Real Men Feel: Celebrating 10 Years of Breaking Masculinity Myths

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Hello my friends, and welcome to
a very special episode of Real

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Men Feel.
I feel like I'm making some sort

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of after school special now 10
years ago. 10 On February 23rd,

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2016, this show went live for
the very first time on a

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platform called Blab.
Some of you might remember it,

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some of you never heard of it.
It doesn't exist anymore, but

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this podcast does.
More importantly, this

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conversation does.
Back then, I had no idea what

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this would become.
I just knew one thing Men needed

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a place where they could talk
about what they actually feel.

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Not just anger, not just
success, not just I'm fine, but

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grief, fear, anger, shame, joy,
purpose and hope.

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And I couldn't and didn't do it
alone.

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I want to start by thanking the
man who helped launch this whole

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thing with me.
Appio Hunter.

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Appio brother.
Thank you for saying yes back in

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the beginning.
Thank you for showing up live,

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unscripted, raw.
That first step matters.

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It always does.
To every single guest over the

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past decade, thank you.
You trusted this space.

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You trusted me.
You shared yourself, you

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modelled courage, you helped
make it safe for other men to

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open up.
And to you, the listener, the

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viewer, the fan, the supporter.
Whether you've been here since

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episode 1 or just discovered us
last week, thank you.

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Podcasts do not exist without
ears and hearts on the other

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side.
If even one conversation helped

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you feel less alone, then every
episode was worth it.

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Today, we're going to do
something a little bit

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different.
I'm going to play the very

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beginning of the first episode
from 2016.

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We didn't have music.
We didn't have an intro.

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The show would even have
graphics.

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Then I'll share a clip from
about 2 1/2 years later from

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episode 100, and then more
segments from some more recent

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conversations.
You'll hear how the show has

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evolved, you'll hear how I've
evolved, and hopefully you'll

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hear one consistent thread.
Real men feel always have,

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always will.
So let's go back to where it all

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started and we are rolling and
welcome everyone to the first

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episode of Real Men Feel.
I am Andy Grant.

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I'm a transformational energy
coach, meaning I can TuneIn and

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read the energy of people and
situations.

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And with that skill set, with
that profession, I attend a lot

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and lead lots of personal growth
events and spiritual seminars

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and the like.
And normally that attracts a lot

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of women.
And over the past couple years

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I've seen more and more men in
the audience, which is very good

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thing, and also in my one-on-one
clientele.

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For years it has been primarily
women.

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But in recent months I've really
been getting more nudges to

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create a space for men.
And beginning last October, I

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started writing and thinking and
blogging about what does it

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really mean to be a man?
And common themes that showed up

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for me were authenticity,
vulnerability and being willing

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to feel.
So that kind of is where this

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this movement, this undefined
unknown movement that I'm

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calling Real Men Feel began.
And I have done a couple

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workshops, live workshops just
for men called To Be a Man this

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year.
And I also lead a monthly

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support group for men in
Massachusetts, which is where I

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live.
But I also wanted to reach the

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planet.
So we have a Facebook group

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called Real Men Feel.
And now we are taking Real Men

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Feel here to blab.
And our plan is to do this twice

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a month and cool.
I think that's all the

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bookkeeping, the opening
housework I wanted to get out of

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the way.
So I want to introduce and

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welcome my friend and Co host
Appio Hunter.

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Hey, Andy, It's great to be
here.

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And like you, I started off my
career very much as somebody who

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was always able to read energy
and follow that energy in order

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to help help folks.
I spent many, many, many years

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in the corporate world and
oftentimes in in capacities that

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allowed me to use that
particular gift, even though

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that was never the official
thing that I was actually doing.

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But I inevitably was found
myself gravitating towards jobs

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and work that allowed me to to
really kind of basically be a

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problem solver.
So when I left the corporate

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world and struck off on my own,
that's exactly what I wound up

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doing was becoming a what I
would best term as a spiritual

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guide and my focus has always
been on emotional healing,

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happiness, energy, reading,
spiritual balancing my nickname

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amongst my peers is the is the
emotion emancipator because I

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really do help folks no
emancipate their emotions, free

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their emotions so they can be
complete whole human beings like

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you.
I found that doing this work,

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and the vast majority of folks
were in fact, women that I

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worked with.
Those in my audiences when I

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spoke, those who I worked with
in Group settings or in private

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settings were typically women.
I could understand that because

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when you're talking about
emancipating your emotions,

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women are very naturally, they
gravitate toward that.

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But like you also, I found that
there's a huge underserved

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population, which is US guys.
So, you know, men who are

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willing, and there are many,
many men who are out there who

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are willing to step forward, to
let go of all of these burdens

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that have been placed on their
mother by societal or family

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conditioning or whatever else,
and really step forward and

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become whole, complete, full
men, right?

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Because we are, after all, human
beings, right?

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Right.
Right before we're men, we're

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human.
We're human.

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Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.

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And a lot of guys forget that.
Hello, and welcome to another

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edition of Real Men Field.
This is your host Andy Grant,

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and with me for this special
episode is my good friend, Co

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host and Co founder of this
whole experience, Mr. Appio

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Hunter.
Hey Andy, It is really exciting

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to be here tonight, especially
since we are at, as you said,

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special episode.
Yep, Yep.

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And you know, oftentimes I've
said that before and it's like,

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you know, the Bobby Brady after
school special, there's some

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sort of deep meaning and wait,
there is some deep meaning to

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this episode.
But it it's it's more of a light

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hearted special episode.
This is actually our 100th

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episode.
Yeah, it's right.

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This has been such an amazing
journey thinking that, you know,

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I think we started in February
of 2016, right?

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And and that's when we just kind
of like, hey, let's just do that

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just for fun, see how how far we
go with it.

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I don't think either of us
really had any idea that we

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would have come this far and
done as many things as we've had

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and had as many.
Fascinating being conversations

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as we've had.
No, indeed.

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And then, and so I looked at and
when we started, the goal was to

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do a monthly show.
Yeah.

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So we premiered.
We premiered on Blab, which was

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a it's doesn't exist anymore,
but it was a cool idea.

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You could have up to 4 guests, 4
people taking part in a video

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conversation.
So it always looked like almost

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like the Hollywood Squares where
everybody had four.

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He's in a block and we went
there and we we would just talk

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to each other.
Yeah, initially I think we went,

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I think we did 5 episodes of of
you and I talking to each other

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and then along with whatever
blab blabbers wandered in.

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And found us, and we have you.
Yeah, the blab community, you

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could see whatever, whatever
being was recorded and had a

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subject matter.
And we, you know, we said real

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men feel and we'd had different
topics.

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And so we often, we often had,
you know, had up to like a dozen

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people, you know, watching us or
sometimes volunteering and

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wanting, wanting to jump into
one of the open seats.

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That's how it worked, you know,
but the show was really created

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to encourage men to allow for
and express all of their

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emotions.
And, you know, I feel like the

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biggest reminder we've repeated
over the 100 episodes is to

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remind men that they are human
beings and that as human beings,

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we are emotional beings.
And we are all entitled to

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express and experience that full
range of emotions.

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It's not that there's Here's
what men are supposed to feel.

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Exactly.
In fact, one in my own

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conversations that I've had with
people's like, men are not the

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Vulcans of Star Trek.
That's science fiction.

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And we're not these emotionless
automatons either.

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I mean, yeah, there are people
who do use logic and there are

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people who are able to combine
emotion and logic beautifully.

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But but.
For the most part, I mean, we

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are full, complete human beings
and the only difference between

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US and women is our genitalia
pretty much, you know, that's

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otherwise.
I mean, we feel completely, we

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are, we feel holy.
And that's why when when you

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first approached me about this,
I was ecstatic and ready to say

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yes because it was, you know, I
just before we even decided to,

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to move forward with this
project, it was a conversation

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that you and I had had privately
several times, you know, when we

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were on different retreats
together or just no talking or

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whatever.
And just to see it come this far

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and reach this point where, yes,
so many men have been able to

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jump in and be part of that
conversation and say yes.

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Yeah.
And I know again, this began as

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conversations and you know, I
honestly, I don't think I had

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any if if you had said no, for
some reason, I don't think I had

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a second idea like you, you were
the only guy I had in mind of,

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you know, similar experiences.
So we had something in common to

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start in, in regards to personal
growth and spirituality, but

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also enough varied experiences
that you're bringing something

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totally different to the table
than than my experiences.

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For sure, yes.
And I was honored and, and

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deeply humbled and honored when
when you invited me to join you

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because yes.
And I had very similar, you

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know, perspective as well as I
Andy, he has a, we have the

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shared path that we that we've
had and yet a totally different

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perspective and, and totally
different experiences as well.

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Shared experiences and different
ones as well.

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And it is, Yeah.
It's really contributed to an

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amazing conversation.
Two years in and going strong.

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Yeah, two 2 1/2.
Yeah, 2 1/2 years.

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Yeah, exactly.
That's right, yeah.

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Time wise like and it was
really, so I thought it was

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later, but again, looking back
at the dates and when we made

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shows, it was the second
episode.

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So we waited a month.
Our second episode episode was

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in March and that was the one,
let's just do this weekly.

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Like, yeah, this has been fun.
Let's Why are we?

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Why are we waiting a month?
Exactly.

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And also I remember that we
initially were going to do it

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for just like 1/2 hour and I
think those first few episodes

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were pretty much just like
restricted to 1/2 hour.

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But when we started realizing
that this conversations were

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starting to get really
interesting and the people who

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that we were who wanted to to be
part of it, we're bringing so

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much more to the conversations.
It would just became an hour and

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sometimes it was significantly
more than that.

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Yeah, I I think the long, I
think 90 minutes is our the

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longest show.
Yeah, yeah.

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And an hour is definitely is
become the norm.

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And yeah, now it's yeah.
I can't imagine now trying to

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force a conversation into 30
minutes.

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Right, yeah, especially, you
know, if there's like so much

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meaty stuff to get into.
So yeah, it's.

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So do do you remember who that
first guest was?

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I know I'm putting you on the
spot.

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Yeah, you are, aren't you of?
Course I did my research on

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that.
Exactly.

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You cheated a little bit.
You knew I wouldn't have too

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much time to be able to do the
research ahead of time.

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So OK, you know what?
I'm trying to remember now, me

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being a very, you know, I think
related to Dory the fish.

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It's kind of a hard one.
OK, it looked.

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I should have looked.
I was tempted to it.

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Was it was Nick bro?
Yes.

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And so he he it was episode 6.
That was the first time we, we

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invited someone else to like
have a scheduled guest and like,

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you know, be a grown up show or
something like that.

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And, and again, because it
wasn't what it, yeah, when we

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started, it was just discussions
and like, oh, but like people,

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people want to be on this.
Oh, they want to know what date

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they can be on.
Like, oh, all right.

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Yeah, that's the thing.
Yeah, when he first told me that

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I'm like, really?
OK, cool, let's do it.

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Chris, what's one thing that you
wish more men knew?

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00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:18,000
Probably share their
vulnerability and acknowledge

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00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,400
that that they're they're
dealing with.

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They're dealing with stuff.
And.

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If it's.
Meaningful.

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To them it should be meaningful.
To others.

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I think that talking and
expressing emoting is a

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strength, not a weakness.
And that whole unmanly tag.

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Is bullshit.
You know what?

241
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,120
It's not?
It's not.

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00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,800
Stay strong, persevere.
It's you know what, acknowledge

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00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,560
what you're feeling.
Share it if if if you need to

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and.
Things will get better and.

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It doesn't need to start and end
with ourselves.

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There's there's help out there
and we we need to embrace it and

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00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,240
we need to support one another.
Too.

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So, Nick, I wonder what's one
thing that you wish more men

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00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,760
knew?
And I would like to tie that

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back to what you said, because
it's about belonging.

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And I mean the opposite to
loneliness is connection and

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00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,360
that comes from belonging.
So I believe that we need to be

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00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,680
proactive as men to find places
to belong.

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00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:31,600
We need to belong in in a places
where we feel that this is a

255
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,280
space for me, like in my case,
it's triathlon, the swim, biking

256
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,560
and cycling.
So I'm, I'm doubling down on

257
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this sport of triathlon because
that's my tribe.

258
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,400
I show up to swim academies, I
run with them, I cycle with

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00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,480
them, I do trips with them and
so on.

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But for someone else, it might
be that they love fishing.

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00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,160
Then double down on that.
Perhaps there was someone who's

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00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,920
listening who enjoyed fishing
when they were younger than the

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00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,800
last 1020 years, they stopped
it.

264
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And I would then encourage
everyone to bring out those

265
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,720
hobbies again.
Sign up for a community or a

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club or an association who who
who provides, you know, perhaps

267
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trips some some gatherings
together where you can then be

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with like minded do what you
love.

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So you should have that place to
belong.

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So you have that tribe.
And I think that is something

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00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:22,440
that we need really to be taking
responsibility for ourselves

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because no one else will do that
to you.

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00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,400
When we were children, our
parents drove us around

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typically to test different kind
of sports and activities and so

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on.
But then we become very busy

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with our adult life and work and
then we stop those services.

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But my call to action is to
everyone to look out for those

278
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,240
places where they belong.
And it can be sport, but it can

279
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,600
also be men's group.
Indeed, if someone is listening

280
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,800
and don't belong to a man's
group, perhaps look for one in

281
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,520
your area.
Is there anything you wish more

282
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:58,360
men knew?
I'm like doing a little

283
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,720
flashback through time here.
I wish that men knew that if

284
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,600
they're in a partnership, it can
be a portal to experiencing the

285
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,000
highest version of yourself.
When we, when my husband and I

286
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,360
have healed together, when we've
gone through this journey

287
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,240
together, it's been, of course,
difficult.

288
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,960
There's been yelling and
screaming.

289
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,040
There's been fights, but once
you gain these tools, and this

290
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,560
is usually what I take my
clients through, I take them

291
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,840
through three different areas so
that we we can gain the tools to

292
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,800
resolve conflict before it
begins to understand and hold

293
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,320
space.
So I teach people soulful

294
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:40,240
communication tools because I'm
sure this conversation has been

295
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,640
pretty in depth and open and
vulnerable people hearing this

296
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:49,600
and witnessing our conversation
could be having a physical

297
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,360
reaction to some of the things
I'm saying.

298
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,800
You know, like there could be,
oh, all of a sudden my heart is

299
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,200
racing higher or I'm feeling
that twist in my stomach.

300
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:02,400
So when we gain these tools, we
get to then move into the

301
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,800
emotional intelligence phase.
So that's gaining social

302
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,160
communication tools, moving into
emotional intelligence, and

303
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680
that's really understanding and
befriending the trauma,

304
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,200
understanding the wounds.
And then that creates this space

305
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,480
to rediscover what sexuality and
pleasure means.

306
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,960
So it's, it's like this
combination and I and that's

307
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,119
what the arc that our
relationship took.

308
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,800
So we had to really first
understand how to communicate.

309
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:32,760
Then we had to own our own
triggers, take responsibility

310
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,120
for our own actions, learn how
to meet each other first as

311
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,360
opposed to always saying I
statements.

312
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,360
And then that has LED us to the
most sexual expansion where

313
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,560
we've been together 26 years and
every single time we have sex,

314
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,600
we're like, holy shit that that
was the best time.

315
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,280
That was by far the biggest
orgasms we've ever had.

316
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,800
And then the next time we're
like, no, no, it's this time.

317
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,640
Richie, what's What's one thing
that you wish more men knew?

318
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,280
Well, that's a good one.
I would say a thing that the

319
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,280
only limitations I think we put
is the limitation to put on

320
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:13,200
ourselves.
And I think with yeah, with man,

321
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:17,800
we tend to I feel for the most
part, I I think that's a

322
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,280
generic, but I think it's more
about those limiting beliefs

323
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,080
that we have.
Because I get go back to your

324
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,440
thoughts as well.
Be it with the struggles.

325
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,760
Yeah, we're facing that it is
this too shall pass, right?

326
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:35,880
Be it with why direction we want
to take that we're not stuck in.

327
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,960
We're not.
We don't have to be stuck in a

328
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,440
day to end job that we did not
enjoy and wait till we retired.

329
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,320
Then up a moment in time we can
actually enjoy.

330
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:49,560
Life is that we can pretty much
change the course of our lives

331
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,360
and take whatever course we
want, and it's all about making

332
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:58,080
that decision and change that
identity and anybody can do

333
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,520
that.
A a question I ask all guests of

334
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,000
real men feel, and I'm going to
ask each of you today.

335
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,800
What is one thing that you wish
more men knew?

336
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:08,600
Well, good question.
Yeah.

337
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,760
So do you want to take it away?
That's Yeah.

338
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:16,840
Who started this one?
Listen, I wish more.

339
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:21,320
Men would.
Just listen, I've learned in my

340
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:25,120
life and my relationships.
I've had a tendency to want to

341
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,480
fix.
To just automatically want to

342
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,520
come in and help and.
Fix.

343
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,920
And please.
So it's taken a lot to take a

344
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,520
step back and to release.
That control.

345
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,880
That that desire and just to.
Absorb, like I said.

346
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,320
Before and listen and then.
Redirect.

347
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:49,760
And figure out how to how I can
be of of help and not provide a

348
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,480
solution but to be of help.
To whatever the situation.

349
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,240
Or circumstance may be so I
think in one word, I wish more

350
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,680
men would just listen.
Whether?

351
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,960
It's to yourself.
To your, to your wife, to your

352
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,320
parents.
To your, to your.

353
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,000
Kids, I just think that's.
That's the biggest thing.

354
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,600
Get get control of their egos,
be and be honest.

355
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,120
Those kind of go together
because you know, guys, a lot of

356
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,120
guys just BSA lot and you just
don't know.

357
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,680
And that's just ego.
You know, it's insecurity.

358
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,440
And so yeah, I just think that
the world would be in a much

359
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:28,760
better place if men could just
get control of their egos and

360
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:33,400
just, you know, stop trying to
one up, one up and and beat.

361
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,600
And they're like, this isn't
bothering me or I got this, I

362
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,320
got this.
It's like be honest, you know,

363
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,840
like I I saw you had AT shirt
the other day, vulnerable AFI

364
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:47,280
love that one too.
And I'll add to kind of

365
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,720
piggybacking off Nico a little
bit, but just, you know, learn

366
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,440
how to empathize with people,
right, I think, but he's a big

367
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,640
thing that has gone for, you
know, a lot of people need to

368
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,240
learn it, but you know, going
with listening and with egos,

369
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,840
especially, you know, our
community to men.

370
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,960
I think if we can learn how to
empathize better and then

371
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,200
communicate those feelings as
well, not just internalize them,

372
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:14,680
but communicate them in a
effective manner that really

373
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,640
helps people understand what
you're thinking, but then also

374
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,240
helps you understand how reasons
for why other people might be

375
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,400
acting the way that they're
acting.

376
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,640
So who knows what's happening,
what's going on, but don't make

377
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,800
those assumptions that oh,
they're acting this way because

378
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,760
of XY or Z.
But really take the moment to

379
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,840
emphasize and and understand
just people.

380
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,080
What?
What's one thing that you wish

381
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,680
more men knew?
That they don't have to be the

382
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:43,000
strongest guy in the room every
time to allow them to to

383
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000
understand that they are
learning by virtue of their

384
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,520
interactions, as is everyone
else that they're interacting

385
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,120
with.
And every time someone

386
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:56,840
challenges your authenticity,
they are giving you a gift.

387
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,440
They are giving you the
opportunity to become aware of

388
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:05,040
what it is about yourself,
myself, that I need to become

389
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,880
aware of and surrender so that I
can be more of my authentic self

390
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,600
and experience greater
happiness.

391
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,480
But we are trained as men.
I was, and I assume most every

392
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,800
other man was that.
No, you have to defend your

393
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,240
territory.
You have to defend your

394
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,120
identity.
And that often ends up in

395
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,880
bellicosity.
Every war that has ever been

396
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,160
fought has been predicated upon
that concept.

397
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:35,600
And so instead of resisting and
battling back, certainly you

398
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,240
have to defend yourself, but you
don't have to feel I'm upset.

399
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,400
So I'm going to beat the hell
out of you until you see how

400
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,160
wonderful my identity is.
What's one thing you wish more

401
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,280
men knew?
That they're allowed to say no

402
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,720
and stand up for themselves, but
they don't have to put up with

403
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,720
being talked down to by their
partners just because they're

404
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,280
men.
They don't have to be quiet just

405
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,080
because they're men.
They're allowed to be loud and

406
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,360
angry.
It's not one thing, but it's

407
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:10,160
like your voice matters.
If your needs aren't being met

408
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,000
or you feel needy, like consider
that your needs are being met

409
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,360
and and that maybe there's some
other places where you could

410
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,640
also get them met.
Like maybe there's other.

411
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:25,440
You're not alone and there are a
lot of safe spaces here for you

412
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,040
that can look however you want
and you can kind of take what

413
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,920
you need.
Being a you get to say what you

414
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:36,960
need and being a man, is there
one thing that you wish more men

415
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,040
knew?
Yes.

416
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:45,280
The biggest thing that I wish
more men knew is you don't have

417
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:49,600
to go it alone.
Gosh, Andy, so many of us feel

418
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,600
like, oh man, if I call Andy,
he's going to take him a wimp.

419
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,200
If I call Andy, he's going to
think I'm less of a man.

420
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,440
I'm not going to call Andy.
I'm just going to figure this

421
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,840
out.
And then you don't realize Andy,

422
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,000
man, went through the same
problem you went through last

423
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,200
year.
And now Andy can't wait to help

424
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:12,000
somebody else and say, hey, let
me let me tell you about teenage

425
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,120
daughters, right, man?
They're trying to stretch and

426
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,640
find themselves and run faster
than they have to.

427
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,760
But here's what I learned
raising my teenage daughter,

428
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:23,920
right?
I had to give her a little

429
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,560
space, right?
Had to take her on more dates

430
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,440
and we just talk.
It's not me just drilling into

431
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:33,400
her, but asking her questions.
Then, you know, why do you feel

432
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,400
that way?
You know, what are some of your

433
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,160
friends, what some of the
challenge that you're having and

434
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,240
giving them that space?
And we can get that from talking

435
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,600
to other men.
There's no rule book out there

436
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,840
that says men have to figure it
out on their own or their

437
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,280
failures.
It's just not true.

438
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,760
The truth of the matter is we're
stronger together.

439
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,520
And finally, what's one thing
you wish more men knew?

440
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,040
Oh, that you don't.
Need to perform to feel.

441
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:07,680
Seen, I think, so many.
Of us, you know, we, we.

442
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,160
We crave validation, Men or
women, we crave.

443
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,640
Validation and a lot.
Of times I find like.

444
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,440
With.
A lot of men, they, they have to

445
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:16,040
perform.
They have to.

446
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,880
Be this other person that they
are.

447
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,200
Not in.
Order to feel loved and

448
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,080
connected to and they don't need
to do that.

449
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:26,000
They just need to connect to.
Themselves, That's all one thing

450
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,520
I wish more men knew that you
don't have to prove your

451
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,400
masculinity like there's there's
nothing to prove.

452
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:39,760
And if we could just drop the
proving and the posturing and

453
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:44,240
begin to just be authentic the
way there are that that guy is

454
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,760
man enough just the way he is.
Before you were 30, did you

455
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,160
believe you had to prove
something?

456
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,720
100%.
Michelle, is there anything top

457
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,320
of mind that you wish more men
knew?

458
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,640
I I wish.
They knew every thought and

459
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,760
feeling and body.
Sensation that they had.

460
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,320
Is completely OK and acceptable.
That's what I wish they knew,

461
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:13,360
and I wish that they gave
themselves more.

462
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,720
Self acceptance and self.
Compassion.

463
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,200
I really do, because I think
that's where we get stuck.

464
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,160
You know, people don't know what
that is and they don't know how

465
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,280
to go about integrating that
into their lives and it it's a

466
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,760
transform.
It's really transformative in

467
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,920
regards to their relationship
with themselves and other

468
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,520
people.
When I tell people, oh, you

469
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,400
know, you could transform
relation with yourself, they're

470
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,680
like, oh, who cares, right?
What is that Like it sounds

471
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,360
hoagy and whatever.
When I tell them that they could

472
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:47,160
transform their relationship
with other people, they perk up

473
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,880
that they want.
I don't care how you do it.

474
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,000
I don't care if that's what gets
you hooked to drink the

475
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,440
Kool-aid.
Cool, right?

476
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,600
But that's what's connecting to
your values.

477
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,680
That's the whole point.
And it's OK to not be OK.

478
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:08,480
It's simply right that you don't
have to be the toughest guy in

479
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,480
the room, that you don't have to
fight the battles alone.

480
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:16,480
You, you can talk you can talk
to your friends, you can talk to

481
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,200
your family, you can talk to
random people on the Internet.

482
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:30,000
You know, people are inherently
good and they care, so reach

483
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,480
out, talk to them.
And The thing is, you're going

484
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,640
to talk to the wrong person
every once in a while and

485
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,880
they're going to make.
You feel a little.

486
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,480
Worse.
And that's just.

487
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:40,440
Going to.
Happen.

488
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,400
There's no getting around it.
The good ones, which there's

489
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,400
plenty more good ones than
you'll ever find bad man.

490
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,000
They'll change your life, so
just talk.

491
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:57,160
Wow, 10 years.
If you've been part of this

492
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:04,440
journey in any way, thank you.
Thank you to our guests who are

493
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,840
brave enough to speak the words
most men were taught never to

494
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,280
say.
Thank you to the listeners who

495
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:16,880
shared episodes with a friend or
quietly listened during a really

496
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,000
hard night.
Thank you to the man who emailed

497
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:25,960
me, messaged or called and said
that episode felt like it was

498
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,160
all about me.
And thank you once again to

499
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:34,800
Appio Hunter for helping light
the match that started this

500
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,600
fire.
Here's what I know after a

501
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:43,280
decade of doing this.
Men don't need more advice.

502
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,480
What they need is more
connection.

503
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,320
They need spaces where they can
drop the mask.

504
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,800
Where I'm not OK doesn't scare
anybody away.

505
00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:02,280
Where strength includes honesty,
vulnerability and compassion.

506
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:09,240
If any episode over the past 10
years has resonated with you, if

507
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,440
you ever thought I wish I had
guys to talk to you like this,

508
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,160
if you're done pretending that
you'd get it all figured out,

509
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,800
then I invite you to join us in
authentic AF.

510
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:26,480
It's our community for men who
are ready to be genuine, to be

511
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:31,440
real, to be themselves.
We host live calls, men's

512
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,760
circles, meditations, honest
conversations, and most

513
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,160
importantly, we build actual
relationships.

514
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:45,920
No performance, no posturing,
just men doing real inner work.

515
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,600
You can join us at
realmenfeel.org/group.

516
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,600
This is the next chapter of what
started 10 years ago.

517
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:01,080
The podcast opened the door.
The community is where we walk

518
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:05,880
through it together.
Here's for the next 10 years of

519
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,240
Courage, connection and men who
are willing to feel.

520
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,040
I'm Andy Grant.
And as always, until next time,

521
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:16,880
be good to yourself.