Understanding the Flavors of Emotions | The Emotion Chef, Kim Korte

1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:01,840
Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel.

2
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,800
I am your host, author, coach,
and healer, Andy Grant.

3
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,160
Please visit theandygrant.com to
learn more about me.

4
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,560
If I sound a little different
today, it's because I'm coming

5
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,560
off 2 Metallica shows this past
weekend and my voice is shot.

6
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,160
Regardless, Real Men Feel exists
to remind men that they are

7
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,480
human beings.
They have the right to

8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,560
experience and express all of
their emotions.

9
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,520
We have conversations that most
men are not having, but that all

10
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,800
men can benefit from.
My guest today is Kim Korti.

11
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:38,480
Kim is a sensory perception and
emotion management strategist

12
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:42,200
who weaves her curiosity about
emotional awareness with her

13
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,080
decades of experience in the
world of business consulting.

14
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,120
She has an interesting metaphor
for exploring emotions based on

15
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,480
food and cooking.
Kim is the author of Yucky,

16
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:56,200
Yummy, Savory, Sweet
Understanding the Flavors of

17
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,840
Emotions.
Today.

18
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,800
She shares how our brains and
emotions work or don't work if

19
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,440
we try to stuff and deny our
emotions, how our memories

20
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,480
influence our current
experiences, and how to look at

21
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:13,120
our memories as emotion recipes.
Kim discusses such topics as

22
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:18,160
emotional granularity into
reception and much more around

23
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,560
the flavors of emotions.
Let's get to it.

24
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,360
Hello Kim, and welcome to Real
Men Feel.

25
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,760
Thank you, I'm so happy to be
here.

26
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:29,080
Great.
And.

27
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,680
But before the show we were just
talking about Metallica, which

28
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,080
always excites me.
Yeah, and I still.

29
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,240
Haven't.
I love Metallica.

30
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:36,680
Awesome.
They're awesome.

31
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,200
I should do just an all
Metallica show, just having

32
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,760
different fans on at some point.
But but that's not it.

33
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:47,520
So you have a really unique
metaphor in dealing with

34
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,560
emotions and treating emotions
as flavors and using kind of

35
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:56,960
cooking metaphors.
Were you raised in a very openly

36
00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:01,720
emotional family?
Well, I, you know, I probably

37
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:06,400
lean into more like we, we
didn't feel the feels, you know

38
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,639
what I mean?
Like there if something was a

39
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,400
little bit off, it's like we
just ignored it a little bit

40
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,320
more than we should have.
Yeah.

41
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,080
I think I learned more from my
parents to push emotions down

42
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,440
rather than to experience them.
OK, of course I experienced the

43
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,800
big ones, right?
Like anger and upset and all the

44
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,440
big ones when they blow.
And I, I'm going to say it's not

45
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,520
that my parents were always
angry or anything.

46
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,680
I just think that it was just
generational, right?

47
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:41,480
Passed down.
How did your life unfold that

48
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:45,880
you decided to study emotions
and write about them in yucky,

49
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,520
yummy, savory sweet
Understanding the flavors or

50
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,000
emotions?
I'm going to put this in the

51
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,680
context for the people who would
be listening to this show

52
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,440
because, you know, you can
always point out something about

53
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,160
your personality that would be
more appealing.

54
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,120
And I think that understanding
that while I'm a woman, my

55
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:10,160
husband always teases that I act
more like a guy in reaction to

56
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,520
the things I'm always trying to
solve problems.

57
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,280
My dad recounted the story when
I was, I don't know, four or

58
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:21,920
five, maybe 4, and my both my
mom was really sick.

59
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,680
So he came home to take care of
my sister and I, who was a year

60
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,680
younger, and he was really sick.
So they both passed out as sleep

61
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,040
sick.
They came downstairs because

62
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:36,480
they knew we hadn't been fed and
I had made a a makeshift ladder

63
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,960
from the drawers in the lower
cabinets, got up to the upper

64
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,880
cabinets, grabbed some cereal,
brought it down and was feeding

65
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,400
my sister and I because I like
to solve problems.

66
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:55,280
I like to figure things out and
I was at a point where I was

67
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,000
emotionally like I knew that
things were bad.

68
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:03,040
I just gone through a divorce.
Well, I hadn't even been

69
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,960
divorced and I'm, I was like,
I've got to figure this out.

70
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,760
I have a project management
background which is perfect for

71
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,800
problem solver, right?
And I needed to figure out how

72
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,760
it works.
How do my emotions work?

73
00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:21,160
So if I understand how it works,
then I can work with them.

74
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,040
Like when you're implementing a
system to do the best design

75
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,440
right, you need to know the
bells and whistles of that

76
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,600
system.
And the brain is a system.

77
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,840
It has repeatable processes
also, which I love.

78
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:40,440
That applied to a logic that I
needed when it comes to emotions

79
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:46,000
and that logic is it uses and,
and this is not in its entirety.

80
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,360
You know, we're we're trying to
get to what's easy to approach,

81
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:55,480
right that that it's uses is
sensory perception.

82
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,960
If things that are coming in
from the outside world, which is

83
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,240
called extra reception.
So everything that's coming in

84
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:06,360
from the outside world and our
inside world, because that's its

85
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:11,280
own little system.
And it takes that like

86
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,720
ingredients in a recipe and it
says here I've got all these

87
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,160
ingredients, what do I do with
them?

88
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,680
Because it needs to do
something, has to make meaning

89
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,800
of it.
And it uses our past

90
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,240
experiences.
That could be what we've

91
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,600
learned.
It could be the culture that we

92
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,600
were raised in, which is part of
learning.

93
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,200
It could be an actual
experience.

94
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,480
It, it could be your faith, it
could be all kinds of things,

95
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:40,480
your beliefs.
And it, it draws upon that to

96
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,960
help you focus on what that
information coming in is.

97
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:50,800
Out of 11 billion bits of
information, we get what, 4550

98
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:55,560
bits every second.
So how does it, what does it use

99
00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:00,760
to, to focus on what we are
perceiving or seeing or hearing,

100
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,960
whatever.
And it's going to use our

101
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,760
memories.
They're like recipes that wiring

102
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,080
in our head is what I call
emotion recipes.

103
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,520
And then we feel it in our body
through an emotion.

104
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,400
So an emotion is literally a
chemical signal.

105
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:19,520
It's a peptide, it goes to the
body and it's like a server

106
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:24,200
delivering the the dish that was
created by a neuron and using

107
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,680
that memory and boom, we feel
it.

108
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,760
The problem is for people like
me, and I think some other

109
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:36,000
people who might be listening,
is that we at some point in time

110
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:41,360
learn to shut our feelings down
or to say that kind of feeling

111
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,920
I'm not comfortable with.
I'm good with anger.

112
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,640
I'm good with certain feelings
or the ones that I can't because

113
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,200
they're so big, they just
explode out of me 'cause I've

114
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,640
been pushing them down for so
long.

115
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,640
And so we don't have that
connection.

116
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,400
We don't we're either afraid to
feel them.

117
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,400
We're we don't know what it
means.

118
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:04,680
And so this book is using these
metaphors of food and flavor

119
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:10,400
because flavor is a product of
multiple sensory systems, the

120
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,480
same ones we use to create our
experiences.

121
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,920
We also have the experience of
flavor.

122
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,800
What we see can influence
flavor.

123
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,320
Even the music playing can
influence flavor.

124
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:26,040
So it's a great metaphor and
it's a great transition to get

125
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:30,280
used to noticing ingredients in
food or to get used to noticing

126
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,840
how you feel when you eat what
you're noticing, and then

127
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:37,840
translate that to the emotions
that were a little bit more

128
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,480
familiar with.
So when you get more strength in

129
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,160
your ability to look at the
ingredients of now instead of

130
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,520
relying on the past, is, is that
really the key to being able to

131
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:54,440
not keep stuffing your emotions?
Yes, because you're being

132
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,680
filtered like your whole life
experience.

133
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,200
And this is something that I
don't think, you know, people

134
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,440
will talk about the Matrix.
And I'm not saying we live in a

135
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:08,480
matrix world, but I will say we
live in a world that's all in,

136
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,040
in this noggin.
The from the moment we're born,

137
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,440
we even in the womb, at about
seven months, we start to

138
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,040
distinguish our mother's voice
from other sounds.

139
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,320
And that's the beginning of our
perceptive wiring.

140
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,760
So that when we are born, we
know the sound of our mother's

141
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,480
voice, and we might hear other
things like music or things that

142
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,520
are familiar, familiar because
we heard it in the womb, even

143
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,159
the father's voice.
And that's just the beginning.

144
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:41,000
And it's from there that we
build out this world because we

145
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,680
don't see with our eyes.
We don't hear with our ears.

146
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:49,440
None of that is happening, you
know, with these things.

147
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,200
These are just vehicles to get
the data in.

148
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,240
And the brain is telling us
this.

149
00:08:55,520 --> 00:09:00,200
So when we are able to stop and
say, OK, it's my brain talking.

150
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,280
And also to know that your brain
can get it wrong.

151
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,840
So your brain is telling you
what you see, but it can get it

152
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,600
wrong.
It's called a prediction error.

153
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,840
And that's the fancy scientific
term for a brain getting the

154
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:18,600
sensory input incorrect.
And this is a chance to correct.

155
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:23,560
It is when we have that sensory
correction, the prediction

156
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,760
error, because everything we
experience is a prediction of

157
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,400
the brain that we experience,
just ever so slightly delayed.

158
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,200
Is the prediction error based on
the fact that we are really

159
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,800
stuck in with with just living
through past memories and

160
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:42,160
experiences?
Like if something now doesn't

161
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,480
match something in the past,
that makes an error.

162
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,160
So you see somebody who looks
just like your buddy John,

163
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,480
right?
And, and it, it might have just

164
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,240
been a cursory look and you look
and you go, oh, there's John's

165
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,000
over there.
And then you look again and the

166
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,560
brain got more detail.
And so it corrects the

167
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,760
prediction error.
So sometimes it's, you know,

168
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,040
sure, it's your memory of John,
right, that is used to make you

169
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:11,360
think that it's John, but it's
the closer examination that

170
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,920
either confirmed it was John or
confirmed it wasn't John.

171
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:20,920
And this is what I call the 2nd
sip and, or the second taste.

172
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:25,280
Cause a, a chef will not just
take one taste of food.

173
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,680
They usually take a second one,
especially if it's a dish that

174
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,600
they haven't tasted before.
They're going to take a taste

175
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,640
and then take another one and,
and make sure they've got and

176
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,680
understand the flavors that are
in that dish.

177
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:42,560
So when we take a second look or
go, wait, is that really what's

178
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,520
going on now?
And look a little bit more

179
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:48,080
broadly, because remember, our
brain is filtering all of our

180
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,720
perceptions based on what it's
using to launch what that

181
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,560
moment.
And so if we're consciously

182
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:59,800
going, hey, is this what's going
on here to get in more of the,

183
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,400
what I call flavors?
And that gives you an

184
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:07,760
opportunity to maybe refine that
situation and say, hey, does

185
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,000
this really, should I really be
angry over this or should I

186
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,760
really be in love with this
person?

187
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,120
Because you're allowing yourself
to consciously think about it

188
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,880
more if you if you allow
yourself to think about it more

189
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,560
critically.
Right.

190
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,360
So that that's really got to be
a conscious choice of of

191
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,160
somebody.
Life is a conscious choice.

192
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,920
And so even, and what's really
funny is that even when you

193
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:37,960
ignore your feelings, that's a
conscious choice and it's really

194
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:42,640
only to your own detriment.
And it's a physical detriment,

195
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:47,440
not just an emotional one.
So I like to say that there's

196
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,640
two flavors of emotions, the
kind that we think about with

197
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,120
emotions, right?
Love, hate, joy, anger, sorrow,

198
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:03,200
excitement, all of that stuff.
But there's another type of

199
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:08,280
emotion that's keeps us alive
and healthy and that's hunger,

200
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,920
thirst, tired.
A racing heart tells us we need

201
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,920
to slow down.
So really what emotions are

202
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,280
communication.
It's just telling us, hey, based

203
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:25,120
on what I know and what's you
need to pay attention to this.

204
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,040
And just like hunger, if you
don't pay attention, the, the

205
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,840
brain just gets it louder and
louder and louder and louder.

206
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:39,800
And that's why we see people who
don't take that moment to, you

207
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,400
know, examine their feelings or
to really say, is this how I'm

208
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:49,400
feeling or am I sick or am I am
I tired or am I mad?

209
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:54,800
You can get those confused.
And and it's even harder when

210
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,480
you completely ignore them
because, hey, it might be

211
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:02,400
telling you, you are sick,
you're in pain and you're just

212
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,560
ignoring it.
And that can lead to disease.

213
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,280
And trust me, from someone who
had all kinds of intestinal

214
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:14,040
troubles and, you know, other
troubles, I, I can tell you that

215
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,320
my doctor visits went way, way,
way down.

216
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,920
The more connected I became to
my emotions, to that

217
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,440
conversation, that internal
conversation.

218
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,280
For for you, was it physical
issues that that led you to open

219
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,720
up and and dig into your
emotions?

220
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,920
No, because I didn't understand
the connection.

221
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:44,720
So I for years was going to
doctors and having troubles in

222
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,520
certain part of my body.
And it was because I had pushed

223
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:55,080
down a very horrible childhood
experience and something that

224
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,560
should have never happened to a
a young child.

225
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:03,920
And so that was my first inkling
or noticing that, that

226
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,760
connection, but I didn't really,
really put it all together until

227
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,480
I, I, I hadn't mentioned this
yet, but I read this book called

228
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,280
How Emotions are made, The
Secret Life of the Brain.

229
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:20,000
And this was the light bulb that
went off in my head that said,

230
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:24,520
hey, there's a process and a
procedure to this, which totally

231
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:29,040
got me excited because it was
logical.

232
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,040
Why would the brain have a
different process for how it

233
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:39,400
sees, how it hears, how it
responds to low blood sugar, how

234
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,400
it responds to, you know, the
need for sleep.

235
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,960
Why would it be any different?
And it's not any different.

236
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,520
And I loved that.
And so to make it more palatable

237
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,600
for people to connect to their
emotions, I started using food.

238
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,880
Is that a step that helped you
or was that just to communicate

239
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,160
to others?
No, no, no, no, no.

240
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,720
This is I don't, I don't think
you're old enough.

241
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:10,400
But back in what was it in the
8485, there was this guy who had

242
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:14,280
the hair club for men.
He he said, you know, I'm not

243
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,640
just the president, I'm a client
too.

244
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,680
And he showed a picture of his
bald head and sorry, but he I

245
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,760
like bald heads.
But apparently he didn't.

246
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:28,640
So he was what came to mind when
you just said that because I am

247
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,360
a client, like everything that I
wrote about in this book was for

248
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,960
me.
I that my divorce was just one

249
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,200
thing.
That was just the the tipping

250
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:43,280
point for me.
Losing a husband, a friend, two

251
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,880
businesses, my whole life was
gone in one fell swoop.

252
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:53,400
And I knew I didn't want to have
this happen to me again.

253
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,040
And I couldn't control other
people.

254
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,320
All I could do was take care of
myself.

255
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,400
And that is what launched me on
this journey.

256
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,560
And I have to tell you, like
today, I don't need to think

257
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,480
about like, what's going on
here?

258
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,280
Like, is this the right emotion?
I, I'm constantly questioning my

259
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,040
feelings in a, in a very quick
way.

260
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,360
It's it's like when something
comes up that you know, I feel

261
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:25,400
is consequential, I'll step back
or later on after a response,

262
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,280
I'll go back and look at it.
Because The thing is these

263
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,440
recipes that we have in our
heads, we can change them and we

264
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:40,960
can stop cooking them and we can
modify or create brand new ones.

265
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:46,640
Because The thing is, is that
when you start to discover what

266
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:52,040
has to happen for you to feel
and insert your emotion, when

267
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:57,280
you know that, then you start to
notice these situations coming

268
00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,800
up.
It's like when I saw first drove

269
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,560
a Tesla.
I didn't even want to let my

270
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,480
husband test drive that car.
I just wanted to drive it for

271
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:10,040
the whole flippant day.
It was so much fun to drive.

272
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,000
I never noticed Teslas before
that.

273
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,880
And now they were on the street
everywhere.

274
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,640
And I, you know, where I live,
you would think I would have

275
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,839
noticed them before.
But the, the point is, is that

276
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,720
the brain is really handy that
way.

277
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:27,480
When you tell the tell it where
to focus, when you start telling

278
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,640
it, I don't want this, but I do
want that.

279
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,480
And that's what our emotions
provide for us.

280
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:39,800
It, it, it, it is how we filter,
prioritize.

281
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:44,000
It's how we, we know what we
want more of and or know what we

282
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,880
want less of.
It's what we use to make every

283
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:51,600
decision.
It impacts our behaviors.

284
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:58,440
If you, if you look at a memory
and a lot of people when they

285
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:04,440
think of a memory, it's, it's
all of the sensory input that

286
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,400
was coming in at the time,
right?

287
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:11,000
It's what you saw, who you were
with, maybe the weather, how you

288
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:15,040
were feeling at the time, like,
and so, you know, if it was warm

289
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:19,800
out, all that kind of sensory
input, we, we don't always

290
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:26,040
realize that emotions, the, the,
the, that emotion that we're

291
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,960
really talking about, you know,
the, the love, hate, all that

292
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,920
stuff.
Like you were doing a math test

293
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,480
and you really hated your
teacher.

294
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,920
And so, you know, all of that
gets built into that memory

295
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:41,240
because interception, which is
the, the sensory system that

296
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:46,200
tells us how we feel inside, is
a sensory system that gets put

297
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,840
into that memory.
And I think that that's gigantic

298
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:57,200
'cause we're using all of our
memories recipes to launch our

299
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:01,080
thoughts.
Our thoughts can override our

300
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,800
feelings.
Like we can use our thoughts,

301
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:08,200
but the majority of our thoughts
or a product of all of these

302
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,840
recipes we use for feelings.
And so understanding if you

303
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,680
don't like, you know, some
results that you're getting from

304
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,240
your decisions, you need to look
at your emotions.

305
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,800
Right.
So again, using the the recipe

306
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,120
and the flavors, if if, if I
have a final dish I don't like,

307
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,280
I'm going to make it differently
the next time.

308
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,240
Yeah, but you got to look at the
what the what is the

309
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,360
ingredients, right?
Like what were you using to cook

310
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:36,240
it?
And that's what's I think it's

311
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,280
kind of fun, right?
Because you're, you're taking

312
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:43,760
this process from being a a
yeah, I'm not a huge touchy

313
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,240
feely kind of person.
And so like I said, I like that,

314
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,600
that logic part.
And so when I'm looking at this

315
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,560
not from, I'm trying to get in
touch with my feelings, I'm

316
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,720
trying to get in touch with what
the heck was going on?

317
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,440
Like what were the components
that that made?

318
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:05,640
This situation and made me react
to this and do I want to react

319
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,360
like this in the future?
It's like taking control.

320
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:15,080
One of the things I do in my
book is I provide this exercise

321
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:19,400
that helps you to understand
what has to happen for you to

322
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,600
feel a certain emotion.
And I've done it with a, with a,

323
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:29,120
a good amount of people and, and
this exercise really helps to

324
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:32,680
open your eyes so that you can
start to uncover your recipes.

325
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,760
You may not uncover them in
their depth, but you will

326
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:41,160
uncover some of these recipes.
And the thing I like about it is

327
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,960
that it's not having necessarily
taking you back to your

328
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,520
childhood.
Maybe some things might remind

329
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:52,200
you of it, but it's looking at
all of these components like

330
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,520
what what goes on today that
launches this.

331
00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:02,880
And while it's an exercise
partially of the past, it's not

332
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,280
going and dealing into, you
know, what happened when you

333
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,760
were a child, which a lot of
people don't want to do.

334
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,160
But if you can, if you can look
at what were the actions, what

335
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:19,280
were what is happening around
you when these feelings come up.

336
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:25,840
This is how you you get to
observe more keenly and start to

337
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:30,600
re revamp how you cook your
resume, your emotion recipes.

338
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,160
Do you see that for the vast
majority of people that are

339
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,880
stuffing emotions and kind of
ignoring the present reality of

340
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,680
their emotional state, is is it
rooted in a childhood trauma?

341
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:50,360
You know, we learned a lot.
I mean, think about like what

342
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,960
through six or seven, we get the
foundation truly of like who we

343
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,680
are.
I I think a lot of it is, but

344
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,480
it's not always that way.
I think we're we that's the

345
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,600
base.
And if you think about like

346
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,160
it's, it's kind of a circular
motion, right?

347
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:11,960
You've got your base that you,
you learn and then you get more

348
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,680
experience and that either
reinforces that base or slightly

349
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,360
changes it a bit.
And so you, you kind of build on

350
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:22,560
it as you go.
And so then as you get to an

351
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:27,760
adult, you're, you're kind of
your responses to situations are

352
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:32,280
going to be based on something
that started when you were a

353
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,080
kid, right?
But it doesn't necessarily mean

354
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:42,000
that's how you have to behave in
the future at which I think is

355
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:48,280
the powerful thing, you know,
owning your recipes, not blaming

356
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,720
other people.
Sure, they're providing the

357
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,120
ingredients, but how you respond
is up to you.

358
00:22:54,680 --> 00:23:03,400
And I want to go back if I can
to the point of your your brain

359
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,760
can get it wrong and it's only
as good as what you give it.

360
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,760
And one thing that in this book,
how emotions are made, this

361
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,960
woman, Lisa Feldman Barrett,
she's she's amazing.

362
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,840
I just love how she thinks and
how she what she shares, but she

363
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,560
uses this word called emotional
granularity.

364
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,040
If I were to, you know, describe
it, it's like if you have a

365
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,520
bunch of Peppers in front of you
and you said, oh, here's a

366
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,840
pepper, but there's a big
difference between a bell pepper

367
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:42,080
and a habanero pepper.
Even something as simple as ice

368
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:47,320
cream, you can have minimal
ingredients in ice cream, right?

369
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:52,320
Milk, egg yolk, cream, sugar,
salt.

370
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,440
I mean, that's about it.
Vanilla, of course, vanilla ice

371
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,360
cream.
And you could have three

372
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,840
different tubs of vanilla ice
cream in front of you, and each

373
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,480
one can taste ever so slightly
different if you if you're

374
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,760
conscious of it.
And that's how I'm trying to

375
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,840
help people get with their
emotions is to notice the

376
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:19,080
different feeling States and the
differences in what's going on

377
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,200
at in this moment.
Because the more detail you give

378
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,840
your brain, the more that it has
to work with.

379
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:30,360
Just like, like my palate, my
physical palate is trained where

380
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,160
I can taste three different ice
creams and notice the

381
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,200
differences.
It might not be like a master

382
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,680
ice cream maker, but I could
still tell you, wow, this one's

383
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,520
got really good cream.
It's rich.

384
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,960
This one's got a kind of a funky
vanilla.

385
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:50,720
It might be, you know, I don't
know, I, I'm just gonna say it's

386
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,800
like, I'm not really a fan of
that vanilla.

387
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,080
And this one is way too sweet,
way too much sugar.

388
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,640
And to be able to notice that in
your emotional palette is where

389
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,640
I'm trying to take people
because the sooner you can

390
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:09,000
recognize your emotions, the
better you are able to pivot

391
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:16,040
from them to absorb them or to
say, I don't, I don't think this

392
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,200
is really how I feel.
I, this is not really what I

393
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,680
think it is.
And that comes with taking a

394
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,760
second taste.
And, and I encourage everybody

395
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,960
here go out and get three
different tugs of vanilla ice

396
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,840
cream.
Take the vanilla ice cream

397
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,160
challenge.
And more than a second taste.

398
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,960
Yeah, yeah, go ahead, take a
couple bites.

399
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:40,000
Notice the differences and, and,
and it might take a little work,

400
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:45,200
which is why in my book, I, I
recognize like everybody, their

401
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,080
physical palate and their
emotional palates are different.

402
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:53,240
And so I, I have a, a
progression for people to try

403
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,680
and help them build it.
And it, it takes just noticing.

404
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,600
And that's really all it is.
It's noticing what's going on in

405
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,480
your body and then all of a
sudden you're gonna notice.

406
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,680
Hmm, I'm, I'm reacting this way
and it's really 'cause I'm tired

407
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:16,120
or hey, I think this really
isn't that bad.

408
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,680
Like at first I thought it was
bad, but no it's not.

409
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,440
It just felt bad at the
beginning, But no, it's not.

410
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:26,160
Or one of the biggest ones I was
trying to caution people about

411
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,840
is love, because people think,
you know, Love's positive.

412
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,480
And I always say that the
emotions aren't positive or

413
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:35,880
negative.
The outcomes are.

414
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,640
Fear is very helpful if you're
standing on the edge of a Cliff.

415
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,760
So and pain is really helpful if
you've broken your leg.

416
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:48,920
And if you're someone who's got
a deficiency in their, their

417
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,520
pain processing and can't tell
you, ask them they'd love to

418
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,640
feel pain.
So love is one of those things

419
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:01,280
too, that that you can always be
in search of and always being

420
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:05,000
hurt by because your ingredients
aren't very good.

421
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:10,520
And so, you know, learning to
maybe pause the love button and

422
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,080
recognize when it's just plain
old passion.

423
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:17,480
And that person makes me horny
versus I might I just met them

424
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,360
and I'm feeling this rush of a
crush.

425
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:23,160
And if you don't know what that
looks like, do a a YouTube

426
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,880
search for Thumper from Bambi
when he first meets the other

427
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,440
little girl.
I mean, it's perfect example of

428
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:35,160
having a crush.
So, you know, there's variations

429
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,920
in emotions just like there's
variations in Peppers.

430
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,240
Cool.
So you had mentioned men telling

431
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:48,040
you that you kind of think and
feel in a more masculine manner.

432
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,720
So I wonder if could you tell me
about the man who's had the most

433
00:27:52,720 --> 00:28:02,280
significant impact on you?
I guess I would say, you know,

434
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:07,320
it's funny because my, of course
my dad had an impact on me and

435
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:13,000
it, my, my first husband had a
big impact because of our

436
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,040
divorce.
It led me down this path.

437
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,560
But I would say it's my husband
today.

438
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,280
And the reason is, is that he
lets me be me.

439
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:30,480
He's not, he's very secure and
he, he is OK.

440
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:35,320
Like he likes my spunkiness.
He he, he accepts my spunkiness.

441
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,720
He doesn't feel threatened.
It's he doesn't mind.

442
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,840
Every once in a while he'll say,
you know, sometimes I don't need

443
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,360
you to think like a guy.
He goes, I just need you to

444
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,400
listen.
I'm like, OK, I'll listen.

445
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,600
And and we can have those kinds
of conversations.

446
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,480
And I think that that is, is
probably one of the biggest

447
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:03,640
reasons I love him so much is
because he just loves me for me

448
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,920
and I love him for him, flaws
and all.

449
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,680
We're not trying to change each
other.

450
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:14,560
And he's kind of helped me to
become more feminine by stating

451
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,520
what he wants, right?
He's like, can you just let me

452
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,880
do this?
Because I'm so independent.

453
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,120
And so I learned to depend on
him.

454
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,000
But it was because we were able
to communicate about it.

455
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:32,000
And this is for anyone who's
listening, who has communication

456
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:38,280
troubles.
The first communication that you

457
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:42,920
need to pay attention to is this
internal communication because

458
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,720
you don't know what you want.
You don't know what you don't

459
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,160
want necessarily in, in its
entirety.

460
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,680
You, you don't get to refine
that if you're not listening to

461
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:57,200
these internal signals.
This internal communication is

462
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,280
what gives you the tools for
external communication.

463
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,440
And well, I'm not talking about
sharing your every deepest, you

464
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:09,360
know, anything, but to at least
share with a Co worker or a

465
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,280
partner, anyone, what you want
and what you don't want, what

466
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:14,920
you need and what you don't
need.

467
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,640
And it's hard to do that when
you don't know.

468
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,680
And that was one thing my
ex-husband used to say to me a

469
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,320
lot.
I'm like, well how do you feel?

470
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,800
Like what is going on?
And he's like, I don't know,

471
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,120
maybe he just didn't want to
tell me.

472
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,320
But a lot of the times I don't
think he knew.

473
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,680
And Kim, you host a podcast too,
right?

474
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:44,560
Yes, I yeah, it's called Flavors
of Emotions and it is only, I

475
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:48,720
think 6 episodes 7th is coming
out and I actually made the

476
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:54,360
decision that I'm gonna start
doing an episode on chapters and

477
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,520
kind of like reviewing my book
and kind of like the, the

478
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:02,920
highlights of my chapters.
And I'm also recording my book

479
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,840
and gonna put it on YouTube.
I you know, the cost and it's

480
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,720
not like the money necessarily,
it's the theory behind like I'm

481
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,960
gonna pay thousands of dollars
to put an audio book out and get

482
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,400
like pennies per, per purchase.
And just the whole, it's kind of

483
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,400
a scam sometimes I think in my
head.

484
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,600
So I'm going to be putting it in
in an audio format on YouTube.

485
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,240
So that's one thing I'm working
on now, so that if you want to

486
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,880
listen to the book, and I'll
probably add little things to it

487
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:38,680
too, little tidbits and helpful
hints to help people who pay

488
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,640
attention to to YouTube, who who
will listen to it on YouTube.

489
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,920
Kim, is there anything top of
mind that that's in your book or

490
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:50,400
not that you wish more men knew,
you know?

491
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:56,640
It, it doesn't serve you to push
those feelings down.

492
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:02,400
And there's no such thing as
emotions that are feminine or

493
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,640
masculine.
It, it, it's, they're just what

494
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,760
they are and we're born with
them.

495
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,960
We have them for a reason.
They're here to protect us.

496
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:17,440
They're here to lead us towards
what we want and away from what

497
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,960
we don't want.
And sometimes we pay so much

498
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:25,800
attention to what we don't want
that we don't get what we do

499
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,600
want.
And it's because we're we're

500
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,200
looking at like the big
emotions, not the under the

501
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,560
little ones, the little nuanced
ones.

502
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,600
And I think when you look at
them for what they are

503
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:47,560
communication and if you're OK
with tasting food and noticing

504
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:51,680
that you're sick, then you can
start to notice those feelings

505
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,720
and understand they're yours to
change.

506
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:59,200
And you can change them.
And they actually serve you in

507
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:04,560
in fabulous ways once you kind
of wade through all of the can I

508
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:09,520
swear on this podcast, please,
all of the bullshit recipes that

509
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,480
you've been served up in the
past.

510
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:16,800
And that's what I've noticed.
Like I had so much stupid shit

511
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:21,640
that was handed to me that never
really felt comfortable that

512
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:28,040
really I'm ignoring now.
And I, I'm so much happier like

513
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,920
I am, I've never been at at
peace.

514
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,200
And I don't think it's just
because of my age.

515
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,800
I think it's because of the work
that I have done to be

516
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,560
comfortable with my feelings.
Cause I can check in with my

517
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:46,600
intuition, I can check in with
my gut and I can feel a feeling.

518
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,960
And even though at the moment
I'm like, like I do it to

519
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:57,200
people, I gotta go and like and
can sit with it and go oh wait.

520
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,840
Or it just sucks.
Like sometimes you just have to

521
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,120
feel sad and then just feel it
and let it go.

522
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,960
Like life isn't always about
changing.

523
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,760
I'm sometimes it's just OK.
It's when you don't feel them,

524
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,520
they get bigger and bigger and
bigger.

525
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,360
And a good sign of that is if
you have those big emotional

526
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,199
blowouts, that's a good sign
that you're a feeling stuffer.

527
00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:18,080
And what what's the best way for
people to find out more about

528
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,159
what you're up to and and
discover the book?

529
00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:25,120
The book is on Amazon.
It's yucky, yummy, savory,

530
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:30,360
sweet, understanding the flavors
of emotions and I am Kim

531
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:37,520
korti.com.
KIMKORTE can't even talk KORTE.

532
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,080
Maybe I was at a Metallica
concert last, I don't know,

533
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:46,480
maybe I was so Kim kordy.com.
Or if you look up Flavors of

534
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:51,760
Emotions, that's a website, it's
on YouTube and I'm on all of the

535
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,199
major podcast players, Apple,
all of that.

536
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,560
Awesome.
Well, Kim, thanks for joining us

537
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,240
today and sharing your work and
your your growth.

538
00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:05,360
And, you know, I think it's
inspiring to others and, and

539
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:09,280
it's always important for,
especially for men, I find to,

540
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,960
to be willing to explore their
emotions.

541
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:16,240
And any new metaphor, any new
tool, any new practices is is

542
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,520
always welcome.
Yeah, yeah.

543
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,320
What have you got to lose?
Nobody has to know you're

544
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,640
working on it.
You know what I mean?

545
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,360
Like you don't have to share
with the world.

546
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,920
Oh, I'm working on my emotions
just.

547
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,440
Do it, Yeah.
What you've got to lose is

548
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,280
feeling shitty.
Yeah.

549
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:33,920
Oh, yeah, sometimes guys, like
I've met plenty of men that

550
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,120
think they're supposed to feel
bad, that that means you're a

551
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:42,720
man not not being light, not
feeling joyous over something

552
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,520
like that.
Somehow, you know, back to your

553
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,400
thoughts, your conversation
about the, that there aren't

554
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,280
feminine and masculine emotions,
They're just emotion.

555
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,440
That, and that's a big theme for
the show, is we remind men that

556
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,040
they're human beings.
Yeah, And what is the most

557
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,360
important emotion for a human
being?

558
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,120
And that's love.
And I can I talk about it in the

559
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,400
book and I talk about it on my
podcast.

560
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:12,880
My whole relationship and
connection to love has changed

561
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:17,960
dramatically.
And it's so much better and

562
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,400
deeper, you know, and more
flavorful.

563
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:28,040
I emotionally more flavorful.
And I credit that totally to to

564
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,800
this work.
And for people who knew me, they

565
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:35,320
would not believe it, but trust
me, it's, it's, it's true.

566
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,680
And so to be able to really
connect to love.

567
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,920
And in fact, there was Jonathan
Majors.

568
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:46,400
He was an actor who got in all
kinds of trouble because he beat

569
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,560
his girlfriend and ended up
going to jail and ruining his

570
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,880
career as an actor.
And he said in one of his text

571
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,280
to his girlfriend, I don't know
how to feel love.

572
00:36:55,920 --> 00:37:01,320
And that broke my heart.
And too many of us don't know

573
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:05,840
really what love is.
And refining that recipe and

574
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,720
being able to feel it when it
comes around, it's hard to beat.

575
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,560
Thanks again, Kim, thanks for
listening.

576
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,840
Wherever you are discovering
Real Men Feel, please subscribe,

577
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,960
like, review, share, do
everything you can do on

578
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,200
whatever platform you're
discovering Real Men Feel on.

579
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,320
You can always e-mail me
directly at

580
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,520
realmenfeel@gmail.com.
Always glad to hear from you and

581
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,200
until next time, love yourself.