Men Finding Their Purpose | Mindset, Fulfillment & Spirituality

0:00 Hello and welcome to real men. Feel I'm your host author coach and healer and e-grant, please visit v&d Grant.com, to learn more. About me, real men, feel exists to have the conversation that most men aren't having, but that all men can benefit from, we remind men that you are a human being. You have the right to experience and express all of your emotions. And I believe that everybody has a mission, a calling a purpose to their life and part of the Great Joy, or frustration of life is discovering what that is. I don't recommend my path, which was multiple suicide attempts before. I finally got that, there must be her better way, and it began doing the inner work. Today, we're diving into purpose, my guest today is men's Mentor. Cooper Heller Cooper is a personal trainer nutritionist and life coach, who helps men clarify their purpose, upgrade their physical health, and develop a winning mindset. Welcome to Rome and field Cooper. Awesome, brother, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, I'm glad to talk to you.

0:57 We just connected recently and I looked at it. Into a little bit of your story and you almost seem like the All-American, high school kid, you had everything going for you, and then you had an accent that kind of, you know, upended, what you thought, your life was going to be. You want to share some of that? Yeah, for sure. So, I grew up in Amarillo, Texas, very small, Texas town. I tell people More Cows Than People exactly what you think it would be. So, I grew up playing sports all throughout middle school and high school. I played football, basketball and track. And basically, like you said, I had everything in my life. Perfect. You know, of course, everyone has ups and downs but my life was generally when most people would love to have. And so everything was great.

1:44 Like I said, Sports was my thing in junior year of high school. I actually had a big incident Deering and offseason. I was dead lifting and I ended up rupturing three discs in my lower back. So once that happened actually, it pinched, my nerve, my sciatic nerve going down my leg and so to walk stand up, put any pressure at all, even just holding a book was excruciating pain, so I couldn't walk for about six months. I got addicted to opioids. I gained about 50 pounds of fat. And during that time I was severely depressed. You know, going back to what you said. I did struggle with Suicidal Thoughts during that time as well.

2:31 And man it was just is a terrible time. But during that time my mindset was very - initially but I realized how important proper nutrition and training was along with a positive mindset during that time. So I would not be where I'm at today if that not had happened. And right. So now bro, my back couldn't walk about six months, you're not period, had some minor surgeries also doctor's office PT visits and I ended up doing a ton of research on nutrition training and even mindset.

3:13 And start implementing those things in my life. And I immediately saw a difference difference in my mood, my day-to-day life is my lifestyle completely So pretty soon, I started have a more positive outlook on the doctor's appointments, the PT, the therapy, all those things. And, you know, basically, I realized that I can, I can live this way, just more positive and not. So down, even though I was in a down situation, right? Right. Yeah. You're not your circumstances? Absolutely, absolutely. So, sort of dialing on my nutrition and eventually, you know, I could walk again. So I started going to walk through on the Block doing what I could and I lost that 50 pounds pretty soon. My friends and family are coming to me and saying, you know, Cooper write me a free play and help me out here. You know, what's the magic trick and I would borrow with them a little bit and say, buy me a Chipotle burrito and all right, you're free plant.

4:15 So that's what started my love for Fitness Nutrition of mindset. And I started my first company Online with finish nutrition mindsets in college. I grew that up actually dropped out of college. Moved it to my dream city of San Diego and then about eight months ago, that's when I realized my full purpose was not being fulfilled. Number one, I realized that men generally don't have a community which I know that you're very big on as well and being able to be vulnerable with other men, but other men. That genuinely want to see them succeed. So that is the first step that I wanted to fill. And the second Gap was men, do not have a mentor, right? I mentor to show them how to upgrade their mindset, their lifestyle, their, their health, their physique, but also help them clarify their purpose because men, nowadays are just so lost.

5:17 So, that is where we are today. Prior to your accident, were you doing any sort of mindset work? What were you like, what? You When was the accident, your first experience with depression? Like how would you been before that? Honestly, I do believe that it was my first experience with severe depression. I mean, yeah, I really I think it really stem from the pain just being a pain 24/7. Just wanting to get out of that state of mind while you're going up. But again prior to the accident was was purpose, was your was life goals. Was that something that you were consciously thinking of, or it almost sounds like you were kind of unconsciously competent of having a great life?

6:03 Yeah, most definitely man. It wasn't. He was something that crossed my mind. You know? The whole back incident really? What sparked my personal development journey. And so, prior to that, I really didn't think about life. Coaching mindset coaching any of those things of the sort. So how important is mindset to having a purpose-driven fulfilling life all men? It's crucial. Absolutely crucial. Every entrepreneur that is Top Dog. You know, the highest athletes, who are Ever, you know, everyone does mindset work and I didn't realize that until I started doing it.

6:44 So yeah. It kind of until you have the awareness that that my mind is full of shit. Thoughts. You do you? Do you know? I least I didn't give much credit so I thought well this is what everyone thinks about. Yeah. When when yeah, when I was high school and college like my my world view was that life sucks, then you die. And but I would not, I would never think. Oh, that's negative mindset. I thought that was just a fact. Besides the physical pain of the accident. What was telling you that there must be something more. But there's a great question. Honestly, I've always believed in a higher power.

7:27 But I never truly understood what my purpose was right. And so I do believe that that was a little bit of a an external event happening for my benefit to align me properly with my purpose. If that makes sense. Like, I believe that, that was divinely orchestrated. To help me Define and you know grow myself my inner work. Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree. And I think you mentioned having least the Suicidal Thoughts during this dark time and I'm amazed how often I talk to people.

8:09 And they kind of admit that to me because I'm open about mine. And I think that's one of the, you know, the greatest stigmas Force we still haven't Society is I find that the best way to prevent suicide is by talking about suicide. But When it comes to purpose, do you do you see purpose as this static thing? Or does your purpose change over the course of your life? I believe that it can change. I do believe that it can evolve in a sense but we defined purpose as fulfillment. As well as. You know, see the goal is to turn your purpose into profit. That is the goal, right? And nowadays, it's very doable with online business. When we first talked to you said something that I love. I wrote it down.

8:59 It is completely possible to live an amazing fulfilling life and do what you love to do. And when I was miserable, if I heard someone say that I'd say you're full of fucking shit man. See how? And I bet you agree to buy that too. So what do you say to those people that are so pessimistic and down they just don't they what you're saying isn't even possible in their mind. I'll just say you don't know what you don't know. Right? And you're growing up in my town, like, no one owned it online business. Don't even know what that was, you know, now being here in San Diego is very, very tech savvy. You know, my friends are entrepreneurs, it's like that's a common thing. And so if that's not in your environment, no, that's okay.

9:43 But just, you know, at least try to open your mind to other possibilities. That life can be amazing. And you can literally do what you want. Like, man, I was talking with my own one of my entrepreneur friends and he was telling me one of his friends. Her passion was to braid hair, and she literally started online business teaching women, how to braid hair, make in, 10 to 20, K per month online. Teaching women, how to braid hair? Well, yeah, but it would take that's something that you must be in person with the really get it down, but obviously not. So it's literally you can do anything now. It is whatever your passion is, you know, whatever your purpose is aligning that with a business model. A service based primarily that is the goal, so totally possible.

10:35 So, are there any kind of want to say, Mel is a simple simple or common suggestion, is that to help someone discover or clarify, their purpose. Absolutely. So that is part of our personal development program. A lot of it is that the life coaching sessions but what I would say it comes down to is honestly a lot of self-discovery. Right. Because honestly, like our purpose. It's shown to us and little hints that sometimes we don't see, like, will sometimes like coincidences maybe like divinely orchestrated events that we just don't put a thumb on it until we're like, wow. Like that was actually there for a reason. So you know coincidences finally recorded Events maybe like childhood events are passions like what men love to do as As children sometimes we can see that turn into their purpose which is really cool.

11:35 You know Talent, natural abilities and talents everyone has talents a natural abilities, right? Yeah. But one thing that worked for me by my coaches recommended this to me when I was like in my 20s and wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. And I recommend it to clients all the time to. Is that people that think I have? No talents is nothing. I like I'm just miserable. Yeah. Go go back to childhood. Like, what did you used to love doing? Drawing singing and playing with Legos, you know where you are. You are frustrated, architect or construction worker, with like whatever it might be, but somewhere along the life, everybody has experienced Joy, right? No matter how much traumas are you, like, there was at least one time that you felt good to be alive, red.

12:15 You know, I think that's our Natural State but mindset teaching Society media. We can turn this into just these self judging Machines of negativity and repetition. Ian, and and misery. Yeah, absolutely. And ideally again. Well, maybe it takes this Dark Night of the soul for everybody, but, you know, ideally like what? Yeah, maybe that's it. Like, people can't, just I'm doing great but I know I can do better. So I'm going to look for that. Like they have to bang something, you know, we have to get that like kick in the nuts to like wake us up somehow absolutely man. And this is the way that I think about it. I like to think about it as this is a little out there. Only thing about as we are souls, you know? And we have this opportunity to come down to earth and take along and, you know, human form where we have, we can experience, Joy, love, you know, abandonment, depression, positive and negative emotions.

13:13 I would choose to do it every single time. And so, knowing that and kind of zooming out with the big picture, our lives are so small compared to the infinite timeline. Right? And so when you, when you get that big picture, it really helps to see and like, our problems as big as they are to us. They're really not that big. And if we can look at them from a point of view of, how can I learn from this? How can I grow from this? That is the whole point. Go, memorize, just the part episode was, what would you tell your younger self? And one of the things that I would I would I would have told myself at 16 or 22 or Anything was all the things you're worried about, they don't matter, like no, none of it like even now. Like, if you look back on the things that you are most concerned about in high school, do do any of them really matter today?

14:06 Absolutely not. It's amazing. But, you know, that's the frustration and joy of our human mind that like yeah, whatever the moment is its life and death and it's horrible and at least for me and I think this is true for most people that have ever felt suicidal. We can get trapped of this really black and white thinking and everything's great. Sucks. And if you felt that it sucks, so long, even when it's great, like I used to believe that the great times that was the lie and pretty soon. He's going to feel like shit all over again, and like I'm not going to fall for that. Lie of life is good again, but but it is. So I like, I love discovering that I've been wrong about a lot of the beliefs I used to have at the, you mention that to like awareness and be willing to grow and you don't know what, you don't know. Hmm.

14:47 Absolutely. I happened to watch this an old interview with Bob Proctor today. I do you know him? I don't. Okay. Because he's live in San Diego, I think, but he died earlier this year, but he's 87 years old. He was one of the stars of The Secret. He's been in like personal growth and mindset coaching since the early 70s, I believe. But I came across this this interview and I had it pulled me in and I thought I'd write a couple notes, but I thought it might pertain to today and it does but he said if you don't have adversity, you aren't living much of a life, you're just flatlining. And I think that's what both of our stories. And what we're talking about verifies that, you know, challenges and adversity.

15:27 Make you have to learn things lean into your dreams and have an exciting life. We aren't just here to bide our time. Yeah. So is one of the biggest hurdles to purpose. You know, believing that you have one it like, as a comeback downtown to awareness. I believe, first off everyone has a purpose, but I do believe that when you're in the constant state of just day-to-day life, I go to work. So what I eat, I go to sleep the own over. Most people don't think that deeply about life, right?

16:07 And so sometimes we say purpose is really got to be like clarified. And so a good way to ask that question would be like if I was talking to a client instead of saying, have you found your purpose? I would say, do you wake up in the morning? Excited fulfilled, ready to take on the day? If they say no 99 times out of 10, I know exactly what we need to do. And another thing, Bob Proctor said that, I'm glad to hear it coming from you to because he said, any program without a spiritual Foundation is not complete. It can be good, but it's not complete. And yeah. So you mentioned spirituality law, spirituality is a big deal for me. That's like again after multiple suicide attempts. I finally accepted and started to realize that. All right.

16:52 I'm not just this meat suit. I'm not just random chemicals. I'm not just chemical reaction. There is more to me and that more to me is somehow keeping me alive for some frickin reason and thousand. Yeah, but I was not With any religion, I was not with raised with any. And I thought, I thought not being raised with religion, made me an atheist, remember being like a Cub Scout had to be, there was a merit badge to for reading the Bible and I like protested that you can't make me do this. I'm an atheist. I don't even know what any of those words actually met at the time. But anyway, you know is there is there something else besides awareness and knowing that they have it is there anything else that you wish more men knew when it came to purpose?

17:35 I would honestly say that it doesn't matter how big or small you believe your purposes but the only true failure in life is not striving for why you're here. But that is truly, the only failure because you can fail at things, but as long as you're trying, it's not failure. And there's a, you know, Yoda, you know, there is no try, there's only do. And whenever I hear people say, you're trying because I see, like, if we keep saying I'm trying, we're lying to ourselves because we're actually doing it. But we're saying we're only trying or we're not. We're only talking, were only thinking about it. We aren't doing it and we say, but I'm trying. So I find that usually trying is, you know, it's just, it's a form of self-deception, you're not giving yourself credit for what you're doing, or you're going to, you're bluffing to yourself, that you're doing something.

18:26 When all you His kind of mental masturbation over at all. I love the I love that is there one particular program or book or practice that kind of really helped you the most? Or was a great starting step for you. I would say CBT therapy, I'm a big advocate for therapy. A lot of guys, you know we have this ego where we don't want everyone to to know our secrets we don't want to be vulnerable. Yeah, but therapy it seriously. Life-changing cool. Yeah, I think that and I can comfortably say this for you. Now, like I was somebody like, I would never, I don't recommend any, don't get a coach, who isn't getting coached.

19:10 Don't don't get a mentor that hasn't been through there. Like don't don't get some of this wakes up one day like I'm good with people. I'm gonna start doing this but you like you've done that in a work already. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, if I have a mentor at all times my life right now, I have three cool. Yeah awesome. Gibney what any insights into how to choose a good Mentor? How did you know the guys at your the other women that you're dealing with? Now, are were a good fit for you now? I mean, honestly, I feel like goal alignment is crucial. So making sure that that mentors in the place that you want to be at Right? Whether that be business, you know, if you're looking for a business Mentor, obviously, you want them to know what they're doing, right? If they don't, it's kind of like looking for a fat personal trainer, it just doesn't make sense. So I feel like go alignment, making sure that they're in the place that you went to be up.

20:07 Also, I feel like just compatible compatibility in general, a lot of guys You know everyone's different men. A lot of guys are very like direct and mentorship. Very tight, the masculine energy whereas the feminine energy is more like nurturing and so depending on your compatibility, your personality type, you may learn better from a more nurturing type versus a more kind of driven strict, masculine type. And I find it's not been good to mix that up, like Ivan, I've intentionally hired coaches that I didn't like That like, oh, there's something, there's something, there's something triggering that they believe they have something that I, that I wish I had more, but there's something. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to lean into this. And I always got like, it was like harder lessons but what valuable stuff when you do that.

20:57 But and also named talking about men's groups like some I've facilitated in person and online men's groups over the years and I always tell guys like don't just find a group where everybody thinks just like you and it just seems so it's a nice really. It's a good fit because you can learn so much about yourself but people that upset you Absolutely don't. Wouldn't surround myself with a dozen guys. I can't stand but having one or two of that, like trigger you would get under your skin? That can be really powerful thing. 100% cool. Well done. No, you said, part of your goal of work with guys is to turn purpose into profit. Do you see purpose is only aligned with vocation or career?

21:38 I do not. I do believe that purpose can be something that you can fulfill in the day-to-day life. It could even turn into a hobby, but as long as you are living in alignment with your purpose, that is what brings true fulfillment. What are some of the signs that that would tell me that I'm in alignment with my purpose. I would say, I would say waking up excited. Granted everyone has those days. We're Dragon. I get it. But to have an actual Mission, a purpose to fulfill like that gets me going in the morning and, you know, I know that, you know, you yourself know.

22:24 But every single entrepreneur, I know, personally, they just they wake up and they get with it. They have a fire under their ass, they're going. It's like that is their purpose. And I feel like that is a true sign of Living in alignment with yourself, your authentic self. Cool? Yeah. Yeah. This is something that I never thought I'd be this person, but I woke up at 5:30 this morning on my own. Just like, all right, that's enough, sleep. Let's get going. And I was like, oh crap. And like trying to like I didn't try to force sleep, which is something I did for decades, but I'm like, all right, that's enough. Let's go, let's take the day on. And again, I just thought, like that's not a possibility for me. I'm, I thought I was not never be a morning person. I was always a night owl, but yeah, when you To start your day, your day will start earlier very natural.

23:10 Well Lulu. Yeah, I mean, I find that a lot of people tell themselves stories, right in and we end up believing those stories. So, if you say you're not a morning person over and over, you're not going to be a morning person. All right. Yeah, that that self talk and that's, you know, part of mindset and and awareness. But the things we tell ourselves that that's creating our life. So once you're aware that, oh, I, I keep saying, I'm this type of person. Person. And it's not what I want to be woman. Stop saying that like flying around. Yeah. I wonder what, what man had the biggest impact on your life. Oh, that is a great question. I would say two.

23:59 I would say first off my father, I believe that we actually have a much better relationship now than we did growing up, but he is an entrepreneur. He's extremely hard-working provides for his family. I believe he really just showed me a good sense of what it means to be a man and have the structure and discipline to push yourself. And provide for your family and we just that masculine brain. So I feel like he was the first one for me just growing up and seeing that. But I say my second is my first Mentor named Zach Colburn. So I found Zach and I was actually in college and he is what led me to create a my first company, mind-body health. So he got me started on the whole online entrepreneurship side of things.

24:52 And I really got me going down this journey. So cool. And I wonder, what are you most proud of Cooper? What am I most proud of? Honestly meant I would say my deep relationships. Expand on that. I Like immediately, my mind went to the compliments here, I am as a young guy created to six-figure companies. I'm living the dream life, whatever. But it's like, that's not deep.

25:34 Deep Soul Cooper, he says the Deep relationships, right? Like my relationship with my little brother. He's my best buddy. He's awesome. So just watching him growing up. Maintaining contact with him, keep relationship and my relationship. My partner. She's absolutely amazing. My supportive friends must support a family. So I feel like if everything was taken away from me, that's the one thing that would truly matter is my deep relationships. Oops, that's my problem. Does deep Soul Cooper still have a connection with high school buddies that you knew prior to the accident? Yeah man.

26:16 So that's a tough question honestly. No. I mean, I do still human contact every once in a while with a few guys but I feel like as you progress in your personal development Journey, you really Branch off from some people and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just, you know, you go, you different ways, right? If you are constantly, putting in the work with your mindset, your personal development, the same people used to hang around, that would gossip and things like that. You just don't want any part. I love anymore. You just don't want to put up with it, so I feel like some people I might come back into town and reconnect with them. Go get a bite to eat, but as the most part I wouldn't say so cool.

27:07 And is there anything that you are especially looking forward to Oh man, so much. So it's almost overwhelming, but I love it. Christmas is coming up next. You know, I'm very excited for Christmas. The New Year's, what's going to come on for the trilogy method 2023, very excited for that and long-term scene where my company goes, I'm extremely excited for we do want to add on quite a bit, which is a little bit of Secret by I can tell you.

27:52 So I wasn't going to say this but going back to the turning the purpose and the Profit. That is actually a coaching program that we want to add into the company. So, once we help men to find what their purpose is help them, level up their mindset, help them develop their physique three months. We want to turn that proper purpose into profit through an online service based business, so that men can get out of the Rat Race out of this Matrix and live the life that they deserve. Awesome. Awesome. So what's the best way for people to get in touch with you? There, find out all the things that you're up to. Absolutely so Instagram, I'm most active At Cooper be Heller. Again, that's Cooper be Heller.

28:40 And then the company, the Community page is called the trilogy method No, you mentioned. When we chatted before the show, you talked about this working with, you can be an ego trip for a lot of older guys and you said that I want to get this right? I think you said that wisdom was irrespective of age? Yes, yeah, cool, yeah. So what is the experience like, how do how do how does someone in their 40s or 50s? React to such a successful young guy that has all these Like almost like yeah, hard-earned life lessons, figured out at a really young age. I would say it is a little bit of an ego trip. Sometimes I would say, you know, maintaining an open mind is crucial, right? Because you can learn something from anyone, but at the end of the day, you know, it is a very immersive process with mindset coaching life coaching but also customized personal training in the nutrition coaching as well.

29:39 So it's a three-month process to help these men. Men become Warriors, right? Help these guys limit alignment with their authentic self and become the guy that they know that they can become awesome. Well, I'm really excited that we connected and I'm Mana. I'm freaking thrilled. That there were guys, like, you out there, like, people people figure this shit out faster and easier. And, you know, not not, not my way of, you know, trying to end my life. So many times, if we realize, like life's worth living like, you got it. Just you seem like a fast learner, a go-getter. And I tell you, you give me hope that like human beings will fucking like figure this shit out and we'll all be a more joyous happy with world. So I rely on the bottom, my heart man, I really am impressed with you and wish you all the success. And it really encourage people to check out your programs nail you down and, you know, make 2023 the best year of your life. Absolutely, man.

30:40 I really appreciate that. Thank you. So, thanks for joining us. And thanks everyone for listening. Wherever ever, you were discovering real men. Feel, Please Subscribe. Follow, like share their somebody post a review or a comment. You can always reach out to me at real men. Feel at gmail.com, always glad to hear from you. And until next time, perhaps until next year, be good to yourself.