Living a Full Contact Life | Intimacy, Feeling, and Choice

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Hello, and welcome to real men.
Feel, this is your host author,

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coach, and healer.
And egrant Riemann, feel exist

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to remind men at the human
beings, and they have the right

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to experience an Express all of
their emotions, their not some

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emotions for men.
And some are forming your humid.

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You have the right to all the
full range of emotions.

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So feel free live your life and
on your terms we have

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conversations that most men are
not having but that all men can

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benefit from you know this year
I've begun for the first time in

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my life, martial arts classes.
Has.

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And I'm very surprised how much
fun I've been having even going

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against sparring against guys
are in college.

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My guest today has a lot more
experience than that.

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In fact, he has an incredibly
eclectic background.

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My guest is Nico.
Verson Nico is a former

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professional Muay Thai and mixed
martial arts athlete with a

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Master's in psychology.
He specializes in resilience

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performance quality of life and
happiness.

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He's prepared for world
champions and various martial

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arts and has a mindset coach
helps train business, High

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performers to Turn their stress
setbacks and intense conflicts

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into a competitive Advantage.
Welcome to room and feel Nico.

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Well super nice to meet you my
man.

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I'm very happy to be here.
I love what you're doing and

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helping them to step it up,
isn't it?

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Thanks Nick.
My first question is, how long

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were you a professional fighter?
How long did your career last?

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So here's to ya instead, I'm
I've never been a professional

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athlete, but I'm sure in that
situation.

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You really have to remain calm,
and focused, despite physical

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and mental stress.
So, did that come naturally to

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you?
Or was that a skill?

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You had to develop.
Well I think it's a bit.

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There is one thing that's in
born, I love excitement so I

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have a high threshold for
Activation before I feel life

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these days they called ADHD back
in the day to you, just busy

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young kids, a lot of energy, but
yeah.

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No like of course the the first
time you gave to the ring, you

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going crazy with nerves you
know?

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It's like but they to my trainer
he taught me this your body

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preparing you to get ready for
fighting.

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That was an amazing refrain love
used ever since you know and And

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this one did I actually do think
that I miss the most is the

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feeling right before you get
into the ring or the cage.

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That's the feeling I miss.
When, you know, it's no way to

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run and when you know, it's now
that you want to perform it now

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that you will cry for break, you
know, it's it's something where

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the, where the purity of that
moment is very hard to To

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imitate with any other things.
There are few moments very can

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get so pure but because it'd be
amazing.

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It's this this notion of
anticipation and excitement and

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adrenaline just all in that is
it really that that Split Second

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before a fight starts or yeah?
Yeah, it's more about

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Connections available.
Well, I'm really addicted to

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connection.
That's why I work like as an

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executive coach really deep I go
with with with with a Founders

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and CEOs.
And also athletes here and there

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still, but mainly we will be
with the people are real

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go-getters.
It's about, it's about, that's

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why hypnose, for me, such a
powerful tool because in that

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moment I get absorbed
immediately.

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I go into trance like that much
faster, as with traditional

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meditation, really funny.
So I think that's connection

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that I find connection with my
self-esteem.

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I'm in the ring when you go into
the ring.

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First of all you have an amazing
connection with the crowd,

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they're cheering you all booing.
You the same thing, they still

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connected with you you have your
corn that prepared for in

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between one, to three months and
they have pushed you along the

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way and support you and then you
have the opponent against you.

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A man that is no, let's hope for
him just as prepared as You is

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there for only one reason to
knock you out.

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This is the real deep
connection.

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Real deep recognition of being a
warrior and having that warrior

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in front of you.
And then, last but not least,

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without this, it's you face
yourself.

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You can't hide in fighting.
And that's the thing that this

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well, difficult to find a moment
that is so pure where you are

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reading.
Be in touch with yourself with

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everybody else.
With the moment, there is

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nothing else there than that,
moment how else have have or

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have MMA skills transferred into
other areas of your life, yours.

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You keep talking about how you
can't find something to repeat

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that.
So, does what you master in the

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ring?
How is that translated into

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other areas?
Well, first of all, I love

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speaking Keynotes, I think I
will go into that a bit more.

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Because ye it's a bit little
similar you're in front of a

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crowd.
You will travel you will break,

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you know, you can't hide its
you.

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They will see you little many
reasons because you're the

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middle point of attention and so
it's put the pressure up so I

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liked it a lot.
But another thing that's really

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interesting is that what I found
is that dancing partner dance

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like kizomba which I likes like
an African dangle.

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You can say a Tango salsa
bachata.

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That that's when you get into be
real.

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Real deep flow with it will be
the partner that can get to the

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similar thing and but I was
never very shy that.

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I don't care if people think I
dance like a new brand me like I

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don't I don't have a problem.
People criticizing me.

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That was my big Advantage.
I don't literally don't care.

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I do what I like.
So there was this big gift that

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I was born with that or at least
a tie.

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I had some experiences when I
was young where I could see the

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very French ility of life.
And so I decided from very young

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age, there was going to do what
I want to cool.

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So you had this, but this
competitive nature and a panel

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of excitement.
But without an attachment to,

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what anyone else thought about
it.

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Yeah.
Yeah.

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It was a pretty big news.
Well, yeah, well, it did.

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I think for the people that
would be, but for me, I was like

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that from very young age.
I always did with our phones.

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I think it's a bit character,
the disagreeable in nature, you

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know.
No was very strong enough as a

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kid.
But, but what I found was really

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to see like when you see all the
people from many other people

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dancing is perhaps even more
frightening than Fighting

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because again, for sure,
important that you cannot hide

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who you are comes out.
I am somebody that likes to

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break the rules with, that likes
to free flow and that was my

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chance.
You're dancing.

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Because like, if a woman is
really sensitive and we have

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that connection sheet, you
follow everything and then it is

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fantastic.
It's like wow, he's like a pro.

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But then every woman is a bit
more inside of the rules

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understands that language more
and he's not so open.

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For experimentation that didn't
work so much.

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And so my personality really
comes out and that's what

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happens with everybody.
That's very scary.

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Because you have a mirror that
is so big.

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As everybody can see it, And
the.

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And then sometimes I work with
couples to would like ambitious,

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power couples and, like dancing
exercises.

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Mostly, that's my dancing.
Exercise are so powerful.

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Yeah, so what inspired you to go
from knocking people out to

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wanting to help them, you know,
get the best out of life.

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Well, when I was 30, I was gonna
do The Ultimate Fighter when the

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Ronda Rousey was was the
captain, I was going to do add a

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contact in Upstate New York, it
can you look?

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And then I was gonna do some
research, you know, just as a I

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sit I'm gonna was gonna do some
reasons, rest, research around

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love, and relationships and
adult game called coming down

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because Cuz I win Miracle, check
in Belgium where it's much

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cheaper, of course like to do, I
found out that both of my

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retinas were detached and so
after that the game, a sequence

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of seven more surgery, seven
surgeries after which at the end

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you know my doctor was I don't
know if you detach it now that I

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can still make it.
So I had to put up the gloves

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and and it was a long
consequence of the way I felt.

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I just didn't get It scared of
getting hit.

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I just went forward.
Like Rocky struck was not very

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smart.
Like the crowd loves it, I loved

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it, but my brain didn't, you
know?

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And so I saw that what that's
what happened.

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But I also think that that the
way I was training and fighting

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and just approaching the in that
Ding that took away of my

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potential, it undermined it
because I was forcing it.

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My conditioning was crazy, but
my testosterone levels or

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literally half of what are they
are now?

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Probably because of all the
impacts of my head combined with

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overtraining.
Yeah.

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And so, I start working some
athletes and, you know, some of,

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you know, some of the athletes.
When once they get like the big

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Milestones, all of a sudden they
get in too deep it and now what

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because they always, they were
very good in grimey, they were

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very good at pushing the enjoys
the chase.

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But then they never took really
took the time to enjoy the steps

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of the chase.
They did enjoy the idea of the

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chase of pushing through and
pushing to but they were

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nothing.
Join the step on the way.

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Some of them really hate the
preparation.

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I loved you know, but so so what
I learned is that Very off.

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People with a lot of potential.
if they work really hard, they

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will become successful but the
problem is Will you be happy?

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Will they feel fulfilled?
Will that bring them what they

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hope for?
And very often it's not because

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the way in which they go after
it is, it's a It's like

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conditional.
It's only when they win and when

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they win big time then they feel
good.

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The problem is, it's a dopamine
search.

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And so the then it's like a big
black hole that you have.

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It's like they have a big black
hole in their heart and they

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want to cover that black hole.
But the problem with a black

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hole is when we put something
close it will absorb and to

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grow.
And so the more you put on

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there, the more you will need an
answer to moment.

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You come to a stage where you
almost can't go up anymore.

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And Howard's, the hole is still
there and it's bigger than ever.

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So what are some tips to enjoy
the journey to be ambitious to

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have the goal to be fired up to
go for it.

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But, but enjoy the journey,
enjoy the procedure, enjoy the

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process.
Well, it's about instead of

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going just for girls, it's like,
how can I live in language

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values?
How can I live in line with the

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kind of person?
I want to be?

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What does the way I go after?
It says, about me as a person,

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In the main moment, it can be
really uncomfortable, very

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often, things like that but then
the more you going to real learn

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to embrace that suck Embrace
that uncomfort that will help

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you.
But then the second part is that

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is very of-the-gods because the
grind is they know very often,

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not do it, you know things they
enjoy that.

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Yes, I love this identity, I
cannot be broken Unbreakable.

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But then, I forget to celebrate.
So it's like they have this

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interesting interesting company
combination of high drive of

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great ambition, but of loads of
seeing where they have to prove

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to themselves, always that they
were have to.

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So then a victory becomes a must
not want, not a choice.

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And if there's something that
I've learned working, With

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people of all different kinds is
that choice having the freedom

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to decide what you do with your
time.

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And with with your energy that
makes a difference between

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fulfillment or lack of
fulfillment.

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But if you force yourself, if
you have to do everything, if

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you must win from yourself,
Well, then you take away the

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feeling of living, then you will
feel, you've being you're being

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nice because you internalized
all these things that you think

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you should do instead of that,
the the knowledge, the ability

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to know that you don't that you
should do nothing because you

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can choose, that's whatever you
do.

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You can you choose it.
But very often not consciously,

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use the way we become really
aware of the choice of where we

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put our attention very That time
and what we get out of it that

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will help a lot.
I believe, when we first spoke,

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you mentioned living a full
contact life and I never heard

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it phrase that way and I thought
I really like that term.

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So it is that, you know, living
your life by your choices and

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nobody else's, or was it more
than that?

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It's more than that, well,
that's part of it but like, what

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it comes down to is that you
don't need to run away from any

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Jeans and so that's one of the
thing.

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Like if people that work on the
towers week, there's a reason

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they will be highly successful.
They might have Ferraris and and

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then the big mansion and the
penthouse you know But then, you

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know, they still look in the
league silicon emerge, they

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don't see the person that
everybody looks up to.

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And I feel like an impostor not
everybody you know, but or they

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feel like a hero and they win
and if they didn't get the

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biggest wind and I feel like a
loser even though they're better

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than 99.9% of the population,
it's really fascinating nobody

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but it's very often so they they
run away from this whole their

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art of from something else.
You know.

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Very some people are very good
with certain emotions like anger

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you know, a lot of the cookies I
know I was the same, you know,

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we were very comfortable with
anger, it's a go Motion, you

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know, we can do that.
So whenever you feel anything

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else we get into angry because
then we lash out and let me feel

250
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better.
But in the short term that is

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giving you a little bit of a
relief, but of course, we break

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the relationships, you know?
It's that, that that's what you

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see.
Other people are really

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uncomfortable weekend you with
saying no and so they let all

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the people walk over them now.
now, the people that I work with

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the really that, but there is
like this, inability in our

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society to just Yeah, to put it
bluntly sit in your shit.

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We all want to feel good.
But the problem is that it's a

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it's a unidirectional vision of
how life is is that black and

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that white and in the west, we
just see this white.

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For example, positive psychology
is really powerful, has really

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powerful tools but it's only
half the equation because it

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doesn't acknowledge that you
have in ourselves.

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We have sadistic traits, every
single one of us, We have

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narcissistic traits, every
single one of us like as a

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child.
That's a very, very important

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phase and we still have those
reminiscence in us.

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And when we don't acknowledge
this, in the people that we love

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in ourselves, then we are
cheating ourselves from the

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truth and then we are closing
down our heart because then you

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know if you're afraid of getting
hurt by somebody else or by

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yourself very often, you know
then you close use of them for

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the little Bliss.
So you can't have the King of

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Victory without facing anxiety.
You can't have the feeling of

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deep love and feeling loved.
If you are trying to avoid pain

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and sadness of loss, you can't,
it's one or the other or you

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live a full contact live, a life
where you take it out where, you

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know, and understand from a deep
part that you can handle it.

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It's gonna be hard, it's going
to be difficult but you can

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handle it, like, you need to,
but Cheap.

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Real intimacy is full contact
life.

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It's not easy.
It's not this on us, that's

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bullshit.
This is bullshit.

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Just it's just not real.
It's this where you stand on

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your own two feet.
You, there's a space when you

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00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:48,100
partner could choose to go away,
but then they choose to stay

287
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here and then you go close to
yourself and closer to each

288
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,900
other.
But it's like, this is beautiful

289
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,800
space where the space where the
fire can start to burn him.

290
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A desire can stay.
Not to grow but if you hear you

291
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,500
lost track of yourself, there's
no space so there's no desire.

292
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So no wonder so many marriages
fall flat on their ass when it

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comes to intimacy because you
know, they're here.

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They lost himself.
No, they were a lot of programs

295
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:22,100
and coaches that that help
people remove eliminate and

296
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:26,000
avoid stress, but use really say
that stress can be your

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00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,000
competitive Advantage.
So, so tell me about that.

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So first of all II experience
that during fighting the fight,

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00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:39,100
we're on paper, I had nothing.
No chance their chance, present.

300
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:42,300
The biggest stages, I always
outperform myself.

301
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,400
You know, it's like even when
they broke my arm, I still want

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00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:52,000
like, just but that was just the
stress was helping me.

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00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,000
Is there?
It's a system that is there to

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00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,500
help us and they say it's an
outdated system.

305
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:59,800
It's only for kill-or-be-killed
situation, but that's just not

306
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,500
true.
It is it then nature would be

307
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,700
really stupid and it really
think that nature is stupid.

308
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And we are really dumb.
No, so so I start to really look

309
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into that because So I started
the relaxation therapies but

310
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,500
something was not right?
And they something was wrong.

311
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,100
I felt I was making things worse
and people became really depends

312
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:25,400
of the hypnosis with me because
I still used hypnosis to be

313
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,100
powerful.
It's like a meditation on

314
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,400
steroids if I do it half an
hour.

315
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:34,800
Like most of my clients are
fucking are so good for an

316
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:40,400
entire week.
But, you know, that's not enough

317
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,800
because they're in the moment,
you know what happens, when the

318
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,800
shootings defend, I'm going to
tell you a secret that most

319
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,200
relaxation therapist will never
ever tell you.

320
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:54,800
When it really matters, when the
fires at your shins.

321
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,800
No relaxation technique will
help you.

322
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:02,300
You will still feel XIII
activate because your body's

323
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:07,100
Feud with stress hormones could
work together and learn how to

324
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,300
Is you can learn to load stress
hormones in the brain.

325
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,200
Now that seems since it's
because we have like a

326
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:19,200
blood-brain barrier and so
certain compounds can go to an

327
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:23,100
adrenaline or in the brains
called epinephrine or adrenaline

328
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,800
and noradrenaline can't get
through to prepare barrier.

329
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,500
So it gets released separately.
So then you can train yourself

330
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:34,500
to allow your body to be fully
activate and to come your brain

331
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,500
now.
It's not just me that tells that

332
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:42,700
that, use that from experience.
No, that's a growing body of

333
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:49,100
scientific, scientific
knowledge, that demonstrates

334
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,200
that when you believe that
stress is good for you.

335
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:56,500
And you have the highest stress
levels of everybody.

336
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:01,000
You live the longest healthiest
and most fulfilling lives.

337
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:06,300
It's really fascinating.
And what does that do?

338
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:10,700
Well in the body, It creates a
shift, so when you believe it's,

339
00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:13,800
this is good for you.
No matter whether you face a

340
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,200
challenge, which is something
that is challenging.

341
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,700
But you think you can handle it
or chat, which is something you

342
00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:25,200
think you can't handle, no
matter what your mind is going

343
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,000
to interpret that as a
challenge.

344
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,600
Now there's something very
interesting, the physiology

345
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,500
normally when you facing a
threat, your face constrict

346
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:38,700
because if the even animal is
barking, you better.

347
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:42,700
The blood that bit better than
blood gushes out as fast as

348
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:44,500
possible.
So you want to keep your blood

349
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:47,800
inside.
But when you have a chance for

350
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,900
example you you hunting, then
you want your veins as open as

351
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:55,000
you can because then the higher
heart rate and the faster

352
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,600
breathing will get much more
nutrients and much more.

353
00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:00,300
Agent to every part of your
body.

354
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:05,900
So that's the difference between
a challenge and threat in your

355
00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,800
body.
But what is really interesting

356
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,200
is that when you believe it,
says good, no matter what you

357
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:16,800
face, it will handle like
Challenge and what is even more.

358
00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:19,000
The case.
Not only the dial the

359
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:23,900
vasodilatation know.
It's also what you get and

360
00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:28,500
besides the open veins is your
body will release neural growth.

361
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:34,500
Factor and DHEA, anabolic
hormones, that help you to grow

362
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:38,300
that, help you do the cupid that
help you to make new neural

363
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:42,000
connections.
So that's more physiological

364
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,300
reason why stress is good for
you if you believe this but if

365
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:49,600
you believe it will kill you
then we get stressed about

366
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,100
stress and we get serious about
stress before we even have

367
00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:57,000
stress to stress about you know
and then we rely awake at night

368
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,400
and that's is very dangerous.
Then stress becomes dangerous

369
00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:03,500
because we don't sleep.
We are stands.

370
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,500
They will worrying about being
angry about being sad.

371
00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:11,000
About being stressed.
You know, you get all these

372
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,500
secondary emotions.
It's a bit.

373
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,600
Like the stoic says, you have
like primary emotions that are

374
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,900
there to give you a message.
It's your body talking to you.

375
00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:22,700
These emotion, pay attention.
This is important to you.

376
00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:27,800
And then your second, any
motions, then, then we start to

377
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:31,700
put extra Minis and all these
and cessation feelings.

378
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:37,200
But if you can just learn to
embrace that primary motion and

379
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,300
if you learn to read, listen,
why is this important to me?

380
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,200
And it is important to me
because I chose this to be

381
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,400
important or is this important
to be?

382
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:52,800
Because somebody else taught me,
put into my brain Edge point, I

383
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,900
was really starts.
That's why when we start to see

384
00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:58,800
thinner sheet we start to
realize but wait a minute

385
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:02,600
perhaps that Ferrari is not so
important for me.

386
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,800
Oh Perhaps it is like there's no
judgment that all the three are

387
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,400
can be fantastic.
I have a client, he loves he

388
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,300
loves to traffic has caused like
for him.

389
00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:15,000
It's one of the best moments of
his life for him and Ferrari is

390
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,500
fulfilling, you know, like it
there's this zero judgment.

391
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:23,500
It's everybody has to really
look into their own eyes into

392
00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,100
their own.
Hearts to see what?

393
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,600
Fulfills them, little beautiful
exercise that likes to do is.

394
00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:34,400
Okay, check your time.
Take how much time and energy

395
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,600
you put in different activities.
Okay?

396
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,900
Now break it based on how much
it makes your life much more

397
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:45,600
fulfilling, much more wholesome
much more how much it makes

398
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:51,100
makes you feel better.
That's really confronted the

399
00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:56,600
video after because to me, I
believe that we have to dedicate

400
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,100
Our Lives to pleasure or
displeasure pleasure is not

401
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:04,100
always the comforting in in, in,
in the moment in the moment,

402
00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:08,300
pleasure, that later
impoverishes your life to me is

403
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:10,400
not pleasure.
That's Entertainment.

404
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,400
How do you know what?
It's like, it empties you cup.

405
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,800
It's like, when you binge
watching season afterwards, you

406
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,500
feel like you literally wasted
the day because you did, Like

407
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:21,800
you g go drinking with your
friends to forget that you have

408
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,300
a horrible live in and they are
foods, you have a hangover and

409
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,000
then before, you know it it's
Monday again.

410
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,800
Go to job that you hate.
Or you go drinking with your

411
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,000
friends.
Have just as much, but you have

412
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,600
fun, and even if you have a
little bit of a headache, you

413
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,900
feel your heart is fulfilled.
You had the most interesting

414
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:42,900
conversation, just so much fun.
This beautiful sensual lady that

415
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:46,400
you had a really fun time with.
That's a pleasure.

416
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,100
It feels up your copy instead of
ND.

417
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:54,800
He empties you cup.
And so when this happens, Then

418
00:26:55,100 --> 00:27:02,000
you can start to grind and go
for it, and then, you know, put

419
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,500
pleasure into it.
And then when you learn to

420
00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:11,500
combine this, when you learn to
find pleasure in the chasing,

421
00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:17,100
after your values, not to just
your goals, but your values,

422
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,300
then, I really believe that you
can have that full contact life

423
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:23,100
where you feel fulfilled,
because you're not afraid

424
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:23,900
anymore.
You.

425
00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:26,200
Don't need to run away of
emotions.

426
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:31,000
You can just say, okay.
If the shit hits the fan, I can

427
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,700
handle it.
I can use this shit to really

428
00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:39,700
make my soil more Rich so I can
grow a garden instead of owner,

429
00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:44,600
there's shit everywhere.
Let's run Let's hide under the

430
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,100
blankets because it still smells
not.

431
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,300
So you also say that when you
type out working on working with

432
00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:55,300
couples and relationships that
you can, we can also use

433
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:58,500
conflict and disagreements to
improve relationships.

434
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:00,500
So, is that kind of like
embracing our stress in a

435
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:03,800
relationship?
Absolutely, absolutely.

436
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,200
So that's the core, you know,
and, and that's what I call the

437
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:11,500
University for a full-contact
clash because it's easier when

438
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:13,400
it goes to business.
Do you know?

439
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,900
But when it comes to the things
that to so close to our hearts,

440
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,400
when we really love somebody or
where he attacked us, when we,

441
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,800
when somebody's really close to
his, whether it is up intimate

442
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,900
partner or our family, well,
then it's much harder to say.

443
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:34,400
No, I don't want to Or when they
really pressuring you to say,

444
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,900
yes when you want to because
that's the same thing, you know,

445
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,200
so we there's a lot of talking
while in Psychology about adult

446
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,300
attachment style, which is the
way a child attaches and then

447
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:49,200
they transported to adults.
And there is a lot of, you know,

448
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,300
correlations, however, it's only
half the question.

449
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:55,600
If that's the only way you look
at relationships, you're

450
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,000
modeling your relationships,
your adults relationships to

451
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,900
that of a child, and a mother.
That's dependency, that is not

452
00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:07,900
an adult relationship.
Now, there is a second type of

453
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:14,900
force, our need for
self-determination And that's

454
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,200
often forgotten, there's always
talk about how we have to get

455
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,700
more connection.
Yeah, but there is no connection

456
00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:22,700
if you lose the connection with
yourself.

457
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,400
So a lot of us think, okay,
suppose your beer and your wife

458
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,900
is wine.
You just want me to be here.

459
00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:33,900
She doesn't be with your one and
until you hear you come here.

460
00:29:34,100 --> 00:29:36,500
And if you put the little bit
more wine with your beer, your

461
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:38,600
wine.
If she'll could live with more

462
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:43,700
beer with her one, she's beer.
And so you feel your hair.

463
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,700
You feel you lost all connection
with each other because you did

464
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,800
because you lost connection with
yourself.

465
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:53,000
So the man that she fell for is
not a man anymore that she fell

466
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,200
for and the other way around.
No, you lost yourself and so

467
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,500
what happens when most people go
outside?

468
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:02,200
They separate pretend they
rupture because they were so

469
00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:07,100
intertwined.
So in pain, when they go lean on

470
00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:11,200
someone else and the same thing
happens when you get this

471
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,300
serial, monogamy is thing where
everybody's hurting all the

472
00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:19,400
time, and then they come into
with wounds which makes them

473
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,600
lean even more.
But then there's another thing.

474
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,200
What our Grandpa's very often
did then they were here but then

475
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:31,600
they start to do this ailment,
emotional psychological level.

476
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,200
You know, they were living next
to each other.

477
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,800
It's not very fulfilling neither
again, it's running away.

478
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,500
So the only way to really get
that that's committed,

479
00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:45,400
relationship, where passion is
really high and intense and

480
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,600
intimate is to learn to stand on
your own two feet.

481
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,400
That's scary.
Because if somebody doesn't need

482
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,000
new need you anymore, they can
go away.

483
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,800
There's always this is the
knowledge that there's this

484
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,400
turd.
Other the third other that puts,

485
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,700
you know, sweep your wife of
your of their feet or you for

486
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:11,200
that matter.
But that knowledge makes it all

487
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,600
so much more precious that not
drain.

488
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:18,800
You know, how they don't need
me, we'll make to feel less will

489
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,900
make you pay them less for
granted.

490
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,700
And so, it's in that
difficulties of being an adult

491
00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:30,800
and saying no, when your partner
is pressuring to you to give in

492
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,400
without breaking contact.
So what you very often is

493
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,900
somebody is pressuring you, so
people think In, but then they

494
00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,300
feel horrible to feel.
Horrible, certain moments are

495
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:43,800
no.
And then they go away, they

496
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:49,500
break the connection because
they cannot handle holding onto

497
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:53,300
themselves, holding on to what
he stood for them, for what they

498
00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:56,400
want in life.
While the other person that's

499
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,000
important to them is pressing in
them to compromise.

500
00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:09,400
But what is to me, the essence
of real, being a real adult is

501
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,900
to learn to stand here.
While all the people that are

502
00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:16,700
important to you are, pressuring
you to compromise to say no and

503
00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:21,500
staying connection and embrace
create a space as a man for

504
00:32:21,500 --> 00:32:24,200
sure.
I create the space for her to go

505
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,000
wild and to go crazy and do
still look at her with love and

506
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,800
see what is going on.
To hold the space for yourself.

507
00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:36,000
That's the space for other.
It's like that you created me

508
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,800
that awareness.
That's what meditation this was

509
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,400
made in Beijing.
Does it may detain people that

510
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,500
meditate a lot?
They still get pulled away with

511
00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:49,200
emotions but they were just much
more aware of when it happens.

512
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,100
So they catch on much quicker
and then they can take the third

513
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:55,600
position and it can start to
become connected to it.

514
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,400
What is going on in the moment
with evidence involved?

515
00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:05,400
We do About being a slave to it.
That's the difference between

516
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,500
taking third position, is not
cutting yourself off.

517
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:11,100
Emotionally know, it's
connecting with your emotions,

518
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:13,900
but it's taking a look at it and
really studying yourself.

519
00:33:13,900 --> 00:33:16,500
It's like you become a scientist
of your own life.

520
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,500
You've mentioned hypnosis a
number of times so is that kind

521
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:24,600
of one of your preferred tools
for yourself and for working

522
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,600
with clients?
Well I'm when I'm hypnotizing my

523
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:34,700
cards, I'm hypnotizing.
Myself so that yeah, yeah, yeah,

524
00:33:34,700 --> 00:33:38,400
I love it but but the way I used
this differently different with

525
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,100
everyone, some people are really
suggestible.

526
00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:44,500
I have women that I can do
female classes.

527
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,000
Three, two, one.
And she starts to feel

528
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,000
fantastic.
It's like there's a wave of like

529
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,800
pure ecstasy.
Going through your body.

530
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:58,400
I feel people that I have to.
That it's more like after

531
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,500
framing more like an internal
visualization because they are

532
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:05,000
very logical, they didn't learn
by experience.

533
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,100
So there's like this trait where
I don't want extinct of people

534
00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:11,900
that are almost purely logical,
they don't learn as a kid and

535
00:34:11,900 --> 00:34:16,400
more, they learn purely by
rules, then you had at the other

536
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,600
side.
You have people that live still

537
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:25,100
very experiential and bit more
like here and the more and to

538
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:30,199
they're very Inferential the
absorb everything they it's been

539
00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:33,600
a moment, but that means that
when they have a change, the

540
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,699
positive change that the changed
much less stable the way you

541
00:34:37,699 --> 00:34:42,000
work with hypnosis different
depending on your suggestibility

542
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,100
and we will often think is that
people are really suggestible

543
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,699
are less strong.
LaSalle Regan.

544
00:34:48,699 --> 00:34:51,300
No, no, they are for what I
found is.

545
00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:56,800
People are most creative people
like CEOs people like Really

546
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:01,500
famous artists like athletes.
They are more on that side.

547
00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:03,900
Why?
Because they're able to Envision

548
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,500
their able to absorb, the able
to disappear in moment.

549
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,800
People have cannot be hypnotized
for sure.

550
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,600
When they have a high ability, a
high in natural ability.

551
00:35:18,100 --> 00:35:22,000
Well, that if they cannot be
hypnotized as fee of indication

552
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,700
that there's something serious
psychologically wrong.

553
00:35:25,700 --> 00:35:29,400
And so, so if for me, if I would
not be able to be hypnotized,

554
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,300
it's a great great, great
indication, as of a hard time to

555
00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:36,600
focus.
But if somebody looks, I've I'm

556
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:40,800
five skeins that when they tried
to cop this, like, did you get

557
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:45,100
this one was no movement in
ending in the in their people's,

558
00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:49,000
it's really funny.
It's really funny that that and

559
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,400
that's apparently linked with
very little, very linked with a

560
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,700
natural, predisposition to be
hypnotized in.

561
00:35:55,700 --> 00:35:59,300
In clinical hypnosis, not a
problem with clinical hypnosis

562
00:35:59,900 --> 00:36:02,500
and research around.
Is that research?

563
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:07,100
So research is Based on a fixed
protocol.

564
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:12,500
Which is not so good because
it's a high as strong and

565
00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:17,100
underestimation of what you can
do with hypnosis, the art of

566
00:36:17,107 --> 00:36:20,700
hypnosis is lost in in that
translation.

567
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:25,100
So it's an underestimation
because if you real good happens

568
00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:27,100
is you will start to test all
the time.

569
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,800
You just sent, you is like
communication, very deep

570
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,500
communication, you go deeper and
deeper and deeper, you go out.

571
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:36,700
And, you know, how their needs
like a teat raishin.

572
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,800
Instead of just drawing Artistry
to it, it's more art and that

573
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,700
situation than just the same
protocol with everyone, you meet

574
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,000
exactly.
And so it's very hard to.

575
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:53,000
It's almost impossible to do
really research that you have

576
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,200
like for example, hearing some
eggs on was one of the fathers

577
00:36:56,200 --> 00:37:00,500
of modern hypnotherapy.
He had like a succeeds

578
00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:03,900
percentage of 80% and most of
his friends came only 12

579
00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:07,300
decisions but he was a genius
who I am Master.

580
00:37:07,300 --> 00:37:11,500
He worked on so many different
levels, you know, but that's

581
00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:15,700
very hard to teach because the
way he thought was through

582
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:21,900
hypnotic principle.
So Nick - yeah you're as

583
00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:25,900
fascinating as I was sure you
would be what's the best way for

584
00:37:25,900 --> 00:37:28,000
people to learn more about
everything there?

585
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:33,000
You're, uh, Up to.
Well first of all you can go to

586
00:37:33,700 --> 00:37:36,500
my website.
Nick over is dot-org.

587
00:37:36,900 --> 00:37:41,100
You know, you can also go to
perform with pleasure that was

588
00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:47,000
my former so it has just half a
backlink and then yeah, my

589
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:53,400
social that you can go to
Instagram Facebook, YouTube, but

590
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,400
to contact me via Instagram,
might be the best Instagram on

591
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,300
Facebook.
Awesome.

592
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,200
Well, thanks for making time for
us today Nico and thanks for

593
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,900
listening tuning in.
Please visit real men feel that

594
00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:06,700
Org, the blog post for this
episode.

595
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:09,500
We'll have drinks to all of
Niko's contact info.

596
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:12,000
And any of the resources shared
today wherever you are

597
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,400
discovering room and feel,
Please Subscribe, follow share.

598
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,600
The someone that you know, will
get benefit from it.

599
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,000
Leave a review or comment.
You can always reach out to me

600
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,400
at real men.
Feel at gmail.com, always glad

601
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,000
to hear from you and you can
even join our private Facebook

602
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:26,800
group.
If you're on Facebook, check out

603
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,600
real men.
Feel dot org slash group that

604
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,700
will bring you right to it.
And until next time, be good to

605
00:38:31,707 --> 00:38:32,300
yourself.