Redefining Resilience & Embracing Change

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Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel.

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I'm your host, author, coach and
healer, Andy Grant.

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Before we get going today, I
want to show you something.

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This is the Silver Signal award
that Real Men Feel recently

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received for being the most
inspirational podcast.

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So they give out awards bronze,
silver and gold.

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We got the silver and the gold
went to Mel Robbins.

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So it's a pretty amazing company
and I wanted to show this to you

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because whether this is the
first episode you're ever seeing

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or the three hundreds, you are
part of this.

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Without you, I'm I'm talking to
myself, which does sometimes

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happen but doesn't win anything.
Real men feel exists to remind

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men that they are human beings
and they have the right and the

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need to express and experience
all of their emotions.

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We have conversations that most
men are not having, but that all

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men can benefit from.
My guest today is John Emery.

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John was a typical American man,
doing all the things he'd been

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told to do while growing up.
He had a good job, he got

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married, he built the home, he
became a father.

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Then job loss and divorce rocked
him, and he realized he didn't

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know who he was.
Today, John is a podcaster and a

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podcast coach, helping other
people share their resilience

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and joy.
We discuss ways to navigate

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life's challenges, working
through fear, the importance of

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knowing your values, and much
more.

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John shares what helped him the
most, including a morning

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routine, gratitude, and how he
attempts to pass this on to his

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kids too.
Let's do it.

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Hello and welcome to Real
Midfield, John.

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All right.
Yeah.

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Thanks for having me.
So we're recording this on

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November 19th and that is
International Men's Day.

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Did you realize that?
You know, I just saw something

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like on a Tik Toker when I'm
like, what is this?

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I never.
I didn't know that.

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Yeah, so I I first heard of it
like four years ago maybe and I

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forget though it's just this
day.

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So I don't know what could
happen supposed to happen, but

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in an ideal.
World.

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In an ideal world, how would you
like to see International Men's

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Day observed?
I I was thinking this should be

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it, almost like a Father's Day
kind of deal, right?

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Where everybody should be
appreciated as a man, I I think

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that's how it should be
recognized.

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How to celebrate that?
I don't know, Like, you know,

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most men are like, just leave me
alone, you know, Like you know.

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That's why I intention I that's
why I intentionally asked

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observed forces celebrated.
So you didn't, you didn't have

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to have a celebrate.
Yeah.

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Just so, yeah, there's a men's
day card just like kind of a

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thanks for being a good man,
sort of a interaction with

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people.
Yeah, I think a handshake or

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something, right?
Yeah.

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Thanks for showing up.
No no, may pole dance or

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something.
I was trying to think of what

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what flavor cake is men like, I
don't know.

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I don't know.
That's horrible.

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So we talked briefly before, and
what I came out of our

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conversation is that you're a
man that did everything you

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thought you were supposed to do,
but still your life kind of fell

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apart.
Set up your good life before

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things took a turn.
Sure.

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So I, my good life was get a
job.

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You know, first, at first I was
going to college for a little

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bit, but I was working full time
at the same time and I'm like,

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what the heck do I need college
for?

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So I wind up staying full time
at the job.

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I was at the job for years.
I wind up meeting somebody when

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I was young, I was 19 and you
know, we just started dating and

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we got to get, you know, engaged
and married and stuff.

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And I'm forget the exact age I
was.

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I want to say maybe 2425 ish.
I got married, but, yeah, so we

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got married and, you know, I
held that job for 20 years

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because we decided to close down
after 20 years.

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And through that 20 years, I
wound up getting some rental

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properties.
I'm like, oh, this is great.

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And I found another way to make
a stream of income if I ever

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wanted to get out of a job.
And then, you know, we wound up

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having two lovely children along
the way.

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We got our own house that we
decided to live in, and that's

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where we raised the children.
Yeah.

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So I, I mean, I thought that was
great.

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I that's everything I remember
being taught or kind of showed,

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maybe not like pushed in this
direction, but showed, Hey, you

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know, you should, you should get
a job, provide for the family

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and then, yeah, have that
family, have a house, have the

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car, go on vacations and then
try to have a four O 1K and all

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that stuff.
You know, did did that feel good

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to you?
Did did you feel fulfilment?

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Did it feel like it was right
and working?

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Yes, at the time, sure,
absolutely.

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I, I think it's at that point
where I was like, there's got to

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be something else, right?
And I just didn't know what that

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was.
And that's why I was kind of

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like looking for the rental
properties as a like an owl.

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And I never followed through
with it.

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I never had a mentor or coach.
I just dove in, you know.

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So, So what did happen that
brought all of this, you know,

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doing the the idealized version
of what you're supposed to do

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What, what brought that to an
end?

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Yeah, So the job I was at for 20
years, they decided to close.

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It was around COVID, not due to
COVID, but they just weren't

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performing.
They said I got to watch like 60

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people leave after production
was done.

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I was in the warehouse shipping
area, so I was there and for

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another eight months after they
left, and I was one of the three

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left, so I was one of the
people.

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We stripped the whole place
clean.

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I forget how big this place was.
Huge.

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All the machines were gone.
All the racking was gone, all

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the inventory.
And so I didn't know what to do

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it at the time.
I'm so I finally found a way

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out, you know, like in a weird
way and I don't know what I was

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going to do.
And so I had the time to kind of

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relax a little bit, kind of take
it in and you know, somebody I

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knew was an insurance.
And so I venture into the

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insurance Bureau, totally
different.

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Not a nine to five, not a steady
income or anything like that.

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And I started to enjoy worrying
what it had to provide for other

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people on NASA are making videos
and stuff and trying to connect

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with people.
And that led me into, you know,

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trying to kind of got me into
podcasting eventually down the

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road, but that's, it's a little
further away.

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But in that same year, I
something it's things were

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happening and I didn't, I didn't
see things happening for a

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while, apparently.
And I, I was focusing on all of

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that stuff.
And February within that's

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almost a year after I lost my
job, you know, things were shaky

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at the house with as far as with
my marriage.

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And we were married for almost
15 years.

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We did wind up getting a
divorce.

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It was nothing that I was
looking for.

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I got prepared for myself for it
in a sense, because I wound up

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jumping on a podcast listening
to somebody, and it was a men's

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podcast and it was something I
listened to two years prior to

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that so I could be a better
father.

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I wanted to show as a better
father for my children.

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Anyways, I jumped on that.
They had a men's group.

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You know, you can join all these
seminars or whatever you want to

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call it to get to know men
better and everything.

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And I didn't get a chance to do
that.

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I was with my kids at night, so
I wanted to try to spend as much

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time as I could because I didn't
know where things were going.

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I, I was losing, I lost 20 lbs.
I, I couldn't sleep.

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I was trying to figure
everything else that was going

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on in the, in the house.
What, what, why is this all

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happening?
I, I couldn't figure it out.

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Anyways, joining that men's
group in a sense, I, I connected

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with about 5 men and it was
like, I want to call it like a

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lifeline, right?
So if you, you were trying to

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figure something out, you can
call somebody.

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If they didn't answer, you call
somebody else.

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And those guys were either going
to, you know, right there for

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you and they're going to tell
you this stuff.

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Hey, you don't want to hear it,
but this is what's happening.

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Like one guy said, you're headed
in a divorce.

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And I'm like, what?
I mean, like, and this is like,

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I'm just like telling him what's
going on.

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He's like, yeah, I, I know.
I'm like, oh, great.

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And that was like months before
he even came up from, from her

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mouth.
But it, it did that kind of help

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me to prepare for when that word
did come up.

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So I was like, OK, you know,
let's well, I'm done.

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I'm not trying to figure this
out anymore.

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And so, yeah, so like, so I went
through the job loss, I went

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through the divorce all within
about the same year that it got

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finalized.
Thereafter, it took a while, but

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that was different.
Like I had to find myself again

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and or, you know, figure out who
I really was because I, I share

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this.
I, I felt like it was in a mold,

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you know, like I was, hey, you
got to get the job, got to have

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the kids, got to have the wife,
got to have the house, got to

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have all that stuff.
And now I'm like free.

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And so I was able to kind of
figure things out and I'm still

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on that journey.
So, so how did losing your job,

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losing your marriage, how did,
how specifically did that change

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your outlook on life and
fatherhood even?

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Yeah, I so it changed how it's
like the the job is not

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everything is cracked out to be
like it.

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You know, I loved what I was
doing and I love the people, but

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it can like it can pull you
down, bring your energy down a

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lot, right.
And and I want to say I didn't

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know who I was because I was
working.

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I came home and I took care of
the house and stuff and like,

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and I was just in a routine.
I was just stuck and I didn't

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find that out.
Now I have it's, I don't want

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it's, it's, it's weird to say
this in a weird way, right?

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I have to like an out in a way,
right where I have all this, I

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have this time to sit down and
talk to you because I, I just

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don't have the kids every day
anymore.

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So it's, you know, and it's,
that's what, this is what I do.

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Like I've been creating things.
I still work a full time job,

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but I've been creating things,
podcasting, I've been creating

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events that I have coming up and
everything like that.

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So like my mind's opened up and
it took a while for me to get

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there because I had to work on
myself and all the areas that I

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felt like I had to work on.
It was.

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It was not easy.
Yeah.

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What helped you most in
navigating these major

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transitions?
The thing that helped me the

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most I'm going to say I well,
first I start with myself

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mentally.
So it was still continue to talk

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to these guys every once in a
while and you get to it was

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still it was me starting to
create a morning routine and

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that still continues today.
I did shift a few things a

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little bit, but you know, now,
like now I'm praying like that.

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That's the game changer for me.
I meditate and I write what I'm

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grateful for and I'll listen to
something positive and I just I

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feel like I have a better
outlook in life, Like I'm

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thankful to be alive, right?
Things could be so much worse.

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You can, you can you see all
these bad stories that and I had

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people come on and share their
stuff on my podcast.

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I, I don't know how they got
through it like I, but we all

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have our own journey with our
own experiences we have to go

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through.
So they probably don't know how

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I got through what I I went
through, you know.

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So yeah, I would say, I would
say the morning routine was a

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great start for me.
So so tell me about the podcast.

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Tell me about life's check mark.
How how did what what was the

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transition to finally realize?
Yeah, but I don't know.

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Did you finally a podcast is the
answer Like what?

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What made that happen?
You know, right, So I, I'll

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00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,800
share with you.
I, when I was doing the

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insurance stuff, I created 5 or
not 5-10 Facebook lives with

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entrepreneurs just to get to
know about the entrepreneur

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field, right?
And then I stopped when went in

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a different direction.
Anyways, about a year or so

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after divorce work came up.
I wound up going to an event

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where a podcaster is close to
me.

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And it wasn't about podcasting.
It was just about growth, right?

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And so I sat down at a
breakfast, breakfast table with

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him and some other people.
Everybody got to the left.

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But this one guy, he's like,
what do you want to do?

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And I'm like, I like, I don't
know, create a podcast, right?

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And I'm.
And he's like, OK to do it.

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I'm like, well, I don't have
everything ready.

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I don't have it.
So I said, I have these 10, you

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know, Facebook lives and he's
like, we'll just start with

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that.
Just strip the audio and do

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that.
You know, it took me 6 months

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from that time that he said
something to me before I even

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attempted to strip the audio.
And it didn't take long.

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And so I did that.
I watched it.

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I I explained in episode 0,
these are the 10 and, and this

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is what they are, but they're
after this is what it's going to

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be.
And so that's how it got me

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started.
And then it just transitioned

248
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from there.
But yeah, for me to say podcast,

249
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the way it is now is I, you
know, I can actually understand

250
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how people get through things.
And I and I asked them questions

251
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just like you did, you know,
what was like the biggest thing

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that, you know, changed my life
to get me going because then I

253
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could take that information in
and I can apply it in my life if

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I decide to do so.
And so can my listeners.

255
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In hindsight, what do you think
prevented you from taking action

256
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,320
for those six months from the
idea to the suggested idea, at

257
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least to you acting on it?
It was fear.

258
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,160
It was me thinking, I can't do
it.

259
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Who who wants to listen, right?
And then it took me a while to

260
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go, who cares if anybody
listens?

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Let's just do it.
And and that's, that's where

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that's the question I ask people
today if they're going to start

263
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a podcast, would you do it if
nobody listened?

264
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And that's really what it comes
down to.

265
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I've been doing the podcast for
eight years.

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I've been a filmmaker, I've
worked on TV, all sorts of

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different things.
And my own is like, I make

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things that I enjoy, and if
someone else comes along for the

269
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ride, great.
But if they don't, I still enjoy

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making the thing I made.
So it sounds like you're in that

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kind of same position.
Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, I enjoy it.
So was that first?

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Were those first live streams
that was that life's check mark

274
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then?
Or did it?

275
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Was that something else?
Yeah, I just made the podcast

276
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:58,040
Life's Check Mark, but I just
said hey, these in episode 0, I

277
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,800
said, hey, these first ten are
from this and that's not what

278
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,680
it's going to be about.
Episode 11 thereafter.

279
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Is this what it's going to be
about?

280
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,600
All right, So what is it about?
It's about people coming on,

281
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,000
sharing their journey in life,
being authentic, honest, open

282
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,680
and vulnerable and just a
conversation kind of just like

283
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:22,280
what we're doing here.
And I just, I just enjoy hearing

284
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,880
what they experience and how
they are getting, you know, to

285
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,080
where they are going in the
future and on the other side and

286
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,880
what, and you know, how they're
helping others.

287
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,200
So you mentioned authenticity be
important.

288
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,640
What does authenticity mean to
you and and especially in

289
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:43,000
relationship with others?
Yeah, showing up as yourself and

290
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,760
not really caring if they're
like you or not and, you know,

291
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,520
telling them how things are
sometimes and let them know that

292
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,360
it's a safe space, but it's just
how things are.

293
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,320
And if you don't like me for me,
then that's you don't have to be

294
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,080
around me.
Just go ahead and move on if you

295
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,600
wanted to.
And that it's got me in that

296
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,080
place, like, OK.
And and that's why, you know,

297
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,880
I'll, I'll enjoy having the
guests come on or people I meet

298
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,760
in the world world.
And they had events and stuff.

299
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,400
It's it's, it gives you that
place to is it going to attract

300
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,000
the right people?
Right.

301
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,680
And that's, and that's what you
need, you know, not, not try the

302
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,920
people, please.
You know, I hear that a lot

303
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:29,000
still and and you can see it.
So like if if you study and and

304
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,920
you start reading things,
listening to things, you can

305
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:35,080
kind of watch what people do and
you just like, I got it.

306
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,640
That's that's what they are.
That's what they're doing, you

307
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,120
know, and their behavior and how
they're, you know, saying

308
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,600
things.
It's it's just fine, right?

309
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,800
I don't know everything, but
just learning a few things, you

310
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,800
know, and then you just watch a
few few more stuff and you just

311
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,080
like, yeah, yeah, I did see that
person do that.

312
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,680
They did say that to me, yeah.
So being authentic, it actually

313
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,200
became one of my values.
So that's something I want to

314
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:06,360
stick by for as small as I live.
Prior to your life transitions,

315
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,160
were you aware of had you
labeled your values?

316
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,040
I want to say yes, but I'm going
to say no.

317
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,600
I never sat down and go, this is
these are my values.

318
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:22,520
After everything I experienced,
I can say I showed up with my

319
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,440
values and you know, at least
some of them I would say yes.

320
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,280
You know, being authentic is a
new one for me because I never

321
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,360
felt like I was myself I guess
in the past.

322
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:36,280
But I got kind of loyal, loving
and I'm always looking to grow.

323
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,040
So those are my 5 and I have it
right over here.

324
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,960
So that's why I could just keep.
Yeah, I have no problem sharing

325
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,120
things like that with anybody
because it makes me feel better

326
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:51,720
knowing I know what they are.
So how has your personal growth

327
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,840
and journey affected your
relationship with your children?

328
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,360
It's kind of tough because I
don't see them, you know, I see

329
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:04,119
them every seven days.
So I do try to text them, try to

330
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:07,319
call them, and it's a hit or
miss sometimes too.

331
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,800
I do.
For me, I do say, hey, have you

332
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,640
wrote?
When they're with me, I asked

333
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,800
them to write in their journal
like what they're grateful for.

334
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,800
I asked them to read for 10
pages today.

335
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:19,680
And then I do take them to
church.

336
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,680
If I go to church to Sundays, I
have them.

337
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:26,800
So that part has grown.
And obviously they're probably

338
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,480
don't care about most of it.
But eventually, sometime down

339
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,680
the road, they'll be like, oh,
that's why I did it.

340
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,440
You know what I mean?
Who knows?

341
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,120
I don't know.
And plus, I have everything,

342
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,200
social media and stuff.
If they wanted to, they can

343
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,680
check it all out.
I don't know if they are or not.

344
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,600
Every once in a while my son's
like, oh, I see you got like 13

345
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,320
views on that last one.
I'm like, oh, you know, you're

346
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,080
looking.
You know, whether he listens to,

347
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,680
I doubt it.
But so I tried to show up better

348
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,520
as a father in a sense.
Like my daughter has soccer

349
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,520
games.
So I go there and I'll put the

350
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,040
phone away and I'll say the same
thing to my son.

351
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,800
If you're going to come, just
put the phone away.

352
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,480
Don't you know it's an hour if
that, right?

353
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,880
And let's just be present.
Let's focus on the time that we

354
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,400
have now.
And I tried to tell them a few

355
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,760
things too, of, you know, stuff
I've experienced in life.

356
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,160
Again, it probably doesn't hit
home right away.

357
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,800
They had their friends and
everything else that they

358
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,120
consume.
And I'm one person.

359
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:21,520
So it's kind of tough.
Besides putting the phone away,

360
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,960
is there any advice you have for
fathers looking to make a deeper

361
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,320
relationship with their
children?

362
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,000
Yeah, You know what I enjoy?
I I enjoy taking my daughter

363
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,600
with me when I go to grocery
shopping and she's stuck in the

364
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,640
car.
She can't get away.

365
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,200
And she just talks.
She just says everything that

366
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,880
she probably been holding in
forever, just about her day or

367
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,520
week or whatever it is.
And it's just, it's, it's

368
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,600
rewarding as a father to hear
everything.

369
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,640
And, you know, my son's not as
verbal, but I'm sure he would

370
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,280
say a lot of stuff too if it was
just him.

371
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,920
If it's both of them, it's kind
of hard.

372
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,880
But yeah, it's that like
one-on-one time you get out and

373
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,800
you go do an activity.
I I took him to go hiking for,

374
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,360
you know, like a good hour or
two.

375
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,880
And, you know, we just drove
around.

376
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,600
Not much was said all the time.
I mean, it's kind of like a man

377
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,320
to it was father the son,
obviously.

378
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,440
But it's it's kind of tough to
bring out some stuff sometimes

379
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,520
so that I have to work on
because I know he needs that

380
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,320
too.
But yeah, it's it's getting them

381
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,000
in that one-on-one areas and
having those conversations.

382
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,920
I tried to build up the the
conversations.

383
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,600
Like for example, I'll be like,
how was your day today?

384
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,000
Right.
I used the word Hal and they go

385
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,720
fine, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, all right, you know,

386
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,560
I I'm trying you're in so
different conversations, like

387
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,200
every minute.
And it's like, OK, but they

388
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,560
want.
Some tips for that like so I I

389
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,440
know you coached through the
podcasting and I've been working

390
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,040
as a coach for good go at 14
years.

391
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,080
Ask more open-ended questions.
Don't ask a question that could

392
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,440
be answered with a fine like
what was the best part of the

393
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,320
day?
Right I I tried that too too.

394
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,920
Nothing.
Then what was the worst part of

395
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,320
the day?
No, I, I kid you not, man.

396
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,360
I'm like, all right.
So in addition to your

397
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:10,840
podcasting with life's check
mark, I know you're also kind of

398
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,920
a podcast coach.
You help other people get going.

399
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,600
Is that correct?
Yeah, yeah, I created a coaching

400
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,760
program because I I found love
in what I do as a podcaster.

401
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,680
And I believe other people have
that same drive, whatever that

402
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,680
is, from why they want to create
a podcast.

403
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,680
They just don't go.
And so I want to be that person

404
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,400
to get them, but you know, be
behind them to get them going

405
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,120
and keep going.
All right.

406
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,320
And so that's, that's my main
goal here.

407
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,680
That's for starting the podcast.
And I actually have a community

408
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,040
starting tomorrow with like 12
other podcasters.

409
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,480
So we can keep on pushing each
other and and learn new things

410
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,560
because I don't know everything,
you know, and everybody else has

411
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,400
other ideas that they used or
whatever, whether it's to grow

412
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,640
or they get guest or whatever.
So it's it's all just about keep

413
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,080
moving forward.
You know, a lot of people, you

414
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,760
know, podcasters just fade away
after a while because they just

415
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,680
find out how much work it
actually has.

416
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,040
But if you have the joy to do
it, then that should be the main

417
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,040
drive for to keep moving
forward.

418
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,880
What are the are there most
common challenges that you had

419
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,560
and that you see other people
having as well?

420
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,880
Yeah, the most common challenges
I I find is people, you know,

421
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:25,520
they just get, they get stuck.
They just like, you know, I see

422
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,640
that next guest, like who am I
going to get to be on the next

423
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,960
guest?
Or how can I, it's like figure

424
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,920
out your schedule too.
You have to find time to

425
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,280
schedule your podcast episodes
that you're going to record,

426
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,440
whether it's solo or whether
it's going to be with a guest.

427
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:41,720
And with a guest, it's a little
hard.

428
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,400
That guest might not show up, so
you might be behind one.

429
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,200
So that's why you kind of you,
you might want to have a

430
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,200
backlog, you know, some ready to
go just in case, or you do a

431
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,880
quick solo episode to fill in
the gap.

432
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,200
So there's stuff like that.
And then, you know, everybody

433
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,160
dives in where they get into the
nitty gritty of stuff and they

434
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,280
go, you know, the best
description, the best title.

435
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,480
And like, I get that, but you're
focusing on just that you're

436
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,840
you're putting too much focus on
one area.

437
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,040
So I just want to make for me, I
just want to make things simple.

438
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,560
Just just to have it go and then
you can change things along the

439
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,760
way, one thing at a time.
Yeah, that's how we just just

440
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,920
take action.
You can especially, especially

441
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,920
your own creation.
You can change the title, change

442
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,920
the set, you can change
everything but do something.

443
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,880
Yeah, nobody's going to know.
Yeah, right.

444
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,240
Yeah, yeah.
And yeah.

445
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,480
If you're first anything has
nobody watching it, no one needs

446
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,680
to know.
It's called the next one.

447
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,680
Episode 1.
Like it.

448
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,280
Yeah, it doesn't really matter.
Has anything in helping others

449
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,400
find their voice, share their
joy via podcasting?

450
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,240
Has any has how has it
influenced you back?

451
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,800
Like what's come back to you for
doing that?

452
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:55,040
See them actually, yeah, see
them actually grow and just keep

453
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,480
moving forward and actually have
something because it was like a

454
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,760
dream, right?
It's almost like I want to, you

455
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,160
can call it a business if you
want.

456
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,240
You want to build a business and
you actually go ahead and you

457
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,000
get a loan and you do all this
work and then you have a

458
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,400
business, you know, and same
thing with the podcast.

459
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,400
You do all this stuff 1st and
then you launch it.

460
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,120
Like that's how it should be.
Not just pick one episode and

461
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,600
and launch it.
But yeah, the joy of the sea,

462
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,400
people actually create something
and keep moving forward and keep

463
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:24,880
wanting to do it because it not
only helps the other people

464
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,080
listening, but it's going to
help you sell yourself as a

465
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,800
host.
I don't know about you, but when

466
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,760
I had guests come on, I absorb
all the energy and I I could

467
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,200
take in, take what I want or,
and leave every whatever else I

468
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,880
want behind.
But people share what they go,

469
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,400
hey, this is what I did to get
through that.

470
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,840
And I'm like, well, that's a
great idea.

471
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,560
Maybe I should try that, you
know?

472
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,880
And so that's, that's what I
enjoy the most with having a

473
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,000
guest come on my show.
But yeah, so I I like to see

474
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,920
people just keep moving forward.
But when when you coach someone

475
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,080
and they launch their podcast or
they change it or they're like,

476
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,760
what does that give to you?
What do you get from that?

477
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,560
Yeah, the the joy and the
excitement of them actually

478
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,040
doing what they wanted to
create, You know that you.

479
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,960
Feel their joy.
That's why I want to be behind

480
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,960
them.
I'm tell me what your tell me

481
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,920
your why tell me what is your
desire, your passion that you

482
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,440
want to create a podcast.
What is it?

483
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,080
And they'll tell you and then
you're right there.

484
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,280
OK, that's great.
Let's stick with that.

485
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,280
What's now?
Let's get moving before because,

486
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,600
and I say that you want that
first.

487
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,560
You want to know why you're
going to have a podcast?

488
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,440
Because you're going to probably
come up and go, nobody's

489
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,680
listening.
What why did I start this?

490
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,320
And then you have to go back and
you go, oh, I, I started because

491
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,400
of this, OK.
But when we keep moving forward

492
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,120
and that's, you know, you know,
it's a, it's a long game, right?

493
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:45,600
It's not going to happen
overnight.

494
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,240
It's, you know, it could be 3,
five years, it could be a long

495
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,440
time, who knows?
But it's just have the joy, just

496
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,240
keep moving forward.
But yeah, it's so for me, it's

497
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,120
to see them actually just keep
going.

498
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,440
Are there anything that a skill
set, something you had within

499
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,840
you didn't realize, that you
discovered in dealing with the

500
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:08,400
job loss and divorce that is
also new in podcasting?

501
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,720
I feel like, I don't know if I
always had this, but I feel like

502
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,080
I can listen better.
For instance, I just had

503
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,320
somebody on before this one
before jumping on here with you

504
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,320
and he basically shared his
whole journey and I just sat

505
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,600
there and let him have it.
And it was, it was a

506
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:30,040
conversation still, but, and why
am I going to interject if he's

507
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,320
sharing his journey and I really
might want to hear what he has

508
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,720
to say.
So I gave him the space.

509
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,360
Not every podcaster is going to
do that.

510
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,760
But that's just who I am.
That's, that's me as a person.

511
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:45,000
So I feel like I'd be carrying a
better listener and learn to

512
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,440
pause in a sense where you can
count the four, right?

513
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,000
So if I stop, you'll count the
four.

514
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,040
And then I might say something
else because it could be a

515
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,800
deeper conversation thereafter
or I might be done.

516
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,680
Yeah.
So that's, that's what I, I feel

517
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,320
like.
And and that's why I'm trying to

518
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,560
work with the kids too.
I'm trying to ask them those

519
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,840
questions and, and have a better
conversation and be present.

520
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,000
And it's, it took me a long time
to get where I am today.

521
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,920
And I'm not perfect.
I'm not where I think I want to

522
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,280
be, but I'm definitely striving
to make myself better.

523
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,960
I want to dig into that.
So not perfect, right?

524
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,440
Nobody's perfect and you're not
where you want to be.

525
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,520
So does that mean where you want
to be is perfection?

526
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,680
No, you'll never hit perfect,
right?

527
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,080
It's all about progress.
It's about just keep moving

528
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,080
forward, right.
Yeah, There's no such thing as

529
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,760
perfect.
I don't believe in that.

530
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,240
Yeah, bad word to use there.
But thank you for bringing that

531
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,680
back to me.
No, I just want to keep getting

532
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:46,600
better.
Right.

533
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,400
And that's that's how you do it.
Yeah.

534
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,440
So you think perfect is X
because somebody else already is

535
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,000
there and you're just not them.
And but once you get there, then

536
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,120
there's another perfect, right?
You just like, oh, this never

537
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,280
ends.
But it's, it's all about the

538
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,600
process.
It's and just continuing to move

539
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:08,320
forward, always learning, trying
to implement things that that's

540
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,160
why I enjoy the most.
And that's why I enjoyed the

541
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,440
podcasting.
Like it took me a while to strip

542
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,520
out.
It took me a while to post it

543
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,120
all and now I got into the video
and everything like that, so

544
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,880
it's all a learning process.
Is there a practice, a program,

545
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,640
a book that that helped you,
that you would like to recommend

546
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,240
to other men?
That's a great question.

547
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,320
I can, I can, can I?
I'll look it up real quick if

548
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:37,320
it's so first I'm going to say
the four, the four agreements is

549
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,040
great for not just men, but for
everybody.

550
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,240
So that's like second to my
Bible.

551
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,760
So the and these were
recommended to me by somebody I

552
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,200
would consider a coach, one of
those guys I met when I was

553
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:56,600
asking for advice.
So understanding women is great.

554
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,400
It's more of a conference
because it was recorded for

555
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,600
that, but it's a way to
understand behavior and what

556
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,720
they're thinking and how we
think as a man compared to them.

557
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,760
The way of the superior man is
another one.

558
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:15,200
But yeah, those are those are I
know, but they're there like I

559
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,840
and I, I I listened to the four
agreements and I was listening

560
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,720
to the understand women again
when I was driving the floor

561
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,280
with.
So it was just like you got, you

562
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,800
got to just keep on taking the
same stuff in sometimes.

563
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,520
So it sounds like you got lots
of good advice and support from

564
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,200
the men's group that you And
what advice would you give the

565
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,240
man that currently, you know,
feels like he did it all and

566
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:42,040
lost it all and feels empty,
lost, not sure who he is.

567
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:47,840
Yeah, I'll, I'll be honest with
you and vulnerable here that I

568
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,080
feel like I have not found
everything yet.

569
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:56,960
So I'm still moving forward.
And yeah, they feel like they

570
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,640
lost it all.
I would give them hope.

571
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,440
I would give them the place to
be safe and talking.

572
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,160
And I guess my podcast is one of
those places sometimes where

573
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,840
people just come on and they
obviously they're, they

574
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,680
experience something already,
but they open up too.

575
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,240
And they go, oh, I didn't
realize I went through all that

576
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:18,800
to get to where I am today.
I, I, I'll be Andy, if, if

577
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,640
anybody's listening to this and
they just want to lean on

578
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,760
someone, I will open up my
e-mail or whatever, Facebook,

579
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,480
whatever, If they just need to
message me for whatever they're

580
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:33,040
going through it, you know, and
if I don't have all the advice

581
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,000
in the world, I would find
somebody else that can help

582
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,640
them.
But I would definitely be

583
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,600
willing to be that person to,
you know, I'm here if you need

584
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,080
to talk or something like that.
You know, I might not be

585
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,560
available for everything, but I,
I, I'm here like I, I listen to

586
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,000
people on podcasts all the time.
So why not?

587
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,200
Yeah, if you can make that
space, make that's the area for

588
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:01,880
people to especially men just to
listen because we don't, we shut

589
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,760
men down.
So it sounds like to me that the

590
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,160
advice for someone is, is to
reach out to you, to me, to a

591
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,640
friend, to someone that feels
safe.

592
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,640
Just don't keep it in.
Yeah, sorry, yeah, I didn't, I

593
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,360
didn't answer that, I guess.
But it it is, it is, yeah.

594
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,800
Reach out.
I and I know that's hard because

595
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,640
it it was hard for me to reach
out.

596
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,400
It was hard for me to go call
that podcast and go, what's this

597
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,680
about with this program you have
per month?

598
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,720
And then I and then I met these
men and I'm like, this is just

599
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,320
weird is it's just not me.
This is not meant for me, but

600
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,080
when I found out that 10 men
commit suicide every day from

601
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:41,920
divorce and I am not one of
them, that makes it even well

602
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,560
worth it.
I had no idea about that prior

603
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,560
to talking to these guys.
And you know, I don't know where

604
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,200
I was going to go.
I didn't say, I'm not saying I

605
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,880
had those thoughts, but I who
knows?

606
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,320
I don't know.
But it was something that hit me

607
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,120
and I didn't see common and it's
something I never would have

608
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:02,760
wanted in my life because I was
always not taught, but kind of

609
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,400
just did not want that to
happen.

610
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,680
So for me to experience it and
try to figure all out was tough.

611
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,440
So yeah, definitely reach out to
somebody if you feel like you're

612
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,320
in a tough spot.
Or I'll tell you what, if you

613
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,760
think somebody's in a tough
spot, ask them if they're OK.

614
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,560
You know, how are you doing and
not fine, No, how are you?

615
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,600
You know, I asked them two or
three times because that's

616
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:24,840
probably when you're going to
get the answer.

617
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,120
Yeah, 11 tip I got from a
positive psychology professor

618
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,360
years ago was how are you
really?

619
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,760
Yeah, there you go.
That's right.

620
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,680
What do you hope listeners take
away from life's check mark?

621
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,880
I hope that they could take away
that it they're not alone that

622
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:44,720
somebody else experienced what
they're going through.

623
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,720
And here's the blueprint in a
sense of how somebody else went

624
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,440
through it.
That's that's what I hope my

625
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,640
mission, my mission is somebody
can listen to it and they go,

626
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,360
oh, I needed to hear that
because I know something could

627
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,240
have happened to me.
I need to get through this or

628
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,640
somebody can share it to
somebody they know.

629
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,520
That's the whole mission behind
it for me, and it's just going

630
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,720
to be that one person.
What's the best way for people

631
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,880
to find out more about you The
podcast, the.

632
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,120
Coaching everything you're up
to.

633
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,880
Sure.
So you can find me on Facebook,

634
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,600
Jonathan, dot, Emery, something
or whatever.

635
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,680
You just look it up.
Yeah, you see my handsome face.

636
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,720
Wife's checkmark.com is all with
the coaching program and podcast

637
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,120
whose hub, which is the
community.

638
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,920
You can go ahead and look me up
on YouTube, Spotify, Apple

639
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,760
Life's check markets, life's
with the apostrophe and the

640
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,360
check mark.
Big check mark of the guy

641
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,760
walking up, the check mark with
life's check mark on it, and the

642
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,680
check mark is orange just like
this while back here.

643
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:44,880
Cool.
Well, John, thanks for taking

644
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:49,640
the time to to talk to me today
and Share your story and your

645
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,400
love and healing through
podcasts and inviting other

646
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,400
people to find their Lovejoy and
excitement and, and their

647
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,800
through their podcasts.
And you know, all, all energy is

648
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,400
contagious.
Everything is circular,

649
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,400
everything is give and take.
So you know, I love, I love

650
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,120
stories where, you know, men
share their journey and then

651
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,960
share how they're being serviced
to the world.

652
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,360
And just think, in case you
haven't accepted it, don't

653
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,280
realize it, you were being
serviced to the world that the

654
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,560
podcast has a long tail.
Any anytime I believe that

655
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:25,600
anytime any man is vulnerable in
public, it gives some new list,

656
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,040
new person permission who didn't
realize that was even possible.

657
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,400
So thanks for doing what you're
doing.

658
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,720
Yeah, thank you for having me on
here.

659
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,800
And that was well said.
I agree with you completely.

660
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,480
Cool.
So thanks for everyone for

661
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:40,560
joining.
Listening us today.

662
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,280
Please visit realmenfield.org.
See the blog post for this

663
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:44,520
episode.
We'll have links to all the

664
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,160
various resources mentioned.
Wherever you're discovering Real

665
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,160
Men Feel, please subscribe,
follow, like, share this episode

666
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,000
with somebody, post a review or
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667
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,880
If you're not yet in the Real
Men Feel Private Facebook group,

668
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,480
you can join by the Real
menfeel.org/group.

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00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,720
You can talk to me at
realmenfeel@gmail.com.

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Until next time, be good to
yourself.