Fueling Growth with Gratitude and Grief: Finding Purpose in the Shadow of Loss

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Even in the middle of the
toughest things.

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I mean, gosh, just over a year
ago, my wife passed away at age

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56 and I found her in our hotel
room in London.

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We just arrived 24 hours
earlier.

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It was the worst day of my life
and I'm grateful I wrote it in

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my journal.
I'm grateful she still had a

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pulse when I found her and she
passed while I was holding her,

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while we were trying to revive
her, while the EM TS were on

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their way.
And I was just grateful that we

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went on the trip she wanted to
go on.

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I'm grateful that the EMTs did
their best, so there's always

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something.
And those are the little tiny

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rocks, like you're climbing a
mountain that just your

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fingertips can barely grab just
to hang on to.

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Some days, that's what gratitude
can be.

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Hello and welcome to Real Men
Feel.

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I'm your host, Andy Grant.
Today I'm joined by someone who

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has spent decades helping people
see their lives with more

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clarity, gratitude, and purpose,
and who is now navigating one of

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the deepest human experiences
there is.

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Steve Gamblin, known as the
Motivational Firewood Guy,

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blends humor, visualization, and
heart centered encouragement in

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everything he does.
After losing his beloved wife

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Tina in December of 2024, Steve
has shown a level of

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authenticity and vulnerability
that's as powerful as anything

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he's ever taught.
In our conversation today, we

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explore what it means to keep
living, loving, creating, and

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showing up even when your heart
has been shattered.

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We talk gratitude, kindness,
manifestation, and what Steve is

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learning on this journey of
grief.

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This one is honest, uplifting,
and beautifully human.

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Let's do it.
Hello and welcome to Real Men

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Field, Steve.
Hey there, glad to be here.

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So you call yourself the
Motivational Firewood guy?

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What does that mean?
Well, it all came out of a

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conversation very early in my
speaking career.

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We're talking about 2005 or 6.
And somebody invited me to a

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National Speakers Association
meeting in the Boston area.

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And I drove down there and I
went in and I see all the the

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tables laid out, you know, the
nice lanyards in the, in the

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members names and all that.
And somebody points to a sharpie

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and a thing that says, hi, my
name is.

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And I write Steve, slap it on my
chest.

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And the gentleman says, Hey
Steve, happy to have you here

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with us.
What sets you apart as a

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speaker?
I said, well, I want to help

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people.
I said we all want to help

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people, what makes you
different?

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And about 3 to 5 minutes later,
God loved this man.

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He had the patience of the
Saint.

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I finally spit out.
I said, look, if people are

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coming to hear me speak, it
means they got a spark of

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something in their heart, but
they have no idea what to do and

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they're stuck and they're
looking for inspiration.

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So if I share a story, a tip, a
tactic, a strategy or something,

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and the next day they actually
go do something to get close to

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the dream.
I said it's kind of like I gave

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him a piece of motivational
firewood.

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The guy snaps his fingers.
He goes, that right there, young

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man, he goes, that's something.
Cool.

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Do you know anything about
trademarks?

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I said, hell no.
He said, look it up.

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That's an interesting phrase.
He said, I think that could be

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big for you.
And I've owned the trademark on

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it ever since.
Cool.

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It.
Has Oh yeah, because people say

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I get it now because they're
sick and tired of, you know,

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speakers get up on stage looking
like the the love child of Tony

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Robbins and who's the preacher
guy there?

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Joel Osteen, you know, basically
going I can change your life by

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yelling things that rhyme and
these cool acronyms and all

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that.
And I just get up and I say,

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look, if you take someone thing,
I learn, I teach, and you apply

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it in your life and you create a
step forward and a smile,

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today's a huge success.
So the motivational firewood

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thing has caught on really well.
Cool, and I see you have your

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gut vision shirt on and you're
big on visualization.

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So what do you think most people
misunderstand about

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visualization?
Oh, they go to a vision board

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party at the end of the year,
the beginning of the new year,

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and they're they get marketed,
you know, for like 15 or 20

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bucks they can get wine, cheese,
cracker, scissors, glitter, glue

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sticks, poster boards and
magazines and think they're,

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they're manifesting things when
most people don't even know what

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they want yet.
But they start gabbing and

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getting a buzz on and leafing
through magazines going, well,

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this might be nice.
And they slapped together a

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vision board and then they think
they're manifesting.

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So most people think they're
arts and crafts projects.

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So what are they really?
They are and this is a

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description that fell out of my
head one day in a conversation

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on a show just like this.
I believe vision boards are a

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wall mounted GPS for the
greatest road and destinations

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of your life.
And how is it different from

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wishful thinking?
Way I teach it, and I always

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have to preface everything by
saying the way I teach it.

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I teach a 10 step process for
people to create a vision board

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and put it this way, 10 steps.
You don't gather pictures in my

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way until step 7.
Most people will not do steps

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one through 6, which is
evaluating where their life is

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right now without just saying my
life sucks.

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No go through it in eight areas
of your life.

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I use a life wheel.
Pretty common tool in the

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personal development world.
Physical health, emotional

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well-being, closest
relationships, your core values,

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your faith, your connection in
real ways with the world, your

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career and your money.
Evaluate your life at all those

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right now.
And then just tell me one year

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from now, where would you like
each one of them to be?

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Just start with one year.
Don't start with the

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Lamborghini, the yacht that
mentioned the private jet, the

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helicopter, the big honking gold
watch in the bank bought full of

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gold bars and and piles of cash
and think you're manifesting it

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because you don't even know what
you want yet.

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So that's the biggest thing for
me is most people don't know

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where they are right now and
exactly what they want.

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And I have statistics from a
survey we conducted a couple of

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years ago to prove not knowing
what you want and the failure to

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take action of the two biggest
reasons people fail.

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Cool.
Yeah.

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So it's not just about just
jumping to the magazines and,

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oh, that picture, that picture
looks neat.

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That picture talks to me.
And it's.

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It's really getting clear.
Yeah, before you start that.

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Yeah, to me, it's not just what
you want to get.

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It's, it's a lot more about who
you want to become than just

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what you want to get.
And most people don't see that.

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They, they basically put
together, they slapped together

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a glorified letter to Santa
Claus.

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That's what a lot of people do.
So if if there's a man listening

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who's feeling numb, stuck and
has never, you know, made a

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visual board, has never gotten,
what would you suggest as a

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first step to that guy is it is,
you know, being honest about

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himself, where he is right now?
Yeah, put pen to paper.

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I mean, that's the, that's the
greatest way.

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Don't send yourself a text and
don't just sit there and, and

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marinate on it.
Think about it.

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Put pen to paper.
Because when you do that, you're

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actually using both halves of
your brain.

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And it's a very logical thing.
And it's a great way to start

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rewiring.
If, if you're so overwhelmed by

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everything I just said about how
all the areas of life all work

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together, get it this way.
Just write down where you feel

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your life is right now.
If you're a numbers person,

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analytical scale of 1 to 10.
If you're more of a storyteller

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and a creative like I am, just
write yourself a little

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paragraph about where you feel
your life is right now.

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And then if you get overwhelmed
easily, pick one goal for the

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coming year in just one area of
your life you want to lose.

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You know, kick 20 lbs to the
curb.

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Great.
What actions can you start

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taking?
Can you stay out of the damn

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fast?
Fast food drive throughs and

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maybe make yourself a bag of
lunch every day of something

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healthier.
Can you choose one more healthy

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meal today?
Can you walk a little bit more?

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If you walked into the gym right
now and swiped your card with a

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computer, laugh because you
haven't been there in three

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years.
Start to think of the little

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steps you can take because it's
those little ones that build up

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that can help rewire you to
start doing more of the behavior

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that's going to get you closer
to where you want to be versus

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just sinking farther into the
gravy boat.

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Now, I know you also talked a
lot about the power of everyday

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kindness.
What is it about kindness that

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makes it such a powerful force
for for transformation?

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Inside your body, in your
bloodstream, in your brain, in

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your organs, everywhere.
When you commit acts of kindness

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or you cheer somebody on or you,
you pay someone to compliment

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or, or you, you, you just do
something, a gesture even there

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are things being secreted into
your bloodstream that are

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basically happy chemicals and
most people aren't aware of it.

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It's, it's all scientifically
proven.

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I explained things in a very non
scientific way.

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Too many people think all this
is woo woo.

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I, I refer to as blue collar woo
because I'm a blue collar guy,

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blue collar background.
If you take the tools and you

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just use them everyday, you can
build something pretty amazing.

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So if you just hold the door for
someone today and don't be one

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of those people who, if somebody
doesn't say thank you, if you

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don't hear them, don't yell
you're and slam the door on

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them.
Do kindness for kindness sake.

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Just know, Hey, you know what?
I just made an effort and I'm

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good enough with that.
And some people say, well, I, I

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don't have the money to be kind
or I don't have time to be kind.

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Next time you go to the store,
any store, if you see a shopping

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cart left out somewhere, go get
it and return it to the corral

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or the store and don't sit there
and bitch about how lazy people

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are for leaving it there.
I, I literally just a couple

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days ago, I, I Parkway in the
back at the grocery stores and I

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collect carriages all the way.
I watched this guy, probably I'd

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say the early 50s, I'm in my
late 50s and a younger guy with

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him walk right past a cart that
was right there near where they

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parked.
Somebody had left it out for

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whatever reason.
I watched them walk right past

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it and they walked in the store
and grabbed a cart because I was

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right behind them with that
abandoned cart the whole way.

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And I was going to offer it to
them and they went and got

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another one.
So just leave situations better

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than you find them and you might
find out those are your favorite

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moments to be grateful for every
single day because gratitude is

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another huge thing that I talk
about.

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What is a moment of unexpected
kindness that you experienced

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that that really changed you?
There's.

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So many As soon as you asked, I
thought I remember.

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I mean, this is when I was in my
early 20s and just broke as

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hell.
And my girlfriend at the time

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had just got in her own
apartment and I wanted to get

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her a Christmas tree and
decorations while she was at

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work to surprise her because it
was her first Christmas away

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from her family.
They were, they all lived in

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Montana and she moved back here
to New Hampshire.

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And I think I had $20.
And there was a tree that was 25

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or $30.
And I, I said, well, how much is

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this one?
And they said the price.

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I said, oh, I'm sorry, I'll have
to, I'll put it back and I'll

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get a smaller one.
And they said, well, how much do

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you have?
I said I have $20 and the

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husband and wife looked at each
other and they said, OK, the

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price is $20.
And I almost started crying

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right there in front of them.
And I never, ever forgot that.

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And I was able to set up that
tree, put some ornaments on it.

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I'd gotten a few ornaments at
Osco or CVS or something at the

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time for a few bucks and was
able to give her a beautiful

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Christmas for first one away
from the family.

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00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,120
So I mean, there were there were
hundreds I could think of, but

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00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,440
that one just fell into my head
for the first time in a long

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00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,080
time.
So thank you for asking that.

229
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,160
Awesome.
Well, thanks for sharing it.

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And, and you, you mentioned
gratitude as as well.

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00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,880
And you know, I think for most
people, gratitude, they know

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what it is when they're feeling
good and it's kind of obvious.

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Do you have any tips for how to
tap into gratitude on those days

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00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,320
that you're not feeling it or
earlier?

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00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,520
If you, you, you think your life
sucks, how can you tap into

236
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,360
gratitude?
Yeah, it can take a little time

237
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,320
and you might want to put on the
gloves that go all the way up to

238
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,880
your elbow because you get a
sift through some crap and slime

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00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,040
to get to it.
Some days I get it, but even on

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00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,160
my worst days and and two I can
think of right now, in October

241
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:21,360
of 2018, the day my dad died and
I was holding his hand when he

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00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,920
passed in the next morning,
because I write my gratitudes in

243
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,280
the morning from the previous
day.

244
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,480
I always pick my three favorite
moments from the previous day.

245
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,040
I don't broad brush anything.
I don't say my house, my spouse,

246
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:37,120
my job.
I was grateful that I was able

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00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,280
to hold my dad's hand as he
passed.

248
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,160
I was grateful that my sister
and our stepmom was there with

249
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,000
us.
And I was grateful that right

250
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,800
before he began to actively
pass, we were all laughing in

251
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,840
his room because we're watching
his favorite TV show, Midday The

252
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:56,000
Price is Right, and somebody was
bidding on a trip to Croatia,

253
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,440
plus a bunch of other stuff.
And we looked at each other and

254
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,400
we said, damn, now we'll never
know who went to Croatia.

255
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,080
And we all started laughing.
And that's still to this day, if

256
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:10,680
you ask my sister anything with
the word Croatia in it, she

257
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,880
starts laughing and remembers
dad gave us that last laugh.

258
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,000
So even in the middle of the
toughest things, I mean, gosh,

259
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,600
just over a year ago, my wife
passed away at age 56.

260
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,160
And I found her in our hotel
room in London.

261
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,920
We just arrived 24 hours
earlier.

262
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:31,000
It was the worst day of my life,
and I'm grateful I wrote it in

263
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,560
my journal.
I'm grateful she still had a

264
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,520
pulse when I found her and she
passed while I was holding her,

265
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,880
while we were trying to revive
her, while the EMTs were on

266
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,520
their way.
And I was just grateful that we

267
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,040
went on the trip she wanted to
go on.

268
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:47,680
I'm grateful that the the EMTs
did their best, and I'm grateful

269
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,360
that she had a pulse when I
found her.

270
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:53,120
So there's always something.
And those are the little tiny

271
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,560
rocks, like you're climbing a
mountain that just your

272
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,160
fingertips can barely grab just
to hang on to.

273
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,760
Some days, that's what gratitude
can be.

274
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,120
I know you've you've shared a
lot publicly about this this

275
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,920
past year of of dealing with
grief.

276
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:12,080
What made you choose to let
people in to witness that part

277
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,600
of your life?
Just always been that way.

278
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,680
My journey is my journey because
in in a relates a lot to the way

279
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,080
I speak.
When I'm on stage, people always

280
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,480
say, oh, I love the people in
the front.

281
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,920
They're so excited and they're
clapping and they're this I said

282
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,480
that's great.
And I love those people too.

283
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,560
I aim for the shadows, the
people sitting way in the back

284
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,960
and the people sitting way off
to the side.

285
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,680
They will not make eye contact
with you.

286
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,200
They won't raise their hand,
they won't speak, they may not

287
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,800
even take notes.
They may just sit there with

288
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,600
their head down.
And I aim really hard for those

289
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,800
seats to shine the light as
brightly as I can because it

290
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,240
bright light will chase away
shadows because that's where I

291
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,840
used to sit.
I'm a person who's dealt with

292
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,800
depression throughout his life,
issues with self worth and all

293
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,000
of that.
So if I can share my story in a

294
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,160
very authentic way and it can
help somebody else who feels

295
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,360
stuck in the shadows and not
worthy of being in the light,

296
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,160
that's why I share.
This journey in this past year

297
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,040
has been the toughest one ever,
but it's also been one that

298
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,800
helps me to share love.
I mean, Tina and I get to be in

299
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,560
love for 6386 days, 17 1/2
years.

300
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,800
Everyone has been with me that
whole journey.

301
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:23,560
So she's gone physically, but
our love just continues on.

302
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:28,000
So I continue to share what I
miss most about her and I'm in a

303
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,920
number of grief communities and
people are always saying I love

304
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,960
your story because it gives me
hope to find somebody in my life

305
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,920
like that and a gentleman right
within two weeks after Tina

306
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:43,680
died, after I talked about it on
social media, sent me Adm and he

307
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,560
said, Steve, I love that you
added up how many days you got

308
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,280
to be in love.
It's over 6000.

309
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:52,000
He said, I've never had one day
like that in my life.

310
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,520
So please know even though she's
gone, that your love still

311
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,880
matters to people like me.
So that's why I keep sharing it.

312
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,320
Is there anything related to
grief that you wish more men

313
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:10,800
knew?
It's OK to cry and to feel.

314
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,760
Don't you say I'll deal with it
later, I'll deal with it later,

315
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,120
I'll deal with it later.
Because the more you push it

316
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,400
down, the more it's going to all
just stack and coagulate into

317
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,680
something that could really hurt
you badly.

318
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,280
And you're also doing a
disservice to your family, your

319
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:31,120
friends, and yourself if you
keep tamping it down and not

320
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,720
dealing with it.
Because you're going to become a

321
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,920
version of yourself eventually
that you don't like very much.

322
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,880
So I encourage people to be open
and honest and speak to somebody

323
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:45,720
qualified to deal with whatever
you're struggling or suffering

324
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,920
through.
That's something I'm glad I did

325
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,560
because I'm a guy that I'll deal
with it, I'll deal with it, I'll

326
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,640
take care of it, I'll take care
of it.

327
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,640
I've just always been that way.
I knew within a day, sitting in

328
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,360
that hotel all alone in England,
shattered and just physically

329
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:04,640
shaking, I was already Googling
grief support groups in the

330
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,800
towns near my home and near our
home here in New Hampshire,

331
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,960
saying, look, I can't cocoon on
this one because you're not

332
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,839
going to get a beautiful
butterfly at the end of this

333
00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:15,400
cocoon.
You're going to get a tarp full

334
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,280
of sludge, if you survive it at
all.

335
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,119
So find somebody qualified to
guide you through and feel your

336
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,440
feelings.
Holy crap don't drown them in

337
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,480
alcohol or drugs please.
I haven't had a drink of alcohol

338
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,760
in 4 1/2 years.
Don't do that.

339
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,000
You mentioned if you survived
did.

340
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,800
You can ask.
You couldn't get through it

341
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,760
through that.
No no in in past years like you

342
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,120
said, I've dealt with depression
my whole life.

343
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,200
Have you ever had thoughts of
checking out?

344
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,280
Sure have I in this past year?
Absolutely not.

345
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:54,640
This was the healthiest journey
I've ever gone through from the

346
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:58,160
biggest, most catastrophic loss
of my life in my life.

347
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:03,280
But too many people, gosh, I've
known people who have, they felt

348
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,800
like they were all alone.
They felt like nobody understood

349
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,920
what they were dealing with.
And they checked out.

350
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:14,600
And I, I wish they'd asked for
help or found somebody or

351
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:20,080
trusted somebody to do it
because, you know, me checking

352
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,640
out doesn't guarantee I'm going
to be with Tina.

353
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,360
It guarantees that a lot of
people are going to be really,

354
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,840
really sad who have been there
for me this past year.

355
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,080
And I'm just going to keep
staying here shining my light as

356
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,800
best I can.
And I wish everybody knew that

357
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,880
there's light out there
somewhere for them.

358
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,480
They just need to keep looking
for it.

359
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:45,800
Was it challenging to find that
that balance of maintaining your

360
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:50,280
motivational outlook in the
speaking career with your

361
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,560
heartbreak and and healing?
Yeah, in a way, though, it

362
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,080
actually opened up a new pillar
for my business because I'll be

363
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,800
speaking at grief conferences.
So the way I go about being a

364
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,240
speaker, it's never just rah,
rah, rah by myself.

365
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,960
Everything I do is an authentic,
genuine representation of who I

366
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,600
am.
So none of that actually

367
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,280
changed.
Everything I share is really

368
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,760
what's gotten me through this
year and helped me to survive

369
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:22,000
it.
And now everything I've gone

370
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,560
through, and I called my agent
from England three days after

371
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,120
Tina died because the third day
is when I actually said

372
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,120
something on social media about
it.

373
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,600
And I did not want her to read
it.

374
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:39,480
And I told her from 3000 plus
miles away, I said, just know

375
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,640
when I'm ready.
I need you to book me on stages

376
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,200
at grief conferences because I'm
going to take a lot of notes and

377
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,480
I'm going to chronicle
everything I'm going through so

378
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,760
that the next person knows that
there's somebody that can relate

379
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,360
to what they have to say who's
not a therapist, who's not a

380
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:59,680
psychologist or psychiatrist,
who's a guy who who survived it.

381
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,880
And I've got a little chalkboard
here in my recording studio.

382
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,360
Everything that I speak on.
Here's how I qualify it.

383
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,320
I wrote it on the chalkboard one
time when I get sick and tired

384
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,400
of people asking me if I was
certified and all this.

385
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,080
And I wrote, this guy lived it.
And I drew an arrow and I put it

386
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,520
next to my head and I took a
selfie.

387
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,200
And every time somebody gets
snotty and says, what the hell

388
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,840
qualifies you to talk about
that?

389
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,440
Dude, I survived it and I took a
lot of notes and you can stick

390
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:31,280
your, your certification that
you got online for $19.95 up

391
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,680
here.
But because I lived this and

392
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,920
that's why I talk about it.
So it didn't necessarily it, I

393
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,200
mean, obviously I didn't have
time to put into my business for

394
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,400
a while because I had to go
through, I, I spent three

395
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,480
months, my full time job was
tracking down all of our

396
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,520
accounts and every and just
everything.

397
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,760
But yeah, coming back better
than ever in the new year.

398
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,600
And I've been very quietly
behind the scenes rebuilding my

399
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,800
entire business to get it back
out there.

400
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,560
Yeah, I find lived experience,
Trump's research and books

401
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,360
anytime and as as far as anyone
I've ever met and engaged with.

402
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,760
So yeah.
Yeah, yeah, there's too many

403
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,880
people out there getting these
certifications.

404
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,520
Apparently.
The other day I found out for

405
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,000
$12.00 I can be a certified
grief counselor.

406
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,200
No, I'd rather just tell my
stories.

407
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,720
Yeah, hold out for the $20
version.

408
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:23,320
I'm sure that's much better.
Yeah, it probably has one-on-one

409
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,520
coaching with an AI bot or
something.

410
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,360
Yeah.
So, so going through your grief

411
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:34,640
journey and speaking and being
part of groups, what is there

412
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,520
one thing that helped more than
other things?

413
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,520
Or A1 best first step if if if
somebody has just lost Someone

414
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,200
Like You had like yeah, like I I
imagine the average guy is not

415
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,280
as aware as you were to start
looking for support right away.

416
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,720
Yeah, most, most guys aren't,
but I'm not most guys.

417
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,880
Tina, Tina, because I was always
the one that remembered all of

418
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,000
our anniversaries and all this
and notes and cards and a lot.

419
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,600
And Tina looked at me one day
and said, you realize you're the

420
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,080
chick in this relationship,
right?

421
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,400
Hell yes, I do.
She goes, OK, I said you like

422
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,600
getting all the notes and cards.
She goes.

423
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:13,680
So yeah, I'm not the
traditional, you know, guy

424
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,840
mentality when it comes to this
stuff.

425
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,960
You know, guys are told be
tough.

426
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,280
You know, men don't cry.
Men don't feel men does this,

427
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,120
this we do.
We just channel it differently.

428
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,640
So I encourage if if you're
dealing with stuff, just look

429
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,800
for a group online, a free
group.

430
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,520
Because the first thing I
realized the first day when I

431
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:37,440
walked into that first meeting,
Oh my God, these are my people.

432
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,120
And I'm not, I'm not alone and
I'm not the only one dealing

433
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,400
with this.
And it's a safe place to admit

434
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,880
how you're really feeling
because everyone else is going

435
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,320
through their own version of it
too.

436
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,160
Matter of fact, just yesterday,
the grief group I was in, it was

437
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,280
an 8 week program.
We still meet once a month at

438
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,280
the home of one of the members
of the grief group.

439
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,600
And every month we get together
and we ask, how are you doing?

440
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,360
How are you doing?
How are you doing?

441
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:09,720
And it's, it's everyone has the
same pain and we help each other

442
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,760
through it.
So I mean, just like what you

443
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,520
do, you've got this audience of
men and you, you bring in people

444
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,400
who can share a little bit of
something that maybe they can

445
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,240
think, hey, you know what?
It's not just me.

446
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,640
I'm not the only one feeling
this.

447
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,600
And yeah, it is good to talk
about it.

448
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,840
How has visualization helped or
not helped the grief process?

449
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:36,560
It's been tough to, to even go
through my own teachings.

450
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,120
I for most of the year I've been
like, oh, I got to make a new

451
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,880
vision board for next year and
what's going to go on and this

452
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,040
and that.
It's, it's tough envisioning my

453
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:50,240
life without Tina because I
actually built our relationship

454
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,080
on vision boards 2 starting two
years before it even happened.

455
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:59,920
So seeing me in this next
version of my life, the center

456
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:04,360
has always been Tina and I.
And before that, the center was

457
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,840
whatever dream woman I was going
to fall in love with.

458
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,080
It was representations of the
relationship I wanted.

459
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,600
And I'm part of a 30 day
challenge right now with a good

460
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,720
dear friend of mine who's been a
big help this year with my

461
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,840
business.
And I said one of the 10 actions

462
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,320
that I'm going to take every day
is create one image or word or

463
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,560
hashtag or something for my new
vision board.

464
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,480
And we're on day 25 and I've got
just about everything from my

465
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,040
vision board.
And I decided the center of the

466
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,120
board very simple hashtag honor
my Tina.

467
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,000
So I've got our my favorite
pictures of us, ways that we've

468
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,360
developed.
My family and I have a small

469
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,120
nonprofit called Beach Bum
Philanthropy.

470
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:46,800
We came up with these giving
missions and these giving

471
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,400
practices that are directly
related to stuff that Tina

472
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,160
wanted to do.
So this next board, it starts

473
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:59,080
with honoring her, but it also
includes all areas of my life

474
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,080
all around it, how everything is
connected.

475
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:06,000
So I'm building the ultimate
vision for my life in 2026 by

476
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,320
doing what I've always done.
Honor Tina and and my love for

477
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,200
her and everything else that
goes around that.

478
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,720
Because all 8 areas of your life
work together 24/7.

479
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,440
So I can't just say I'm going to
sit here and honor Tina and let

480
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,440
the rest of my life go to hell,
because that's not honoring

481
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,240
Tina.
So the honoring her at the

482
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,960
center and it's how that's
expressed.

483
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,800
What are the things that fuels
for you?

484
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:35,600
Yeah, yeah, 100% and, and a lot
of kindness and giving that she

485
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,080
was a part of and and also a a
question she asked me in January

486
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:43,280
2023.
She was, it was early on

487
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,080
menopause for her.
She, she struggled for two years

488
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,320
with menopause and she had not
slept a full night in at least

489
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,720
two years.
And she was struggling and she

490
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,240
was exhausted and she was
frustrated.

491
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,680
And she came to the living room,
put her head on my chest,

492
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,800
wrapped her arms around me and
looked up and said, honey, can I

493
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,320
ask you a question?
I said, sure, babe, can this be

494
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,160
the year you get famous again?
So I can quit my job and get

495
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,880
something less stressful because
my business has got both of them

496
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,800
got wiped out during the
pandemic because it's all

497
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,600
personal appearances and live
events.

498
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,360
So I was still putting my
business back together.

499
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:23,080
I mean, I got steamrolled and
depression and three deaths, 4

500
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,200
including Tina in about 6 years
and also was inhaling toxic

501
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,720
black mold for two years coming
through the vent above my desk

502
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,640
up in my office from the attic.
So I was in very rough shape.

503
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,560
And I said, baby, I'm trying,
I'm trying, I'm trying.

504
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,880
So this coming year I've got
that written up on my whiteboard

505
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,080
on my wall above my desk.
Can this be the year that you

506
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,720
get famous again, Tina?
January 2023.

507
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,400
So that's on my vision board for
this year too.

508
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,240
And by famous, all she meant was
to be getting paid to speak and

509
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,080
travel to speak again.
That's all that was.

510
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,640
Yeah, yeah.
Getting paid to be you.

511
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:01,440
Yeah.
And all your glory.

512
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:02,000
Yeah.
Yeah.

513
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:07,840
You know, I, I was going to ask
how grief is fueling your life

514
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,640
now, but that that that that's
not accurate.

515
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,960
It's it's, it's more honoring is
fueling your life.

516
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,960
Yeah, 100%.
I, I, I hear her saying things

517
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,400
to me, she's come to me in
dreams several times, which I

518
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,280
asked her every single night and
said, baby, if you can, I know I

519
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,160
ask you everyday, please come to
me in my dreams.

520
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:32,160
It, it shows up in the songs
that will play on Alexa at

521
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,520
random when I just say Alexa
played this song and then

522
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,320
something will come on next that
has no logical connection, but

523
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,680
it's one of our songs.
I was on the peloton this

524
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,760
morning.
I ride 5 mornings a week and

525
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,120
there was a Michael Bublé ride.
Well, two of Michael Bublé's

526
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,920
songs are our songs.
Everything in his version of

527
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,360
home.
They were both in that workout.

528
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,840
So there I am in the middle of
the workout, standing up,

529
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,520
pedaling, crying, tears running
down my face, singing this song,

530
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,800
annoying the cat.
And so she was there.

531
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,480
What are you learning most about
you in this grief journey?

532
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,560
I'm not a total idiot.
You had doubts before.

533
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:20,120
I've had, well, somebody
recently blew me off for a Zoom

534
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,840
call.
It was a young lady.

535
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,880
I was, I was going to, I was
just helping her out.

536
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,520
She was struggling with some
stuff and she blew off the call.

537
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,200
And I reached out to her the
next day.

538
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,760
I said, hey, we had a call
yesterday, I hope everything's

539
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,280
OK.
And she said, well, I'm kind of

540
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,120
embarrassed to admit it.
I said, here's the Zoom link,

541
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,560
let's get on.
And I said, so what's going on?

542
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,240
You said you missed the call.
She goes, I'm intimidated by

543
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,640
your confidence.
And I was afraid to even get on

544
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:47,280
a call with you and I busted out
laughing and I said she said,

545
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:48,760
why are you laughing?
Are you laughing at me?

546
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,360
I said, no, I'm just laughing at
this.

547
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,600
My confidence can barely drive a
car and I sure as hell can't buy

548
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,560
a beer yet.
She said what does that mean?

549
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,280
I said at the time, I said I'm
56 years old and my confidence

550
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:08,040
is about 17 or 18 because for
most of my life I had horrible

551
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:13,080
self talk, no self-confidence,
self esteem issues and all of

552
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,920
that.
And sometimes, especially this

553
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,480
year when things were down and I
was struggling with stuff, my

554
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,280
mind every once in a while I
would kind of go back to that.

555
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,800
But what this year has really
shown me is I'm the best at what

556
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,520
I do because what I do is just
be me.

557
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,760
So it doesn't matter if other
speakers dress nicer or have a

558
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:40,320
better smile or have more hair
or what, or, you know, yell

559
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,680
things that rhyme and get people
whooped into a frenzy.

560
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,680
I'm not comparing myself to
anyone else anymore.

561
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,040
I'm.
I'm the best version of me there

562
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,920
is because every single day I'm
putting myself out there

563
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,960
authentically and genuinely.
And the world is responding in a

564
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,680
very nice way.
So yeah.

565
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,960
And and there's no certification
to be Steve.

566
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,560
No, I got the little chalkboard
that says this guy lived it, and

567
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:06,360
that's enough for me.
Yeah.

568
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:13,320
Awesome.
As you're pondering 2026, and I

569
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,600
shouldn't say pondering because
yeah, you're not pondering.

570
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,320
You're getting clear and making
your 2026.

571
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,560
So what's lighting you up most
about what's to come?

572
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,480
I just had, just a few weeks
ago, one of my favorite keynote

573
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,920
speeches ever, and it's the one
that got me back on stage.

574
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,560
And as soon as I was up there in
the first set of eyeballs I

575
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,280
connected with and somebody just
nodded at something I was

576
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,320
saying, I said, oh, this is
good.

577
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,760
So I'm so excited to be getting
back out there on stages and

578
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,560
connecting live.
I've, I've been doing virtual

579
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,840
stuff right along and virtual is
cool and it's great and it's

580
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,400
easy, it's convenient, but
there's nothing like being there

581
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,800
with an audience and just
getting them to believe in

582
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,560
themselves a little bit more for
the time that we spend together.

583
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,040
So that's what I'm very excited
about right now.

584
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,880
Got a brand new website being
built.

585
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,960
We are relaunching my vision
board mastery learning program,

586
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,880
rebranding it and adding some
new stuff and calling it

587
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,960
Ultimate Life vision because
it's a much better

588
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,120
representation of what it is.
So it's that's been very

589
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,400
exciting to put that together
this past year, you know, under,

590
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,000
you know, under the radar,
behind the behind the curtain.

591
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,280
There's been a lot going on, but
that's what I'm most excited

592
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,680
about is, is just getting back
out there connecting with people

593
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,120
again.
I miss that so much.

594
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:34,000
Grief is very isolating and it
can be really tough and you can

595
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,840
start to second guess yourself
in a lot of things.

596
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,680
But getting back out there,
especially with the acts of

597
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,760
kindness on a regular basis,
myself and my family in Tina's

598
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,320
name in getting back out there
speaking.

599
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,920
Those are the the big ones for
next year.

600
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,440
What?
What part of your message and

601
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,400
and what you share with an
audience has has grown or

602
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,560
perhaps sharpened the most since
losing Tina?

603
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:06,560
Well that actually comes from my
4th book of four books which is

604
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:11,360
written by a little dog and it
says wake up every day and wag

605
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,680
yourself happy.
Meaning find the littlest

606
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,040
tiniest thing.
As bad as things might be going

607
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:18,760
as tough as things are.
And believe me, this is the

608
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,960
greatest loss of my life is
losing Tina.

609
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:26,520
Every single day I get up and I
don't watch the news and I don't

610
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,040
get right on social media.
I get up and I work out and I

611
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,000
play a couple songs through my
phone for SXM and I just find

612
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,040
something that rocks out and I'm
happy.

613
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,640
Or if I'm just feeling a little
bit down, I'll watch something,

614
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,160
listen to something funny or
funny video on YouTube.

615
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,080
I listen to a lot of podcasts, a
positive people that I really

616
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,560
enjoy who inspire me.
And I just I wake up every day.

617
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,080
I cheer people on.
I send DMS to people for their

618
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,680
birthdays.
If it's somebody I really know

619
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,760
well, I'll get on my phone and
do an audio message or video

620
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,080
message.
This is all within the first

621
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,600
couple hours of waking up in the
morning.

622
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,480
So that's what's really helped
me to go.

623
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,800
I still get up at five O 5 every
morning, turn off the alarm

624
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,960
within 5 beeps, count to 5 both
feet on the floor, high 5 myself

625
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,960
in the bathroom mirror and say I
love you.

626
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,800
And thanks to Mel Robbins for
all of those habits, her high 5

627
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,720
habit in the 5 second rule
combined.

628
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:22,240
Those have not been abandoned
just because there's nobody in

629
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:26,720
the other half of my bed anymore
that that has kept me going.

630
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,880
Do you think you will ever be in
another relationship?

631
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,800
Is that something you definitely
don't want right now or are

632
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,800
willing to let yourself fall
into one?

633
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,320
What What's what's that like for
you?

634
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,120
Right now, absolutely not.
Because kind of just like

635
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,200
before, Tina and I fell in love.
I've been divorced at that point

636
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,320
for four years and we fell in
love because I finally wrote in

637
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,160
my journal one day I'm ready to
fall in love and 10 days later

638
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,080
an e-mail came from 1300 miles
away from a girl I hadn't talked

639
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,200
to in 21 years.
Will there be another

640
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,640
relationship falling in love?
I honestly have no idea.

641
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,720
Right now I'm not even
interested.

642
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:09,679
But if it happens, it's because
Tina sent her.

643
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:15,040
And I'll do just like I did when
Tina was saying she liked me

644
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,199
even back in high school because
I had a crush on her but never

645
00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:19,600
asked her out.
Tina's going to have to come to

646
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,159
me in a dream like 14 nights in
a row and go and hey, dummy, I

647
00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:26,440
sent her.
It's OK.

648
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,440
So she will send me someone when
the time is right.

649
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,159
And that's, that's just the way
I see it.

650
00:34:32,159 --> 00:34:35,360
I'm not looking.
I know people who lose somebody

651
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,040
and within a couple of months
they're in a relationship

652
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,400
because they can't stand being
alone.

653
00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:43,400
And that's that's kind of sad
because they're not back to

654
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,520
being their best self yet.
It's more of a Band-Aid or

655
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,400
emotional, you know, Band-Aid, I
guess, but.

656
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,159
Yeah, it's it's to avoid those
horrible feelings.

657
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,679
Yeah, yeah.
That just show up in a

658
00:34:55,679 --> 00:34:58,520
destructive way down the road in
in my experience.

659
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,640
Yeah, and, and one thing I'll
say to to anyone whoever wants

660
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,280
to be in a relationship with me,
you'll never be Tina.

661
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,000
And that's OK.
And I say that actually more to

662
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,960
remind myself that no one else
will ever be Tina.

663
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,640
I mean, Oh my gosh, we literally
brought a fairy tale to life.

664
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,240
So there.
It's apples and oranges.

665
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,400
They'll never be another Tina.
But that doesn't mean I I won't

666
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,800
be happy moving on without her.
But she'll always be very

667
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,920
special.
Part of my heart forever.

668
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,640
And Steve, what's the best way
for people to connect with you,

669
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,680
follow you?
Are you active on any particular

670
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:39,440
social media platforms more than
others?

671
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,440
Yeah, Facebook and LinkedIn I'm
on quite a bit, but the others

672
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,440
not quite as much.
I will be doing a lot more

673
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,520
YouTube in the new year.
I've gotten away from that and

674
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,520
I've got to get back to it.
But you can just find me by

675
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:54,760
looking at my name Steve Gamlin,
GAMLIN and my website which the

676
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,440
new ones coming, it'll be this
same web address

677
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:02,320
stevegamlinspeaker.com.
And and finally, Steve, what's

678
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,280
one thing you wish more men
knew?

679
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:11,400
They have so much more power
then they may believe.

680
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:15,200
And if you just listen to this
one lesson that I learned by

681
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,600
observing one of my
grandfather's, that just the

682
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,400
other day I said, Oh my gosh, I
am Pepe because he was on the

683
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:25,480
French side, so is Pepe.
Leave as many situations as you

684
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,520
can better than you find them,
and you're going to see a

685
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:33,360
version of yourself emerge that
you may never have even known

686
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:39,040
you had that much value if you
just look for ways to leave the

687
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,440
world a little bit better.
We never know where the ripples

688
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,560
go, but they're always going to
be inside you.

689
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,920
So please do that.
Because if you've been put down,

690
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:52,280
if you've been dragged down, if
you're just feeling like, you

691
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:56,680
know, unappreciated, whatever,
just start leaving the world a

692
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,480
little bit better in the tiniest
ways.

693
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,160
Pick up a piece of trash, rescue
a shopping cart, cheer somebody

694
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,600
on, hold the door open.
Let somebody else merge into

695
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:09,080
traffic instead of getting mad
and letting a wreck your day a

696
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:10,920
little way.
Leave the world a better place

697
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:15,440
than you found it.
Steve, thanks so much for your

698
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:20,440
uncertified version of you and,
and for unloading so much

699
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:24,000
firewood for all of us today.
You know, I'm, I'm tempted to

700
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,560
say the cliche, you know, sorry
for your loss, but I'm not

701
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,400
right?
I I wish more people used loss

702
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,360
to fuel so much growth and
service the way you are.

703
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,200
Yeah, yeah.
All the things that we're doing

704
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,600
now, myself and my family, I
wouldn't have done a year ago if

705
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,480
Tina was still here right now in
her honor.

706
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:48,520
Oh, my gosh.
We are feeling so connected to

707
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,760
the world in ways I've never
felt before.

708
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,040
So it's a transition, not
necessarily a loss.

709
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:58,200
It's a lateral move with with a
new mindset.

710
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,600
A new mindset is available to
all of us.

711
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,720
We don't right this, we don't.
We don't have to wait for a loss

712
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,120
to want to better and improve
our outlook in whatever we do.

713
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,880
Yeah, exactly, 100%.
Awesome.

714
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,040
Well, thanks again, Steve, and
I'm looking forward to all the

715
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,600
new creations that the New Year
brings you.

716
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,280
Thank you very.
Much and have a great new year

717
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,840
yourself and to all your viewers
and listeners as well.

718
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:27,360
A huge thank you to Steve
Gamblin for sharing his wisdom,

719
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:31,240
humor, and heart, and reminding
us that gratitude and grief can

720
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:34,840
coexist and that kindness is
always worth choosing.

721
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,880
If today's conversation moved
you, inspired you, or simply

722
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,240
reminded you that you are not
alone, I invite you to join me

723
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,880
in Authentic AF, my free men's
community, where we talk openly

724
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,520
about real life, real feelings,
and real growth.

725
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:51,960
You don't have to do life alone.
Join us at

726
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:56,840
realmanfield.org/group and until
next time, be good to yourself.