Jan. 9, 2026
Restoring Confidence: Tackling ED and Performance Anxiety
Restoring Confidence: Tackling ED and Performance Anxiety Ep 386, January 9, 2026
Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety
In this episode of Real Men Feel, host Andy Grant discusses erectile dysfunction (ED), sexual performance anxiety, and related fears with guest Shay Doran, a coach who helps men overcome these issues. Shay shares his personal experiences with ED and performance anxiety, revealing how he initially believed the problem was medical but later recognized it as a mindset issue. They discuss why men often suffer in silence, the roots of performance anxiety, and how societal pressures and cultural expectations contribute to the problem. Shay emphasizes the importance of open communication, especially with partners, and advises reducing porn consumption to help untangle masculinity from sexual performance.
They also explore the impact of cultural, religious, and academic pressures on performance anxiety. Shay encourages men to seek help rather than resorting to quick fixes and highlights the value of feeling safe and supported. He offers practical advice for both men and their partners to improve intimacy and confidence in the bedroom.
Introduction to the Topic
Erectile dysfunction (ED) and performance anxiety are often brushed aside by society, leaving countless men feeling isolated and broken. However, our guest, Shay Doran, is on a mission to change that. Shay is a coach who has personally navigated these challenges, helping men to overcome sexual performance anxiety, rebuild their confidence, and restore intimacy without shame or awkwardness.
Shay Doran's Journey
Shay opens up about his personal struggles with performance anxiety. His journey was riddled with self-doubt and societal pressure, exacerbated by a poor relationship with pornography and the pursuit of validation through sex. It wasn't until Shay realized that his issues were not purely medical but deeply rooted in his mindset that he began to transform his life.
Understanding the Root Causes
A significant portion of the conversation explores the misconceptions surrounding ED. Many presume it's purely a physical issue, yet Shay emphasizes the psychological aspects. Performance anxiety can stem from a combination of factors, including societal expectations, past experiences, and internalized pressure to perform.
Shay highlights how the seeds of this anxiety are often planted early in life, in contexts far removed from sexual activity, like academics, sports, or familial comparisons. The resultant deeply ingrained belief systems can trigger stress and fear in intimate moments, perpetuating the cycle of anxiety and dysfunction.
Breaking the Cycle of Quick Fixes
In today's fast-paced world, there's a rampant marketing of "quick fixes" for ED, from blue salt tricks to miracle pills. Shay warns against falling into this trap, emphasizing the need for genuine, long-term solutions rather than temporary, often ineffective, remedies.
Finding Help and Moving Forward
For many men, admitting there's an issue and seeking help can be the hardest part. Shay shares his view that overcoming performance anxiety is a journey that doesn’t have to be traveled alone. While many men try to solve these challenges independently, working with someone who has a track record of success can significantly ease this journey.
The Partner's Perspective
A crucial part of this discussion involves understanding the partner's experience. Misinterpretations from partners—believing the issue is due to a lack of attraction or personal failure—can compound the anxiety. Shay emphasizes the importance of open, non-judgmental communication to foster a supportive relationship that can withstand these challenges.
Conclusion
Despite societal stereotypes that portray asking for help as a sign of weakness, Shay and Andy make it clear that reaching out is an essential step toward healing. If you're struggling with these issues, know that facing them does not mean you're broken or alone. There's a path forward, and with the right tools and support, you can achieve lasting change.
For more insights and support, join the online community Authentic AF at realmenfeel.org/group to connect with others committed to authenticity, courage, and connection.
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Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Enjoy Real Men Feel on Spotify
Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
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