Reaching Out & Being Ignored

0:02 Hello and welcome to real men. Feel I'm your host Andy Grant and hey you hear it. I've got my theme music back. So now we're a real show again, feeling good. This is my third episode back since a long. Unplanned break, still just me for a bit longer, but I'm starting to line up some guests. And I'm also appearing on other podcasts to so things are definitely looking up for a boon that reached out, you know, I've heard a lot of positive feedback and appreciation for the Most recent episodes of of sharing where I've been and the subsequent depression and Suicidal Thoughts. I've been dealing with I want to call out a couple of people. First I received a really moving email from Colin in Norway you can read the whole thing at real men, feel dot org and the blog post for episode 261.

0:50 What the fuck happened where is Andy but he said, I want to thank you for your vulnerability, your honesty, your courage, I found your podcast so coherent. It really resonated with me and I feel a deep sense of compassion for you. Thank you. I found a lot of inspiration from your podcasts as part of my own healing process. I want you to know that I find your vulnerability inspiring. I have tears in my eyes writing this. I want to send my heartfelt, gratitude and love, I believe that men and Society have so much healing to do. And I view your example of sharing masculine vulnerability as a gift, Thank you. Colin that. There your whole entire letter really meant a lot to me, and an apple podcasts anxiously attached recently, wrote a review of that, that same episode. And that went Andy, you are an amazing human being. And I just want to thank you for your body of work and for your vulnerability at this difficult time for you. I am the wife of a man that Faithfully listens. And when he finds content of yours that resonates, he shares it with me, you have helped us both Now, I often say that real men feel is for men and women who love them, many guys have told me that their girlfriends and wives have turned them on to the show.

2:07 So, to all the ladies listening, thank you, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for sharing this with others. And to all of you, everybody all human beings. I genuinely appreciate every rating review, comment on YouTube real men. Feel that org, Facebook, Instagram, you know, all over the interwebs. I do see them. And please know they matter. Which brings me to the topic for today reaching out. One thing that struck me after my eight month long withdrawal from life was, how many people told me that they noticed I was quiet and wondered what was up? Some said I've been on their mind yet, they didn't reach out some said they energetically reached out but were quickly shut down which I get I was doing that I definitely closed down and was putting out every possible vibe that says leave me the fuck alone but some persistent I want to urge you to contact people when they're on your And there is a reason, they are popping up into your awareness and you don't know why a quick text. Hey man, thinking of you hope you're well, does it have to be a big thing?

3:18 Because it be intense. But for months, one of the stories that I was able to tell myself was that nobody notices my absence and nobody cares. I had gone months without a room and feel episode or any social media posts. I could easily ignore one person, every few weeks, sending a message or an email. It was much harder to tell myself. I had no friends. When I was hearing from three to five to six people every day for multiple days in a row. So all those people reaching out, it helps shift my momentum. When I finally did speak up and share, where I'd been what's been going on. But just July 1st, the number of people who said that I'd been on their mind or that they considered reaching out to me, but didn't made me wonder why that is now.

4:05 I think part of it is the way that polite Society tells us not to feel that negative emotions are bad. Keep your shit to yourself. Now, suck it up. All right, that's the ever-present vibe for all of us. People keep telling me that my vulnerability is inspiring. Well, I assure you, when I'm in the midst of my shit sharing, it doesn't feel inspiring at all. Perhaps one reason for not reaching out to someone is is a fear of how they are doing. What might their mental emotional or spiritual State bring up for you? We are all mirrors for each other. But again, we've all been trained that daily life is just about asking, how you doing, what's up? How's it going?

4:55 And we don't even listen to the response because it's usually fine. Good, thanks. Nothing much right. That polite, surface-level non-conversation. That's what most people are. Used to be willing to go deeper. I make it a point of asking. How are you really? That lets people know that I'm eager to go beyond the polite, surface-level bullshit. As someone, who ignored people, who reached out, I want to assure you. That even if your message is shunned, it has an impact. I had convinced myself that I didn't want to feel better. Part of shutting down was, was acting as if I was dead, right? I was gone.

5:42 If you think of someone and decide to check in with them, don't take being ignored personally, don't try to take ownership of someone else's energy or mood be as persistent as you're comfortable with. Friends who contacted me? Once were rebuffed and then went silent. Well, that made it easy for me to ignore them. The people who reached out to me more than once, they made it much harder for me to pretend that nobody cared for me to pretend that I didn't exist. Now, I repeat, never take being ignored personally. A response or lack thereof is entirely upon the mindset and energy level of the individual.

6:24 Trust your instincts and intuition, touch base, with friends, family members, loved ones, brief acquaintances. I don't care. Anybody whenever they pop into your mind, trust that impulse to ask how somebody is have a little faith that your connection with other human beings is actually a real thing and it's beneficial. Even if you don't get a response I assure you that you are making an impact and don't let a lack of response turn into any sort of self judgement, right? Just give that gift of reaching out, that offering that invitation and move on. I assure you. It is a much more horrible feeling to be thinking about someone take no action.

7:08 And then you discover, they are no longer with us and you've lost that chance to connect ever. Now, I'm not trying to say that you're responsible for keeping other people alive. shit, maybe I am, you know, not in a blaming way, but Perhaps, we are all responsible for keeping each other going. We responsible for keeping each other alive. Yeah, I like that. Let that be the point of social media, right? Matt be amazing. We are all in this together. This thing called life. So please trust those hunches.

7:51 The nudges, the thoughts, give the people that pop into your awareness, the quick check-in You may just find you save a life. You may find your feel good. Wherever you are listening to real men, feel Please Subscribe, follow. Give a rating review, a comment a share and use me use the show as an excuse to reach out to someone that you care about. And please know that I care about you. You can contact me at real men, feel at gmail.com, if you want to explore, what life might be like for you with more authenticity and vulnerability book, a free Clarity call with me, by visiting the Andy Grant.com, / talk. And until next time, Be good to each other and as always, please be good to yourself.

8:48 Be good to each other and as always, please be good to yourself.