July 31, 2026

The True Flex: Being a More Grounded and Authentic Man

The True Flex: Being a More Grounded and Authentic Man

The True Flex: Being a More Grounded and Authentic Man Ep 415, July 31, 2026

​The Real Flex: Redefining Masculinity with Authenticity

Recently, I was a guest on the How to Man Adventures podcast, where Josh Tumlin asked me a deceptively simple question: “In a couple of words, can you define what it is to be a man?” My answer was, “It’s to be yourself.” When masculinity comes with a long list of rules, those are probably someone else’s rules. If there’s a “supposed to” attached to being a man, there’s a good chance we inherited it from our fathers, friends, religion, advertising, movies, and the overall culture around us.

Embracing Authenticity

What do I enjoy? What matters to me? How do I want to live? Whatever my honest answers are, that is part of what being a man looks like for me. I want to make joy and masculinity synonymous. Co-host Mark Curtin responded brilliantly: “So be confident enough to be yourself. That’s a big flex.” This phrase stayed with me. About a week later, I came across a BuzzFeed article titled “Women Are Sharing the Guy Flexes That Actually Make Them 5,000,000% More Attractive”. The list highlighted qualities women genuinely find attractive, focusing less on wealth, status, and appearances.

Redefining “Flexes”

These weren’t boastful traits. They were characteristics that make people feel safe, valued, and able to trust you. So let’s explore these flexes not as a checklist for attracting women but as invitations for men to become more grounded, authentic, connected, and alive.
  1. Creating Safe Spaces: The biggest flex isn’t about intimidation; it's about allowing others to relax around you. It’s about creating an environment where someone feels they can speak openly without fear of being mocked or dismissed.
  2. Handling Past Relationships Maturely: The real flex lies in how we conduct ourselves after a breakup, taking responsibility for our part, without branding every ex as problematic.
  3. Kindness to Animals: Caring for animals shows a man’s power without dominating the vulnerable. This flex is about tenderness.
  4. Reliability: Showing up for others, beyond emergencies, demonstrating love made visible through actions.
  5. Humility: A humble man is secure enough not to prove he’s the smartest or strongest in the room, which fosters genuine connections.
  6. Practical Skills: Building and creating demonstrate patience, creativity, and the ability to turn ideas into reality.
  7. Self-Sufficiency: Taking care of oneself is about managing life, seeking help when needed, and valuing healthy interdependence.
  8. Clear Communication: Expressing emotions without manipulation or avoidance builds stronger relationships.
  9. Dance Willingly: Dancing represents freedom and a sense of being in touch with one’s body without judgment.
  10. Maintaining a Clean Home: A clean home reflects self-respect and the ability to intentionally manage one’s environment.
  11. Quiet Competence: Genuine confidence doesn’t require broadcasting; it focuses on actions rather than seeking applause.
  12. Commitment to Goals: Setting and achieving goals demonstrate participation in one’s own life with discipline and self-compassion.

Towards A New Masculinity

The qualities listed are not about appearances but about how people experience you. Do they feel safe, valued, and confident in your presence? These practices are about becoming a more complete human being, challenging stereotypes that masculinity must be loud or dominant.
As I return to the answer at the top of the show—what does it mean to be a man? It means being yourself, beneath societal expectations and inherited rules. Taking responsibility for the man you choose to become is perhaps the biggest flex of all. It’s about confidence in your authenticity and the courage to grow.

Join the Conversation

At Authentic AF, men don’t have to figure this out alone. Join us at realmenfeel.org/group because being confident in who you are and continually evolving is the real flex.

Resources

Feelings Wheel — https://amzn.to/4xjmyPw

Tune In

Watch this episode on YouTube.
Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Enjoy Real Men Feel on Spotify
Authentic AF Community | https://realmenfeel.org/group
The True Flex: Being a More Grounded and Authentic Man - Real Men Feel 415

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