The DUDE Project with Kyle Mitchell

0:00 Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel. I'm your host, author, coach and healer, Andy Grant. Please visit theandygrant.com to learn more about me. Real Men Feel reminds men that they are human beings and they have the right to experience and express all of their emotions. We have conversations that most men are not having, but that all men can benefit from. My guest today is Kyle Mitchell. Kyle is a mental health advocate, speaker, author, and influencer with a massive mission to help 1,000,000 teams go from socially anxious to socially confident. He recently created the Dude Project because conversations about mental health do not resonate with teenage boys. We discuss ways to connect with boys around their mental resilience, things that parents can do to the things that parents can do to best support their kids, how to move beyond victimhood, and ending the false belief that feeling is a weakness. Kyle also shares his top strategy for handling social media and the one thing he wishes more men knew. Let's do it.

1:04 Hello Kyle, and welcome to Real MEN Feel. Hey Andy, thanks for having me on. Excited to be here. Cool, it was just in August, you had emailed me told me about the the dude project that you worked on and and you wanted to come on real men feel and talk about it. So let's start where the the starting belongs and tell me what the dude project is. Yeah, the Dude Project is a program that I designed that is to talk about mental health in a way that resonates to the male audience. So I think traditionally we kind of promote the idea of mental health in kind of a feminine way or, and maybe you can even say in a way that doesn't doesn't resonate or relate to a lot of men, especially these young boys who are, you know, kind of growing up with the the online influencers and this kind of nasty narrative of not allowed to feel things because feeling is weakness. You're not allowed to be sad because the sadness is weakness. And I always find that I kind of ironic because in my mind, if you don't feel and you just push everything down, that that is a weakness that is a can be very detrimental to you. So the Dude Project is all just about presenting the same ideas, just in a way that resonates better for boys. So, so what's an example of that? How how do you talk about mental health in a way that will will connect more with a with a young man today? So one example of that is just

2:38 using a different term other than mental health might, might sound a a little odd, but I found that after talking to boys that if you use words like how to build mental strength or mental resilient, they're way more apt to like listen and like take action and you know, and be interested. And it makes sense. I mean, so if I think of it from by like compared to like physical health. So, you know, I go to the gym just about every day. I like to eat pretty clean. I like to, you know, stay, stay fit. And if somebody asked me like Kyle, you know, why do you go to the gym? Why you why do you do those things? I wouldn't tell you. It's because I'm trying to stay physically healthy, right? It's I, I'm trying to get stronger. I'm trying to get bigger faster.

3:24 Like those are the things that interest me. Like, yeah, deep down I'm, you know, I'm trying to stay healthy too, but that's not my main thing. That's not what I'm thinking about at all. Like I'm trying to get stronger. I mean that that's what's fun to me. So I think just doing what one example is just doing some kind of subtle shifts in how we talk about it to really get them more interested and have that message resonate better with them. Even though it really means the same thing when you're talking about your mindset, when you're talking about, you know, mental resilience and mental strength. I mean, those are all just aspects of mental health. But like I said, you just got to, depending on the audience that you're talking to, you got to change up how you talk a little bit. Right.

4:06 And that makes total sense. Like I don't discuss mental health. I don't use that term anywhere except on podcasts. Like I don't think it's mentioned on my websites. It's not when I'm when I'm talking to someone about coaching is just it's not there. I'm talking like what got me into my mental health was I was tired of thinking I was better off dead, right? I was sick of thinking life sucks. And that's how I really communicate with people one-on-one. Yeah, I'm not going. How's your mental health today? And you know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So understand that there are some core principles that that guide the Dude project. Can you tell me about those? Yeah. So it's all about, you know, having to building like a growth mindset, you know, getting emotional regulation, you know, building the tribe, building this kind of support circle, learning how to reflect and self improve. And then kind of what we've just been talking about a little bit with, you know, taking care of your body because that's a very important thing when it comes to mental health. But yeah, those are like my 5 core principles when it comes to the Dude projects.

5:11 What got you interested in not mental health, you know, feeling better. What got you interested in wanting to feel better? Let's go there. Yeah, because I, I didn't notice this until I started kind of doing the dude project. But yeah, I don't think of what I do on a daily basis as of like this. I'm trying to do this for my mental health. Like, yes, I am, but I, I almost think of it more of like I'm trying to like build like an optimal mindset type of thing, you know, and make sure my, I, I have, you know, mental strength and those types of things. But I think what really got me into it was right when I graduated college, so I got this, you know, fancy degree. I got one kid and then another one on the way with my now wife and I could not get a job.

6:06 You know, I'd come out with this degree thinking I'm about to make some money. I'm about to provide and here I am like I can't do anything. I I felt like a piece of crap as a man who was like, I can't even provide for my family. I am making garbage money part time work. Like I got to figure this out and like that was just like over taking my mind. That's all I thought about. And it made me feel like crap. I mean, just made me feel horrible all the time. If you're constantly thinking about all that negative stuff, that makes you feel bad. So I I don't remember how exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah, I do. So I started getting into developing some sort of morning routine. And the reason I did was because I I went to the gym with my brother and he was playing this kind of like, soundtrack by Eric Thomas. I don't know if you've ever you've ever heard of Eric Thomas.

6:56 So he's like a, he's a motivational speaker. He also goes by ET the hip hop preacher. But so I, I heard the him talk and saying something along the lines of like, you got to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start controlling the things that you can control, focusing on what you can do. And that really had a chord with me. I was like, I have been doing nothing but just throwing pity parties for myself. So I was like, OK, I'm just going to, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to start getting up a little early. I'm going to do stuff for me. I'm going to do the stuff that I can control. So it started with just me incrementally waking up earlier and earlier and earlier and then kind of starting my day, not really with mental health practices, but really just starting to whether that's kind of improve my resume or look for jobs or spend a lot of my time learning. I'm just studying how to, you know, just building up my skills, that type of thing during a lot of online courses. And then that kind of turned into getting into meditation and, you know, practicing gratitude and, you know, it's just constantly evolving.

8:06 It's it's my favorite thing. Morning routine just become like one of my obsessions of like, how strong can I make my mind on a daily basis? What are the practices I can do every day to where I can make myself as mentally strong as possible? And it's it's like a game to me. It's fun. So I'm always like trying out different things that I hear. My most recent one over the past year or so is like the the hype over Ice Pass. That's something I tried and I implement. I love it. And but yeah, it's always just trying to evolve and get better. And but yeah, that that's how I got started. But it's me feeling like crap getting out of college. So when you were in high school, could you, would you ever imagine that there'd be a time that you would be into meditation and gratitude practicing and, and all those sort of things?

8:58 I'm not sure I knew what that stuff was. Let's be honest with you. I, I say all the time, I, I don't think I knew what mental health was in high school. It's not something we talked about. I hope they talk about that more now, but back then we didn't. I'm not that far removed from high school, you know, about 10 years or so. But no, that those weren't things that I really knew about. I think I'd maybe have known like that meditation kind of just just kind of, but probably have seen it as kind of like a, you know, a woo woo thing or something that like certain religions practice like Buddhism and stuff like that. But I never saw it as like a regular thing that people did. And does the Dude Project, are you targeting high school age kids or just, you know, guys in their 20s or what? Who are you?

9:48 Who are you trying to reach? It's primarily middle and high school kids. So yeah, getting in that stage of like puberty and about to go into adulthood, which I think is a really good age to start really attacking that stuff. That way you can come out of high school strong. Well, good. Then you should be. You're the one changing that There shouldn't be anyone still in high school that doesn't know what meditation is, that you're 'cause you're in there telling them. Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing my best. What stressors are teens today facing that like prior generations just just didn't even have to deal with? I mean, the obvious one is social media, right? We're all, I mean, we're all addicted to it.

10:29 I think teens today on another her, I don't want to say like I'm less addicted than they are, but I I think it's different just because it's a technology that they've grown up with and has been normal throughout their entire life. Whereas social media that maybe came out a little bit before high school for for me, but I don't think I started using it. It's like freshman year and you know, so I wasn't, I wasn't, or I was like 15, maybe 16 years old until I started using it. But I mean, I think like the average age now is like 10 getting on social media, which is like not good. You should not let your kids get on social media at 10 years old.

11:10 That's a whole whole host of problems. But that's like the biggest thing right now is social media. That's probably like the biggest stressors. There must be something specific about it or is it just the, the, the, the constant judging or the OR fear of missing out or like, what, what, what is it? It can't, it can't just be that, you know, social media exists and it destroys lives like there's got to, you know, is it, you know, checking it too much? Is it, you know, living by the algorithm I? Think it's several things, so it may be multiples for some people and then maybe it's just specific things, but kind of like the FOMO, you know, the fear of missing out for some people, the dopamine addiction that that comes with it.

11:55 You know, the kind of the online bullying and the the trolling that comes with it. That's a big one because people don't or teenagers don't know to not take that stuff seriously or just don't read the comments. I mean, don't post to get comments, I'd say is a big one, but I think it's a little mixture of all that stuff. And one for me personally, when I was a teenager was just like the scroll and comparison game for me. Like, oh, this person graduated. Oh, this person got this awesome job, this person's on vacation, This person's doing this and that. And here I am. I'm I'm living this crap live for whatever. I don't feel good about myself and everybody else is doing great things.

12:41 And I think it's starting to become more apparent that more people are understanding that social media is just, you know, everybody's highlight reel, which I, I feel like I've heard 1000 times. But maybe if people aren't in the, you know, listen to the same spaces as I am, maybe they haven't heard that. But yeah, it's just everyone's highlight reeled. Nobody posts the crap things that happens in their life. So I got stuck in that trap. I know there was a time in college where when I woke up, the first thing I did for 20 minutes before even getting out of my bed was I was just scroll through Facebook. And it made me feel terrible. And I remember at one point, I don't remember what made me have this idea to try this out, but I deleted Facebook off my phone. I was like, I'm just going to go one week without Facebook and see what happens.

13:29 And after that one week, like I did feel way better. I mean, just way better not having to check and look what's going on and notifications and all that stuff. Now, I'm not saying you should delete all your social media. I, I think it's necessary. I think you're, you're living at a disadvantage if you don't have those things. You have to learn how to use it to kind of operate in our world. And that's our main source of like information, news and be able to keep up with people, which is all good things. But you got to find ways to use it properly and have balance. And I think 1 little tip that I always like to share, I don't know how many people do this, but I find it really helpful as I turn off all notifications from all my apps except for except for messages. So if you text me, I'll see it, but otherwise I won't see it. And like on my lock screen, I make it to where it, it can never show like app notifications on that home screen because I'll just check the phone. I'll check my phone to see what time it is. And then I'm like, oh, I got something from this and now I'm off on this other world.

14:35 And you know, it could create anxiety in me or just get me off task and I can go on and on about social media. Yeah, no, and I'll, I'll suck on that because it was just earlier this year I decided, all right, I'm shutting off all notifications and it's been fantastic and that puts, you know, we talked about controlling what you can control. Well, now I control now I'll go see what's happening on Instagram. Now I'll go see what's up on Tiktok and I'm not I'm not getting pulled in. I'm, I'm missing the dopamine hook to my phone telling me good job someone like something or here's a comment, you know, all that nonsense because it, it doesn't matter. And especially with so many young people seeming to want to be, you know, influencers and, and just live on social media, like if you're focused on creating content, great, but just keep creating and putting out there. Don't, yeah, don't get hooked on the response or reaction to anybody or the numbers or anything, but just if hopefully you enjoy making content and if you do, keep doing it. But that's it.

15:30 I just look at yeah, I, I, I they're all like output platforms for me as opposed to, you know, how am I doing in life and what does everyone think? Platforms. Yeah, yeah, I think that's important if if you're making content, dude, because you like doing it and thinking about the numbers. But yeah, I mean, that's why I make content. I actually enjoy doing it. I enjoy making contact about, you know, mental health and social anxiety and all those good things. And then I started like YouTube like a couple years ago, avoided it forever 'cause I was like long, long form videos. That sounds scary. But then when I got into it and started doing it, I mean, yeah, it's a lot of work. And do I get a ton of views? Absolutely not.

16:11 But I have like just grand ball doing it every time. So I'm like, I'm gonna keep doing it because this is fun to me. So I'm just going to keep doing it. And hopefully, you know, it'll, it'll take off eventually. And of course, I think my videos are great. So you should check it out. But you know, even if, you know, I get 100 views on a video, I'm not a scourge, but I'm just going to keep doing it. It's fun. For and for me too, like there are very few men looking for real men feel that's what I want. You know, it's kind of I'm, I'm it's, I'm poorly named if I wanted to reach the masses. But for the people that find it, you know, I'm sure you have the experience of getting the message, getting an e-mail, get hearing from someone person that like, Oh my God, that last thing you made it, it it, it literally saved my life.

16:58 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, and I'm sure you'd agree, those are those are the best. That makes everything worth it. Like I. Was saying so yeah. So I was I would ask you know, is service important to you and and why if it is? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, kind of like what I was saying. I mean, the, the money that I, that I, that I acquire from speaking at schools and doing all this thing, I mean, that's cool. But by far what's way better than that is just hearing from the students themselves. You know, a month or two later after I'd been there, I'm like, hey, I've started doing some of the things you said and things have been getting a lot better. I've been able to do, you know, this, this and this.

17:40 So that, that's the coolest stuff to me especially. And that's why I focus on teenagers because I, I struggled severely when I was a teenager. So the fact that I get to help other people was something that I was struggling with miserably at their age. And they're able to, you know, do a lot better than I was as a teenager. And like, awesome. Like, I'm glad I can use my horrible time, my struggle as a help to you. Like I love that so much. Do you have any advice for parents on as what they can do if they're concerned about their, their, their young men, their boys, you know, mental health, their attitude, their, their mood, anything for them?

18:22 Well, I think every parent wants to know how their child is feeling, right? The you, you want to know that although it's not possible to pry out of them, like they have to just kind of organically tell you, you, you can't just RIP it out of them. So I my two pieces of advice I always give to parents and I like to just stick with two because it makes it easy. It's not a huge shift, but my, my first piece is just to listen. Listen and shut up. Quit talking. Just listen to your kid. What they're saying is listen what to say. Don't try to give advice, which I know can be hard. I got three kids myself.

19:03 They're all in. I got one in middle school now, but the other two are in elementary. I feel like I can solve all their problems that they give me when they come home from school and I, I could, I could give it to them, but it's not going to help them and it's not what they want. If I were to do that, they, they would turn off, they would stop coming to me when it comes to the, you know, the problems that they're having or the things that they're feeling. So it's just all about listening and then validating, validating how do they feel how they feel rather, which is really important because like I said, they just want somebody listen to them. They want to feel heard. So if you can validate how they feel, that can make them feel heard.

19:44 And I'm and I'm we'll way back up a second. So how they feel is just how they feel like there is no fact or fiction feeling, right? I mean, sometimes how they they feel won't make sense or maybe it's not even really true, but it's just how they feel in the moment. You know, it's, it's just kind of a well, I just want to say it's just kind of how they feel. I got to stop saying that. But I mean, that's, that's really what it is. So it's not about trying to change that form or make them feel better. It's about saying like, Hey, I, I hear you feel such and such that sounds hard, that, you know, that sounds embarrassing, tough, whatever it may be.

20:28 And that gives them a little bit to just be like, OK, my, my dad's hearing me out like I, he's, he's understanding it a little bit. And then for my parents who do want to help and give support in some sort of way, 'cause I always do is just follow that up with like, hey, if there's anything I can do to support you, let me know. Like, or you know, what is, is there something I can do? Like, how can I support you? And sometimes, or a lot of times rather, they'll be like, man, there's nothing really I can do. Which some people get discouraged by that. I, I find it as a good thing because that just means you did your job, you listened, you validated their feelings, they got what they needed from you. So like, cool, more than likely that's, that's what they need to be able to make progress, take action, whatever it is that they're going through at the moment. And then sometimes they'll tell, you know, yeah, if you could help me with this, this and this, you know, that'd be really helpful and cool, you have something to do. You, you know, you're on the right path. They asked you for that or they asked you for your advice. So you can go about doing that thing that you love to do. So yeah, it's just all about listening and validating their feelings.

21:36 You can do those two things. I think that's those two things alone are just probably the best ways to support, you know, male or female child with, with their mental health, mental strength, anxiety, depression, whatever it may be. And you've mentioned a couple times how much you struggle as a teen. What was, was it everything was there? Was it primarily depression or anxiety? Like what? What was your experience? Social anxiety, What was the big one, which kind of turned in into depression after a while? Those were my big ones in high school. Yeah. Social because, well, what happened was I was, you know, I was going to this really small school and I had, I had social anxiety back then too.

22:21 And I, I mean, I didn't know that at the time, but I felt somewhat comfortable because, you know, I had a small group of friends and then my sophomore year of high school, I transferred to this huge public school, which was just like a huge shock for me. And then you, you know, kind of pile social anxiety on top of that, not knowing anybody, not having any friends, and then just kind of going day after day after day of just like feeling terrible, feeling fearful, socially anxious, like literally all day long. And that started to, to like turn into some depression and I lost appetite. I'm pretty sure I lost like 20 lbs my sophomore year. And I definitely didn't have 20 lbs to lose. So yeah, that I did not have a, a fun time in high school. But I'll say that is the time I am the most grateful for just because if I didn't go through all that crap, if I didn't make that transition through schools, who knows where I'd be now. But I needed that in order to be able to make that step up, you know, and start taking action, making progress to trying to become the best self that I can be. And like I said, if I didn't make that transition, I'm not sure that that I would have got there or at least would have taken me a lot longer.

23:35 I know you've got a pretty big mission that you've I believe you've self chosen it, but tell me what that is. Yeah, so my mission's to help 1,000,000 teens go from socially anxious to socially confident. You know, all because I struggled with social anxiety when I was a teen. So I want to be able to help other teens, you know, become more confident. And some people hear that and it's like, well, you know, not everybody struggles with social anxiety, Maybe not like I did, but everybody has a, a social anxiety part in them. Maybe it's not active, doesn't come out very often, but every, everybody has that part inside them. So just learning, even for those folks who you know, it's not a very active part, learning how to manage that when it does come about.

24:21 And then using some of the strategies that I talk about to just boost confidence. I mean, social anxious or not, I mean the stuff that I talk about is super helpful. Let me get back to the dude project and making mental health connect more with with younger men, younger boys. What's the mechanism behind that? Is it, is it just primarily you speaking in schools? Do you have a curriculum? Are you working with parents and teachers? How's that playing out? So it's a new program that's being launched this year. I actually haven't given an official dude project until October 4th. This is my first one, so looking forward to that. And I got to get several after that. But I'm talking with or I'm talking, I've talked with, you know, just male students primarily several times before. So I'd have schools that would say, you know what, I'd like you to come speak, but just just speak to the males. So those were always really fun to me. And what was a part of like, leading me to get to this? And now that I'm writing a little bit, I kind of forget the original question.

25:29 Andy, what was that again? The the the basic mechanism of the dude project or like what, what are what are your actions? What do you control? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Well, of course, you know, it's, it's me speaking with them, but it's this program in particular is a lot less me speaking and a lot more of us doing and like really putting things into practice and you know, in the now, in the present and not giving you the strategies and waiting for you to do it when you get back home and try to make it in sort of a competitive way when I can. It depends on the different stuff, but just getting them really involved, whether that's the, the students coming up on stage and, and doing stuff or just excuse me, you're getting the students and the, you know, just sitting in the bleachers or wherever, you know, participating and actually, you know, putting pen to paper and working on the stuff right now and getting together with the other, you know, boys that they're around, which is a, a big thing that I, I really focus on. It's just getting these guys to understand, like I feel, I feel so I feel sad sometimes.

26:46 You feel sad sometimes. Why am I acting like I never feel that way? Does everybody understand that we all have these feelings and yet we're all trying to act like we don't ever feel that way in front of other people who also feel that way? Do you realize how stupid that is? Like it's such a waste of time. What if we all just kind of got together, created little tribes where we could lean on each other, support each other and help each other out? It would make life so much easier for us. So let's start doing that. Let's get over this crap of, you know, you know, I don't want anybody to know that's that's a sign of weakness. Let's get past that. Let's start working together, helping each other out, not just so you yourself can feel better, but so you can help other people feel better, which will in turn make you feel better 'cause it feels great to help other people out. So what?

27:40 What's your vision for the Dude Project? Or like ideally, where would it be in five years, let's say? Where would it be in five years? I, I'd say my vision for it is, well, I mean, obviously to get in more schools, but I'd love to see it. I don't know exactly how you classify it, but as some sort of like, so have you heard of like the blue ribbon program for schools and stuff like that? So if they had something like that, but for like the dude project, that was kind of on a, on a national level where we start making this almost like a, a part of the curriculum in schools. Well, obviously I couldn't be at every school, but starting to implement some of the things that I talk about in the schools 'cause like I said, we don't, the way we traditionally talk about mental health is just not resonating with teen boys. It's just not they turn off, it's boring to them. It's not interesting.

28:44 So just getting schools on board, I, I guess in, in some way, kind of the, the government on board, that would be really cool to have them kind of promote the not just the do project, but I'm talking about the specific, you know, kind of curriculum and outline of how we go about not just teaching mental health, but how we go about presenting that to the boys. So they're not, they're not getting screwed in their adult life. Because I, I think as of right now, according to Mental Health America, I think 9 million men are diagnosed with the mental health condition and 25% of them are coping with it with substance abuse. Like that's crazy.

29:27 Like that is not good at all. We keep it that base we're going to be in some serious trouble. So we really need to start focusing on these boys. So I am a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. I I my high school years were miserable. My suicidal ideations started think in the 7th grade, probably even earlier. Yeah, actually I remember thinking about in fifth grade. So yeah, younger and young. The more I think about it, the younger I can identify it. And if your experience, if you struggle as much as you're sharing, I'm I'm sure it is at least crossed your mind at the worst times. Do you have do you have any insight or or advice for you know what can anyone do to help prevent suicides?

30:12 Well, so I'll, I'll first start by saying didn't struggle a whole lot with any sort of like suicidal ideation. And I think the only reason for that is just because I grew up in a religious family and I'm religious myself. So I've always believed that if you die by suicide, that means you're going straight to hell. So that's, you know, it's a pretty good incentive for like me mentally as a teenager, like, OK, I don't want to do that. But I think outside of that of of religion is just being more proactive with your mental health. We focus on our mental health a lot when it comes in times of know, when we're struggling, we're really anxious, we're feeling really depressed, then we want to start, OK, maybe I need to start doing, you know, meditating or exercising or whatever it may be or going to see therapy. But there's things that you can do on a day-to-day basis that is good for your mind and that you should stay proactive with your mental health and start doing these things before you know, kind of quote UN quote shit hits the fan. That way, when you do come across challenges in your life, 'cause you're going to, you'll be able, you'll be more apt to be able to handle those types of things. And when you do start to feel anxious, it'll be at a, a, a less intense anxiety.

31:43 So I, I'd like to talk about how we need to be more proactive with our mental health because, you know, so we can experience less anxiety, you know, less depression, those types of things can't eliminate those things. But if you can really, you can start to really limit the intensity of it if you really are taking care of your mind and your mental health. So I think those are like the the biggest things when it comes to suicide. Kyle and all of your speaking and writing and content creation, does anything stand out as as something you wish more men knew? That's a good question. Yeah. I think 11 particular example comes to mind. I think if I wish more men knew that holding that in that trauma, that sadness, whatever it may be is is not helping you. And I wish men who are doing that could experience the freeing release that you will get by sharing that with somebody, whether that's with your therapist, your spouse, friend, you know, support group that that does wonders. At the very beginning or when COVID like very first started, my, my mother-in-law passed away, which was my wife's like best friend was her mom.

33:11 Like they did everything together. And she passed away not from COVID, but from kind of a long standing illness. But that was super tough for her. And it was super tough for me, not because I was particularly really close with her mom, but because I did not know how to help my wife at all. And I was struggling so bad with it. And I felt like she was in this bad state for a long time. And I spent so much time trying to figure out what I could do to help her. And there was like nothing that I could do. And I remember just feeling like, oh, it's making me tear up a little bit, but it made me, it made me feel really hopeless. And my friend Jeremy Green goes by Jeremy talks to strangers on the on the socials, but he brought me to this men's support group.

34:05 I wish I remember the name of it, but that that was so powerful for me to be able to just share what I was feeling with all those guys in like a safe space. And I, I, I broke down and cried 'cause I was holding that in for so long and it just like gushed out like a waterfall for me. But they were all so cool about it, like understanding and helpful and like that was so like that felt so good for me. And it's funny, like I didn't get any solutions from that, but just allowing myself to really release and like share that and then just have other people like support you with that.

34:46 Like that did that. That made it bearable for me to be able to, like, get through the whole depression process for her. And yeah, that was so helpful. I mean, just thinking about right now, like, I got a tear coming down my cheek. But yeah, like, really. Like, that was such a big moment. So I yeah, I wish that more men understand how helpful it is to like, be able to get that out in some way. Kyle, what are you most proud of? Well I feel obligated to save my kids. That made it sound terrible for me saying it that way. But I mean, I, I, I, I feel proud of my kids and the way, gosh, I, I feel cocky when I say stuff like this.

35:40 Just bear with me, but I, I, I feel proud of the way that I've been able to raise my kids and how they understand mental health on a super normal level. Like there is no stigma with them at all. And they're just little. I mean, my oldest is only 10 right now, but that's, that's probably my, my proudest thing is being able to at this point, like raise them with like no stigma around mental health. The stuff's normal to them. Stuff that we talk about and kind of like one of the biggest themes and kind of like the culture our, of our family is like, oh, it's probably like two things. 1 is going outside your comfort zone, you know, left fear dictate what we do. And the other thing is just like living with an attitude of gratitude.

36:30 So I'd say those are probably that's, that's yeah, that's definitely my my most proud thing and. Finally, Kyle, what's the best way for people to find out more about Everything You're Up To and the Dude Project? Yeah. So you can go to my website, socialanxietykyle.com. I'm also pretty much all the socials, just social anxiety, Kyle. But yeah, check me out there. Shoot me a message if you have a question. I love helping out any way I can so. Awesome. Yeah. It was great to connect with you, Kyle, and learn everything that you're up to. And yeah, you're feeling an invaluable niche that's being ignored that, you know, that I, I, I keep seeing stats.

37:16 It's like, you know, for for ages, you know, 10 to 14, you know how high the suicide rate is and you know, just just children are dying unnecessarily. So I'm glad you're out there doing your part, trying to change the schools, trying to change the attitudes, the stigma, getting rid of it all. So kudos to you and everyone. Thanks for listening, joining in and visit real men field org. They have a blog post on this episode, plenty of links. And please look, check out the dude project. Look for ways that you can support it. Look for ways that you can, you know, get something in in your community, be willing to be the dude that goes and tells people it's OK to feel, you know, whatever it is that you can do, you know, and as mentioned earlier, do more of what you can control. And there's so much more that we all can control that we kind of ignore and hope someone else will take care of. But, you know, it's the time to step up now. So wherever you're discovering real men feel, please subscribe, follow, like, share this with somebody, post a comment, make a review, whatever you can do.

38:16 You can always reach out to me at realmenfeel@gmail.com. And until next time, be good to yourself.