Men's Health and Healing: Exploring Modern Masculinity

0:00 So what do men need? In my experience, men do not need more shame. Men do not need more fake strength. Men need truth. Men need connection. Men need spaces where they can finally be real and heal. Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel. I'm your host Andy Grant on Real Men Feel. We have conversations that most men are not having, but that all men and the women who love them can benefit from. Today was supposed to be a guest episode, but life had other plans. My planned guest is dealing with some difficult recent health news and had to postpone. And that hits close to home for me. I'm having a colonoscopy on Monday. I believe it's my third one.

0:49 My dad died from colon cancer, so I know this is not something to ignore or put off. So before I say anything else today, men, please take care of your health. Get your annual physical at the very least. Know your family history. Ask questions of your doctor. Be your best advocate for your health and well-being. When it's time, get your colonoscopy. It's nothing to be afraid of or or avoid or be embarrassed about whatever nonsense you get in your head, right? For most adults at average risk, screening for colorectal cancer starts at age 45. If you have family history like I do, or other risk factors, talk with your doctor because you may need screening earlier or more often.

1:38 Screening matters and can save your life. The American Cancer Society says colorectal cancer is now the leading cause of death for Americans under 50. And a lot of us still think about colon cancer as an old person's issue. It isn't. Remember Chadwick Boseman? He died at only 43 years old, and James Vanderbeek died earlier this year at 48. These stories are painful reminders that ignoring symptoms or delaying screenings can cost you dearly. Being strong doesn't mean ignoring your body. Being strong means handling your business. Make the appointment, get checked, have the conversations.

2:20 Your life matters. And that brings me to today's main topic. Because men's health is not only physical, it is emotional, relational, cultural. I saw a story this week that says a lot about where many men are right now. I came across a new international survey that found about 1/3 of Gen. Z men agree that a wife should obey her husband and about a third say the husband should have the final say in important decisions. The researchers say those rates are about double those of baby boomer men. That could that really surprised me that that traditional notion of the man always being in charge.

3:02 I would apply assume that to be applied more to baby boomers. You know, I thought the gens ears were supposedly the, the open anything goes, you know, free and fluid, all that stuff. But perhaps not or certainly not all of them. This is worth paying attention to. Not because men are bad, not because young men should be shamed for their their views or opinions, but because it tells me that a lot of men are hungry for something. What are they hungry for? Identity, right? Who am IA question that people have been asking since the dawn of time? Direction. Where am I going? Another common question.

3:44 Common pondering. People want clarity, belonging, knowing you're in the right place with the right people, that you're supported, respect. People want to be esteemed in the eyes of others, right? The opinion of the community about you matters. Purpose. We all want to be here for a freaking reason. You want meaning in our lives. And finally, brotherhood. That sense of connection, tribe that you are with your people. You've got their back. They've got your back.

4:25 When healthy masculinity is missing, unhealthy versions will rush in to fill that void. The first point I really want to make. Men are hurting, but many don't have the language for it. They can't express it, perhaps not even to themselves. A lot of men are in pain, but they don't have the tools or permission to talk about it honestly. So pain gets translated into anger. Confusion gets translated into control. Fear gets translated into rigidity. When a man doesn't know how to say I feel lost, or I feel powerless, or I feel like I'm failing, he may grab onto ideas that make him feel more certain, more dominant, more important, and more in control.

5:15 The second point? Lonely men are vulnerable men. There's also a loneliness crisis among men, and loneliness isn't just about having nobody to text. It's about not feeling seen, not feeling known, not feeling safe enough to be real, to be open. Missing a a bond of trust, the ability to rely on someone in the comforter, and integrity of yourself to let others rely on you. When men don't have genuine brotherhood, mentorship, or emotionally honest spaces, they become vulnerable to the loudest voices online. The men promising certainty, the men selling power, the men offering an identity built on blame. Third Point.

6:06 Real masculinity is not domination. This is where I think culture gets it wrong. Real masculinity is not domination, it is not emotional shutdown, it is not controlling women, it is not pretending you never hurt. To me, real masculinity is responsibility, integrity, presence, emotional honesty, strength with heart, leadership without control, protection without possession. I don't believe most men are looking for misogyny. I think most men are looking for relief. Men want to feel grounded.

6:54 They want to feel respected. They want to know who they are. They want purpose and meaning. They want to stop feeling numb, angry, disconnected, or invisible. And if healthy models of manhood are absent, counterfeit versions become very attractive. That is exactly why I do real men feel. Because men need spaces where they can be honest without being shamed, vulnerable without being emasculated, supported without having to perform. We need more places where men can feel, speak, connect and heal. So today I leave you the two reminders. First, take care of your physical health. We only get one body for this ride. Get the check up, know your family history. Get the colonoscopy when it's time. If you're not sure when it's time, ask. Please do not assume you're too young, too strong, too busy. Second, take care of your inner life. Because if we want better men, we need better spaces for men to be real, to be honest with themselves and others. This isn't about making weaker men, not about softer men. It's about more honest men, more connected men, more awake men. And that's what I want for you.

8:28 If that speaks to you, come join us in my community. Authentic AF. Visit realmenfeel.org/group. And until next time, be good to yourself.