind of flow state or
feeling like you're just doing

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the thing that you're supposed
to do.

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It's just always a grind, always
for someone else not aligned

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with my values or a mission or
how I want to contribute.

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Yeah, just imagine waking up
every morning just being like

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another day, just like totally
deflating.

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Yeah, yeah.
I don't need to imagine that.

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I've lived that as well.
You've been there.

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A lot of men are taught to just
push through that.

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That's what life is.
So do you see that mindset

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serving men in some way and how
does it hurt them long term?

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Yeah, everything that I've
experienced has gotten to me

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where I've to where I've been
today.

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I don't take any of my
experiences and look back on

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them with any kind of regret or
self judgement.

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I always tell my clients
feedback out outweighs self

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judgement every day of the week.
Right?

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Take the feedback in, don't beat
yourself up over it.

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Just learn what you did well,
what you didn't do well, and

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where you can improve.
For me, the scenario that you're

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describing, it just looked like
if I could just keep my head

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down and keep performing at this
high level where everyone on the

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outsides, wow, that guy's got a
really good successful career,

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keeps moving up in companies and
keeps earning good salaries.

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But what people don't see is
just the stark unhappiness and

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the lack of direction.
Really, one of the first things

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I do with my clients is a value
to voice exercise.

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So before we can start taking
action or even understand how we

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got where we are today, let's
talk about what's important to

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you.
Let's list your values,

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decompose those and see how you
put them into action today.

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And a lot of people will find
out if they're facing burnout or

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overwhelm, that their actions
are not aligned with their

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values.
And that's the friction point.

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So how do you help someone
realize the difference between

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what they truly value and what
they've been trained or taught

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to value?
So the first step is just

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recognition.
Recognition that you're grinding

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and not happy you like you.
People will know that.

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They'll know whether they want
to face it or not.

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People can wake up in the
morning and tell, am I happy

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about today or am I fearful
about today?

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Am I worried about what today
will bring?

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So that awareness that's slowing
down and that self-awareness is

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key.
And that's one of the things

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that really was transformative
for me.

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Just giving myself a chance to
pause the intensive work that I

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did in self discovery and then
further in training to be a

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coach.
My tagline on my Life Reboot

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Nerd addition program is pause,
Reboot and grow.

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So it's like that old technology
trove.

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Have you tried turning it off
and on again?

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So that's basically what I did.
I turned myself off, did some

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deep work, a lot of exploration,
a lot of self discovery,

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rebooted, turn myself back on
again, ready for that growth.

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Did you mention that clarity is
more important than trying

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harder?
Can you expand on that?

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Yeah, effort against the thing
that you're not aligned with.

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It's not only it's not only a
wasted effort, it's such effort

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that goes against really what
your goals might be.

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So understanding, taking that
moment to pause and it and

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there's all kinds of aids and
things.

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When I first started doing work
on myself, I didn't even know

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how I felt.
And it required me to look at a

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chart of 60 feeling words and
trying to find the one that fit.

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You know how I felt?
You don't have the words for it.

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I didn't have the words.
I didn't have the understanding

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of what I was feeling.
So that's where I started.

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Just how do you feel?
Describe that.

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Where do you feel it in your
body?

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What's that?
What mental capacity is that

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taking up?
When you get that clarity and

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understand who you are at a
foundational level and have that

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strong sense of self and that
strong foundation, then you can

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align your actions to those
values and you just see how much

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easy, easier life feels.
Life just becomes so much

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smoother when you're doing the
things that are important to

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you.
If you're not doing something

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that's important to you and if
you don't know what's important

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to you, I hope people figure
that out and then align their

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actions to those things.
And the satisfaction that comes

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out of that is just, it's
natural.

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You're not fighting against
something that you don't believe

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in, or you're not doing work
Whose effort doesn't forward

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some goal of yours, right?
When you're aligned with your

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values and your passions, then
you know high achieving comes

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naturally.
It's not a forced act.

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Yeah, it's not a forced act that
comes naturally and you just

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people just have a a natural
sense of satisfaction when

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they're doing something or
taking action against something

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that's important to them.
If you don't know what's

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important to you, that's the
first step.

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So you mentioned the life
reboot, so tell me what is the

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life reboot Nerd edition?
Yeah, so Life Reboot Nerd

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Edition, it's a 12 week gamified
coaching program that I created.

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It's my signature program that
Ioffer my my clients.

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Basically it's a mash up of
Dungeons and Dragons meets

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coaching.
So at the beginning of the of

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the coaching experience, you
create your character.

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So I've designed a character
sheet where I've related life

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attributes such as strength or
such as the boundaries energy

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mastery 2 dungeons and Dragons
role-playing game statistics.

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So constitution is like your
boundaries.

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How well do you hold the
boundaries that protect your

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time and energy and help you
avoid that burnout?

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So I've related these that human
values, human attributes to

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Dungeons and Dragons tropes.
You create your character based

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on discussion with your coach
and what you feel like your

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mastery or your level is in
these different in these six

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different areas.
Once you create your character,

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we start doing some exercises
and give you tools to understand

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what your values are, tools to
understand how you want to show

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up as a human being in this
world, how you want others to

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see you, and how you want to
represent yourself.

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And over the course of the 90
days, you basically watch your

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character, which is you.
You are the character.

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I always say you're the hero of
your own story.

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You watch your character level
up in real life over time as if

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you're playing a Dungeons and
Dragons campaign.

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So you get to add, oh, I worked
on boundaries this week and feel

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like I really levelled up and
was able to set some good

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boundaries.
I'm going to up my constitution

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and now I see that my character
started out as a four and now

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it's a 5 and by the end of the
program I'll hit my goals and

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I'll be an 8.
Why can gamifying help make more

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progress than perhaps
traditional self help does?

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Because it's fun.
People like to have fun.

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That's what it boils down to it.
Everything works differently for

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everyone.
You've met one person in your

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life.
You've met one person in your

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life, you can say.
You can try to group people by

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some commonalities or make some
generalizations, but every

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person is unique.
And finding out what lights you

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up and what makes you tick and
what helps you have the energy

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to get out of bed in the morning
and be excited about the day.

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Is is the work that I try to
focus on beautiful?

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And I believe you do a lot of
boundary work as well if there's

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a man who hears boundaries.
And just what does it even mean?

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How would you define boundaries?
Boundaries I define as what

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tools or resources or activities
do you regularly use to protect

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your time and energy?
Those are boundaries.

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So if it's important for you to
finish project A, but you

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constantly are getting
interrupted by either a boss

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that having you focus on Project
B or by a partner that wants you

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to do project C, the project A
is your priority.

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And what's most important to
you.

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Being able to communicate that
and say I understand project C

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is super important to you
partner and I'm there with you.

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It's important to me too.
And I have this other thing that

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takes priority right now.
So I'm going to do this, but I

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will get back to you to work on
that together at X time, on X

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date, you know, protecting your
time and energy because as high

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performers and high achievers,
we'd love to say yes, we'd love

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to take on that responsibility
and add more because when we can

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complete those things, it's a
false sense of progression, but

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it is something that we that's
the dopamine response we're

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looking for.
Hey, completed, check that box

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off.
I did it.

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I performed more than people
expected me to.

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But if it doesn't come with a
value proposition for yourself,

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then great.
I just handed you something

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really good that I don't care
about, so why am I excited to do

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it?
In your own lived experience or

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in the men that you work with,
do you see a most common

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boundary that guys really need
but ignore setting the most?

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I don't know that there's any
particular most common boundary.

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I think the most common thing
that my clients and that I

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myself experienced is just
taking on too much, saying yes

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without really thinking about
the impact of that.

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So when you say yes and you
agree to a thing that you're

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going to do and you're a person
of integrity, you want to follow

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through and do that.
If it's not exciting to you and

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not aligned with who you are as
a human being, what you value,

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what's important to you, it's
just going to feel like a grind

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if you find those things that
are important to you.

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So don't just say yes right
away.

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If someone wants to help with
something and you're someone

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that likes to help people,
great.

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You want to help people to the
best of your capability and the

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best of your capacity.
If you're just saying yes to

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everything that comes your way,
everyone's going to get 20% of

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your best rather than yes.
And I'm going to focus on this

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first and put my energy into
this thing that's super

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important to me, that takes
priority over these other

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things.
And that's where I'm going to

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find the most satisfaction, most
happiness, and most ease in my

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life, really.
It sounds like perhaps the that

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main boundary needed is one that
sets your own space, that your

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values matter.
Yeah, protects your time and

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energy.
I've also heard you talk about

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the need for cleaner
conversations.

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So what is a clean conversation?
Have an exercise that I give

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people.
It's another tool in the

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toolbox.
I call it a Co-op request or a

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Co-op mission in life reboot
Nerd edition. so-called mission

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is something that is of value to
you and important to you.

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Sharing that with someone.
That's the Co-op part that comes

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in and then you have you have a
partner in in helping support

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the things that are important to
you and the values that you're

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wanting to work on in terms of
the if there's one single most

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like time suck that high
achievers that don't exercise

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good boundaries do it's they
just say yes, can you help me

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with this?
Yes.

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Can you help me with this?
Yes.

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Will you do this?
Yes.

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They don't ever stop to consider
the quality of the work that

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that yes is going to yield.
If it's not boxed into an

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00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:38,480
appropriate like action plan
that aligns with who you are,

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then whatever you just said yes
to is going to get less effort

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00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,840
than it deserves because it's
not something that's important

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to you.
If you're doing something like

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why do we remember to do certain
things and other things we like

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00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,120
it, we forget about because it's
important.

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If someone told you'd be here on
this at this time on this day

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00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,360
and I'll hand you a bag of cash
with 1,000,000 bucks in it, you

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00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,000
would do everything in your
power to be at that place on

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00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,400
that time and that day.
Yet when someone invites us to a

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00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:18,160
party, we can be 1/2 hour late
and what does that say about us

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00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,760
and our relationship with that
person?

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00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:24,000
If we're saying it's OK for me
to be late to your event, how

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00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,200
does that communicate how you
feel or the importance of that

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00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,160
person or that event?
If you want to make sure that

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what you're saying yes to can in
fact, you can in fact give the

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00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:42,520
time and energy to that yes
fully and in a way that also

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00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,320
satisfies you.
Earlier you had mentioned that

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00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,840
before you started doing your
own work, you weren't even sure

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00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:55,080
how you felt.
Yeah, for a man who is, or at

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00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:59,040
least thinks he's disconnected
from his emotions, where do you

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00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:04,160
even begin?
For me, it was a chart I had to

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00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:08,160
look at 60 words on a feelings
wheel started with some bass

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00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,480
ones in the center, angry,
happy, sad.

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00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:16,320
And then you expand those out on
those different color spectrums

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00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,720
to all right, what is, let's
breakdown sad.

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00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,280
There's many different ways to
express sadness.

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00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,200
Are you just not satisfied or
are you despondent?

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00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,880
Identify how you're feelings.
That's the thing that you can

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00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,240
respond to.
If you don't understand how

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00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,040
you're feeling and you don't
understand what's important to

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00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,000
you, all the actions that you're
going to be taking are for

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00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,800
someone else or just shots in
the dark.

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00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,680
Yeah, I actually, I give those
to all new clients as well.

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00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,000
I had discovered those Once Upon
a time.

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00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,760
I was a screenwriter, OK?
We're allowed in that wheel to

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00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,440
have different character traits
and different depth of people.

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00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,440
And oh, they work for actual
humans, too.

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00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:57,560
Yeah.
Totally.

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00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:02,600
What does real progress look
like for someone doing the work,

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00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,520
working with a couch, or perhaps
life reboot?

349
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,680
How do they know?
What are the signs of it coming

350
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,120
out of this stage of burnout?
Yeah, at the beginning of any

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00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:14,400
kind of coaching experience,
it's really important to have a

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00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,640
goal.
So whatever that goal is, I want

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00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,720
more time with my family.
I want to feel more satisfied at

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00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,440
the end of the day.
I want to feel accomplished.

355
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:27,200
Whatever your goal is, having
setting that goal and having

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00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,040
that in mind and then tracking
progress towards that goal.

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00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,680
So if you're someone that you
know, wants to have more

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00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,400
excitement when you wake up,
what's your level of excitement

359
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,600
today?
Let's measure that.

360
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,760
You know, on a scale of 1 to 10,
how excited are you to get up

361
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,240
out of bed?
I'm at a four right now.

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00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,160
All right, let's reassess that
in a month after we do some of

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00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,920
these exercises.
Protect your boundaries, do some

364
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,000
fun things, gamify your life a
little bit.

365
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,160
What's your level of
satisfaction at now?

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00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,520
You know, so you just measure
things.

367
00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,040
Or did you accomplish the thing
that you set out to accomplish?

368
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,600
Yes.
All right, That's progress.

369
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,720
I know from the the first time
we spoke I learned that you're a

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00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,040
competitive pinballer.
Yes.

371
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,440
There's a couple pinball
machines in my life as well, and

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00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,520
I wonder, has pinball taught you
anything about pressure,

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00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,920
patience, adapting to chaos that
that corresponds over to life?

374
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,720
For sure.
The first thing I'll say about

375
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:28,200
the pinball community that I've
found, and it seems to be pretty

376
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,680
consistent around the country
and around the world, the

377
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:37,080
pinball community is a very
open, welcoming, amazing place.

378
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,200
People from all walks of life,
all religious beliefs, political

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00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,600
backgrounds.
They just set that aside for a

380
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,080
few hours, flip a steel ball and
try to bash it against some

381
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:51,920
things on a playfield that make
beeps and whizzes and fun

382
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,440
sounds.
So they put all of that stuff

383
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,120
aside.
It's just a great supportive

384
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,800
community interacting with
people.

385
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,760
Everyone is whatever.
Most people when you're playing

386
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,400
in these tournaments, even
though they're competitive

387
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,560
tournaments, when you're not
playing and you want to talk

388
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,880
about the game, people will tell
you all the tips and tricks,

389
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,120
even if they're competing
against you, they'll tell you

390
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,440
the rules of the game.
They want you to just play well

391
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,080
and they want you to do well and
want to match their skill

392
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,680
against yours.
And if you don't know how

393
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,160
something works, it's not really
a true test of skill.

394
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,880
It's, I know something about the
game that you don't.

395
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,360
So I'm going to excel and you're
going to be sitting there.

396
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,560
How that happen.
I'd rather share that with you

397
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,440
and enjoy the experience of
watching you grow and watching

398
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,440
you learn and watching you
experience the game to its

399
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,760
fullest capacity.
But definitely patience.

400
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,600
So in pinball, there's a thing
called a dead bounce and people

401
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,960
are watching this and they don't
understand what that is.

402
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,800
When you're watching someone
play pinball and the ball is

403
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,680
coming right at them, most
people's instinct when they're

404
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,400
first starting or when they're
when they're playing for a

405
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,880
little while is you want to get
that ball away.

406
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,000
The whole idea is to hit the
ball with this flipper, this

407
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,800
paddle, and send it as fast as
you can bashing into something

408
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,280
or as fast as you can up this
ramp.

409
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,200
If you allow the ball to hit the
flipper, it'll bounce to the

410
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,040
other flipper, maybe bounce back
to you, get the sense of where

411
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,120
the ball's going to go.
And if you have that patience to

412
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,440
allow for that dead bounce, then
you might even be able to trap

413
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,120
the ball, hold that ball against
the flipper with the flipper up,

414
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:28,720
and plan your next shot.
So if you have that patience to

415
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:33,080
not be so reactive and to let
the thing come at you and see

416
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:37,480
where it goes so that you can
react with an appropriate amount

417
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:43,400
of measure against this activity
or against this goal, it becomes

418
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,400
so much easier when you have
some control.

419
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,520
So allowing for that dead bounce
in pinball, allow for that dead

420
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,320
bounce in life.
Let the thing land and see where

421
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,160
it comes before you just try to
swat it away.

422
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,880
Lauren, what is the best way for
people to connect with you and

423
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,840
learn more?
Yeah, you can go to

424
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,640
silvermancoach.com.
That's my website and there's a

425
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:10,000
whole bunch of information about
what I do and how I do it on

426
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,640
there.
If you're ready to get to work,

427
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:17,440
you can just go right to
silverman.coachfromsilversilvermancoach.com.

428
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,480
You just go to Silverman dot
coach and you can schedule a

429
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,680
free 30 minute call with me.
It's a strategy session.

430
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,680
During that call we'll figure
out like what it is that you

431
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,440
want to work on.
Is it something that I have

432
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,880
skill and can help you with?
We'll do a real coaching session

433
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,360
well, you'll get some clarity on
the idea or subject that you're

434
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,400
trying to grow in, and you'll
get at least one action that you

435
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,840
can leave to move forward with
that goal.

436
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,840
If it seems like a fit, we'll
talk about what working together

437
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,080
looks like moving beyond that.
And if it's not, you at least

438
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,040
have a little bit more clarity
and an action that you can take

439
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,520
to help you move forward.
And finally, what is one thing

440
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,120
that you wish more men knew?
I'm.

441
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,400
Going to take a little time with
that one.

442
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:08,560
I'm very fortunate.
I have a really great group of

443
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:13,800
friends from since I was in
elementary school.

444
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,800
I have some friends that I've
known that long and a new

445
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,120
community that I've grown out
here in Arizona.

446
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:23,240
I've been here for five years,
men, male friends.

447
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,680
We hug each other.
We say I love you before we

448
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,280
leave the party or the pinball
tournament or whatever it is

449
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:35,520
we're we're engaging in.
Having intimacy with men is not

450
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:41,000
a weakness at all.
There's the old trope of macho

451
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:48,040
man and being like that hard,
true American, whatever it that

452
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,800
that is old news.
That's old news.

453
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,640
I love to hug my men friends.
I love to kiss him on the cheek.

454
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:59,040
I love to tell him I love you.
And then I'm excited to see him

455
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,760
again.
I have just a very close

456
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,560
relationship with these friends
that I have.

457
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,080
So men, if you're out there
today, embrace those

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00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,960
vulnerability.
It'll come back to you tenfold.

459
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,360
Yeah, that's one of my favorite
answers ever.

460
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,200
Cool.
So yeah, Lauren, thanks so much

461
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,800
for joining us today.
Thanks for sharing just a bit

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00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,960
about your work and yourself.
I'm glad you are through the

463
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:29,200
that whole nonsense of burnout.
And unfortunately, there's

464
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,720
plenty of eyes to keep helping
to get out of it, avoid it, heal

465
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,280
it, never do it again.
Lauren, thanks again so much for

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00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,040
joining us today, sharing your
story, your insights, and such a

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00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,680
practical wisdom for everyone
listening.

468
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,720
If this conversation spoke to
you, share this episode with

469
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,120
another man who needs it.
If you're ready for deeper

470
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,960
connection, honest
conversations, and a place where

471
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,120
men are allowed to just show up
as they really are, join us in

472
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:56,080
the Authentic AF community.
Visit realmenfeel.org/group and

473
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,480
until next time, be good to
yourself.