Reclaiming Authenticity: Beyond the Buzzword

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Lately I've heard the same thing
from a few different men, but

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authenticity is just a buzzword
now, and honestly, I get it.

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Hello, welcome to real men feel.
I'm your host Andy grant.

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You can learn more about me at
the andygrant.com.

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Authenticity has been a pillar
of this show since it launched

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10 years ago this month, right
Authenticity, vulnerability,

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compassion. 3 Pillars of Real
Men Feel My online community is

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called authentic AF.
So I was rather taken aback when

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more than one man recently
shared with me that they weren't

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sure what authenticity means and
one thought that it had really

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become an empty buzzword.
Men are skeptical about

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authenticity for good reasons.
The word has been watered down.

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This episode is going to be an
attempt to rescue, to reclaim

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authenticity.
It's not about marketing it.

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When everything is called
authentic, brands, influencers,

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coaches, politicians, eventually
the word starts to lose meaning.

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So today I want to slow this
down and talk about what

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authenticity has actually meant
in my life long before it became

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a hashtag.
So what I think men are reacting

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against in this push back
against authenticity is the

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notion of performative
vulnerability, right?

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Oversharing without
responsibility.

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A bit of bit of look at me being
real sort of content and perhaps

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I'm adding to that, I don't
know.

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It's also a part of trauma as
your personality.

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And authenticity lately has been
used as a bit of a sales engine

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too.
You know, a lot of what is

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called authenticity today is
just another mask, albeit a

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perhaps more clean and
presentable 1.

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Authenticity is not dumping on
people.

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Authenticity is not being raw
without accountability.

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Authenticity is not saying this
is just how I am.

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It was actually back in 2015, I
was working with one of my very

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first business coaches and they
called me the king of

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authenticity.
And I thought, So what?

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Like what does that even mean?
What do I do with that?

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Is authenticity a thing?
Are people looking for this?

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Like what?
What good is my being authentic?

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It was extremely confusing at
the time and I wasn't

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consciously trying to find a
brand or name, but I was trying

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to figure out, you know, who I
was and how I could best help

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people.
So it's not like I woke up one

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day and decided to be authentic.
The truth is more like I woke up

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after many days feeling
exhausted from pretending my

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many years in corporate life,
you know, working in the just

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the Gray typical cubicles,
knowing that this isn't right

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for me.
This is draining my soul back to

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the very beginnings of of real
men feel again. 10 years ago, I

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can't believe it, but ten years
ago I was scared, you know, I

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knew I wanted to do something to
serve men, real men feel the

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title is what came to me first.
Then they're right.

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What's going to be a podcast.
And I reached out to my, my good

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friend Appio.
He was the host for the 1st 100

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or so episodes.
Because I was afraid to do this

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alone, right?
And I'm still figuring all this

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out.
It took me 6 years, six years

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from being called the king of
authenticity to being able to,

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to own it, to claim it.
I mean, that's why there's a

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crown behind me.
That's my king of authenticity

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crown, right By, by boy, four
years ago, I finally claimed it

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enough.
I bought it.

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I have, I own 2 crowns because
the king can't have too many

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crowns.
But anyway, I, it took me that

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long to decide that yes, I'm
authentic and yes, authenticity

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is a good thing.
So it's not about being

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polished.
It's not about certainty.

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It's about honesty.
To me, the easiest way to sum up

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authenticity is to say it.
It just means being real, right?

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Means being your genuine self.
Not pretending, not performing,

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not wearing a mask to fit in,
not becoming who you think

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everybody else wants you to be.
Not being the sort of man that

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life would be easier for you
imagine as a man, authenticity

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means I'm willing to feel
whatever shows up the moment

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that it shows up.
I'm not bearing emotions.

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I'm not denying emotions.
I'm not numbing myself.

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I'm not outsourcing
responsibility.

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I'm not trying to be who I think
the world wants me to be.

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Authenticity starts with
honesty, especially to yourself.

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Real authenticity is not saying
this is how I am deal with it,

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right?
That's avoidance, wearing the

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mask of confidence.
Authenticity includes owning

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your patterns, the good and the
bad, taking responsibility for

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your life, acknowledging where
you're stuck, admitting when

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you're afraid, and choosing
growth over hiding.

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If authenticity does not lead to
responsibility, it's just

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another exercise.
So why are some men kind of

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triggered by the notion of being
authentic?

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But before it was a buzzword,
right?

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Well, that's because for many,
many years, men have been

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rewarded for their performance,
not how they think or feel, but

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only how they act.
Approval was more important than

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truth.
Strength was defined as

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suppression of keeping our
emotions at Bay.

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Emotions were seen as
liabilities for a lot of men.

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Being authentic feels dangerous
because at some point being real

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cost them something.
It could have shown up in the

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past as ridicule, rejection,
punishment, or isolation.

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But authenticity is not just
some identity, not just some

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suit you can step into.
Authenticity isn't really

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something you are.
It's got to be something you

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practice.
It's telling the truth instead

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of a convenient lie.
It's feeling anger but not

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acting upon it.
It's admitting confusion instead

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of pretending you've got it all
figured out.

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And it's asking for support
instead of going into isolation.

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Every time you choose truth over
approval, you're practicing

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authenticity.
So if authenticity, it's got to

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be a record for how many times I
say it in one show.

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If authenticity has started to
feel like a buzzword to you.

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I don't think you're wrong.
But I also don't think the

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answer is throwing it out,
deciding it's wrong.

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It's a bad word, you know it's
not.

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It's not worth pursuing any
longer.

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I think the answer is living it.
Show the world what it means by

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being yourself, quietly,
imperfectly, honestly.

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So much of This is why I created
the Authentic AF community.

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It's not for men who've got it
all figured out, but for men who

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are done pretending they have.
If you are looking for a space

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where you can be yourself and
join the company of other men

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getting more and more
comfortable in their own skins,

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I invite you to join us by
visiting realmenfeel.org/group.

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Being real won't necessarily
make your life easier, but we'll

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make it yours.
Until next time, be good to

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yourself.