Navigating Masculinity and Spirituality: Awakening to Purpose

1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:04,320
And I was hiking down.
I stepped into a strange

2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:08,600
feeling, and suddenly it was
like I felt something that I

3
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,600
couldn't describe.
It was like a presence.

4
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,880
And I looked up and it was so
stereotypical in a way.

5
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,000
But it was just a JetBlue sky
with one big thunderhead

6
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,520
covering this, the sun with the
rays of the sun coming down.

7
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,320
And it's almost like the choirs
of angels opened up, you know,

8
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:30,320
like, and I was just immediately
flooded with an overwhelming

9
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,200
sense of love and joy, So
powerful, like nothing I've ever

10
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,400
felt before.
Hello and welcome to Real Men

11
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,560
Feel.
I'm your host, author, coach and

12
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,600
healer, Andy Grant.
You can visit theandygrant.com

13
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,000
to learn more about me.
Real Men Feel exists to remind

14
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,120
men that they are human beings
and have the right to experience

15
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,240
and express all of their
emotions.

16
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,160
We have conversations that most
men are not having, but that all

17
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,240
men can benefit from.
My guest today is Michael Di

18
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,440
Pietro.
For over 20 years, Michael has

19
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,640
been guiding individuals and
groups to overcome obstacles and

20
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,680
awaken to authenticity,
fulfillment, and life purpose.

21
00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:07,920
He is a certified Master
Practitioner in neurolinguistic

22
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,520
programming, a martial arts
instructor, skilled body worker,

23
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,920
meditation teacher, and has
spent time in both Buddhist and

24
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,080
Benedictine monasteries.
Through his extensive training,

25
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,240
deep intuition, and books, he
helps clients and readers to

26
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,440
truly know themselves, to
transform challenges, to find

27
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,560
meaning, and to live their life
purpose.

28
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,720
Michael shares the spiritual
awakening he had at age 30 and

29
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,960
we discussed topics including
the wounded healer, false senses

30
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,600
of identity, and the importance
of authenticity.

31
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,200
Practical techniques are shared
to go beyond mere awareness of

32
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,040
our wounds and into healing
them.

33
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,280
Michael also shares the one
thing that he wishes more men

34
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,640
knew, and I completely agree.
Let's do it.

35
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,240
Hello Michael, and welcome to
Real Men Feel.

36
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,960
Thank you, Andy.
It's a pleasure to be here and

37
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,720
I'm excited about our
conversation today.

38
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,680
What in your life inspired you
to become an intuitive, to

39
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,360
become a guide, to want to serve
people?

40
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,280
Yeah, it actually started at age
30.

41
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,479
I'm 60 now, so almost 30 years
ago exactly.

42
00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:14,360
I had a spiritual awakening, a
heart opening, and I was pretty

43
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:18,240
lost in my life at the time.
But that opening really got me

44
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:21,280
in touch with wanting to be of
service and just wanting to

45
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,800
somehow work with people.
And so I just went through a

46
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:30,880
series of progressions and
development that I started doing

47
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:34,640
a therapeutic body work and then
I got into energy work and

48
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:39,480
emotional intelligence and just
kept evolving my toolbox,

49
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,400
eventually working with
neurolinguistic programming and

50
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,120
then a lot of meditation, a lot
of retreats that really helped

51
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,240
me have my own breakthroughs.
And then it just it, it, it was

52
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,800
a step by step progression in my
own development that just kept

53
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,280
going right.
It's like once you get on the

54
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,600
path, you, you really just, it
never ends, right?

55
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,400
It's right.
When you were growing up, were

56
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,160
you aware of that?
You had, you know, your strong

57
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,120
intuition?
Were you a spiritually open

58
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:11,360
person or not?
No, actually quite the opposite.

59
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:16,720
Yeah, I would say I was pretty
contracted and closed, pretty

60
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:21,160
wounded in my childhood.
A lot of times, you know, if you

61
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:25,440
have a healing tendency, most
healers are very wounded in

62
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,200
childhood.
And it's that wound that becomes

63
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,080
the impetus, the healing of
that, you know, they, the

64
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,440
archetype of the wounded healer
that really sets us on our path.

65
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,480
And it's like, you know, why
does everyone else seem so

66
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,760
bright and shiny?
And I'm not feeling so good over

67
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,760
here, right?
So I think that wound and the

68
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,840
and the drive to heal that in
our cells is what really helps

69
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,400
us initiate into our own healing
abilities.

70
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,160
Though as a young man, did you
have that sense?

71
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,200
Did you feel like everybody else
is brighter than me?

72
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,160
Every else is enjoying life more
than me.

73
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:02,080
Absolutely, yeah, I, I struggled
with a lot of depression.

74
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,800
I had a large family, I was in
psychology, I was really in the

75
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,160
lost child syndrome.
So I just kind of my, my coping

76
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:15,000
mechanism with was to withdrawal
from life and just kind of go

77
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:22,160
into my own little world.
And that way of being wasn't

78
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,920
really true to my nature.
You know, I, I do have an

79
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:29,280
internal aspect to me, but I'm
pretty extroverted.

80
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,040
I, I, I like to socialize.
I like to be out, I like to be

81
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:36,360
active.
So I really had to find out how

82
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,160
to come out of my shell, so to
speak.

83
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,920
And that opening I had really
kind of opened me.

84
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,080
And then I started to deal with
all the content, all the stuff

85
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,720
that I hadn't really faced from
childhood.

86
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:52,120
And when we do that process,
when we can look at those wounds

87
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:57,320
with acceptance and grace and
begin to heal, we really begin

88
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:01,480
to have those breakthroughs.
So again, it's, I think people

89
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,600
get a little scared of the
interior life and they, they, as

90
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,960
they start to hit those scary
places, they tend to externalize

91
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:12,320
again, like they're going in and
then I touch something that

92
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,280
doesn't feel so good.
And so I I come back out and get

93
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,920
distracted in life again.
Right, so you're saying instead

94
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,600
of touching that paint paint
spot and retreating it, go

95
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,680
deeper into it?
Yeah, exactly, exactly.

96
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,880
So and through it and, and
realize where it's coming from

97
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:34,080
and, and how that creates a
false sense of self, You know,

98
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,880
that we, we become identified
with our wounds and that's where

99
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,240
we make a little mistake because
we're not our wounds.

100
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,280
It's it's a it's really just an
experience we've had in our

101
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:42,840
past.
We.

102
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,920
Are not our wounds.
Yeah, that resonates a lot

103
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,840
because when I was growing up,
yeah, like, I didn't think I had

104
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,600
depression.
I thought I was depression.

105
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,480
So I really, I am my wound.
The wounds are the real part of

106
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,000
me.
Everything else is the basad.

107
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,480
That identity, you know, it's
such a key factor in anyone's

108
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,360
spiritual path is, is really
who, who are we really, you

109
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,640
know, and to ask that question
and it's and if we can get to

110
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:13,320
the place of I'm not what I
think, feel and do, my true

111
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,440
identity is the one having this
human experience, but I'm I'm

112
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,800
not the experience itself.
Cool.

113
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,160
Got it.
So can you share specifically

114
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,840
that the circumstances like
what, what did you go through 30

115
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,880
years ago?
So I was at a low point in my

116
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,240
life and I kind of felt
purposeless, didn't really know

117
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,600
my direction or what what I was
here for.

118
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:40,360
And I had a calling to go to the
desert and I drove I live in

119
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,680
California, Northern California
and I drove down to Sedona just

120
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,840
packed everything in my car
without a plan and went to the

121
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,040
Sedona.
And I was on my 30th birthday

122
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,920
was hiking and they have
vortexes in Sedona, which are

123
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,320
kind of, you know, I, I don't
know how metaphysical your

124
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,720
audience is.
And, and I don't subscribe to

125
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,880
that necessarily myself, but the
concept of the vortex is, is

126
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,840
that their energy centers and
kind of places of more intense

127
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:10,240
energy on the planet.
So Sedona is, is supposedly one

128
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,880
of these places on the Earth
that is, is very magnetic and

129
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,800
powerful and had people have a
lot of experience there is.

130
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,240
So I was hiking on one of these
vortexes.

131
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,840
Yeah.
And I was hiking down.

132
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,160
It was a big rock.
And I climbed up the rock and

133
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,640
sat there and meditated.
And I was hiking down.

134
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,400
I stepped into a strange
feeling, and suddenly it was

135
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,080
like I felt something that I
couldn't describe.

136
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:39,600
It was like a presence and I
looked up and it was so

137
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,240
stereotypical in a way, but it
was just a JetBlue sky with one

138
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,920
big thunderhead covering this,
the sun with the rays of the sun

139
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,480
coming down.
And it's almost like the choirs

140
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,720
of angels opened up, you know,
like, and, and I was just

141
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:58,040
immediately flooded with an
overwhelming sense of love and

142
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,840
joy, so powerful and like
nothing I've ever felt before.

143
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,760
And it just flooded my system
and I just started weeping tears

144
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,640
of joy.
And the moment I did that, the

145
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,200
thunderhead started dropping,
dropping little raindrops on me,

146
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:15,760
you know, And I just felt this.
And then it started running in

147
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,520
waves and just this sense of
something greater than myself, a

148
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,160
presence that I was part of and
connected to.

149
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:29,240
I think sometimes the degree of
our spiritual experience is as

150
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:34,799
big as we are off track.
So if we're if we're on our path

151
00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:39,080
and plugged in and connected,
sometimes there's not a lot of

152
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,400
fireworks going off.
But at that point in my life, I

153
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,680
was pretty, pretty lost.
And so I think I needed a big

154
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:51,080
experience to really snap me
into a different direction in my

155
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,800
life.
And at that point, it really

156
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,320
changed my path.
I got into meditation, I got

157
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,840
into martial arts, I got into
these different tools I was

158
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:04,360
working with and it just became
very clear that my path was a

159
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,960
spiritual one from from that
experience.

160
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,880
So, so until that point, had you
been raised in these sort of

161
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,560
religion?
Had you doubt like you, you

162
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,600
really heard this calling?
You heard this voice, a sense to

163
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,160
go to the desert and you're just
like, OK.

164
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,400
Yeah, basically, I mean, I was
raised Catholic, but we weren't

165
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:27,440
very devout, you know, and so
my, my religious upbringing was

166
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:34,800
not very strong, but I, I always
had a sense of the divine, of,

167
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,320
of God in my life.
And I don't know how that is.

168
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,240
I grew up with a special needs
sibling.

169
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:46,120
And I think sometimes the impact
of that as a young child tells

170
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,320
us there's other, other
dimensions.

171
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,160
Sometimes she felt like a guide
for me.

172
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,800
But I, I just think it's, it's
part of my nature.

173
00:09:55,800 --> 00:10:02,440
And there, there's no, I don't
think there's a set half the set

174
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,840
way to do things.
I think it's, it's and we're

175
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:10,360
moving into a point in our, our
culture where religions are

176
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:15,280
beautiful, but I see them as
artwork and relics from the

177
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,560
past, right?
And there's still relevancy in

178
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,240
them.
But we don't need intermediaries

179
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:26,840
in our spiritual life.
We have the right to a direct

180
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,720
experience and a direct access
to the divine within ourselves.

181
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,040
Is that how you would define
spirituality?

182
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:38,040
A A direct access to your own
divinity as opposed to religion,

183
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,720
with kind of rules and rituals
and structures and.

184
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,760
Yeah, I, I would and I would
define spirituality.

185
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:52,040
Not necessarily like for me, I,
I guess I'm more mystically

186
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,520
inclined.
So I want to make friends with

187
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,560
the mystery.
I want to begin to let the

188
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:02,960
unknown guide me and sit in
silence and sit in the

189
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,600
stillness.
And to me, that's the access

190
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:10,720
point of the portal where
dimensions seem to change in our

191
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,240
life.
If if we just give ourselves

192
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,320
periods of calming down.
And it doesn't have to always be

193
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,000
a regular meditation practice.
Sometimes it can just be a walk

194
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,440
in the woods or a moment on the
beach or you're watching a

195
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,800
sunset with with your partner or
whatever it may be these

196
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,880
quintessential moments in our
life where we just feel

197
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,680
something different in our
heart.

198
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,880
And, and I know everyone,
everyone out there has had that

199
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,840
these.
Yeah, and anything that reminds

200
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:42,280
us that we aren't just this meat
suit wandering around aimless,

201
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,800
100% yeah.
Yeah.

202
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:51,040
Traditional masculinity often
discourages men from open

203
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:56,600
emotional expression.
Have you been able to open

204
00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:01,000
express your your feelings and
emotions and do you help clients

205
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,520
do that as well or is that just
not important?

206
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,360
Yes, I think it's very
important.

207
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:12,240
We, one of the things in
masculine spirituality is we

208
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,800
have to be careful not to get
consumed into the emotional

209
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,640
world, into the inner feminine,
right?

210
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,760
Because that's where men can get
Moody and lost and, and really

211
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:29,600
not get a clarity about how to
relate to the feminine function,

212
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,440
right?
And by the feminine function, I

213
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:39,120
mean the feeling nature.
This this sense of going through

214
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,680
an emotion without getting
caught in the emotion, without

215
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:48,120
getting identified, but being
able to feel what we feel and

216
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,160
express it if it feels
appropriate.

217
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,320
Right, yeah, I find.
And I don't.

218
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,280
And lots of guys in modern day,
there's a lot of like this, what

219
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,680
I call distorted stoicism, where
people think, oh, stoic means

220
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,000
amaze.
Not supposed to feel like no

221
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,400
amaze, not supposed to wallow in
feelings may supposed to here

222
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,720
comes some input.
Feel it, deal with it, move on.

223
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:15,440
Yeah, yeah.
And I, I'm emotional and it took

224
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,920
me into my, my adulthood, into
my maturity and the, into the

225
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,600
second-half of life to really
understand by emotional nature.

226
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,480
And that doesn't have to define
my masculinity.

227
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,760
You know, like I can feel my
emotions and I'm pretty

228
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:36,120
comfortable in them, but that's,
that's not what defines me as a

229
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,280
man.
But if I'm feeling something,

230
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:45,200
it's, it's actually to me part
of my physical health to express

231
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,920
that or to, to be in touch with
that and let it let it run its

232
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,960
course.
Because I think health problems

233
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,840
happen when we repress the
emotions and then our body

234
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,360
contracts around that.
So for me, it's it's not so much

235
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,520
a spiritual function, but a
health function.

236
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,320
I mean, it's all it's all
interrelated.

237
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,760
I've I've never met someone that
could be vibrant and alive

238
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,680
spiritually only and and not
also wanting to take care of

239
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,560
themselves physically.
And you know, someone that takes

240
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,600
care of themselves as best they
can physically.

241
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,280
And if they are paying back to
spirituality then then their

242
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,560
physical is not as good as they
it could be as well.

243
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,440
You know, body and spirit are
really one, right?

244
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,320
I mean, they're, we're not,
we're not separate in that

245
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,800
sense.
And I know authenticity

246
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,040
vulnerability, looking at your
website and your and your book

247
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,880
that that's that's important for
you and and in growth.

248
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:46,040
Why is vulnerability for men so
important in creating

249
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,280
relationships?
I think, I think it comes down

250
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:55,200
to intimacy, right?
If we want to really be clear

251
00:14:55,200 --> 00:15:00,400
and intimate and connected.
I think, and I'm not always a

252
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,280
fan of the word vulnerability
because I think it gets a bad

253
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:12,080
rap, but it can feel vulnerable
if we're opening up a place that

254
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:16,360
like, you know, for example, if
I, if I express what I'm really

255
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,760
feeling, will I be rejected,
right?

256
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,920
That could feel vulnerable,
right?

257
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,880
But if we understand our
patterning, our, our challenges,

258
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,880
our wounding from childhood, you
know that all that goes back to

259
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,600
the same thing.
It always goes back to our

260
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,480
childhood wound aid.
And so the vulnerability I think

261
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:41,000
is where where we we're a little
bit hesitant about really being

262
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:45,280
seen and witnessed, not only in
our light, but also in our

263
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,960
shadow self right in, in the
total.

264
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:53,560
Like, can I just open myself up
and say, this is me, flaws and

265
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,880
all?
You know, I got some great

266
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,120
qualities.
I got some challenges about me,

267
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,000
but you're either going to love
me or not in that place, right?

268
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:06,280
And I think that's what a lot of
men are afraid of, is to really

269
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,120
kind of bear it all to their
partners in that way, you know?

270
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,560
And do you think bearing it all
is is helpful, beneficial.

271
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,960
Well, I think it it gives us
more freedom.

272
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,520
I think it allows us to be
ourselves.

273
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:25,680
And so we're not, we're not
making our relationships as

274
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,720
conditional and transactional.
You have to behave this way.

275
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:35,880
So I don't feel a certain.
When when we chatted previously,

276
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:41,400
you had talked about how lots of
men will like dive into an issue

277
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,360
and they become aware of a wound
and they get a little bit of

278
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,600
resolution, but it keep, it
keeps showing up again.

279
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:52,200
So yeah, what tools are people
missing to truly heal a wound

280
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,200
and not just be aware of it and
again, make it their identity?

281
00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,880
Yeah, what a great question,
because I noticed this so much

282
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,480
in a lot of my conscious
communities that they're,

283
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,400
they're present to the wound,
but they're not really getting

284
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,520
beyond it, right.
And so I think what we need to

285
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:15,640
do is, again, it has to do with
our identity and we need to go

286
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,480
back to the original wounding
point.

287
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:24,440
So it has to do with traveling
into our memories, finding the

288
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:28,119
origin point.
Where did this originate and who

289
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,520
did I believe I was as a result
of this wounding?

290
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,280
OK, Now usually that as a as a
child and a young adult, that

291
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,680
creates a false sense of self,
right?

292
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:45,400
So we need to go back and
determine where we erroneously

293
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,760
believed that we were older than
we were.

294
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,920
Would would you consider this to
beginner child work?

295
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,560
Partially, yeah, but it's also,
it's also identity work.

296
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,640
Who it, it comes back to that
same question, who are who are

297
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,400
we really?
Right.

298
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,320
Who who was I born to be versus
who did I learn to be?

299
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:13,720
Who did I adapt to be?
But we were born unique and

300
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,720
authentic and whole and
complete.

301
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,200
And then we learned like, oh, I
got these problems I got to deal

302
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,720
with, right?
And then and we developed this

303
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:27,040
other identity and that's if if
we do enough work, we can see

304
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,320
the the folly in that.
But that's just not who we

305
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,440
really are.
But once your brain becomes

306
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,560
hooked into that identity to
change, it feels like a death,

307
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,800
right?
If if I believe I'm a certain

308
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,640
way and even if that belief is
based in a lie about who I think

309
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:48,600
I am in my brain, believe that
if I go to change that there's

310
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,280
going to be a resistance because
the brain in the neurological

311
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,400
function is going to fight to
keep that identity alive.

312
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,640
So one of the important tools if
we really want to shift it is

313
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,560
being able to pacify the fight
or fight part of the brain and

314
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:10,120
allow us to feel safe enough to
shift our identity that that I

315
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:16,640
know I'm going to survive, even
if my illusion of getting on the

316
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,360
other side of that feels like a
death.

317
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:26,880
Envis examination of identity.
Is this something that a man can

318
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,520
do on his own?
Is it something that should be

319
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,360
done in a men's group with a
coach?

320
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,480
Like what?
What's the best way to to do

321
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,200
this work?
All of the above.

322
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:42,600
All of the above.
It helps to have a guide, a

323
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:47,160
therapist, a coach, someone to
work with because we can't see

324
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,400
our blind spots, right?
And intimate relationship, we'll

325
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,280
also do it.
That's going to really help us

326
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,400
show parts of ourselves we can't
see.

327
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,040
And if we have a clear,
compassionate relationship,

328
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,280
we're able to navigate that
pretty well.

329
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,760
Men's group, you know, any
community will give us another

330
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,560
reflection of ourselves and how
we show up in community.

331
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,040
And then a certain amount is
solitary like, like we, we have

332
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,280
to take responsibility also to
walk our own path.

333
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,920
But I feel like we can't do it
alone.

334
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,400
Like if, if you when I was
younger, I was very independent.

335
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,200
So and I was like, I'm just
going to do it myself.

336
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,320
And it, it got me to a certain
point.

337
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,520
But you can only get so far
because you really can't.

338
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,520
You can't see your blind spots.
I.

339
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,240
Think.
I think it's an African proverb.

340
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,400
If if you want to go fast, go
alone.

341
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,520
If you want to go far, go with
community.

342
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:47,760
OK, that sounds good.
So are there any practical

343
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,000
techniques you could share for
how men can deepen their

344
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,760
connection and safety with
themselves and and or with a

345
00:20:55,760 --> 00:21:00,280
partner in a relationship?
Yeah, so meditation helps

346
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,360
always, right?
That's one.

347
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:07,320
One useful tool is just to begin
to make friends with your truth.

348
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,480
And by meditation, I don't, I
don't mean, you know, having to

349
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,400
clear your mind or having, but
but more of an insight like of a

350
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,480
pasta meditation where where
you're just noticing what you're

351
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,200
actually experiencing, what
you're actually feeling at any

352
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:29,240
particular moment and beginning
to come present and aware in the

353
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,320
moment.
Right, What, what is my

354
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,680
experience and, and, and what am
I feeling or going through in

355
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,640
this moment?
I think in terms of the safety,

356
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:44,160
the fight or flight, we have to
know we're safe.

357
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,800
So a lot of people are
struggling.

358
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,080
It's it's pretty common in it.
And especially like along

359
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,920
younger men today, they're
struggling with a lot of anxiety

360
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:58,440
and anxiety is really just a
projection of something scary

361
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,400
happening tomorrow that isn't
real, right?

362
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,200
And So what I do and I, I feel
anxiety from time to time.

363
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:09,440
And what I do is I come into the
moment and I ask myself, is

364
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,440
there a meet any immediate?
And as I sit here right now, I'm

365
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,520
like, Oh my God, I'm feeling
anxiety.

366
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,680
But is there any immediate
threat in my environment right

367
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:22,680
now?
And we have that anxiety and

368
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,840
threat response because we used
to get chased by tigers.

369
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,440
We used to be under physical
threat.

370
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,000
And that part of our brain kept
us alive.

371
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,920
It kept us safe.
We either fought the threat or

372
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:41,880
we ran away from it, right?
And so we still have that

373
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,160
function in our brain, but
there's no more threat but the

374
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:49,880
but the neocortex in our
imagination can sure make up a

375
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:54,800
threat, right?
So we can challenge ourselves is

376
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,200
my source of anxiety.
And what I'm imagining that's

377
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:04,040
scaring the bejesus out of me.
Is that real, right?

378
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,200
And is there immediate threat
right now?

379
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,040
No, I'm actually quite safe in
this environment right now,

380
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,120
right?
So just a reality check into the

381
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:17,480
present moment, I think helps
immensely to just begin to feel,

382
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:22,520
feel the safety that is actually
present in your immediate

383
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,040
environment.
Yeah, I like that.

384
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,320
And if it doesn't feel safe
because some people are under a

385
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,120
real threat, so you know, say,
say you had a, a housewife who

386
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:34,080
has an abusive husband, right?
She's, she's under a real

387
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,040
threat, right?
So then, then she needs to

388
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,560
remove herself from the
environment.

389
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,160
She needs to, to take care of
safety.

390
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,960
And she probably needs some
advocate in, in support of that,

391
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,080
right?
So that so ask for help if you

392
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:53,480
need it and but I think for a
lot of a lot of the feeling,

393
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,600
it's not real.
What guidance would you offer

394
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,280
younger men today to build that
healthy, emotionally rich

395
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:05,640
relationship and not just wait
to hear, not wait till they're

396
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:13,000
30 to be called to the desert?
I would say, you know, one of

397
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,600
the things is I want it.
Sometimes the younger

398
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,160
generations get a bad rap, but I
want to give them some credit

399
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,720
because I noticed a lot of
younger kids that seem more

400
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,120
aware at their age than I was at
that age.

401
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,040
And it seems like we are getting
more caught.

402
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,040
You know, there's more problems
in society in one respect, but

403
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:38,240
we're also growing and, and
developing in consciousness in

404
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,200
another respect.
So I just want to encourage

405
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:50,920
younger men to watch, watch the
tendency to bolster yourself.

406
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:57,800
So there's, there's a way in
which we try to prop up our ego

407
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,160
and make ourselves stronger and
better and more capable.

408
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:06,880
And, and I think that will work
for a while, but eventually

409
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,400
that's going to run its course.
And so if you can go the other

410
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:18,120
direction and find like find
being OK with your challenges, I

411
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:22,960
always tell my clients it's,
it's your authentic self that's

412
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,800
going to be more successful,
right?

413
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,560
And your authentic self has
gifts and it has challenges and

414
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,640
deficits, right?
So maybe maybe they're

415
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:37,400
struggling with ADHD or maybe
they're struggling with anxiety

416
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:42,360
or maybe they're struggling with
lack of intimacy or they want

417
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,040
to, they want a good loving
relationship and they don't know

418
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,240
why, why it's going wrong,
right?

419
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:53,320
So by being authentic, by by
being truthful with themselves

420
00:25:54,400 --> 00:26:00,240
and beginning to practice
acceptance that it's OK, it's OK

421
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,760
to not have it all together,
especially in your 20s, right?

422
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,440
I mean, that's, that should be a
time of exploring our options,

423
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,640
seeing everything that life has
to offer, checking out.

424
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,880
And and then in our 30s, we, we
ought to start to narrow the

425
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,640
field a little bit and get a
little more directed and then in

426
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,920
our 40s really take off, right.
And that, and that's kind of the

427
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,720
progression of the development
of a man.

428
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:30,840
But I think you know, don't
don't worry so much in your 20s.

429
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,960
Enjoy yourself.
I, I had a blast in my 20s.

430
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:39,000
I got to say, it wasn't very
spiritual, but I just had a

431
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,920
blast.
So, so back to authenticity.

432
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,920
How does someone know they are
being truthful with themselves?

433
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,560
Well.
That's a stumper of a question

434
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,880
you're really.
Really.

435
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,960
'Cause of me to go deep here.
Let me sit with that just a

436
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,600
moment.
How does someone know they're

437
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:07,960
being truthful with themselves?
I think honestly, that's someone

438
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,920
something each of us has to
answer for ourselves.

439
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,800
People know, you know, if we
know the truth and we know if

440
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,680
we're if we're putting up a
facade or not.

441
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,400
And sometimes a facade is, is
necessary.

442
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:29,080
It doesn't mean you have to tear
that down all the time, but it's

443
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:33,640
just about facing what's behind
the mask, all right, Who's

444
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,000
what's, what's really going on.
And So what, what happens is we

445
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,680
have our mask, we have our
persona, the way we're we're

446
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:44,320
operating out in the world and
we have our authentic core.

447
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:50,280
And what happens is, is when
we're young, we get identified

448
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:55,680
with the outer, outer face.
And as we start to go inward and

449
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,200
we say, I, I, I know there's a
deeper part in me.

450
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,080
What we do before we hit that
authentic core is we hit shadow,

451
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:06,200
we hit some of the painful stuff
and some of the things we'd

452
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,960
rather not see in ourselves.
And so as we're going in, we hit

453
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,600
that shadow and then we go back
out again and we, and we end up

454
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:20,200
trying to bolster the mask and
the facade again, right?

455
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,640
But that's going to only take us
so far.

456
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,520
And so if we can develop the
chops, if we can get our our,

457
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,440
our grit, our tenacity, our
strength to do that inner work

458
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,200
and to heal those ones and go
through the shadow, the light at

459
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,520
the center of your being is on
the other side of that shadow.

460
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:43,280
And so the the problem is people
just aren't going deep enough.

461
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,280
They hit the painful stuff and
then they turn back out.

462
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,240
It's like, Ouch, that didn't
feel good, right?

463
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,560
To to to sit with your own pain,
or better yet, to, to go through

464
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:58,280
it.
Do you find that meditation,

465
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,240
bodywork, energy work?
That is, is any one of those

466
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,120
especially good at it?
Does it take all of them or is

467
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:06,520
each person different?
How?

468
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:11,240
How does that unfold?
I I'd say go with the the, the

469
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:16,640
tools and the techniques that
resonate with you most clearly.

470
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:21,480
One of the having some sort of
body based practice is probably

471
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:27,320
most important something that
yoga, martial arts, dance,

472
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:31,640
anything that gets your body
moving, really, really important

473
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:38,080
to to begin to not just talk
about it, but to practice

474
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,040
through your body.
That's going to get you there

475
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,080
faster.
And that's going to integrate

476
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,360
our learning more when we have a
body based practice.

477
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:51,840
But whatever body work, there's
so many modalities out there.

478
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:56,200
And so just just kind of find
the one that really resonates

479
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,240
with you.
And just, I think talk to

480
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,240
people, find out what they like
and, and explore, explore what,

481
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,840
what are your options?
There's, there's just so many

482
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,640
tools.
I, I'm overwhelmed.

483
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,840
You know, I live in, in
California and we're just in it

484
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,680
like I'm, I'm in Santa Cruz and
that there's just every night of

485
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:22,320
the week, there's some event on
healing or body work or a sound

486
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:29,040
healing or a dance or a prayer
group or, you know, just

487
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,960
something going on every night
of the week.

488
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,760
And so we're, we're lucky here
because we're kind of in the

489
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,840
Mecca of healers.
And but no matter where you are

490
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,680
in the world, in the country,
there's something, there's a way

491
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,400
you can tap in.
And now with the Internet, just

492
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,720
get online and start to research
different modalities, different

493
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,480
different body workers,
different energy workers,

494
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,360
therapists, whatever, whatever
calls you, I would say just just

495
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,320
just follow, follow your
hunches, right?

496
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:04,560
And and begin to explore and try
it out and you'll know if they,

497
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,120
if they, if you don't like it,
let's try something different.

498
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,440
In in all of your experiences,
is there something that is your

499
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:18,880
favorite to to give or receive?
Well, I love giving my, my

500
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:24,040
approach, which is a presencing
technique and way that I, I sit

501
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:29,480
with my clients where it's, it's
about a 2 hour intensive session

502
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,000
that I do with my private
clients.

503
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,920
We also do workshops and
retreats, but the, the technique

504
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:41,160
is mostly conversational based
and it's about shifting

505
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,600
neurologically shifting these
patterns.

506
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,760
So that's, that's what I love to
do the most because that's my,

507
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,960
my unique approach to healing on
the receiving end.

508
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:59,160
I, I used to do a lot of body
work and therapeutic massage, so

509
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:05,440
I'm a little picky about that.
I, you know, if, if it's deep

510
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,360
tissue and it's therapeutic and
they know what they're doing,

511
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:12,440
I'm really into it, but I don't
want to, I don't want to Swedish

512
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,640
massage don't get that get that
far away from me right?

513
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:21,240
And so I also, I did a lot of
martial arts.

514
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,520
I did 17 years of martial arts
and I'm not practicing actively

515
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,920
now, but that helped me
immensely.

516
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:32,560
It just helped me really get my
energy moving, condition my

517
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:38,040
body, understand how to better
relate to people.

518
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,040
It does so much that you get to
work out through the movements

519
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:45,200
and through the forms.
And so I think any type of

520
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,720
practice like that incredibly
useful.

521
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,920
Now I do on a weekly basis.
I do one yoga Class A week and I

522
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:57,360
do a couple ecstatic dances a
week where you just, they go and

523
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:01,160
move their bodies and you know,
just just any for me at this

524
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,440
point, I'm 60.
So anything that gets my body

525
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:07,240
moving and helps build my
strength and flexibility, I'm

526
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,480
100% in on that right now.
Tell me about your book The

527
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,120
Inside Guide.
Thank you.

528
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:19,480
That was an inspiration.
So for about 10 years, I felt I

529
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,480
had a book in me.
And during the pandemic, that

530
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,320
was my project.
So in 2021, I started writing a

531
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:31,920
book and I had an outline, but I
wasn't very good at sitting in

532
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,760
front of a computer.
And this is a great example of

533
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,560
what I was talking about.
Like when we have deficits, they

534
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,960
don't have to hold us back.
So I was sitting like, oh God,

535
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,600
the thought of a blank page and
just typing into a computer.

536
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,400
I don't know how I'm going to do
that, but I want to get this

537
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,360
book written.
And so I found I had a client,

538
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,200
Marcy Donnelly, and she's my,
she's now my creative and

539
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,800
business partner.
And I asked her to write the

540
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,640
book with me and to kind of be
my muse and dialogue.

541
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:03,520
And we got an app and
transcribed our conversations to

542
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:08,000
create the content to the book.
And so that method, we ended up

543
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,639
getting about 15 written pages a
week.

544
00:34:10,639 --> 00:34:17,199
So we'd have weekly meetings,
we'd get about 15 written pages,

545
00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:19,440
edit those pages and pop them
into the outline.

546
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,040
And we just kept doing that
every week.

547
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,239
And so the, the, the structure
of the book is in three main

548
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,159
sections.
And the first section is about

549
00:34:27,159 --> 00:34:30,000
finding your answers and
navigating the labyrinth of the

550
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:34,520
mind and how the mind works in
both conscious and unconscious

551
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,400
factors.
The second is how the

552
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:42,199
unconscious relates to our body
and our Physiology and how our

553
00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:45,920
programming works at an
unconscious level and all the

554
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:50,080
unconscious aspects that keep us
stuck and locked and how to how

555
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,080
to begin to move beyond those.
And then in the 3rd.

556
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,960
So if you kind of look at it as
mind to body, the third phase is

557
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,360
spirit, and that's really
getting beyond ourselves and

558
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,240
looking at our purpose and how
we give back.

559
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:06,240
So the first two sections are
really about going into our mind

560
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:10,240
body, reaching our center.
And then in the third section,

561
00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,320
how how we express our purpose
out into the world.

562
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,360
What's, what's our true calling?
What are we here for?

563
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,600
And how do we begin to live a
more mystical spiritual life in

564
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,200
this wacky world that we're in
sometimes?

565
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,560
So that's really the the
journey, the whole journey of

566
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:26,520
the book there.
Excellent.

567
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:31,240
Michael, what is one thing that
you wish more men knew?

568
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,800
One thing I wish more men knew
that you don't have to prove

569
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:42,160
your masculinity like there's
there's nothing to prove.

570
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:47,520
And if we could just drop the
proving and the posturing and

571
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:52,000
begin to just be authentic the
way there are that that guy is

572
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:57,560
man enough just the way he is.
Before you were 30, did you

573
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:58,960
believe you had to prove
something?

574
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:04,880
100% yeah.
I was all about it, you know,

575
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,800
and, and I think we all go
through that to some extent, you

576
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,080
know, like when we're younger,
we want to get out there and

577
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,640
slay the Dragons, right?
And that's, that's like proving

578
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,600
I'm successful, proving I'm
capable, proving I'm enough for,

579
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,320
you know, making a living and,
and making it in this world,

580
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,640
right?
And we do need to prove that to

581
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:32,360
ourselves to a certain extent.
But I would say trust that

582
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:36,960
you're capable, trust that you
know, and if you still need to

583
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,880
prove it to yourself, I guess
there's nothing we can do about

584
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:40,920
that.
If you're going to do that,

585
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,880
you're going to do that, but you
don't need to prove it to anyone

586
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,160
else.
Yeah, 'cause I, I think there

587
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,280
there's a difference.
To prove something to yourself

588
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,040
is almost to do something until
you find that knowing that it's

589
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,240
right for you or that you've,
you've hit your, you found your

590
00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:54,320
purpose of something.
Meaning something you want to do

591
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,080
versus proving something to
someone else feels like you're

592
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,200
putting on a mask.
Yeah, yeah, I would agree.

593
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,560
Michael, what's the best way for
people to learn more about you

594
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,320
and and all that you're up to
and offer?

595
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,440
My website is called love guides
dot US.

596
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:16,160
So LOV e.g.
UIDES dot US.

597
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,840
Love guides us because love is
our true guide, right?

598
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,760
And so that's that's our
website.

599
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,320
They can find everything on our
website.

600
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:29,120
We do monthly, free monthly
virtual gatherings with

601
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:32,360
different themes.
So the ones we have coming up

602
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:36,640
next month is called cultivating
community and that's about how

603
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,440
we give and receive in
community.

604
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,200
Then we're looking see, we just
came up with our next couple

605
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:49,840
ones staying grounded through
uncertainty is in May and then

606
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:55,480
we have creator consciousness
and what that's about as June.

607
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,960
So we, we just throw, throw out
different themes and we have

608
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,040
very, you know, it's for us,
it's, it's really about

609
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,080
cultivating community.
And so we, we want to really

610
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600
support people in whatever way
they can.

611
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:12,240
And then if they're interested
in working more with, with me, I

612
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:14,280
take a certain number of private
clients.

613
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,360
I don't work with a lot of and
we're working on a bigger launch

614
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:23,600
right now for our program, which
is called the Conscious Creator

615
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,560
Pro Pathway.
And that's really about taking

616
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,480
creative ownership of your life
and creating the full life

617
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,360
experience that you want to
have.

618
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,400
And so it's really about getting
beyond the uncertainties,

619
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,960
getting beyond the doubt,
getting beyond the struggle and

620
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:42,080
beginning to really achieve the
success that each of us is

621
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,840
looking for.
And mostly that's that's geared

622
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,440
a little more towards people
that are conscious and and

623
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,480
purpose driven.
And so we really want to work

624
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,680
with entrepreneurs, with
creative types, with people that

625
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,840
have a vision and want to have
an impact in the world.

626
00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:59,480
Very cool.
Michael, thanks for talking to

627
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,440
us today, sharing your journey.
And I was going to say more

628
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,240
importantly, but have equally
important how you're serving the

629
00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:09,120
world today too.
And thanks for everyone for

630
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,840
joining us and listening.
Please visit Real Men Field org.

631
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,280
There'll be a blog post for this
episode.

632
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:14,880
We'll have all the viewers,
links and resources that we

633
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,120
discussed.
If you're not yet in the Real

634
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,640
Men Field Private Facebook
group, or maybe you didn't know

635
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,440
what existed, you can join that
by visiting Real Men

636
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,000
field.org/group.
You can always reach out to me

637
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:29,480
at realmenfeel@gmail.com.
And until next time, be good to

638
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:29,880
yourself.