Regular Guy Chat with Anthony | Being A Better Man

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Hello and welcome to real men
feel.

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This is your host Andy Grant.
I'm an author coach and healer.

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You can learn more about me at
the integrand.com room and feel

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exist to remind them that they
are human beings that they have

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the right to experience and
express all of their emotions.

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We have conversations that most
men aren't having but that all

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men can benefit from I think
it's been five months since we

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did a regular guy chat.
That's when a man somehow

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orbiting in my circle of life
wants to talk about something

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without an agenda.
There's there's nothing to

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promote rather he wants I share
himself is challenges his

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accomplishments and how he sees
the world today.

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We have a nice Kyrie like most
men Anthony wears many hats

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personal trainer father husband
friend Mentor outdoor

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enthusiasts to name a few first
and foremost.

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Anthony is a good man.
That is why I'm glad to say

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welcome to real men Feel
Anthony.

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Thank you Andy.
It's great to be here.

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We met last year in an online
program from the mankind

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project.
Yeah, it's like last August.

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I believe it started.
Yeah, what what prompted you to

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get involved with the mankind
project?

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Gosh, couple years ago before
way, before the pandemic I hear.

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I was my, you know, upper 40s.
And then must have, gosh, I am

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not very close to men.
I mean, I might close group of

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friends, but outside of that I
don't have anybody I could call

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up and talk to be real with.
I don't have a tribe of men and

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like, there's got to be
something out there.

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And I literally went on Line
looking for like men's group

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something.
I just, you know, Googled search

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men's groups and then mkp came
up and I was like, what's this?

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And that's like wow, like this
exists and read about the new

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Warrior training?
And I was like well that really

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sounds interesting and sounds
terrifying at the time but I put

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that on my radar.
Like I'd like to do something

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like that and then just life got
in the way and it got put on the

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back burner and And then the
pandemic it and now it's just

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looking for yet that connection.
And I saw I went back to it and

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I took my first introductory
course is like three week.

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Course that kind of get your
feet wet and mkp.

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I know I was blown away.
I was like this, this is exactly

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what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for men, like me,

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regular, dudes from all walks of
life, that are trying to be

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better, men to ReDiscover who
they truly are like their

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authentic self through all their
warts and everything, all the

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good, and the Bad, and the Ugly,
and the funny.

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And just, yeah, it's great to be
a part of something, where it

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felt real.
And safe just be me and talk

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growing up.
How did you learn what it means

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to be a man. well, I mean,
through my family Dynamics, my

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father, my uncle's growing up in
the 70s, it was that kind of I

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don't there's no filter back
then with men they was like

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Archie Bunker that.
That's kind of like how I

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describe my dad in a way.
I mean he had a big heart loved

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everyone if you weren't a jerk.
But he told Lotsa him and his

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friend, there's lots of
off-color jokes that would

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probably not go over well today
or be acceptable, but they've my

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uncle's and they do all sorts of
stuff.

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I heard Growing Up.
So my immediate family and And

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just like a lot of kids then you
go through school and you get

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kind of socialized by our
culture, through institutions,

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like school with your peers and
then marketing what you saw on

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TV.
So it's really family peers and

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just what we see in our culture
through TV radio movies coaches,

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my coaches growing up there all
drill sergeants.

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I mean it was Yeah, run to your
puke.

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Hmm.
You know, don't be a sissy, all

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the things, the man box stuff
that I've read about, I've

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experienced.
And I've said those types of

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things myself, not even
realizing why I was saying it,

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but it's because I heard it.
So, I would say we, you know, my

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group of friends guys like that
kind of stuff, it's all the time

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would be said, so that's a lot
of where I got conditioned

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growing up.
So at what point did you start

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seeing it as Meaning and maybe
it wasn't something that that

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was bringing out the best in
you, or whatever, whatever,

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whatever change your mind to
look for something else.

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Yeah, well until many many years
later, like, when I started

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becoming more conscious and
aware of my thoughts and and

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then starting to hear other
people hear my thoughts and

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reflect them back to me.
And I'm like, whoa, I said that.

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And so yeah, it took me a long
time to kind of start to go

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below the neck and into my body
and start recognizing and be

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more aware of how I was being in
the world and how I was showing

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up and you know, it's been a
good probably at least over 10

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year process where I started
Awakening like to how I was

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being.
And my gosh, why do I keep

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repeating these things?
Taking a good look at myself and

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honest look, which was not easy.
What makes that not easy?

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Work of looking at yourself?
What makes that worth the effort

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to you?
it's It's like like once it's

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like what if you fly first class
like I can't, I can't fly coach

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anymore.
I want to be in first class.

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It was something like that.
Awakened of like now that the I

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peeked behind the curtain.
It's like I can't go back to how

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I'm always being.
I mean, yeah, I'm gonna slip up,

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but I got to do better.
So this the sense of a feeling

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inside me and energetic thing of
how I was feeling more authentic

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in myself, when I was Being more
present, more honest, with

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myself.
And with others, which I found

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to be a lot harder than I
thought as I'm learning in this

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process.
So, it just, it made me feel

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like I'm getting back to my
center and then, once affect my

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eyes were open, it was like, I
can't, I can't stay how I was or

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else.
I'm just going to be stock.

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So it's like evolve or die in a
way on the inside.

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Do you find?
Is it more challenging for you

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to be honest with yourself, or
with others?

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Or is it the same who You know,
I think at first I would have

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said, oh, it's so much harder
being honest with others, but

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it's easier to be honest.
Yeah, it's hot.

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It's easier to be honest with
others but when it comes to

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myself, I've come to realize.
I'm not so honest with myself.

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The things I learned from you.
No more mr.

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Nice guy.
I think I night of like my

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covert contracts that I was
doing.

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I never once I read that I was
like, oh my god, I've been doing

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that for so long manipulating
and like that's not being honest

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and Yes.
With I've been discovering a lot

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of things from not honest with
myself, and it comes from a lot

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of my shame and fear and
anxiety, and not good enough.

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So yeah, I find it a lot harder.
I'm being really honest with

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myself.
Like truly honest and open.

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yeah, during your Awakening and
your introspection and being

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honest with yourself, While
going through that process and

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like right now, in this moment,
what are some of your best

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skills, like, what can you
recognize in yourself?

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Humility is one of I've always
had, I've never been a braggart

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or a poster of always been very
humble.

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And I've always kind of Led by
example like doing.

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So I was one of the people I
just do put my head down and

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like by action.
So yeah, humility never always

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and sometimes it could be a bad
thing like you know, good thing

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can also have the Achilles heel
so I need more of the hey yeah I

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am good or I am good enough hear
me.

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As opposed to kind of standing
back on the sidelines, so to

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speak.
So humility is one and my humor

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but I also recognize my humorous
was also, sometimes a defense

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mechanism when I didn't want to
deal with something.

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So I use humor to deflect. but
I've always had that, you know,

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me and my friends like humor has
always been a big thing of us

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just You know, laughter is
definitely when you have that

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big belly laugh.
You're being authentic, you're

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being you.
So I love.

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Good laughter.
I love laughing and I'll make it

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people laugh.
And I think my deep inner Drive

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of just to kind of somehow
figure out a way to keep going,

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I guess that's called resilience
and even though I can say, oh, I

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haven't been doing certain
things but I I'm a stubborn SOB

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sometimes, so I and I see that
my daughter.

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So I think having that that like
okay somehow going to figure out

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a way and maybe it's not like
life is never a straight line

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trajectory with any development,
it's always twists and turns and

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Detours.
But I do feel, I have that in me

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that those things, those three
things that have kind of helped

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me, my tools inner tools and for
prior conversations and group

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calls with you.
I know that being a good husband

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and a good father.
A both really important to you.

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Yeah.
How do you know that you're

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being a good father and husband,
huh?

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I so know.
When I'm out of integrity.

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Ready with myself.
And I feel it like a vibration.

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I I know when I'm wrong, I know
when I've reacted, and my wife

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can say something to me and I'll
get defensive and then I'll walk

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away.
And I cool down and I'm like,

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uh, she's so right?
Like, oh, I hate hearing the

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truth sometimes and and I just
kind of talked it through with

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myself.
I'm like, yeah, I can I could

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have responded in a much Much
different way as opposed to

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reacting.
Yeah, I just know it.

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I know it when I'm not an
Integrity or and I'm not being

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honest.
It's I've started to recognize

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that myself of how I feel feel
closed off.

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I feel it, my chest and the back
of my neck.

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Yeah, it's a feeling definitely
and as have you always been

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attuned to that feeling.
Or is it taking like practical?

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Like oh, wait.
That that feeling is telling me

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something.
I feel I've always had pretty

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good intuition. and it's I've
never been fully present to it.

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On a consistent basis especially
at a younger age.

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But I always felt like I was a
pretty good judgment of people

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like thin slice, like, right
away.

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And I'm like, okay, my being a
little bit too quick to judge,

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okay, let me sit back and let
you up.

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So, I always felt like I've had
that my mom was very intuitive,

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so, but it's taking me along,
like, as I've gotten older to

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lean into it more.
And listen to it more.

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Yeah.
I see in a lot of men that I

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meet in mkp in the mankind
project that being of service,

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in some way is important to them
is service important to you.

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And if so why Yeah, yeah.
I mean I've been a trainer for

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over 20 years and that service
and trying to help people.

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Currently I've been working with
a stroke patient and it's been

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very rewarding for me because
the first time I work with one

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stroke patient and it scared the
heck out of me at first, I'm

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like, oh my god, I've never
heard them but like, wait a

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second, are a person, a human,
do what, you know, and what you

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don't know, find out.
So yeah, and but I, I've always

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wanted to like, As I've gotten
older to think about like what

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is that want to do?
And how I want to help?

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It's always been more in that
service mode.

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How can I help young kids and
performance and Youth

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Development physical literacy?
How can I not be of service to

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young men and adult men, to who
to be a mentor?

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Because I wish I had somebody
when I was a teenager.

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Make me aware of my thinking and
and to think bigger, I think

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differently.
It has possibilities.

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And kind of be that person that
would give me a healthy kick in

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the butt when I needed it.
But also like helped me, learn

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and grow and stretch myself more
and believe in myself more.

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So I'm like I want to be that
person that I never had growing

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up that, you know, my friends
were my bond.

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My parents, I love them.
But I didn't.

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They weren't like Yeah, I didn't
have a lot of healthy

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emotionally present Role Models
growing up great.

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You know, lots of Great Men
funny and if but not ones that I

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could sit and talk to her, they
would sit and talk to me in a

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real authentic way.
So you mentioned that you could

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sometimes use humor to deflect.
Yeah, it looking back.

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Is that kind of how humor was
used by your dad and your

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uncle's?
There are a lot of big

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00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:43,100
personalities, so they I mean
they just use her because they

223
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,800
like to humor and they were they
were a lot who are very funny,

224
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:50,900
but I do think I'll speak.
Like my dad was not a person who

225
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:55,300
talked about his emotions.
It was to speed silence or

226
00:14:55,300 --> 00:15:02,300
rager, anger rage.
And he could never like my dad

227
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,200
was there.
The person that sit me on his

228
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,400
lap or sit down to me and give
me a big hug and say, Anthony, I

229
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,200
love you so much.
I'm so proud of you.

230
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,600
He did it through acts of
service because he didn't know

231
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,500
how to emotionally.
Do all these things because I

232
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,100
know in this is where I've come
to learn.

233
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,000
Where I've had more compassion,
is that he didn't have this

234
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,300
growing up and and so, of
course, he was this way.

235
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He was doing the best that he
could.

236
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And, and I've still, I saw the
wonderful things that my parents

237
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,900
did and I have this picture
right here that I hold of my

238
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:41,800
they look like movie stars.
This is like back in the 60s and

239
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:46,800
I'm so thankful because my dad
didn't have a choice growing up

240
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:52,400
and my parents made a lot of
sacrifices so that me and my

241
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:57,000
sisters could have choices to do
what we want, be who we want to

242
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:02,000
be and for that, I'm so ever
grateful for And I'm trying to

243
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,100
really recognize more of that
with my history as opposed to

244
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,800
being a victim of it.
It's part of my story but it

245
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,700
doesn't Define me all right.
Cool.

246
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,100
Yeah, yeah.
That that's an important point

247
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:18,000
to get to for anyone to realize
that you're more than your past

248
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,400
you and you more than your
present.

249
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,900
Everything is temporary
circumstances and your choice is

250
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,700
what you do with them and about
them.

251
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,800
Yeah, and I'm finally coming
around to that.

252
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,900
It's taken a long time to get
there but I'm just grateful.

253
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,400
I feel that I am and this path.
Yeah, so you mentioned that your

254
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,800
dad was never one to put you on
his lap and say that he was

255
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:43,400
proud of you.
So now with your years of

256
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:47,300
introspection and even hindsight
or recognizing you want more

257
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:50,700
than this box of masculinity the
old man box?

258
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:58,800
What are you proud of?
I'm proud of being open to this.

259
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:06,599
kind of scary confusing process
of reconnecting with my center

260
00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:12,099
with my that Golden Ball, as I
read about and iron-jawed.

261
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,800
And when I cuz when I look at my
daughter and you look and I look

262
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,400
a little kids play, they all
have it.

263
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,700
And then we spend the rest of
our lives, trying to get that

264
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:26,700
Golden Ball back.
So I'm proud of myself for for

265
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,800
going through that process and
not ignore you because I could

266
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:34,300
easily just continue down the
path that I've been on which is

267
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:41,100
just Denial, like too scared to
deal with it so I'm going to do

268
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:47,300
other things too.
Repress, these things, drugs

269
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,500
alcohol, all sorts of things we
can even act.

270
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,800
And you know, I even come to
realize, you know, realize with

271
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,500
exercise which always loved the
like, well, it could be a bad

272
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,500
side of that to if I'm doing it
to escape.

273
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,000
So I'm proud that I've gotten to
this point.

274
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,400
To ReDiscover myself and become
really truly, who I am now and

275
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,700
moving forward.
I'm really proud of that like

276
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:16,600
because there's so much more I
feel What's one thing that you

277
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:27,000
wish more men new, hmm?
That's a good question.

278
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,600
I wish more men knew that that
people like you people like, MK

279
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:47,400
people like me are out there and
that they don't have to keep

280
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,900
wearing their masks.
It can shed their mass and still

281
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:56,600
be masculine and be everything
that their partner, their

282
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,700
spouse, whoever wants them to be
Yeah, just wish more men knew.

283
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,400
About.
How they can be a more authentic

284
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:12,500
and more real just permission to
be yourself permission.

285
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,800
Yeah.
Permission yet.

286
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,600
Yeah.
Yeah.

287
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,100
None of this.
Just brag it.

288
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:20,400
Do you know all this?
Yeah it's so tiring.

289
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,100
Is there a particular you
mentioned?

290
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:24,800
No more mr.
Nice guy.

291
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,100
Ready?
Is there a particular habit book

292
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,800
or practice that you would like
to recommend that if this helped

293
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:34,700
you a lot?
Gosh, it's been a lot of books.

294
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:44,300
I mean I've I think for any
Father out there who has a son

295
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:49,900
or Sons?
The Wonder of boys.

296
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,600
It's a great one.
I forget the author's name.

297
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:01,700
But I it's It Was Written in the
in the mid or late 90s but it's

298
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,700
everything in there is very
pertinent.

299
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,300
I think he had no more mr.
Nice.

300
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:12,500
Guys, when I just recently read
is one iron, John is good, but I

301
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,400
don't know if some mint Night
hits.

302
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:19,600
You got to really It's a lot of
there's a lot in there so I

303
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,000
thought that was a great book,
though.

304
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,500
It like the way it crystallized,
some things.

305
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:27,000
And I had to read certain
passages a couple times to

306
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:32,800
really absorb what we was saying
and the metaphor metaphors that

307
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,400
he was using I'm just trying to
think is there another book,

308
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,300
gosh?
I wish I had, I wish I had you

309
00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:41,600
guys.
I wish I had books of work was

310
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:46,200
like, yeah.
And I think the book do hard

311
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:52,000
things that by Steven Magnus.
I think it's a really good book

312
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,400
on on resilience and toughness
and what that really means and

313
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,900
how because I grew up with this,
we've got it wrong over the

314
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:05,600
years of this, you know, drill
sergeant, you know, again it's

315
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,900
the man box thinking got to
solve it on my My own, do it on

316
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:16,500
my own and gotta go hard, gotta
get through it and that's just

317
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:18,400
not it.
We've gotten it wrong, all these

318
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:24,500
years and that book, you know,
dispels, all those myths.

319
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:31,900
The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle.
I thought was a great book to

320
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:37,800
many years ago and he's got
another book that he it's

321
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,700
similar to the Talent Code as to
do with groups of people.

322
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,300
Anything by Daniel, Coyle is
good.

323
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,300
So yeah, those are somebody off
the top of my head

324
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:49,000
recommendations.
Awesome.

325
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:56,000
Is there a man besides your dad
or Uncle's that had a big impact

326
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:06,200
on you?
Growing up.

327
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:13,300
I mean, I different people, I
looked up to, but they weren't

328
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:18,700
that.
Kind of sad to say I mean I

329
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:22,900
really there's not one that
flies off the tip of my tongue.

330
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:28,000
Like yeah this this guy this
person really opened my eyes.

331
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:33,600
I had lots of different men over
the years, teach me things but

332
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,000
interestingly enough and again I
they disappointed me.

333
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,300
But I've come to realize they
were human, like they were,

334
00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:43,200
because I put them on a
pedestal.

335
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,800
And and once I found that out, I
was like oh they're full of BS

336
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,400
and I didn't look at like know
you learned a lot from them and

337
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,600
they're human they have their
warts, they have their stuff

338
00:22:55,600 --> 00:23:01,300
like so.
That was part of my challenge

339
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:04,800
that I've recognized that I had
meant a lot that I looked up to

340
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,600
at the time, but then they
disappointed me and then I kind

341
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:11,600
of brushed them off.
Was the disappointment, were

342
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,100
they not acting in accordance
with what they were telling you

343
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,800
or was it?
You you just decided that

344
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,400
whatever they were telling you
and that you change your mind

345
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,300
that it was beneficial or like
what was the disappointment in

346
00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:26,200
things that?
Yeah, I like I like a football

347
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:31,200
coach that I looked up to And I
just felt like in the middle of

348
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,400
a practice the way he grabbed me
and shook my helmet front of

349
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:39,400
everybody.
It just It.

350
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:47,100
It was embarrassing and and, and
I was someone who worked my tail

351
00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:51,700
off and and I was really po2.
I'm like, why would he do that

352
00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:57,100
to me in front of all the guys
because I got nothing but shit

353
00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:02,300
from that a milkshake and so
yeah, it kind of, let me down

354
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:06,500
about him and then I had
another, you know, gentleman and

355
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:10,300
post college roommate of mine.
His father, he hired me.

356
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:15,300
And again because I saw them not
an Integrity because it's like

357
00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:19,500
they weren't leading by example
and so I got dislike disillusion

358
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:23,200
disappointed.
And I started getting this like,

359
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,500
I can't trust men because they
always disappoint.

360
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,500
Yes, especially with the
football coach sound like, like

361
00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:32,700
breaking trust.
Like I can while you can for

362
00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:34,200
this new like, wait, no, you're
calling me.

363
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,600
Like, you're physically
assaulted me at at, at a level

364
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,700
and also embarrassing me.
And, and not knowing the reason,

365
00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:42,600
or what was the benefit of that
or?

366
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,400
Yeah.
It was someone who I really

367
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,400
looked up to, and I know he was
hard and I didn't mind that,

368
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:51,900
like, I don't mind being pushed,
but, you know, being embarrassed

369
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:55,500
like that.
Physically is yeah, just broke

370
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,200
that trust and And and I just
found, yeah.

371
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,800
Over the years I would find men.
I'd look up to and I'd learned

372
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,100
something from but then they
would just They weren't

373
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:09,800
integrity and I recognize that
and it just I got disappointed

374
00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:14,300
but I realized I can't put
people on pedestals.

375
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:17,900
It's like how we put athletes
and all these people on

376
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,500
pedestals and like well you know
and then you maybe meet him and

377
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:24,900
I got what a jerk all these
years like was I doing?

378
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:28,900
No, you have to realize that
people are human and they're all

379
00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,300
going through their stuff or
they don't know, you know?

380
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:36,100
So I have more compassion now
for the people that I kind of

381
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,200
brushed aside and realize that
hey, I still got something out

382
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:46,600
of it that was rewarding.
But yeah, I so but I just never

383
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,200
had that person that stuck with
me.

384
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:52,400
Who I could go back to and sit
down with and have a cup of

385
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,900
coffee and I've all Lucky and
now you got your own kid and,

386
00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:01,400
you know, like it's just Yeah.
It's really I find it kind of

387
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,400
sad that I don't have that
person.

388
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,700
I have my group of friends that
I've known since grade school.

389
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,600
Better.
They were kind of like that for

390
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:18,700
me like they were my tribe my
men that I looked up to I look

391
00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:23,400
up to all of them you know
they're all my age and all over

392
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,600
the place now.
So and are you still in touch?

393
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,200
Are you still a tight circle of
friends?

394
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,400
Yeah, even though we you know, I
only have one friend who lives

395
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:35,400
close by and then everyone else
it's like Zurich Breckenridge,

396
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:42,000
Jacksonville, North Carolina,
Align you know California all

397
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:48,200
over the place scattered Texas.
So we still all you know keep in

398
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,800
close touch and we pockets of
us.

399
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,600
See one, another one we can.
So yeah, they've always been

400
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,100
like my tribe and it seems to
me.

401
00:26:57,700 --> 00:27:01,700
Tell me what you think that this
the pattern of being

402
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,700
disappointed in men and and
realizing that that you can't

403
00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:07,800
trust them.
Is that is that what's driving

404
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,600
you to?
To be better and to want to be

405
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,500
that person that you didn't have
for others.

406
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,600
I think I wasn't.
Yeah, it that was underneath the

407
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,300
surface and then it's come
through.

408
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:24,500
Yes, it's exactly that.
I want to be That person, I

409
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:27,700
didn't have, I want to be a
better person, a better human, a

410
00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:34,100
better man to myself.
So that once I get my, you know,

411
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:37,400
get my room in order and then I
can move out from there and help

412
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:44,700
others it has a domino effect,
you know, in my family, my

413
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:51,100
friends and the people I work
with it's it's nice to have

414
00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:52,900
people say oh you have a
different energy.

415
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:58,200
Yeah it's like It's cool to get
that acknowledgement because do

416
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,500
all this introspective work and
something like, how am I doing

417
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:03,500
too much of this?
Is it like like anything is it

418
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,700
is it too much of like my taking
myself, too serious and knife to

419
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:11,500
stops.
Okay, I can I can still be

420
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:16,300
serious about this but not take
myself too seriously, but I'm

421
00:28:16,300 --> 00:28:18,400
always trying to recognize that,
there's always too much of

422
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,100
anything that I have to be aware
of.

423
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,900
Yeah.
So, with all the work that

424
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:31,900
you're doing on on yourself,
connecting with other men, what

425
00:28:31,900 --> 00:28:37,700
are you looking forward to?
I'm looking forward to.

426
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:44,400
Stepping into the man.
I know I can be and that could

427
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:48,600
be someone who could be more of
a leader stepping into my like

428
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:53,000
true warrior king magician roles
and lover.

429
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,300
The that you have right there
back to you in understanding

430
00:28:57,300 --> 00:28:59,400
them.
But like in their true highest

431
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,500
selves, I'm looking forward to
that process of pushing myself

432
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:10,700
of I've wanted to be that mentor
to other men and young adults

433
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,000
and what what's going to become
of all that.

434
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:18,000
So I'm Here, I'm excited about
that.

435
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:22,900
The this process, which I,
there's no end goal, but I'm

436
00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,900
going to keep following the
breadcrumbs.

437
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,000
Good guy was a task.
That was there some sort of end

438
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,200
state of the perfect man?
That was your goal or do you

439
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,500
just realize it's this always
unfolding thing.

440
00:29:33,700 --> 00:29:37,400
Yes, because there's never the
to-do list, they'll never get

441
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:42,400
done and life and, you know,
it's this work will never get

442
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,400
done.
So it's how I'm going to try and

443
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,700
always come with a beginner.
His mind and how much can I keep

444
00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:50,300
learning and growing and
evolving and challenging?

445
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:53,500
What I thought maybe was true in
myself or something and say

446
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:57,100
maybe it's not maybe there is
another way.

447
00:29:57,100 --> 00:30:02,600
And for me it's a big thing for
me is doing more listening and

448
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:09,400
less talking in this process.
I appreciate sharing so much of

449
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,500
you and your journey is there
anything else you want to share?

450
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,400
Imagine there's a man that's you
know, he's unhappy There's no

451
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,400
tree wants to do.
I've heard this is hard work.

452
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,400
I don't know if I want to do
this.

453
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,700
Do I want to know?
What, what do you want to share

454
00:30:21,700 --> 00:30:25,800
with that guy?
I would say to this, man because

455
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,800
I've seen it now past many years
in front of other men.

456
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,900
It's like, you're not alone,
you're not alone out there,

457
00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:35,500
whatever it is.
You're feeling down.

458
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,700
Not worthy.
They're going through a tough

459
00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:42,800
divorce job.
Like you feel lost disillusion

460
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,600
angry.
It's like know that there are

461
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:49,800
other men out there going
through that that can help

462
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:59,300
shoulder that burden and help.
Carry you and lift you up that

463
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:01,900
it's out there.
If you just give yourself an

464
00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:07,500
opportunity to just be open to
it, be open to listening to

465
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:12,700
other men, be open to whatever
whether it be a pastor, a

466
00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:19,300
friend, a group like like mkp or
something else, where you can be

467
00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:24,100
yourself, be open to it because
I know I hear a lot of men say,

468
00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:27,100
yeah, my wife, you know, it's
like kind of an ultimatum in a

469
00:31:27,100 --> 00:31:31,100
way like, you know, you gotta do
this and and they're so thankful

470
00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:33,400
that they did and then so are
their wives.

471
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:37,700
It's like a win-win Because it
really is no matter what even

472
00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:42,700
if, if the marriage Goes to Hell
and the job does to, you can

473
00:31:42,700 --> 00:31:47,700
still pick up the pieces and
recreate yourself and start all

474
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:49,200
over.
And I know that sounds easy.

475
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:54,100
I just do that like Because life
is hard being human.

476
00:31:54,500 --> 00:32:01,900
This human condition that we're
in experiencing, it's not easy,

477
00:32:01,900 --> 00:32:04,500
it's hard enough Being Human and
then over the other stuff that

478
00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:08,000
gets we throw on ourselves and
then everything else that gets

479
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,900
piled on.
It's no wonder why there's so

480
00:32:10,900 --> 00:32:16,400
much anger and fear out there.
It's palpable sometimes.

481
00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:20,800
Yeah, so that's what I would say
is you're not alone.

482
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:25,200
Indeed, Anthony.
What's the best way for someone

483
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,300
to get in touch with you to
learn more about what you're up

484
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:30,000
to?
They can easily go to my

485
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,400
website.
Just my name, Anthony Sky

486
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:43,100
re.com, awesome and a sky re
coach at gmail.com Thanks again,

487
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,900
for, for joining me willing to
come on and share yourself.

488
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:51,400
And I know it's not easy to
serve yourself up on a plate to

489
00:32:51,408 --> 00:32:54,900
the world, but I do believe.
It always brings value and can

490
00:32:54,900 --> 00:32:57,900
we talk about service?
And I think any man being open

491
00:32:57,900 --> 00:32:59,600
and honest is a service to
everybody.

492
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:04,100
So thank you again.
Thank you, Andy for having me

493
00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:06,500
and having this platform and
everything you're doing to of

494
00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:09,100
being serviced.
So I feel like what you're doing

495
00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:13,000
is hugely important, so,
Awesome.

496
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:15,700
Thank you.
Thanks for listening wherever

497
00:33:15,700 --> 00:33:19,300
you're discovering real men,
feel, please give a like, share,

498
00:33:19,300 --> 00:33:22,600
comment, share of the somebody
else and visit real men, feel

499
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,200
that Org the blog posting for
this show will have links to all

500
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,600
the books mentioned.
All the resources talked about

501
00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:32,500
and if you own a reach out to
me, real men, feel at gmail.com,

502
00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,700
always glad to hear from you.
And if you want to explore,

503
00:33:34,700 --> 00:33:37,600
making this year, the best year
of your life so far, book a

504
00:33:37,608 --> 00:33:40,100
Clarity call with me.
And that's, that's not a podcast

505
00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:42,100
has just a conversation with us
in private.

506
00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:46,700
It D and E, Grant.com, talk.
Until next time be good to

507
00:33:46,708 --> 00:33:47,200
yourself.