Oct. 10, 2025

Unlocking Emotional Literacy for Men: Barriers, Foundations, and Attachments

Unlocking Emotional Literacy for Men: Barriers, Foundations, and Attachments

Unlocking Emotional Literacy for Men: Barriers, Foundations, and Attachments Ep 373, October 10, 2025

Exploring Emotional Literacy and Attachment Styles
In this episode of 'Real Men Feel,' host Andy Grant engages in a discussion about emotional literacy with guest Alexandra Velez, creator of the Secure School. Alexandra defines emotional literacy and its significance as the foundation for emotional intelligence. The conversation explores why many people, particularly men, struggle with emotional literacy, often due to societal norms and a lack of early education.
Alexandra shares practical steps to improve emotional literacy, the impact of technology on emotional health, and the role of attachment styles in relationships. She also discusses her vision of integrating emotional intelligence education into school curriculums and her work in helping individuals achieve healthier relationships.

Understanding Emotional Literacy and Intelligence
Andy and Alexandra begin by exploring the concepts of emotional literacy and emotional intelligence. According to Alexandra, emotional literacy encompasses the ability to identify and express emotions. It's foundational, and without it, emotional intelligence can't fully develop. Emotional intelligence builds on literacy, allowing individuals to navigate and apply their emotions skillfully across various contexts.
Alexandra highlights that many individuals attempt to bypass emotional literacy, jumping straight to emotional intelligence without understanding their emotions, leading to misplaced assumptions and judgments in personal interactions.
The Role of Early Life Experiences
The discussion pivots to why so many people lack education around emotional literacy. Alexandra attributes this to the absence of modeling healthy emotional behaviors in the home, compounded by societal norms that often discourage emotional expression, particularly in boys. She illustrates this with a poignant anecdote about a father and son in a grocery store, showcasing how early messages internalized by children can hinder emotional development.
Practical Steps Towards Emotional Literacy
For adults struggling to identify or express emotions, Alexandra recommends using tools like the emotion wheel. This visual aid helps individuals move beyond surface-level feelings like anger to uncover deeper, underlying emotions, facilitating clearer understanding and problem-solving.
The Impact of Emotional Literacy in Daily Life
Alexandra underscores the dual nature of emotional literacy—it's an internal journey and an external skill. Recognizing one's own emotions and being attuned to others' emotional cues can enhance interactions and relationships.
Attachment Styles and Their Significance
The conversation shifts to attachment styles, which play a pivotal role in how individuals form and sustain relationships. Secure attachment, associated with healthy emotional environments in childhood, allows for naturally healthier relationships. In contrast, the other 50% of the population often deals with insecure attachment styles—anxious, fearful-avoidant, or dismissive-avoidant—stemming from early life experiences and affecting relational dynamics.
Alexandra emphasizes that these attachment styles aren't fixed. With concerted effort and intentional change, individuals can transform their relationship patterns, which is the core mission of her program, Secure School.
Technology's Influence and the Vision for the Future
Touching on the influence of technology, Alexandra notes its dual-edged role in emotional literacy. While technology can facilitate connection, it can also distract and complicate human interactions.
Both Andy and Alexandra envision a world where emotional literacy is a standard part of the education system, reducing unnecessary heartbreak and fostering healthier relationships from a young age. They discuss how integrating these skills into the curriculum could counteract issues like bullying and lead to kinder, wiser communities.
Overcoming Barriers to Emotional Literacy in Men
Andy asks about barriers specific to men in developing emotional literacy. Alexandra points to systemic and societal pressures that restrict emotional expression. She advocates for creating safe, shame-free spaces where vulnerability is welcomed and supported.
Empowering Relationships and Emotional Availability
Discussing dating and emotional availability, Alexandra talks about her project, "The Availability Awards," which aims to help individuals identify emotionally unavailable partners and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Final Thoughts and Resources
Concluding the episode, Andy and Alexandra reflect on the ripple effect of individual emotional growth, which can lead to broader societal change. They urge listeners to continue exploring emotional literacy and fostering meaningful connections.
For those interested in more from Alexandra Velez, her work can be discovered on her YouTube series, My Secure Era, where she covers topics surrounding emotional intelligence and relational skills.
As Andy wraps up, he invites listeners to join the conversation in the Authentic AF community, emphasizing that navigating life's emotional landscape doesn’t have to be a solitary journey.
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Enjoy Real Men Feel on Spotify
Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
Resources
The Availability Awards by Alexandra Velez — https://amzn.to/4nUVqSg
Emotional Literacy with guest Alexandra Velez, Real Men Feel ep 374
#RealMenFeel ep 374

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