No Lucks Given | Mental Health In The Kitchen

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Hello and welcome to real men.
Feel, this is your host author

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coach, and healer and e-grant.
Real men feel is here to remind

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you.
That men are human beings and

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they have to write the need and
the desire to express and feel

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all of their emotions, your
authenticity and vulnerability.

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Our superpowers.
You can learn more about how I

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help people do that at the Indy
Grant.com.

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Today, today we're going to
venture into the kitchen and a

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talk with Chef brother luck.
Brother is an award-winning Chef

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entrepreneur, and advocate for
the pursuit of self discovery.

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Free he is on a mission to prove
to others that while our past is

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Forever part of who we are.
If there's not determined the

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people that we become brother
has appeared on Chopped Beat

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Bobby Flay and Top Chef.
He also owns two restaurants for

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by Brother luck and lucky
dumpling both located in his

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home of Colorado Springs.
And he has just released his

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Memoir, no Lux given.
Welcome to room and feel Chef.

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Hey, I'm honored, thank you for
the amazing intro.

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Well, it's your amazing like I'm
talking about.

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So you know it's got to come
closer.

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Urkel, right?
So it's a blessing, it's a

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blessing.
What got you first interested in

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cooking?
You know, I got into cooking out

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of necessity, you know, I was
looking for food, I was food

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insecure so to find the, the
opportunity to have a steak

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sandwich every night.
That's really where it started.

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So, I got into restaurants.
They kind of adopted me, you

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know, my father had passed away
when I was young.

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My mother was lost to the
streets and kitchens is where I

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found a home.
It's where I found a family and

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You know, that that turned in
shortly into a career.

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So how old were you when you
discovered that?

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The kitchens could were safe
place for you.

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Yeah, I started working in
kitchens, when I was 14 years

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old, I used to get paid under
the table cash and a steak

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sandwich, maybe crashing a
bartender's couch.

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And you know, by the time I was
16, I was, I was fully engulfed

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and culinary.
I was in a Vocational School in

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Phoenix, Arizona was one of the
one of the programs where you

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have the choice of choosing, an
elective you could.

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You could say, Take, you know,
cosmetology you could become a

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mechanic, you could take
electrician, but you see, I

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chose culinary because it was
guaranteed Mill, every day.

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And I had no idea that these
grown men that I got to

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Apprentice under.
At that time, we're going to

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become such a strong mentors for
me who, you know, really helped

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me build my own confidence, so
that relationship went beyond

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student and teacher.
Yeah, you know, for me it was I

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didn't, I didn't want to become
a chef until they told me I was

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good at cooking and I think What
a good Mentor can do.

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They can they can insert
themselves into your life and

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make you feel confident about
yourself.

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And for me, it was about chasing
that next, you know, piece of

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approval.
I wanted that next nod.

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That next validation and I did
whatever it took to make Chef

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go, nice job.
So there was a lot of being

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yelled at in between all of that
but, you know, it builds

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character.
So prior to chefs telling you

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nice job was there.
Anybody in your life that that

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conveyed a positive message to
you?

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Well, they weren't positive.
They were But if you know, I was

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in the streets.
So to hang out with The Pimps to

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hang out with the drug dealers,
hang out the gangbangers.

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These are people who all wanted
something from you, they wanted

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to use you to do things for them
and a lot of it wasn't positive.

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So, you know between my father
passing when I was 10 years old

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to eventually Landing a kitchens
and culinary at 16, there was a

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number of years where I had the
wrong Role Models at the wrong

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mentors.
How did you realize that?

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Like what told you that I'm
following the wrong people or

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now, Found the right people, you
know, it wasn't.

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I don't think I realized, I was
following the wrong people.

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And so, I started to remove
myself from that environment and

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they start to seek me out.
Where are you at?

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How come you're not coming
around?

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Oh, you're sell out that.
You know, as soon as I was

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excluded from that from that
environment because I removed

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myself from it, I realized that
wasn't the path for me.

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And, you know, when you when you
kind of step to the side and You

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observe you can see what's going
on in the world.

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And, you know, it was an endless
cycle of Of people ending up

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dead, or in jail.
No traditionally, cooking has

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predominantly been seen as
women's work, yet, most of the

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top chefs, the famous chefs are
all men.

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So, how can you explain, how
does that discrepancy?

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Come about?
Yeah, I think most professional

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kitchens for a number of years.
I've been a male-dominated.

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Roll, right.
Chef means cheap.

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This means leadership, you are
responsible for running a

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brigade.
You know, kitchens actually got

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their Brigade system from
Military.

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There was a French chef who came
out the military saw the the

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disorganization and he added
that into the very first

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Ritz-Carlton and he said, you
know, we need somebody to report

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to somebody and it's a great way
to fall in line as far as

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running the kitchen.
But as the years have passed, I

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mean some of my greatest
mentors, it actually been women

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in the kitchen like they're way
more hardcore than most men.

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I work for know you mentioned
your time on the streets so So

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was was Finding Refuge was going
into the culinary arts.

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Was that looked upon well from
from people on the streets, the

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people from your past.
Nah, you know I think is I kind

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of started to decide.
I wanted to pursue cooking.

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I got a lot of negativity and
and they didn't understand it.

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And I was kind of in that point
where it wasn't for them to

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understand.
This is for me.

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I realized, you know I probably
wasn't going to be going on any

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type of scholarship.
I didn't have anything lined up

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for college.
I was just trying to make it

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through the day and to actually
start finding the desire to want

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to do something Beyond high
school that was exciting.

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You know, when they told me I
can go to college for cooking

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and like that was like a
textbook.

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I was going to get a book on me,
I was going to get a book on

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potatoes.
I'm in like that sounds like a

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really cool book, that's way
better than Algebra.

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I agree.
Cool.

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Is it a difficult leap to go
from Chef to celebrity chef with

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all of your TV appearances?
You know?

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At first I think it is.
I think, you know, being thrust

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into the Limelight whether
you're an athlete, you're a TV

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personality or your celebrity
actor.

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I think being thrust into the
Limelight as hard because

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there's a certain level of
There's a certain level of

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comfort that people have that is
unfamiliar, you know, it's kind

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of like, you don't know me, but
I've been vulnerable enough to

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share a piece of my story with
you.

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So you do kind of know me and
you kind of have to roll with

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that, you know.
And in today's age, with social

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media, and the way there's
there, they have the ability to

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comment immediately on what they
feel.

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You kind of have to take a lot
of that stuff with a grain of

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salt, but it's not real like
celebrity celebrity.

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Chef is Not real.
Like I still have to walk my

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dog.
I still gotta mow the lawn and

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so I do the dishes like I still
got to run the everyday things

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in my life so it's not like I
have this, you know, amazing

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crazy, you know, celebrity
lifestyle.

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Like that's that's a glimpse
that's 10% of my day.

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So your Memoir is titled, no Lux
given.

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What does that title mean?
I got no Lux left to give like

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you know, and it was it was
being PC with it.

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Because I was I was at wit's
end, you know, as far as

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breaking point.
Like I think as men we have this

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tendency to think talking about
our emotions makes us look weak.

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So we hide them.
We shut them down and eventually

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it's going to break you.
You know, you can only tap into

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those those, those fears and
those struggles and that anger

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for so long until eventually,
you break.

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And I think, for the longest
time for motivation, I was using

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my fear was using my anger to
motivate me to get through the

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next Checked to fuel me and it
was draining me.

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It's exhausting, you know, when
you, when you drop a wall and

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you have to tap into something
on the other side of that wall,

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you have to let whatever was
over there come in.

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And that's going to tax you and
you know, some point I just I

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finally broke and I think that
was a moment in my life where I

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realized I needed to make some
changes and I think our stories

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are meant for other people.
It's not meant for us, we have

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to share it.
I mean that's what motivated you

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to write your story.
So Really did to share your

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experience.
Yeah.

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And I think it's more than just,
you know, having a tough

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childhood.
It's making the decision to

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persevere.
It's making the decision to

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write a new story every morning
to not, give up to find Hope.

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And then eventually to begin to
understand who I am, as a person

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and get into the emotional and
the trauma, and the PTSD, and

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all these things that we carry
on our shoulders for so long,

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until eventually you A break and
how many people are breaking

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without talking about it?
Was perseverance a natural skill

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for you or did, was that
something you needed to learn?

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Now I'm a Survivor.
I mean you know what, I've been

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through in my life as far as not
really having any parental

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figures, being around, the
people that I was around doing

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the things that I was doing.
I'm a Survivor and that mindset

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has always kept me from from
ever giving up.

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Like I don't quit.
I'm going to keep fighting, I'm

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going to keep getting up, I'm
keep swinging.

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And, you know, when I, when I,
when I first Has learned that

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word perseverance.
It just as powerful, I was like

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that's me and you kind of nut
shell.

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So you mentioned your dad
passing away when you were 10?

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So where your first 10 years
stable?

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And then, that was a big
breaking point or you know, what

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was your childhood like?
Yeah, I think when you're when

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you're in a household where you
know, you're just a kid, you're

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innocent.
You don't know what's wrong.

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What's not and you know for me
growing up in San Francisco,

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like City lifestyle was a city
lifestyle, there wasn't anything

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that I Hi.
I thought it was like being

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troubled or challenge until
later when you realize oh you

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know there is some moves or is
he scars there?

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There is some things that happen
that I need to address, you

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know, that sat on my timeline
for a long time.

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So you mentioned a few times
that you hit your breaking point

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and what was that?
Was that once you have started

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your career was that as as an
adult.

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Yeah.
You know I was I was filming my

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second season of Top Chef and I
just I got into a dark place,

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you know, I was going with a lot
of things in my life.

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As far as relationship as far as
emotional things that I had been

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running from and getting on Top.
Chef the second time, getting

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kicked off, it triggered
something I didn't expect, you

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know, the PTSD was was
Immediately just put into action

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after finding that that
rejection and kind of stand.

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Like, I don't have anything left
to give and you know, the thing

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about being on those shows is
your urine.

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What's called a sequester?
So soon as you get kicked off

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the show, they put you in a
hotel room, you know, and allow

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you to kind of like have a
timeout, but they don't, they

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want to keep you around because
they still need to do some

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filming some pickups, but you're
disconnected from your world,

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you don't have a phone, you
don't have a key. or if you

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don't have your wallet, you're
just kind of at the mercy of

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production and, you know, I
found, I found the lowest point

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in my life of a bottle and some
pills and fortunately, I was

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able to wake up the next morning
and that was kind of that moment

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of looking in the mirror and
saying, I got to make some

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serious changes in my life
because that split-second

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decision that I made last night
could have affected a lot of

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people.
You know, I think, I think a lot

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of us hit that point where we
hide it because we don't want to

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be labeled we don't want to talk
about it but I want to be judged

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that's hard for a lot of people.
Especially men, do you find

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that?
Who can be the worst judge of

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brother, other people or
yourself?

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Absolutely myself.
I'm my worst credit.

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I'm my worst demon, but I think
what I've learned is, you know,

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an enemy is always going to
separate you from the pack.

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You know.
It's watch a lion separate a

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gazelle to get the higher ground
to get you against the wall to

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get you by yourself.
You're easy.

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Prey.
At that point, you're an easy

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target.
So I think when we're dealing

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with our Enemies.
Whether it's our self or

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spiritual, the end of the day.
Being isolated is the worst

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thing that you can do.
And we have to realize we need a

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pack, we need an army around us,
we need a team around us, we

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need, you know, are 12.
And that's something that's so

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important.
For me is to realize like don't

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don't fall victim to, you know,
being pushed into this corner by

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yourself because you're not
alone, is a professional

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kitchen, a sort of a family that
is Supportive of your mental

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health or is that rare to find?
Yeah, I think, I think kitchens

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now, professional kitchens now
are becoming very aware of

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emotional responsibilities that
they have for their staff and I

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think that's something that's so
important as we knew board, but

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for a long time it wasn't, you
know, you're talking harsh

250
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environments, you're talking
screaming, yelling hands,

251
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throwing Flames going on, you
know, there's pressure, there's

252
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their stress.
There's there's a constant

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demand of Pay attention.
Let's go.

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We can't stop.
Eventually you get into this

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habit of you're just going to
numb yourself until the next

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shift.
And I and I want to chat want to

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see that change in my industry.
So it's one of the reasons I'm

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so vocal about mental health, is
we shouldn't have to numb

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ourselves until the next shift.
That's not that's not healthy.

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So how is your kitchen
different?

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You know, we talk about things,
you know, first it starts at the

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top right.
You have to lead from the front.

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So I'm very open and vulnerable
about my story and What I'm

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going through.
And I think that's kind of a big

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step into the right direction.
We create unique opportunities

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to have more discussions to
change, to change, thought

267
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process and dynamic, you know,
one of the things that we do

268
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every year sober week where I
make the decision not to drink,

269
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I make the decision to to be
completely sober for the whole

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week.
And I'm going to host a series

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of early morning activities for
us to all get together to really

272
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just prevent you from from
wanting to go out.

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Night, but then, you know, the
team building there and it's

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00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,300
everything from mental health,
specialist with counselors to

275
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,800
kickball tournaments restaurant
versus restaurant, you know,

276
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,300
serving in the community yoga
and the restaurant we've done

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all kinds of things throughout
the last couple years as we've

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done.
So, but we just change the

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dialogue, you know, it's okay to
choose a different lifestyle

280
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than what has been presented to
you so many years and this is

281
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the expectation of what you
think it is.

282
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Totally agree.
And how have those Those new

283
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activities been met by your
staff and the community.

284
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It's been absolutely
well-received.

285
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It's been amazing.
People have been, so just, you

286
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,600
know, supportive of everything
that we're doing.

287
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I learned a long time ago, that
restaurants means to restore, it

288
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:14,200
comes from the word restore.
So it's about restoring your

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community and I'm heavily
involved in my community, which

290
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,900
is why my restaurants are
successful my community, they

291
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,200
support us because we support
them were engaged.

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We know what's going on, whether
it's at risk youth, or it's to

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00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:28,400
Mexico domestic violence or it's
our Terry, all of those things

294
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,800
are part of our business that
were involved in know when, when

295
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:37,500
you reach the status of someone
like yourself, you're an author.

296
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You're a celebrity chef.
You're a business owner.

297
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,100
Do you still find time to enjoy
cooking?

298
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,800
Yeah, absolutely.
I think cooking's a never-ending

299
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,200
lesson and can it's a beauty
that it's part of my career to

300
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,700
part of my job but at the end of
the day, I think there's

301
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:57,800
something so special about being
able to learn I'm so many

302
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,300
cultures, so many years.
So many ingredients, you can

303
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,700
spend lifetimes in the kitchen
and never learn everything.

304
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,500
So, you know, it's constant
education.

305
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:10,900
So anytime I cook, I'm learning
something about the food or I'm

306
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,000
connecting to the the ghosts of
my past.

307
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,800
You know, the grandparents and
the ancestors who left these

308
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,200
recipes for me to read, you
know, that there's something

309
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:24,000
special about that you naughty.
I'd already put on my vulnerable

310
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:28,400
shirt today and then I saw a
line of true you to you that if

311
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,800
you're going to be one thing, be
vulnerable.

312
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,800
Yes.
So tell me what that means to

313
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:36,900
you.
Yeah, I think vulnerability is

314
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,400
courage.
I think it takes a lot to be

315
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,100
vulnerable to put yourself out
there as a chef.

316
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,500
I do it every day.
With my restaurants, I'm judged

317
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:48,500
on every play by serve someone's
paying for an experience.

318
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,100
And they're going to give us
their feedback most of the time.

319
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,500
So, you know, you have to learn
how to be vulnerable and learn

320
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:59,200
how to embrace it.
I think the fear that is

321
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,600
surrounded by a vulnerability,
is a part that you've got

322
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,000
eventually learned to embrace,
you know, fear will never go

323
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,900
away but you can learn to manage
it and I think when you learn to

324
00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:13,099
manage fear and except those
butterflies then it can push you

325
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:17,800
into into completely different
Realms of of success.

326
00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:23,500
I imagine being a chef owning
your own restaurant, it's going

327
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,800
to be really challenging to take
that judgment.

328
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,800
Judgment plate by plate.
Person by person.

329
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,700
So do you ever have you ever
outgrown that?

330
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,400
That kind of taking it.
Personally, if someone doesn't

331
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,600
like a meal.
Yeah, you know I think there's

332
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,700
certain parts were, my job is to
train myself.

333
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:44,900
My job is to, to give a solid
education and I provide three

334
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,800
things to My Team, Tools
training support and and I want,

335
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,400
if I can confidently, say that,
I've given those three things to

336
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,800
each one of my team members.
I support what they're doing the

337
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,700
Now is it's not just me as it
was ten years ago when I

338
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,600
started.
My business has ten years ago.

339
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,100
It was just me cooking.
You know, and I took everything

340
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:08,400
personally because I cooked it
now, I have 50 employees and I'm

341
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:12,400
training 16 year old 17 year
olds, they don't have 25 years

342
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,300
of cooking experience.
So, you know, I can't take

343
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:18,700
something like that, personally,
I have to take the training

344
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:22,100
personally and, you know, that's
kind of where we start.

345
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,200
I wonder if you come across 16
year olds that remind you of

346
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,400
yourself.
If that are looking for the safe

347
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,100
place that that chance all the
time, you know, I spoke to 300

348
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:36,900
High School students yesterday
and I was blown away by how

349
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,400
engaged, they were for 45
minutes.

350
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:45,300
And, and I see so many of them
of my it, for myself to them.

351
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,800
I see it.
Whether it's the the scared

352
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,700
child, it's the, the
traumatized, you know, victim.

353
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,300
It's the, the egotistical Street
kid.

354
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,400
Or the person who's just trying
to find their way.

355
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,800
Like, I see so many different
elements of myself and so many

356
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,000
other people, and I think that's
what.

357
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:09,200
So being a good Mentor is is
helping other people find

358
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,900
courage in themselves.
Do you believe that courage is

359
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:17,500
actually within everybody?
I do I think I think the moment

360
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:21,100
you can accept that there's only
one you there's there's never

361
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:25,600
going to be a another version of
you out there that recipes

362
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,800
one-of-a-kind and the moment you
can look yourself in the mirror

363
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,100
the moment you can smile back at
that person and tell that person

364
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,800
that you love them.
That's powerful.

365
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:39,000
That's confidence, that's
courage and I think we need more

366
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:45,800
people filling.
Feeling empowered to look

367
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,100
themselves in the eye or
something.

368
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,400
A lot of us.
Can't right?

369
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,800
Where we have shame, we have
trauma, we have, you know,

370
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,500
insecurities and a lot of us,
just hide it.

371
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,700
And that's not, that's not the
way to deal with it.

372
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,300
You know, you're never going to
get past where you are today.

373
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,100
If you don't begin to deal with
yesterday, when you're talking

374
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:08,200
to young people to teenagers and
perhaps even younger, are you

375
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,600
still saying them getting the
same message to like, just keep

376
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,700
it yourself, shut up.
Don't share, like shame is more

377
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:17,200
important than anything else,
you know until recently.

378
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,200
Yes I had a young teenager just
the other day.

379
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,300
I was speaking in Brooklyn and
the kids said, you know, it's

380
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,800
actually the opposite.
He goes kids, My Generation Now

381
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,200
are going on social media and
not glorifying how cool their

382
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,900
lifestyle is that complaining
about how bad their life is for

383
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:41,700
attention.
And I think that's a completely

384
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,700
different.
Right mindset of where a lot of

385
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,800
Our Generations were to where
they are today.

386
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:51,500
I mean, said, to constantly have
a platform to talk about how

387
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,500
tough life is, and then have
people console, you, they're

388
00:20:55,500 --> 00:21:00,000
getting fed something on these
platforms that isn't real, and

389
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:05,300
it's not addressing the real
problem. so is someone that had

390
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:10,900
the traumatic childhood had lots
of Insecurities not sure of your

391
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:14,200
path.
How did the the suicide of

392
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:18,300
Anthony Bourdain you know, a top
celebrity chef, how did that

393
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:20,900
impact you?
What's the craziest thing?

394
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:24,700
You know the night.
I tried to kill myself and I

395
00:21:24,708 --> 00:21:29,700
woke up the next morning, my TV
was still on my hotel room and

396
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:33,300
the newscast was the
announcement of Anthony Bourdain

397
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,500
committed suicide in a hotel
room.

398
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:40,400
That was what I woke up to.
As a chef on a TV show,

399
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,000
competing in front of Millions
on National Television like that

400
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,400
that was such a punch in the
face as far as, you know, this

401
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:54,900
is real and he didn't wake up.
I did that and that's something

402
00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:00,500
to be said that was a That was a
Moment of clarity, you know,

403
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,400
call it divine intervention.
Yeah, that's amazing.

404
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,100
That Phil, I'm a suicide attempt
Survivor myself, and I know that

405
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,600
that waking up after an attempt
and, you know, not sure what but

406
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:16,500
that not only your survival but
then seeing someone else in such

407
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,800
similar circumstances.
Not survive.

408
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,800
Yeah, I can't imagine what that
day felt like for you.

409
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,100
It's hard.
You know, there's so much shame

410
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:29,600
associated with it because I'm
broken and I'm Fish and it's

411
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,800
about me, it's not about anyone
else, but then you realize how

412
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,600
many people can be effective.
And I know the effects.

413
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,600
I've had family members and
friends that have been made that

414
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,700
decision and been successful.
So you know, is one of the

415
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,200
hardest parts about living what
the Dallas is talking about it.

416
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,400
And knowing know how it
affected, how it affects other

417
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,700
people now, because you've
broken trust, right?

418
00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,100
You shared it.
That's that.

419
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:54,800
That's, that was your choice.
That was your decision to leave.

420
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,200
And end it all and stop the
pain.

421
00:22:57,300 --> 00:23:00,400
And You know how does that make
your spouse feel?

422
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:04,300
How does that make your family?
Feel, you know, that you knew

423
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:07,200
they weren't good enough for you
to stick around like in that

424
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,300
that's not the case.
But some of us are so broken on

425
00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:11,900
the inside, we get to that
point.

426
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:16,300
And you know, I think when you
have mediums to, to start to

427
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:21,800
numb common sense, it's a
pretty, it's pretty legit.

428
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,400
So that day with with Anthony's
news in front of you with your

429
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,400
own experience, just barely
behind you.

430
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,300
What did you do?
Like, how did you stick?

431
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:35,600
You share meet with people that
you just sit with yourself for

432
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,100
days.
What was your next next steps?

433
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:41,000
You know, my first step was was
tears.

434
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,200
You know, I remember looking in
the mirror crying without them I

435
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:49,100
just shame looking at myself,
then it then it turned into you

436
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:52,100
know I reached out to the
producers that I was on the show

437
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:56,100
with and told him hey I need
help, I can't stay here and I

438
00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:59,600
would like to speak to a
therapist and they got me in

439
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,800
touch with a therapist on on a
conference call and tell them

440
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,300
where I was and they let me go
home and let me out of my

441
00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:14,100
contract and I still didn't I
didn't deal with what what what

442
00:24:14,100 --> 00:24:16,600
sparked it all, I went right
back into work, I went right

443
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,800
back into being so busy I didn't
feel anything right?

444
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,100
It's a different type of
addiction.

445
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:28,500
It's a different type of
medication work and eventually I

446
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:32,400
had one conversation with my
therapist coming home and this

447
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,300
he said, he told me something
that I didn't expect.

448
00:24:34,300 --> 00:24:37,000
He said, you know, brother, this
is probably the first time you

449
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:42,100
chose you and that survival.
That survivalist mentality, you

450
00:24:42,100 --> 00:24:44,100
know, use nukes Innovation for
so long.

451
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:47,700
You should just resort to
getting behind the wall and this

452
00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:50,200
time you actually spoke up and
said, no, I need help.

453
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,100
You know, that's a big step, you
know, showing that you now are

454
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,700
aware of where you are with your
mental health.

455
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,000
And that was, that was a moment
of empowerment.

456
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,600
I've often said that the
sometimes the bravest thing a

457
00:25:03,608 --> 00:25:07,400
man can do is ask for help.
Yeah, yeah, we have to ask for

458
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,100
help.
I mean, you know, good, good

459
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:12,700
leaders to the Warriors they
they do it with a team.

460
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:14,700
You know?
If you want to go, you want to

461
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:16,600
go far go by yourself, you want
to go fast?

462
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,800
Go by yourself.
You want to go far, go with the

463
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:24,800
team, is there one or two things
that worked well for you in your

464
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,500
growth, your recovery or if you
want to call it, that that you

465
00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:28,900
would want to recommend to
others.

466
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,200
If I think what's helped me the
most has been, you know,

467
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,400
understanding that it's a
constant battle, like, it's not

468
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:42,000
that something just one
yesterday or, you know, you

469
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,800
overcame that demon.
This is something you live with.

470
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,800
This is something that's
constant, but there's an

471
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,100
awareness now.
And I think the moment you can

472
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:52,200
accept the awareness is the
moment you have to make a choice

473
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:55,700
and every morning, I wake up to
make a choice, today's a fresh

474
00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:57,300
page.
I got a pen.

475
00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:59,200
What story am I gonna write?
I get to choose.

476
00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:02,500
Is that story, you know?
And when I feel those those

477
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,700
moments coming on where I want
to hide, I want to I want to

478
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:09,600
isolate myself.
I'm I'm feeling that funk

479
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,700
overcome me.
I'd have to choose that.

480
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:16,700
Am I going to stay there?
Am I not as it can last for

481
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:19,200
weeks?
And it's horrible and it's such

482
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,800
a tough way to live because we
take it out on the ones.

483
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,800
We love the most like they don't
deserve to catch the brunt of it

484
00:26:25,808 --> 00:26:27,300
because we think they're not
going to go anywhere because

485
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:29,300
they love us, you know.
Eventually we're going to be

486
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,100
Down.
And that's not right.

487
00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,400
So make a choice.
I think that's, you know,

488
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,100
there's any advice I could give
to somebody, you know, be aware

489
00:26:36,100 --> 00:26:40,300
of your awareness.
Yeah, witness is really key in

490
00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:42,300
something.
I was blind to for a long time,

491
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,100
and also the notion of
empowerment and taking each day

492
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:49,100
because I would sounds like you.
I was like, on for a long time

493
00:26:49,100 --> 00:26:51,500
on this automatic pilot of
waking up another day, it's

494
00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:54,300
going to fucking suck, like the
last one and just that autopilot

495
00:26:54,300 --> 00:26:56,400
we can be on and it takes
Choice.

496
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,100
It takes empowerment takes us
deciding.

497
00:26:58,100 --> 00:27:00,100
No, I'm going to college.
Leslie, choose something

498
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,200
different and I find when it
because it's a new conscious

499
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,800
Choice, it can take a lot of
effort.

500
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:07,200
But eventually that becomes
autopilot, like all good,

501
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,600
another day.
Sweet.

502
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,700
Right?
Is that your experience,

503
00:27:11,300 --> 00:27:14,700
absolutely?
I mean, I see two is, I started

504
00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:17,100
to release his book and I've had
people give me feedback on the

505
00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:20,300
book, they're like I had no idea
which tells you how well I hit

506
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:22,800
it.
I was broken on the inside but

507
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:28,000
nobody was was worthy of me
sharing that with and eventually

508
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:32,400
you know I couldn't Envelope.
And I wonder how many other

509
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,500
people are feeling like that,
and they feel crazy until they

510
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:39,400
hear somebody else was going
through the same thing for me

511
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,700
and starting to men's group, you
know, when I heard a whole bunch

512
00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:45,700
of other grown men talk about
like, where they were, you know,

513
00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:48,800
with insecurities and and and
fear.

514
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,000
I realized I wasn't crazy.
All these years I thought I've

515
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,300
been like that just, you know,
internally know everyone.

516
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:59,100
A lot of people go through those
same feelings and he's strong.

517
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,600
Men.
These are these are soldiers.

518
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,200
These are these are farmers.
These things are strong men that

519
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,600
you know I respect and to hear
them talk about some of those

520
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,000
things.
Just gave me some more

521
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,000
encouragement.
Yeah.

522
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,200
In my experience, the strongest
men have the strongest feelings

523
00:28:15,700 --> 00:28:18,600
and everything else is a
freaking mask and a lie.

524
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,200
Yeah, yeah.
We create a perception.

525
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,600
You know what do you want the
world to see?

526
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,300
And for the longest time, I
created this perception of Chef

527
00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:30,900
brother luck Chef for the luck.
A long time was the opposite of

528
00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:35,500
who I was as a person you know,
outgoing very vocal entertaining

529
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:40,100
always on stage but in reality,
I'm a very antisocial person.

530
00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:42,200
I'm a hoodies and a headphone
kind of guy.

531
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,200
And I created something that I
was extremely uncomfortable with

532
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,400
in my work life and I don't know
if that was meant to embrace it

533
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,400
but it was it was to a point
where my wife goes.

534
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,100
Who am I talking to him?
I'm talking to chef from my

535
00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:55,500
talking to brother and I didn't
like that.

536
00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,700
I didn't like that.
There was two personas that I

537
00:28:57,700 --> 00:29:00,300
was living because I was I was
creating this perception of the

538
00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:03,400
world.
So is there one brother luck

539
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,300
these days?
Yeah, you know, is one brother

540
00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:10,100
luck and finally got to a point
where I realized I didn't have

541
00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:14,400
any friends and when I told my
wife that she goes well you

542
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,200
created that you're too busy for
everyone.

543
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,400
You've made a very clear your
chef and you work and that's

544
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,300
your priority and people stopped
inviting you to stuff because

545
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:25,900
they just assume because you
never come anyway.

546
00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:29,800
So, I had to make the decision
again to be aware and to choose

547
00:29:29,900 --> 00:29:32,100
to pick up the phone.
I choose to initiate the

548
00:29:32,108 --> 00:29:35,900
conversations to revisit my
circle and rebuild my circle and

549
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:40,100
rebuild the relationships that
you know, I'd lost, you know

550
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:44,800
some of that stuff was so petty.
It's easy to fix.

551
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,700
But it took you know, a
willingness it took a

552
00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:52,800
vulnerability and you know, it's
because I wanted to just I want

553
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,000
to be me.
I didn't want to have to be chef

554
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,600
and then I want to be brother
like that's too much work.

555
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,100
So, you mentioned speaking, a
couple times are already.

556
00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:04,500
So, is that the brunt of your
mental health advocacy work?

557
00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:09,100
Absolutely, you know, I, whether
it's small groups, you know, we

558
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,300
host small groups here at my
restaurants every week for

559
00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:14,300
restaurant workers to come in
and talk about where they're at

560
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:17,000
is a safe space.
No matter which level you're at

561
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,800
from ownership to to dishwasher
or it's talking with high

562
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:25,000
schools or speaking at corporate
events or even on pages.

563
00:30:25,100 --> 00:30:29,800
I mean to me it's be vocal about
what you Got to say and you know

564
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,400
you can help a lot of people by
sharing your story as people,

565
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,500
people need to realize that
they're not alone, brother.

566
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:39,800
What's the, is there a best way
for people to find out more

567
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,400
about you and learn more about
the book?

568
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,600
Yeah, you can always check me
out at Chef brother luck, across

569
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:49,300
the board Instagram, Facebook
Tick, Tock, YouTube, all that,

570
00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:51,600
all that good stuff, and then
our website Chef for the

571
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:56,600
left.com direct link to, you
know, our restaurants are store,

572
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,200
our story.
Or just Google.

573
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,700
My name is Lisa crazy name.
So this this is pretty much

574
00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:05,600
about me, which is awesome.
You know, I get mistaken for

575
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,500
other people.
Other brother likes this.

576
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:08,800
Not it.
There's not many, there's not

577
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:15,600
many cool and one more question.
What's one thing you wish more

578
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:23,200
men knew I wish.
Mormon new.

579
00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:34,000
The freedom of the tier, I think
to allow your emotions to be

580
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:39,300
expressed is actually very
healthy you know to release it.

581
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:45,100
The otherwise it's bottled up
its inside and you know it's

582
00:31:45,100 --> 00:31:48,800
just it's going that that door
is going to get you know.

583
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,600
It's going to burst.
Don't get to that point.

584
00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:58,300
You're not weak and not week for
expressing emotions.

585
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,100
Amen, awesome.
I've I would love to see someone

586
00:32:02,100 --> 00:32:06,900
open a restaurant called that.
Well, thanks so much for your

587
00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:08,800
time.
I know you're a very busy man.

588
00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:12,700
Best of luck with with the book
launch and see what you get

589
00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:15,500
engagement.
And everyone else, thanks for

590
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,300
wherever you're listening and
discovering real men, feel,

591
00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:19,000
thanks for listening to it
again.

592
00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:21,700
Please Subscribe, follow, like,
share this with somebody.

593
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,700
Put a review, a comment, you can
always reach out to me at real

594
00:32:24,700 --> 00:32:27,000
men.
Feel at gmail.com, always glad

595
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,800
to hear from you.
And until next time, be good to

596
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,900
yourself.
And if that means letting some

597
00:32:31,900 --> 00:32:35,700
tears flow, please do it.
I don't follow.